Heart-Cake
So every1 who guessed I'd B the one 2 make that cake 4 Gramps was rite, eh? Mom got me up xtra early cuz she wanted this 2 B a breakfast surprise. & we did this 2day since Valentine's is a schoolday & all.
So rite after I'd gotten the layerz of the cake outta the oven, Dad came in w/his sniffy nose & was all "Mmm, that sure smellz good!" & I was, like "I know!... It's 4 Grandpa!" He had such a "D'oh" look when I sed that, w/his browz raised, his mouth all small-lookn' & his chin-butt annoying as alwayz. So then Mom & I went over 2 Gramps & Iris's place (Dad never comes along!) & Iris was all, "Jim? Sum1 is here 2 wish U a happy Valentine's Day." Gramps had this "It's not even Valentine's Day yet" look on his face, understandably. I was carrying the cake while Mom trailed behind me. I sed, "I brot U a cake, Grandpa!" & my mom actually told him that I'd made it myself. U cda knocked me over w/a feather, cuz I was totally xpecting her 2 pretend she'd dun all the work. NEway, Iris sed "I'll put on sum tea & we'll have a piece." Iris got all naggy w/Gramps, sayin' "Just a small piece 4 U, dear. Remember what the doctor sed." Gramps was all, "Hang what the doctor sed, Iris! April made this 4 me, & I'm going 2 enjoy it!" I really am Gramps's fave, eh? Just like Mike is Mom's fave. Iris was like, "Tsk." & then she sed, "The way 2 a man's stomach is thru his heart." Which was way lame, but I made a pt of laffin' w/my tongue all sticky-outy, cuz Mom made a big deal of sayin' how I shd do that 2 B polite if the oldz tried 2 crack NE jokes.
I'm posting this B4 I've caut up w/last nite's comments. Will follow up as soon as I get this posted!
Apes
So rite after I'd gotten the layerz of the cake outta the oven, Dad came in w/his sniffy nose & was all "Mmm, that sure smellz good!" & I was, like "I know!... It's 4 Grandpa!" He had such a "D'oh" look when I sed that, w/his browz raised, his mouth all small-lookn' & his chin-butt annoying as alwayz. So then Mom & I went over 2 Gramps & Iris's place (Dad never comes along!) & Iris was all, "Jim? Sum1 is here 2 wish U a happy Valentine's Day." Gramps had this "It's not even Valentine's Day yet" look on his face, understandably. I was carrying the cake while Mom trailed behind me. I sed, "I brot U a cake, Grandpa!" & my mom actually told him that I'd made it myself. U cda knocked me over w/a feather, cuz I was totally xpecting her 2 pretend she'd dun all the work. NEway, Iris sed "I'll put on sum tea & we'll have a piece." Iris got all naggy w/Gramps, sayin' "Just a small piece 4 U, dear. Remember what the doctor sed." Gramps was all, "Hang what the doctor sed, Iris! April made this 4 me, & I'm going 2 enjoy it!" I really am Gramps's fave, eh? Just like Mike is Mom's fave. Iris was like, "Tsk." & then she sed, "The way 2 a man's stomach is thru his heart." Which was way lame, but I made a pt of laffin' w/my tongue all sticky-outy, cuz Mom made a big deal of sayin' how I shd do that 2 B polite if the oldz tried 2 crack NE jokes.
I'm posting this B4 I've caut up w/last nite's comments. Will follow up as soon as I get this posted!
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 8:39 AM
12 Comments:
At 9:02 AM,
April Patterson said…
hey, becks, i heard a rumour that alexander'z lying abt that future-billionaire stuff. it's true abt his granddad b-ing all s00per rich, but the rumour sez that when the granddad cut off dagwood, he cut off all his heirz 2, cuz he was soooooo pissed abt dagwood marrying blondie, who was, like, one of thoze "flapper" girlz we learned abt in english class when we hadta read the great gatsby. what i heard is that the big fortune is gonna go 2 a rich-guy clubhouse, like they need it, eh?
just thot u'd wanna know!
apes
At 9:06 AM,
Anonymous said…
Mmmm, Howard's such a great friend! We're having breakfast at the Eats diner right now. I love breakfast!
Marjee
At 4:13 PM,
Anne said…
I guess I should b thankful my mom didn't let me & Gordie go 2 the wedding. Electrified rodents r freaky!
I hope yr dad's not so bummed about the v-day cake not being 4 him, since he got that little prezzie 4 u. The card said "4 my beautiful best friend April" & had a poem Ms. Bottinski was reading aloud 2 every1 in the office. I had 2 run tho so I wouldn't b too late 4 class.
So NEway, 4 that writing class Mom is teaching this spring, there's an "Eleanor Patterson" on the list of enrollees. Could just b a coincidence, tho, w/the names.
Does NE1 wanna meet me @ Horny Tim's later? I could use a study break. :-)
Vicks
At 5:24 PM,
April Patterson said…
vicks, eva, & i have been @ horny tim's 4 abt 1/2 an hr. we're talkin' abt what vicks mom has in store 4 her if that's my mom signed up 4 her writing class, lol!
apes
At 7:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings this morning on making a cake for your Mishomis (Grandfather.) I think it was very nice of you to think of him on Valentine’s Day. For Valentine’s Day, I had been thinking only of what to do for your sister. I am embarrassed that I had completely forgotten my Mishomis (Grandfather.) I called my ningashi (mother) and asked her if my Mishomis (Grandfather) would like me to bake him a heart-shaped cake. She said, “Gaawiin giiwanaadizi. Bakwezhiganike sa giin zayaagi`iwed. Giin Mishomis gaawiin maneziwin miziwejigan. (Don’t be crazy. Bake a cake for your girlfriend. Your grandfather does not need cake.)” As usual, my ningashi (mother) is right. I am sure you know how that feels. When I see your sister on Valentine’s Day in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), I will have a heart-shaped cake and a little heart-shaped gift for Shiimsa too.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 7:22 PM,
howard said…
April,
I had a very good time with Marjee Mahaha last night and a nice breakfast with her at the Eats diner. It’s not great food there, but they do know their way around the greasy dishes. Bad for you, but quite tasty.
When I returned to Becky’s house, I found she had kicked Thora and Thorvald out of her bungalow. She was not happy with me. She said, “I don't think you and Marjee should be having sex. Your gay and she's a slut. You do not make a good couple. I don't like it when you hang out with other girls. It's like saying I am not enough for you as a friend. I think you should just date guys. And you should be hanging out with me, not Marjee. I don’t like being home and alone, and you’re off partying with my sister.” I said, “Marjee and I planned to go do speed dating tonight and I thought you would like to come, but if you don’t want me to hang out with Marjee, then I can cancel.” Becky’s eyes lit up and said, “Speed dating? You with girls?” I said, “Don’t be silly. It’s gay speed dating for me and Marjee is doing the not gay speed dating. I could sure use my bud to give me her opinion about to whom I should give my number.” Becky said, “I’m in. So you and Marjee are not a couple?” I said, “Honestly, you are just as bad as Sugar, who owns the salon where Marjee and I work. Marjee and I are just friends.”
Anyway, we are off to speed dating. I am in the mood for something new. The things that I had to clean out of the room where Thora and Thorvald were doing their thing, may have scarred me mentally. Viking mating practices, brr!!
Howard K.
At 7:28 PM,
Anne said…
Oh man....this class is gonna be a howler, specially if April's mom signed up for it. Basically, my mom is teaching this class @ Milborough Community College n the spring quarter. It's 1 of those "enrichment" classes people w/free money & time like 2 take, so it's not like college credits depend on it, u know. Last nite when my mom was @ this banquet, I took my USB flash drive & copied the syllabus 4 the class onto it. She 4gets 2 turn off her computer sometimes, so it was an ez job 4 me. Then I printed out a copy from my computer.
"Creative & Expository Non-Fiction Writing" is the class name. She wants her students 2 keep a journal & especially write about their dreams. They have 2 read this sooper corny book called "Care of the Soul" too. Me & Apes & Eva were trying not 2 laugh that hard @ Horny Tim's. Eva read the syllabus & called it "interesting." I'll bet it is. I mean, I love my mom, but she teaches some silly classes!
My Net connection is kinda slow rite now, so I'll post the syllabus deets later on when I can get it done faster. Set yr faces 2 stunned.
Vicks
At 8:32 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, thanx 4 diggin’ up that stuff ‘bout that lyin’ alexander bumstead. i shoulda known that a freaky lookin’ guy, wud need sum kinda line 2 get girlz. he shud b takin’ that class, vicki simone’s mom iz teachin’ 2 learn how 2 lie bettah. the course info soundz funny. i wud luv 2c it.
wen i woke up this morning, my mom wuz bakin’ a cake. she sed it wuz 4 my future dad, cuz he iz her sweetheart. i told her ‘bout u making a cake 4 ur g-pa, & she sed, “that april iz the sweetest girl. if she evah dropz her bf, u shud make a move.” mom wuz a little ticked off ‘bout rebeccah wuntin’ 2 d8 alexander bumstead cuz of the money, but i think she wuz more mad that she didn’t know ne1 who wuz a billionaire or claimin’ 2b a billionaire. she sed, “if i knew a billionaire i wud show him sum real cookin’. aftah all, the way 2 a man’s heart iz thru hiz johnson.” mom can b a little crude sumtymez.
At 8:45 PM,
howard said…
April,
Marjee, Becky and I are at the speed dating. It has been awhile since I have been in this market. I guess the speed element causes people to cut to the chase, but it is the first time I have met a someone new and the first thing out of their mouth is their length, circumference, whether or not they are cut or uncut and then an inquiry as to how much my back side can handle. Becky is keeping a score of the men by appearance (she lists them as doable or tossable). Marjee is helping her keep track of the names. Her speed dating section with the non-gay people does not start until after we gays are done.
So far each guy has given me his information, which I attribute to the fact that I am dressed very femininely, but still masculine, if you know what I mean. 3 minutes per person is too fast for me. I am just on the verge of saying, “What kinds of food do you like?” when the buzzer goes off and it is time to move. It is dizzying. I am glad Marjee and Becky are here to help me keep things straight (so to speak).
Howard K.
At 9:24 PM,
Anonymous said…
Howard seemed to click with this guy named Guy L'Homme. He has a slight Quebecois accent and is very cute. Becky says he's definitely doable!
Marjee
At 9:31 PM,
April Patterson said…
so 2 me the funniest thing abt that syllabus vicks showed us is that there r a lot of reading & writing assignments & i so know mom's gonna whine abt that. otoh, whenev i complain abt having a lot of h'work, mom will b all, "u think u have a lot of h'work? i'll show u what a lot of h'work is!" aw, geez, that's gonna make me retch!
jeremy, that's a nice thing yr mom sed abt me b-ing sweet. tho just in case ne1 thinx i'm all weird 4 doin' a val-day thing 4 gramps, i'm also gonna make a val-day cake 4 ger on the actual day. but he asked me 2 do a lil cupcake instead of a big ol' thing like i made 4 gramps, cuz of the special diet ger's mom has him on.
paul, yr planz w/liz sound v. cube.
apes
At 10:09 PM,
howard said…
April,
Marjee and Becky both recommend I start with a cute guy named Guy L'Homme. He is very manly and did actually ask me if liked wearing skirts. He looks a lot like a young Yves Montand . A big plus was that he didn’t start off by telling me his sizes.
We hit it off very well. I gave my number to him and a few other guys that Marjee and Becky recommended, but we are starting off with Guy. I have a dinner date with him tomorrow night. Marjee can tell you the names of the dates I have for successive evenings. I am having a hard time keeping them straight (or gay as it may be).
Marjee is going through her speed dating now. Becky and I are taking notes for her. There are some straight guys here who are quite yummy looking. Becky wanted to do the speed dating too, but there is an age limit, and Becky doesn’t pass for 21 yet.
Howard K.
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