April's Real Blog

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Buttsy's addicted to electricity

So, we covered most of the electrical cords w/thoze plastic coverz we got fr. the pet store. But Butterscotch managed 2 find one that we'd missed, & she chomped on it. Again & again & again, & then she staggered around like she was drunk, high, battered, bruised, & stupid. & I sed, "Butterscotch!!!! --Not again! If I didn't know better...I'd think U were doing this on purpose!" Only there'z no "if I didn't know better" abt it. She does it on purpose. Y? & Y on earth did we not cover every cord Buttsy can get 2? I mean, if she can, we can, eh? Well, that's all I'm saying cuz this is so not funny.

Sorry I'm so cranky, but sumtymez I feel like I'm stuck in a v. badly written story.

Apes

posted by April Patterson @ 9:30 AM  

6 Comments:

  • At 2:47 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    I did Dee's quiz 2 c if Kimmi an' I have ne future 2gether:


    1.) Does being with him make you want to assume odd body 'postures' at strange times?

    Yah. Oh yah.

    2.) Does the thought of bearing his children and raising them by yourself while he spends all his free time in his attic

    'garret' fucking around on the internet cause all sorts of strange 'sensations' in certain parts of your body?

    Yah. It makes my head hurt rilly bad.

    3.) When you're alone with your 'candidate' do you find yourself 'dancing' with him in your stocking feet even though there's

    no 'music' playing?

    No. We always wear shoes.

    4.) Is his 'mother' someone you can envision yourself turning into at any point in time?

    MayB. I cant c myself as a girl but Mrs P thinks Mrs Lasalle is a slut an' Im cube w/ Bing a slut.

    5.) Does he have any 'pet names' for you, such as 'sweet girl,' or 'pretty lady,' or 'bumcakes?'

    Yah. Kimmi evn used 2 post them in ARB.

    6.) Is his 'career' likely to be a huge issue somewhere down the road, meaning, will his frigging 'job' take over his whole

    life and cause him to neglect you and your children?

    MayB if Kimmi decides 2 join the armed forces aft she grads fr Catholic military reform skool an' gets sent 2 Khandahar.

    7.) Does he always speak of your family with 'respect' to your face and then when your 'back' is turned, make obscene

    gestures about your mother?

    No. But mayB I missed sumthing.

    8.) Is there something 'special' or 'unique' about him, such as being a different 'race' from you or having a 'gay' friend?

    MayB. Kimmi an' I rnt the same race but I dont think theres ne other Bajans in Mboro.

    9.) This is probably the most 'important' question. Does he make a big honking deal about how you're so 'different' and

    'sassy' and how you lead an 'amazing' life and how he really admires your 'independence' and all the while you get the sense

    that as soon as the ink dries on your marriage licence you'll be stuck alone in your house with two wailing brats, trying to

    make 'soup' from a bunch of crappy 'leftovers' because your husband spent the 'grocery' money on a bunch of great 'books' he

    just had to have and a night out at the 'wine bar' with his best boyfriend?

    No. I dont think my life is v amazing I hafta go 2 court on Tues an' I hafta go 2 drama club Mon 2 Thurs.


    So I got 3 yahs 3 nos an' 3 mayBs. I dunno what that means.

    L8r.

     

  • At 2:59 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    yeah, i dunno either. if dee seez yr answerz, mayB she can tell us. hope yr court goez well on tues.

    apes

     

  • At 3:39 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey, Apes, Im @ Horny T if u want 2 hang. It took me 4evah 2 get my dbl dbl 'cos the Swedish Canadians r all partying 2day waving there flags an' lining up 4 the drive-thru. I think I saw Zandra in 1 of the cars but I'm not sure.

    L8r.

     

  • At 4:11 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    aw, d00dz, dunc @ i r @ horny t's & he'z not kidding abt the swedez. they r really rubbing it in. :(

    apes

     

  • At 4:22 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Oh, man, now there chanting Mats, Mats, Mats. Im a major Leafs fan but I rilly h8 Sundin 2day.

     

  • At 1:09 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    That has got to be the strangest meeting I have ever attended. For those who do not know what I am talking about, these are the twelve steps of Electrified Bunnies Anonymous.

    1. We admit our bunny was powerless over electricity and electrical cords; that our bunny’s life had become unmanageable.
    2. We came to believe that a power greater than our bunny could restore them to sanity, namely us.
    3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of our bunny as we understood our bunny’s life to be.
    4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our bunny.
    5. Admitted to ourselves, and to our bunny the exact nature of their wrong.
    6. Were entirely ready for us to remove all these defects of our bunny’s character.
    7. Humbly asked our bunny to remove its shortcomings.
    8. Made a list of all electrical cords our bunny had harmed, and became willing to make repairs to them all.
    9. Made direct repairs to such electrical cords wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
    10. Continued to take personal inventory of all the electrical cords to which our bunny has access and when we missed one promptly admitted it.
    11. Sought through meditation to improve our conscious contact with our bunny, praying only for knowledge of its favourite electrical cords and the power to cover them all up with protective coverings.
    12. Having had an electrical awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other electrified bunnies, and to practice these protective principles in all our electrical applicances.

    Howard K.

     

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