Making time 4 Paul. . . .
So, like Paul sed in his comments last nite, he'z got sum time off & so he went up 2 C Liz & brot art suppliez. Liz tellz me he was all, "Where do U want me 2 put theze art suppliez?" & Liz told him 2 put them by her computer. Then she was, like, "Look @ this place! It's a mess!--I haven't had time 2 do NEthing!" & Paul was, like, "I'm glad U've had time 4 me." & Liz sez she gave him kind of a gooey, dopey look when he sed that. She hazn't yet had time 2 tell me NE more, & un4tunately, I don't have time 2 make this entry more than a quickie!
Dunc, I'm soooooo sorry 2 hear abt yr trubs. Pls tell me if there's NEthing I can do 2 help.
Apes
Dunc, I'm soooooo sorry 2 hear abt yr trubs. Pls tell me if there's NEthing I can do 2 help.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 9:21 AM
17 Comments:
At 9:50 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, how can duncan miss so much skool? i swear i barely c the guy. he’s a mess. wen duz he have tyme 2 do ne skool work? he must b glad u have tyme 2 offer 2 help him.
At 11:09 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings today about your sister. Does your sister usually use direct quotes when she writes about our conversations? If she does, she has a very good memory. I have a hard time just remembering how to carry packages and walk. Shiimsa was a little underfoot when I carried in the art supplies (I think she was after the treat I brought her), but I have to remember to walk with both legs. It works a lot better that way. At least I remembered to put the bigger boxes on the bottom when I carried in the art supplies. I almost forgot to do that. I don’t know what it is about your sister, but I say and do the strangest things around her. I think it is because I have fallen for her. I least I have stopped stuttering around her. That’s an improvement.
Your sister seemed a little unhappy I arrived without enough advance notice for her to clean her apartment. When you are single, sometimes you let the daily housecleaning go. I don’t, because my ngashi (mother) would kill me and she drops in at my place at Otter Country pretty often. I was just glad your sister had the time to see me. With all the problems she had been having with Shiimsa lately, she would not have time to keep the place clean.
By the way, I like your sister’s gooey, dopey looks.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 11:46 AM,
April Patterson said…
hey, jeremy, i don't know what the dealio iz w/dunc & missin' school. mayB he'll tell us when he has the time, eh?
paul, yeah, my whole fam is big on direct quotez & we practice our memory skillz by takin' a long time 2 tell storiez, like talking abt one single day 4 a month or so, & tellin' the story using lotsa direct quotez.
apes
At 12:24 PM,
howard said…
April,
I don’t have any problem with direct quotes. I use them all the time in my writing. Your tendency to take a long time to tell stories is one of your endearing qualities. I just wish you would pick more interesting topics for the stories. For example, the story you are telling now, about your sister and her boyfriend unpacking art supplies. I would like to think there are more interesting things going on in your life. Of course, it is possible there aren’t. I remember my school days were so boring that I often considered unpacking art supplies as the more interesting part of the day.
Meanwhile, at my salon work, Marjee Mahaha continues to receive gifts from her 4 men.
Hamidou M'Baye wrote her a Senegalese style poem. It went like this:
Naked woman, brown woman
Ripe fruit with firm flesh, dark raptures of brown wine,
Mouth that gives music to my mouth
Savanna of clear horizons, savanna quivering to the fervent
caress
Of the East Wind, sculptured tom-tom, stretched drumskin
Moaning under the hands of the conqueror
Your deep contralto voice is the spiritual song of the
Beloved.
Beau Dacious send her a picture of himself.
Art Nouveau sent her a sculpture he had done of her that looked like a writhing plant forms.
Ben Zedrine dashed in, gave her some candy and dashed out.
Sugar said to me, “Howard. Did Maxine Hébert call you?” I said, “No Sugar. Maxine did not call me.” Sugar said, “She said she would, when I called her. That lying ... Marjee’s suitors are getting serious. It must be tearing you apart.” I said, “No Sugar. I am fine. Marjee is a very beautiful woman and she deserves every bit of the attention she is getting.” Sugar said, “You are not consumed by jealousy?” I said, “No Sugar.” Sugar said, “I can see the grief written on your face. My niece is coming to meet you at lunch. She is a nice girl and she can help you forget Marjee.” I said, “I am gay. I wear a dress.” Sugar said, “Nonsense. I see the way Marjee keeps smiling at you when one of these men delivers a new present. She is enjoying watching your reactions, like a cat enjoys torturing a mouse. It is too much for me to take.” I said, “It is really fine with me.” Sugar said, “Lunch with my niece, Howard. I won’t take no for an answer.” So, I am heading out for another blind date with one of Sugar’s relatives.
Howard K.
At 2:02 PM,
April Patterson said…
howard, i agree that art suppliez r not the most xciting topic, but i'm v. curious abt ne newz liz has 2 share abt paul!
apes
At 2:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
These guys are all so sweet, and yet so different from each other. I'm having the hardest time deciding among them! Every time one of them gives me a gift, Howard looks at me and winks. I can't help grinning at him when he does this!
Marjee
At 3:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings today which said you were curious about any news your sister has 2 share about me. Your sister is at work right now, and I have been spending the day playing with Shiimsa and cleaning up her apartment. I can’t read Shiimsa’s thoughts like your sister can, but she seemed to be quite happy with the fish treat I got her.
I don’t really have any news about me. I decided to go back to my old hair style lately. When I first met your mother and your sister, I combed my hair back favouring my left side. But when I gave a ride to your sister in December, I combed my hair straight back not favouring either side. Now I am back to favoring my left side. I have 2 cowlicks at either side of my temple, where the hair gets in my face. I think one of the reasons I like being a member of the Ontario Provincial Police is that the hat covers up those cowlicks and keeps them in place.
Is there anything in particular you would like to know?
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 5:45 PM,
howard said…
April,
Lunch with Greer Van Rensselaer was interesting. It was free, thanks to Sugar, so I appreciate that savings. She was sort of a younger version of Sugar, dressed flamboyantly, but with a younger sensibility.
She said, “So, you’re Howard. I guess my aunt Greta wasn’t lying when she said you wore dresses.” I said, “I like wearing dresses and I’m gay too.” Greer said, “My aunt Greta said you would say that.” I said, “It’s true too. I’m as gay as can be. Gay. Gay. Gay.” Greer said, “My aunt Greta said you were heartbroken over losing your girlfriend to four other men.” I said, “No. That’s not true. My last girlfriend was too much into her career. Come to think of it, so was my last boyfriend. I wonder if there’s a pattern there.” Greer said, “My aunt Greta is a career woman, but she is not the career woman type.” I said, “What type is that?” Greer said, “You know, the kind of woman who is too busy traveling, taking courses and climbing up the corporate ladder to take of her husband or her children. The type of woman who thinks there's no glass ceiling as far as she's concerned - just mirrors, and she likes what she sees. The type of woman who wants only the stability of marriage but not the sameness.” I said, “Do you know a man named Anthony Caine?” Greer said, “Is he single?” I said, “No, but he should be.” Greer said, “Never met him. So Howard, tell me about yourself.”
I said, “OK. I used to work at Lakeshore Landscaping until I was arrested for assaulting a woman there and I am currently out on bail. That case is still waiting for its day in court. After that I burned down a business in town by using faulty electrical wiring techniques. After that, I went to Las Vegas and fell in love with a person I thought was a woman, but ended up being a very clever transgender. Then I returned to Milborough and took a job as a custodian in the Milborough Seniors’ Living Palace. I left there to work as a pastry chef at Krystle’s Kakes & Pies, but I left there when I discovered I wasn’t getting paid and went to work as a chef in the Mayes Midtown Motors restaurant. I was fired from there for being involved in the violent assault of a good friend of the owners of the restaurant. From there I went to work for your aunt as a shampoo girl, and I also work as a live-in maid for a family in town. I also spent 3 weeks as a large, black dog.” Greer said, “A dog, as in the furry kind?” I said, “Yes. That’s correct.” Greer said, “So my aunt has set me up with a cross-dressing, gay, criminal who is out on bail for assaulting a woman, and who has not been able to keep a steady job, and who thinks he was a dog at one point in his life.” I said, “You have summarized that very well.” Greer said, “I can’t believe my aunt set me up with you.” I said, “I guess you consider this wasted time.” Greer said, “I told my aunt the type of guy I was looking for, and I can't believe she managed to find one. I thought the dog part was a deal-breaker.” I said, “What? Are you kidding?” Greer said, “No. I am very particular about the type of guy I like. I do have one question for you.” I said, “What’s that?” Greer said, “Do you like opera?” I said, “I adore opera. I used to sing with the Milborough Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Light Opera, before my legal difficulties.” Greer said, “Good. The Toronto Opera is doing La Serva Padrona by Pergolesi on a double-bill with Suor Angelica. Are you interested in going with me?” I said, “Certainly. May I wear a dress?”Greer said, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
It was an interesting lunch. I thought you might like to hear that story, even though it did not involve any of your relatives or people you know.
Howard K.
At 6:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, it looks like rebeccah iz doin’ anothah l8 nite @krystle’s kakes& piez w/her mom. i dunno wut iz goin’ on there. i called up howeird & he sed he wuz goin’ on a d8 w/sum girl he met 2day & he cudn’t help me w/ne more skool work, which izn’t the reazn i called. i wuz tryin’ 2 find out ‘bout rebeccah. howeird can b a jerk sumtymez.
i asked eva if she needed help coverin’ basketball 4 the yrbook 2day & she sed no. she sed the yrbook iz all disorganized aftah mr. perspastick left. lorraine shoobie & cindilu sera tonin were both tryin’ 2b n charge w/o adult supervision, but it wuzn’t workin’ cuz sum peeps wud do wut lorraine wunts & sum peeps wud do wut cindilu wunts. eva sed she nevah liked bouncey-ball n the 1st place. she only did it cuz of her former bff signing up 4 yrbook. she sez wen the new yrbook advisor iz assigned, then she iz gonna sign up 4 sumthin’ she knows about. i guess u alreddy know ‘bout this, since u work yrbook.
i got my math problemz done, my history report done, my english research paper done, & my french short stories done. i guess i will b spendin’ my evenin’ watchin’ the olympics w/my mom, future dad & future sis.
At 6:46 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
Your sister and I are having a nice quiet evening at her apartment. As we usually do, we are having a friendly, animated and enjoyable conversation about politics, religion, family, and plenty of more mundane topics like whether tuna tastes better than salmon, whether being rubbed behind your ears is better than being rubbed right above your tail, or whether a string is more interesting to play with than a squeaky catnip mouse. I have a lot in common with your sister.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 7:06 PM,
April Patterson said…
hey, so our hockey team lost against m. i. terminei secondary, 5-2. ger was a bit bummed, but we went 2 horny t's 4 sum chili afterwards & that helped cheer him up.
paul, i don't really have ne questions 4 u, i just like 2 know what u & liz r up 2, so yr posts have been cube!
howard, that soundz like a v. strange lunch u had there!
jeremy, i don't know what's up w/becks & all the working l8 @ her mom's bakeshop. that's pretty harsh!
apes
At 8:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, our hockey team lost again! i kinda stopped goin' 2 thoze gamez cuz of u know who. mebbe it's safe 2 go back now. wudya think?
At 8:48 PM,
April Patterson said…
jeremy, i think it wd b safe 4 u 2 go. if u r interested, the next game is friday @ 4, against u b illin secondary school.
At 9:15 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, ok. i'll b there. i have missed goin' 2 the hockey gamez 2c gigli play.
At 11:19 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Oh, man.
So Im asleep an' these noises wake me up. I dont want 2 call 911 'cos mayB Luggie will charge me if nuthings rong. I dont want 2 get a weapon 'cos mayB Luggie will charge me w/ murdr if I get the psycho killer b4 he gets me.
NEway, its my dad home fr work he says hes got a stomach ake an' mayB hes getting the flu. I say I got a stomach ake 2. My dad says r u ok an' I say yah an' he says dont worry abt me an' yr mom we luv each other an' evrything will b cube. He rilly said cube. Its so weird 2 hear an oldie say cube. He asked me abt my tunes I told him I made a new mash last weekend he asked 2 hear it an' he said it was interesting. He gave me his Diana Krall CD an' asks me 2 make him a mash fr it I didnt think I shld say that Diana Krall always makes my stomach ake so now Im boned.
I went 2 c my lawyer w/ my mom. I hafta go 2 court next week an' were going 2 plead not guilty. My lawyer says I need sum good character backup in case the judge says Im guilty an' asked me abt my xtracurricular activities. He told me Horny T doesnt count so I guess I dont rilly have NE. He told me 2 join the drama club 'cos judges like thespians. So I hafta join the drama club but Im not rilly in2 drama.
L8r. The dbl dbls rnt working 2nite.
At 2:22 AM,
Anonymous said…
duncan, judges like thespianz? u lawyer must b whacked. y don't u tell them 'bout ur playin' soccer? i thot judges liked jocks bettah than thespianz.
i am so glad my mom & dad & future dad don't say cube. if they evah did, i wud definitely have 2 stop sayin' it. sorry 'bout that duncan. "cube" usedta b a rilly gud word.
At 8:33 AM,
duncan anderson said…
I told my lawyer I played soccer but he says that doesnt count 'cos the judge wld no that most soccer playahs just run around the field hoping the ball wont come newhere near them. The only sports that count r hockey an' figur sk8ing an' I dont do either.
L8r.
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