April's Real Blog

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Yes, they R!

Yesterday evening, mom had photoz spread all over the kitchen table. I was, like, "Whatcha doing, Mom?" & I so knew I shdn't ask, but U know how it is sumtymez. Mom sed, "Going thru our photographs. Sumday, I want 2 make an album 4 each of U three kidz, so I'm putting aside all the duplicates." Then I noticed a big box o' paperz & asked, "An' what's all this?" Man, I've gotta work on pronouncing thoze final "D's" in "and"--that's sloppy. NEway, Mom was all, "Oh, letterz 2 file, Xmas cardz, brochurez fr. places we've been, school reports..." & I totally channelled Everett, Elliot, & Keanu again, with "Whoa! U R such a pack rat!" & Mom got all pissy & sed, "I am not a pack rat, April. Pack rats Rn't organized." & even tho I had my back turned during that last bit o' BS, I'm pretty sure my mom had her eyez closed & a stupid, smug expression on her face. Which is xtra-specially stupid when U consider that it's just NOT TRUE! Being a pack rat means U horde stuff, lotsa stuff, unnecessary stuff, whether U organize it or not. Geez, my mom puts the "foo" in "foob", eh?

Howard, Becky, soundz like thoze wedding planz R just crizzazee @ the mo. R we on 4 our rehearsal @ 4 2day? Becky's place?

Apes

posted by April Patterson @ 9:09 AM  

21 Comments:

  • At 12:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i just read ur blog entry. now i know y u were laffin' so hard, wen the teach 2day wuz askin' the diff between a pack rat & a regular rat. i thot ur answer that regular rat's were more organized wuz v.v. funny & rilly cube. sorry the teach didn't agree.

     

  • At 12:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Paul,

    I was watching my DVDs of Northern Exposure this morning. I really like this show as it depicts white people encountering Native culture. Anyway, I was thinking that maybe I should go totally Native like Joel Fleischmann did in the show. He moved to a Native community where there was no electricity, no roads, just huts and fishing and canoes. I think that might teach me more about Native culture than I can learn in Mtigwaki. I could take an Indian name, such as "She Who Teaches" or "Seeks Clarity."

    Or, I could move to Toronto and teach in an inner-city school. That could be exciting and also helpful.

    Or I could move home and get married. I could be a stay-at-home mom and help my mom scrapbook and take care of my Grandpa Jim in his declining years. Mtigwaki has taught me a lot about valuing family.

    So much to think about!

    Like, Liz

     

  • At 1:02 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    An interesting thing happened today. I was working in Sugar’s salon when Beatrice Alfarero came into the salon. I said with a certain degree of trepidation, “Do you want a shamp-Oh Beatrice?” She said, “Howard. I really need one. When Elly agreed to sell Lilliput’s to Moira, I thought it might mean an end to having to constantly serve her. But today, she came into the store with boxes of photos and took them to the basement where we hold our scrapbooking “crops” every second week. We carry the stickers, stamps and scrapping supplies for doing scrapbooking, and all day it has been ‘Beatrice, can you get me this cutting board? Beatrice, do we have a sticker showing a happy dog with a bone? Beatrice, can you cut out some paper flowers for me.’ I can’t get any work done. Then she tells me how easy it is to make up photo albums for her 3 kids because she is so organized. It’s driving me crazy.” I sympathized with Beatrice as I gave her the shamp-Oh. She said, “That was nice, Howard, like when we used to be together.” The conversation was leaning into an area in which I did not want to go, like why Beatrice broke up with me all those years ago. So, I changed the subject. I said, “I have a suggestion that might help you solve your problem.” Beatrice said, “What’s that?” I said, “You could remind Elly that it is getting warmer these days, and that there might not be many more days where you can clean out your freezer while you can still pile the contents on the porch!” Beatrice said, “Do you think that will work?” I said, “I don’t know, but it might be worth a try.”

    Marjee styled Beatrice’s hair and then she came over to see me. “What was she doing here?” she inquired. I told Marjee, Beatrice has come in to complain about Elly and scrapbooking. Sugar came over and said, “No lovers’ quarrels. We have customers.”

    That was it. I thought you might find it interesting.
    Howard K.

     

  • At 1:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Elizabeth,

    Kaa-mesnin gwanaaj oshki-ikwe! (I miss you, beautiful one)!

    I read your writings. You have many exciting plans. I hope that I can be a part of them.

    In case you did not know, the children in your school call you by the nickname "Growling Bear". It is not very flattering. I would have called you, “Sweet Girl”. Actually, that is what I call you. However, if you were speaking of the Ojibway spirit name, a spirit name has to be sensed by a specially gifted individual of the tribe and then it is conferred to you. You do not get to pick it. I am sure you already know that.

    Gawaabmin miinwa (Hope to see you again soon)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

  • At 1:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    rebeccah, ur dad just text messaged me saying i needed 2 get an icelandic langspil 4 duncan 2 play & that april needed 2 learn rímur chants & intonation & i needed 2 get gerald a lyre 2 play 4 hiz wedding. i have no idea where 2 get that stuff. i thot 3-evah wuz just gonna do a couple of bjork tunes. iz ur dad serious ‘bout this stuff?

     

  • At 1:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dear Paul,

    As you may have guessed, I do not like the name "Growling Bear." I am hoping I might get a different one if I went Native.

    I do not understand why they would name me this in the first place. I am not a mean or strict teacher. I don't get mad when they skip school to check trap lines or hang out with their family. I didn't even really get mad when Jesse skipped out of school in the middle of the day. I feed them hot dogs and hot chocolate. What else do they want from me?!

    Like, Liz

     

  • At 2:51 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    becks, i don't hafta work @ the bookstore & i will go str8 2 yr house after school.

    jeremy, there'z a lil music store around the corner fr. the bakeshop that specializez in unusual musical instruments. mayB they can help us?

    apes

     

  • At 2:52 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    btw, thanx 4 sayin' that abt my "rat" joke, jeremy. that teacher has 0 sense of humour, eh?

    apes

     

  • At 4:09 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    yup, on the permission. i can't believe that note fr. yr dad worked, becks, but it totally did!!!

    apes

     

  • At 4:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey, April & everyone else!

    I'm sorry I've been so quiet here lately. You see, there's been a lot going on with me, as I've been hanging w/some grade-9 blonde girls who model themselves after the grade-11 "A" blondes. That's why I've started spelling my name "Ava" instead of "Eva". I bought a cute, new, pink Razr phone & I've been spending loads of time with Avery, Alanis, & Anais. This all lead to a big fight with Alex. She said it was stupid to hang out with these shallow girls, and I said she was jealous because she was too brunette-ish.

    And now I feel really bad because Alex, Miranda & their 'rents had to go back to the States unexpectedly. Something about an aunt of Alex & Miranda's who sold an old bookstore she had in Troy, NY, a place called Brobdingnag's. & now that she's sold the place, she's having this big identity crisis where she doesn't know who she is or what her purpose is in life. And Alex & Miranda's dad decided this called for a big family meeting.

    I got all this from Miranda, since Alex & I aren't speaking right now. Miranda wasn't sure when they'd be coming back, since this aunt of theirs is very unstable.

    Anyway, I wanted to let you all in on what's been going on. Becky, I'm still going to the wedding, but I'm pretty sure Alex and her family aren't going to be back from the States by Friday.

    Ava (aka Eva)

     

  • At 4:35 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    comment glitch continues. . . .

     

  • At 5:12 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    I think my costume will look rilly studly on me an' Im cube w/ the langspil Im always open 2 new musical influences. I dont have a note fr my 'rents yet but my mom will sine 1 just 2 piss my dad off so Ill rite 1 up 4 her l8r.

    Apes, if u want u can ask yr mom 2 ask me 2 d00p NE famly fotos u wld like fotoshoppd. Then I cld get rid of r big butts in that foto Steph put up. If I send Steph a Horny T gift cert do u think shed take that foto down I dont want the National Enquirer 2 get it an' print it when Im famus.

    MCDunC

    p.s. Beckers, I got arrested by Luggie again on Dec 22 its in ARB.

     

  • At 5:50 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dunc, that fotoshopping idea soundz cube. dunno abt steph & horny t gift certs. i guess it's worth a try, eh?

    man, this icelandic music is tuff, but i think we're doing well w/it, considering we've never dun nething quite like this b4.

    apes

     

  • At 5:52 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dear comments,

    pls advance.

    love,

    april

     

  • At 7:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i’m glad thoze instruments worked out. i got lucky w/the langspil & lyre. that wuz a gud recommendation on the musick store. thanx.

    i 4got 2 tell u wut happened 2 nite. it haz rilly been buggin’ me, evn tho i know it shudn’t bug me.

    eva (ava) called me up @my house & sed, “jeremy. y iz ur mom callin’ me?” i sed, “i dunno. oh, i remembah now. she sed she wuz gonna find me a safer gf than rebeccah & she remembahs that tyme u came ovah w/alexandra.” eva sed, “ru lukin’ 4 a gf?” i sed, “i wud like rebeccah 2b my gf, but she just wants 2b xxclusive friends w/bennies. so, no.” eva sed, “2 bad, cuz 1 of the girlz i’ve been hangin’ w/iz lukin’ 4 a bf.” i sed, “y wud u want me 2 b a bf 2 sum1 u’ve been hangin’ w/?” eva sed, “i decided i don’t h8 u nemore. i nevah rilly h8ed u, but alexandra did, so i thot it wud b gud 2 support her. she izn’t talkin’ 2 me now, so i don’t hafta h8 u nemore.” i sed, “thass gud. i don’t like it wen peeps h8 me 4 no gud reazn.”

    eva sed, “i know wut u mean. alexandra got all mad cuz i wanted 2 hang out w/the grade 9 blondez. she sed it wuz s00pid 2 hang out w/shallow girlz. i didn’t know wut she wuz talkin’ ‘bout cuz i wuz still hangin’ w/her & april & gerald & duncan on weekendz. theze girlz aren’t bad & they r blonde, just like me.” i sed, “ru callin’ 2 get comp tickets 2 my dad’z concert on valentine’z day?” eva sed, “if it’s not 2 much trubble, it wud be rilly cube if u cud.” i sed, “all rite, who do u need them 4?” eva sed, “there’z me, avery, alanis & her d8, anais & her d8.” i sed, “ok. i’ll call my dad & c if he haz nemore. how do i tell u girlz apart?”

    eva sed, “avery wears aviance. i wear av by adrienne vittadini. alanis wears allure. anais wears anais anais.” i sed, “u wear av by adrienne vittadini, now?” eva sed, “no. i can’t afford it. i wear my same perfume, but i wear a little more of it & pretend it’s av. i think thass wut the othah girlz do 2. the grade 11 blondez, i think they wear the real stuff.” i sed, “i think i will just find u & luk for 3 more blondez.”

    eva sed, “oh, 1 othah thing.” i sed, “wut?” eva sed, “i need help w/the basketball stuff 4 the yrbook. i tried 2 get mr. perspastick 2 assign sum1 who knowz more than me or shannon, but he duzn’t seem 2b around. can u help me?” i sed, “sure. nething else u want?”

    eva sed, “yeah. now that alex & i aren’t talkin’ nemore, u shud know the real reazn she dumped u.” i sed, “the real reazn? wut wuz that?” eva sed, “she dumped u so she cud b friends w/becky cuz aftah becky moved n2 that big house, she wunted 2b nvited 2 that big house & she thot since becky wuz ur ex-gf.” “friends w/benefits” i corrected. eva sed, “wutevah. since becky wuz ur ex-, then she cudn’t get nvited.” i sed, “i thot it wuz cuz alexandra didn’t evah love me.” eva sed, “well, there wuz that 2, but she d8ed u4 months & nevah loved u. she prolly wud’ve kept on d8ing u, xxcept 4 becky movin’ n that house. it totally backfired on her, cuz becky hooked up w/u & alexandra got nvited 2 becky’s house neway. so she coulda stayed w/u & gone 2 becky’s house.” i sed, “she woulda stayed w/me, evn tho she didn’t love me?” eva sed, “yeah. it’s a lame excuse.” i sed, “i didn’t know she wuz that shallow.” eva sed, “me either till i found out. but u know i like hangin’ out w/shallow girlz.”

    neway, i know it shudn’t bug me, cuz i am xxclusive friends w/bennies w/rebeccah. but it duz bug me. i don’t know ne1 else who haz been dumped 4 a house b4. that must be the reazn rebeccah only wunts 2b friendz w/bennies w/me. if i wuz worth more than getting’ 2 go 2 a house, then mebbe she wud wunt me az a bf.

    i needta think ‘bout sumthin’ else. fortun8ly, i got enuff english homework 2 keep me bizzy.

     

  • At 7:56 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, i dunno if it helps ne, but 1 time when alex & i were having coffee she told me that she really did luv u, but i shdn't tell ne1, not even eva (ava). oops, mayB i shdn't b tellin' u now. but i don't want u goin' around thinking, like, the total worst, eh?

    apes

     

  • At 7:57 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    advance!

     

  • At 9:54 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    becks, wd u believe my mom is making me write a special paper abt this "cultural xperience" & do a presentation @ a "family nite" she's settin' up? she'z already getting in2 a pain-in-the-arse "retirement" (tirement) mentality!

    apes

     

  • At 12:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i finished off that english homework. i hafta get it n 2morrow, since we r not @skool on friday or freya’s day.

    thanx 4 tryin’ 2 make me feel bettah, but u know if alexandra did luv me, then there wudn’t have been a breakup. but @least she iz back n the states, so i don’t hafta feel bad wen ic her.

    rebeccah, thanx 4 lettin’ me know u don’t think i am worse than a house. but, omg, hayden christensen? @least save urself 4 sum1 who can act.

     

  • At 12:49 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I think I may have screwed up. Thorvald was desperate enough to find a place for his wedding to Kortney, he came over to Becky’s house to ask Dr. McCauley and Krystle for permission to use their party pavilion. There was no place else available in Milborough, and Thorvald looked so pitiful, like a 6’5’’ golden retriever puppy. I felt sorry for him, so I manipulated Dr. McCauley into letting his “mom/my Belfrieda Batsize persona” have the wedding here at Becky’s house. A saner mind, however, has considered the situation. We have Krystle and Dr. McCauley and Kortney and Thorvald in the same place with a wedding going on with Becky’s somewhat uncontrollable relatives. What was I thinking? We are going to be lucky if the house is still standing after Friday. I have to lift some weights now.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 4:20 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Becky and Howard--

    Since my attempt to bring the love plane in for a perfect landing with Liz crashed and burned, so to speak, I have decided to try dating men. I think there might be less heartache involved there. I'm going to be flying into Milborough on a charter this weekend. Maybe Howard and I could get together?

    Just one thing though: I am a little nervous about the whole butt sex thing.

    --Warren Blackwood

     

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