April's Real Blog

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Bad-Good Imagination

And . . . we're back 2 Sunday nite. Once Connie was in the house, she was all, "I'm sorry I frightened U, April. I saw all the lites on over here & wondered if sumthing was wrong." While cluthing my stomach with one hand and holding my head w/the other, I told her, "No ... Nothing's wrong!" I was having this sudden, simultaneous stomach ache/headache thing, & I'm pretty sure there were a coupla starz behind my head, 4 sum reason. The dogz were lookin' up @ me. & I'd like 2 note that w/me in just socks & Connie in hi-heeled bootz, I was about the same height as Connie--maybe even a bit taller, as I was slitely bent @ the waist from my tummy-clutching. NEway, I went on: "I watched a horror movie ... An' then I thot there was sumthing creepy in the house! ... I knew there wasn't ... But I kept hearing weird noises coming from the basement, like creaking an' stuff an..." Then I thru my arms around Connie & shrank so I was only up 2 her shoulder. & I sed, "I'm so glad 2 C U, Connie!!!" While Connie & the dogz walked me down the hallway, I noticed that Connie had a thot bubble that sed, "Sometimes it's bad to have a good imagination!" I also noticed that I'd regrown, tho not completely, as I was maybe a coupla inches shorter than Connie.

& that's it 4 my l8est installment. Does that have a sense of closure 2 it? I didn't think so, eh? But my mind's blanking again & I'm not sure whether I'm going on w/this one on Monday. I know I'll B changing the subj 2morrow, cuz Sundays R always all disjointed like that. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna tell U abt sumthing that happed one time w/my Mom, not even this yr. I think it was sumthin' that happed during middle school.

Becks & I R trying a diff diet again 2day, cuz that Atkins stuff made us totally ill last nite. We're doing, like, a modified Slim Fast thing, w/quicker results cuz less food.

Jeremy, when I sed I'd consider going along w/Ger marrying Howard & still, like, having kidz w/me on the side? That wasn't cuz I wanna avoid marrying Ger. I luv Ger! It was cuz Ger'z afraid of the Mboro rapid-aging curse 4 str8 guyz & I'm afraid of the Patterson-women curse (remember I sed I don't wanna turn fat, frigid, freekee, & fugly?). If we didn't hafta worry abt thoze curses, we wdn't B havin' theze discussions! But U know what, Jeremy? I think U'll find a girl who will wanna B w/U a long time. Just cuz it hasn't happed yet doesn't mean it won't ever, eh?

Eva, what's this stuff abt U writing that U'd disappeared? I reread the comments fr. the past week+ & there was sum weird stuff. Like Connie sez, it can be bad 2 have a good imagination! Soundz like U scared yrself but good!

Apes

posted by April Patterson @ 9:42 AM  

19 Comments:

  • At 10:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, sorry 2 hear ur doin’ the growin’ & shrinkin’ thing again, also the huggin’ connie thing, cuz u know she’z gotta smell like old woman. just 2 let u know, frum wut i saw last nite @the blue man group w/gigli, hiz fear of the mboro rapid-agin’ curse may b less than hiz love of good cookin’. this may not sound rite, but u may wanna remind him he iz not gay. mebbe 1st base? i dunno. u wud think w/a gr8 girl like u az hiz gf, thiz wudn’t evn b a problem w/gigli.

    az 4 me & girlz, i think i am gonna take a break frum them. i have had my heart broken a lot this year. mebbe ur rite sum girl will wanna b w/me 4 a long tyme, but till she escapes frum the mental institution, i’m gonna take a break.

     

  • At 11:24 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey, Apes!

    Im on my bathroom break fr counting peeps. Mr Kannberg is coming in2 work @ 1 pm just 2 take me 2 lunch 'cos he says he owes me 'cos he kept promising but was 2 busy. I want the food but I dont want the convo.

    Pls dont tell my mom abt Faustus I think shed b 2 freaked abt where he was an' how he got there. Cst Wright, cld u ask yr friend 2 call me when yr friend gets 2 Mboro an' Ill get Faustus an' sneak him back in2 the house an' say I found him in the backyard.

    So last nite I had dinner @ Zandras. 1st we had 2 go ovah 2 the Swedish part of Mboro 2 pick up Zandras Uncle Arne 'cos he was 2 drunk 2 drive aft his St Patricks Day partying. Zandra ordered in Jamaican when we got 2 her place an' I got 2 eat Arnes dinner 2 'cos he passed out b4 the food got here. I was asking Zandra what 2 buy u 4 yr birthday an' she said shed take me shopping 4 sumthing cube in TO on Sunday b4 we go 2 the Vatikan. Then Zandra an' I put sum green food dye in sum beers an' watched The Magdalene Sisters. Zandra thot it wld b a good movie 4 us 2 watch on St Patricks Day 'cos its Irish an' has nuns but man, oh man, it was 1 of the scariest movies I evah saw. I wanted 2 go 2 Ottawa rite away 2 rescue Kimmi fr that Catholic military reform skool but Zandra told me not 2 worry 'cos Kimmi has lots of weapons there. I slept ovah @ Zandras house in her bro Charles Wallaces room its wall 2 wall science books an' it has glow in the dark stars an' planets on the ceiling those were gr8 'cos I cld watch out 4 cannibal cats in the room. Zandras cat isnt 1 yet I hope.

    Zandra an' Arne drove me 2 work this am an' Arne asked me 2 help out w/ his magic show 2nite. I cld c Zandra rolling her eyes in the rear view mirror but I rather do a magic show than a 3 hr commute fr Shelbyville so I told Arne that was cube as long as he picks me up fr work. He said no prob, its only a 15 min drive. Man, I can hardly w8 till I turn 16. It sux 2 live in Mboro w/o wheels.

    L8r.

     

  • At 11:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    DO NOT DESPAIR, MY DARLING ANGRA MAINYU. WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN SOON. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOUR TOOPID MIGRATES TO MILBOROUGH EACH SUMMER AND SHE WILL TAKE YOU WITH HER. I WILL ESCORT YOU TO MILBOROUGH'S FINEST ESTABLISHMENTS: THE FARMERS' MARKET, THE FISHMONGER'S, THE TOWN DUMP. WE WILL DINE WELL AND DO THE HORIZONTAL MOUNTIE AS OFTEN AS YOU WISH.

    I ADORE YOU. YOU ARE MY SOULMATE AND MY TRUE LOVE. I WILL WAIT FOR YOU. THINK OF ME EACH TIME YOU DRINK THE MOUNTIE'S BLOOD. I WILL THINK OF YOU EACH TIME I SLASH THE PURPLE-LIPPED TOOPID.

    YOURS, FOREVER,
    FAUSTUS

     

  • At 11:59 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, i m totally gonna take cookin' lessonz fr. howard after becks & i r done w/our diets. that is, if howard doesn't mind teaching me.

    i don't think the girl who wants 2 b w/u will b a mental patient, i think she'll b a normal girl. she'll b a girl who likes boyz that tell the truth & shares yr interests & stuff. u'll c.

    dunc, mm, jamaican food. i wish this slimfast s00per diet had jamaican food on it. i can c how getting a ride fr. shelbyville is totally worth doing a magic show w/that arne guy.

    apes

     

  • At 1:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings about your stomachache and her headache. Your sister had the same problem when it was time for me to take the cat Faustus with me back to Otter County from her apartment in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees). Her cat Shiimsa and the other cat Faustus were meowing at each other. Your sister said, “It’s so sad to see two lovers torn apart. If this is what love is, I am not loving it.” Sometimes it’s bad to have a good imagination.

    It was not hard to get Faustus in the cat carrier. I dumped a few fresh fish in there, and he was very happy to get in. My partner left with him almost as soon I as I got to Otter County. She is armed with even more fresh fish to make the trip to Milborough. That cat can really eat. It would be such a pretty kitty, if it weren’t for that drooling. My partner plans to call the number on Faustus’ identification tag when she gets there. Please tell your friend Duncan to expect a call tomorrow.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

  • At 1:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, thanx 4 thinkin’ i will end up w/a normal girl. i dunno if girlz rilly want boyz that tell the truth. if i lied 2 rebeccah & nevah sed a word ‘bout eva stayin’ ovah @my place while we were workin’ on her problem of disappearin’, i don’t think rebeccah woulda broke up w/me. & then the othah tyme wen i told rebeccah y it wuz she didn’t get thoze gigs in to (the fat thing), if i nevah told her that reazn but if i lied & sed sumthin’ diffrent, i nevah woulda had 2 deal w/xxplodin’ clownz. then wen i wuz d8ing tangi origami & she bit me & she asked me if liked it, if i lied & sed, “yes. i luv b-ing bitten.” then she wudn’t have left me. i think a mental patient mite b good, cuz then if i tell her the truth, then she will think i am lyin’ & that mite b az good az lying w/o actually havin’ 2 lie. wudya think?

     

  • At 1:55 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I would be glad to instruct you in cooking. In fact, if you are interested in dropping the Slimfast super diet and any either other diet that Becky may come up with and saying I win the dieting contest, I will even do it for free and buy the ingredients for the instruction.

    I should let you know that contrary to what your friend (whose motivations I question)Jeremy said, your underage boyfriend is not any danger of getting married to me. Not only is he too young, but Marjee Mahaha has completely outstripped him in weight loss and hip reduction. She is like a woman obsessed. In between hair appointments, she goes in the back of Sugar’s salon and lifts a set of free weights. Then sometimes she comes over to the shamp-Oh area and says, “Your cooking will be mine, Howard.” If she’s just joking, she is doing an excellent acting job. It might be fun to live with Marjee and cook for her. I don’t think she would ignore my dieting advice, like some people I know. When she came home from work, she would give me a big hug and say, “I’m so glad to see you, Howard!!! What’s for dinner?” It probably won’t happen, but sometimes it’s good to have any kind of imagination.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 3:55 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey, Apes! I was rilly hoping hed 4get abt it but Mr Kannberg came @ 1pm 2 take me 4 lunch. Were @ Swiss Chalet an’ Im trying rilly hard not 2 talk 2 him, which was ok @ 1st ‘cos he was asking me lots of boring qs abt work an’ skool that I cld just smile an’ nod 2 answer. When the waitress came 2 take r orders I pointed @ the dbl leg dinner on the menu. Then Mr K goes, so u r a big Asphalt fan, whats yr favrite tune? I know Im boned ‘cos the only Asphalt tune I evah hurd was the 1 that Mr Psycho played in his car that day I thot he was going 2 murder me an’ I don’t even no the title. So I coffed an’ nocked ovah a glass of water. Aft the waitress cleaned it up an’ gave me another glass, Mr K goes, u r Robs oldest boy rnt u, an’ I smiled an’ nodded. Then he goes, yr bros name is Andrew isnt it, an’ I smiled an’ nodded. Then he goes, d00d, I golf w/ Rob Malkmus evry Sun he s got 2 girls not 2 boys, an’ mayB its not PC 4 me 2 notice this but u r black an’ Rob an’ his family r wite so WTF is going on. Oh man oh man oh man. I said the Malkmuses adopted me after golf ended 4 the season. Mr K stared @ me 4 a min an’ then he goes, Ive hurd that accent b4. ****, u r Nigel Anderson’s boy, rnt u. I shld of figured it out sooner. Y r u pretending 2 b Steves nefew.

    I didnt no what 2 do. I thot of running fr the resto, but then I thot that w/ my luck Faustus was prolly w8ing 4 me outside. I bot sum time by nocking ovah another glass of water. I still cldnt think of nething 2 do so I told Mr K the truth abt the NYE party an’ the champagne an’ my charges an’ the CD ROM of NYE party fotos in Mr Psychos safety deposit box. Mr K goes, that Steve Malkmus is such a *****, Asphalt almost made it big but then that ***** Malkmus quit 2 go solo, that was a gr8 career move an’ now hes made another gr8 career move. Dont worry, d00d, u wont b in nemore trbl fr that *****. Now eat yr lunch, d00d, u don’t hafta talk nemore if u don’t want 2, but stop nocking ovah the glasses Im a regular here.

    So I told him str8 up abt 4Evah an’ MCDunC an’ we talked music while we 8 lunch. Hes pretty cube 4 an oldie. When we got back 2 the Credit Union, he goes, u no I hafta call yr dad, an’ I said I no u do.

    We go in2 Mr K’s office an’ he gives me the fone 2 dial r number an’ I give him the fone back. He tells my dad where I am an’ what Im doing an’ what Mr Psycho has dun. Mr K gives me the fone an’ my dad an’ mom r both on the line. My mom wants 2 pick me up rite away but my dad says the traffic study is important an’ I hafta finish it an’ they’ll pick me up @ closing time. I told them Im working 2nite @ a kiddy party w/ Arne an’ Zandra (but I rilly said Sandra) Larson an’ that Arnes picking me up. My dad goes, I didnt no Arne was back in town, an’ my mom goes, I didn’t no u were friends w/ Sandra Larson, I haven’t cn her since I quit working 4 Dr Larson but she was such a friendly an’ kind little girl w/ beautiful blonde hair do u remember vomiting on her @ the office Xmas party. They said ok 2 Arnes kiddy party but I hafta go home as soon as its ovah. I gave the fone back 2 Mr K. Mr Psycho doesnt work Mondays so my dad an’ Mr K r meeting on Mon 2 discuss the sitch.

    I don’t remember throwing up on Zandra. I hope shes 4gotten it 2.

    L8r.

     

  • At 4:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dear April and friends,

    I am home now. I am actually pretty glad that the trip is over, though I am sorry that Paul is gone and that we didn't have a better time. I like him so much when he's not trying to argue.

    Shiimsa is so depressed. I don't know what to do with her. She is just lying under my bed, sulking. I tried going under there and petting her and calling her a pretty kitty, but she just went in farther under the bed. I tried to scoot in after her, but my, well, bum was a little too big to let me.

    I think maybe I need to go on one of Becky's diets, actually. I looked in the mirror the other day and I could have sworn it was Mom staring back at me. And not young dishy mom, either. But 30-something, starting to let herself go Mom. With a bun.

    Anyway, Shiimsa's sad, and I'm sad, so it's a bummer of a day. I consoled myself by eating up all the food in the fridge that was going to go bad if I didn't eat it. I guess that diet will have to start tomorrow.

    Liz

     

  • At 4:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    BELOVED FAUSTUS--

    I MISS YOU SO MUCH I THINK MY HEART IS GOING TO BREAK. ALL I DO IS LIE HERE DREAMING OF HOW SOFT YOUR FUR IS, HOW ROUGH YOUR TONGUE IS, HOW WARM YOUR BIG BODY IS WHEN WE ARE SNUGGLED UP TOGETHER. I WON'T EVER FORGET THOSE MOMENTS ON THE RUG IN FRONT OF THE FIRE, BEFORE THE MOUNTIE GOT THE DOOR OPEN.

    I KNOW I WILL SEE YOU IN A FEW MONTHS, BUT UNTIL THEN, MY SPIRIT WILL BE BROKEN. I DON'T EVEN THINK I WILL HAVE THE HEART TO CLAW THE MOUNTIE WHEN HE COMES BACK HERE IN A WEEK OR TWO.

    I NO LONGER THINK THE NAME "ANGRA MAINYU" SUITS ME. FROM NOW ON, CALL ME "ARTEMIS." DO YOU KNOW THE STORY OF ARTEMIS AND ORION? IF YOU DON'T, ASK YOUR TOOPID TO LOOK IT UP FOR YOU. MY LITTLE HUMAN FRIEND DOESN'T KNOW IT EITHER, BUT I USE HER COMPUTER SOMETIMES WHEN SHE'S ASLEEP.

    LOVE AND SLOPPY KISSES, ARTEMIS

     

  • At 4:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dearest Howard flower,

    I have decided to give up my quest to marry you. I had a long talk with my little April flower last night. Talking to her reminded me how much I love boobs, and kissing girls, and touching boobs. I don't think I'm cut out to be gay.

    But will you still cook for me?

    Sincerely, Gerald

     

  • At 4:50 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    sorry it's taken me so long 2 post, every1! i was having blogger trubs.

    let's c. jeremy. i think there's more 2 it than liking or not liking the truth. it's also how u say things, when u say them, & if u say them.

    like take the thing w/becky & w8. the whole thing started when u & i hadta carry her @ the mall when she had the bad reaction 2 the gps devices in her teeth. & u made a comment abt how she was hard 2 carry, which was cuz of her being like a dead w8, not nething abt her being, like, s00per heavy or sumthin'. becks got upset cuz she thot u meant she was fat, which u didn't. so if u'd just sed, "that's not what i meant, i only meant u were hard 2 carry cuz u were a dead w8", well that wda been the truth, eh?

    but instead u started in on how she shd lose w8 4 her career. & then u ended up xplaining abt the club peeps in toronto. & u were telling the truth abt that, but yr timing was poopy. like u cda just w8ed 4 becks 2 ask abt the to club bookings. then u cda sed sumthin' like "well, the club guys in to want their singerz 2 b s00per skinnee. i think u r totally hott" (which u ended up saying l8er, but i guess it was 2 l8 by then), "but the club guyz only wanna book u if u r (# of lbs) skinnier. i think they're crayzee, but that what they sed." that wda been 2 sep thingz, & becks wda known that it wasn't u who thot she wasn't skinnee enuf, it was sum jerky-arse club guyz. c the diff?

    howard, omg, i m sooooooo tempted 2 take u up on yr offer. but becks wd KILL me!!!

    paul, it's weird how a gd thing can also be a bad thing. . . .

    dunc, wow, i m glad the truth came out, even tho u musta been totally sweatin' 4 a while there! abt zandra & throwin' up, it sux how the g'ups luv bringin' back the old & embarrassing stuff like that!

    so, becks & i r abt 2 hit the rock-climbing wall in her home gym.

    apes

     

  • At 4:57 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    whoops, i posted b4 i saw becks's post. she & i were orig gonna meet back @ her gym 2 do the rock climbing, but we made thoze planz b4 she ran in2 ger @ the megafood. so when i showed up 4 the rock climbing, she sed she needs 2 rest up & have sum snax.

    howard, becks, may i stay 4 dinner?

    liz, becks sez she'd b glad 2 share her diet seekrits w/ u.

    apes

     

  • At 6:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, how u say things, when u say them, & if u say them ur so rite & thass y i don’t think i am gonna evah get a gf who’s not an escaped mental patient. it’s like wen my mom wuz goin’ out 2nite 4 her d8, she sed, “do i luk good n this dress, jeremy? if i wuzn’t ur mom, wud u think i wuz hott?” i sed, “no way.” u know cuz she iz like way 2 old 4 me. & mom wuz all ticked off @me. so evn tho i sed l8er it wuz cuz she is way 2 old 4 me, she wuz still mad, like i shoulda thot she wuz hott evn 4 an old peep.

    i know u tell theze stories every day & they go on 4evah, but i am payin’ attention 2 how u handle peeps, so i can learn, cuz every1 likes u. like 2day, if it were me, i woulda been ticked off that connie woman wuz runnin’ ovah 2 ur house, just cuz lites were on, like u were not big enuff 2 sleep by urself, which u totally r. if she asked me if nething wuz wrong, i prolly wud’ve told her, “no. not till u ran ovah here & showed me u think i am still a baby.” but nstead u sed the whole thing ‘bout the horror movie & thinkin’ sumthin’ wuz n the house & u gave her a big hug (evn if u did all that shrinkin’ & growin’, which is kinda weird) & the whole tyme u hadda headache & a stomachache. aftah ur were done, i bet connie had her arm ‘round u like u were her bff. thass wut i am talkin’ ‘bout. i take notes ‘bout wut u do, cuz i am tryin’ 2b more like a guy peeps wud like, like ur, xxcept ur not a guy, obviously.

    i dunno if i will evah b az gud az ur. u’ve been w/gigli since ur were 11 yrs old. thass 5 yrs. lemme tell u april, there iz nobody, i mean nobody n our skool that haz been w/1 person 4 that long. u know wut it takes 4 a relationship that lasts longah than a couple of months. i have been thru 3 gfs n 6 months, 4 if u count rebeccah 2x. i am no good @this stuff. unless there iz sum girl out there who unnerstandz i don’t say the rite thingz @the rite tyme n the rite order, i don’t think i have a chance. az near az i tell, that kinda girl duzn’t exist.

     

  • At 6:38 PM, Blogger howard said…

    Well, Becky says she won the diet contest, but I am proud to note tonight that no one is eating any nasty diet food. Marjee, Gerald, Becky, and April are all eating my cooking. Mine. Mine. Mine. I am sure if you think about it, the winner of the diet contest is obvious. Me. Me. Me.

    It is so nice to be in control of the food again. Well, I should say sort of in control, because Gerald decided he liked boobs more than cooking. I don’t see the appeal, but then again I am oriented a little differently than Gerald. Marjee declared herself the winner of the contest between her and Gerald, and I think she is expecting us to get married. She is making wedding plans, or rather I should say she is making wedding dinner plans. It’s kind of unusual for a bride to start with the dinner, but I suppose it makes since considering the circumstances. I have reminded her a few times I am gay, but it doesn’t seem to be deterring her. I am beginning to wonder if it was a mistake bringing out my extra delicious, special occasion recipes in the spirit of the diet competition. I may have set the bar too high. Marjee has a copy of Canadian Bride she has been carrying around that is dog-eared enough to make me think she has read it a few times. She has a copy of The Milborough Guide to Weddings she passed to Gerald a few times. He is taking notes. April looks a little nervous. Did I make the food too good? Did I create a Marjee monster? Marjee has been giving me a hungry look, and I don’t know if it is entirely based on the food I was carrying at the time.

    Oh this is probably just my imagination. Marjee is probably just fine. She is fitter than I have ever seen her before and she says she would like to continue doing free weights with me. Sometimes it's bad to have a good imagination.

     

  • At 7:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, well mom iz out & wen i asked ‘bout eatin’ dinner w/u guyz i wuz told it wuz not cube 4 ex-pre-bf’s 2 beg 4 dinner @the home of ex-pre-gfs. so i went ovah to the fightin' irishman cuz i wuz n the mood 4 corned beef & cabbage. i know it’s a bar, but the food iz gud there & no1 evah asks 4 my id nemore. wen i went n, the owner comez ovah 2 me & sez, “ye r not a swede ru?” i sed, “no. my name iz jonez. i think it iz welsh.” i thot he wuz gonna ask 4 my id, cuz there r a lotta jones & sumtymez peeps uze it as a fake last name. but he didn’t. then he sed, “wut do ye think o’ mats sundin?” i sed, “i haven’t 4given him yet, but if the leafs win the cup, i wud think ‘bout it.” the man sed, “thass gud. a pub owner hazta b a wee bit careful theze dayz. if a mats sundin-lovin’ swede showz up n ur pub, u sure anda mite az well take a rushlight 2 it.” i sed, “rushlight?” he sed, “candle.” i sed, “oh. do u have any corned beef & cabbage?” he sed, “sold out yestahday. i got sum good irish stew or some rabbit stew. the rabbit iz fresh.” i sed, “fresh?” he sed, “mboro animal control collected a whole pile of them electrified rodents that were a menace 2 the nice peep’s neighbourhoodz.” i sed, “ne rabbit n the irish stew?” he sed, “no. thass mutton & pototoes mainly.” i sed, “i’ll have that.”

    there wuz a guy goin’ frum table 2 table playin’ tunez. i sed, “do u know ne irish tunez?” he sed, “faith and begorrah, sure’n i do.” then he started singing wen irish eyez r smilin. i sed, “thass not irish. an american guy rote that.” he sed, “rilly now. lemme try anothah. then he started singing wild irish rose & i sed, “also not irish. american.” he sed 2 the owner, “paddy. i think we have anothah trubble-maker here.” the owner sed, “no he haz the rite viewz ‘bout mats sundin. i alreddy checked him out.” the guy sed, “but paddy. he sed i am not singin’ irish songz.” paddy sed, “ara be whist. course u aren’t, but most peeps r2 bolloxed 2 know a real irish song.” so he left 2 play 4 othah peeps. i guess no mattah where i go, i irrit8 peeps.

     

  • At 8:29 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, w/connie, i guess i was 2 freaked out 2 get mad. when i thot abt it l8r, it hit me that she helped make me even more freaked than i was b4, eh?

    sorry u had such a bad time @ that pub. it soundz like that singer guy was 2 sensitive!

    dinner @ howard's was delish! i think we all won by getting 2 eat howard's food. howard, if i say u r the king of all cooking may i get free cooking lessons?

    ger sez my butt looks v. cute fr. the exercising & dieting!

    apes

     

  • At 8:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I win, I win! I get to marry Howard! Men who can cook are sooooo sexy!

    Marjee

     

  • At 12:33 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I am so glad you enjoyed my cooking and called it delish. It is always nice to have someone appreciate your cooking and compliment you on it, unlike some people I know. You may consider your cooking lessons to be free for instruction and materials. The only consideration is that the lessons need to be over here and not at your house, because I expect it would be impossible for me to teach you anything when a certain maternal figure at your house is notorious for eating the food before it has a chance to cool out of the oven.

    After you left, Becky and Marjee had a long talk about whether or not Becky would allow Marjee to marry me. It seemed like an odd conversation considering I am gay and Becky and Marjee are both straight. It got even odder when the subject matter drifted into polygamy and whether or not two half-sisters could be legally married to the same man. Marjee is shockingly well-versed on the subject. I did not know that Ontario has given limited recognition to foreign polygamous marriages for the purposes of spousal support. It was quite educational.

    I really have to be careful what I cook. I think I forgot how powerfully the mating urges are tied to a woman’s palate. Well, to Gerald’s palate too. Thank goodness he loves your boobies so much or I would have even more trouble.

    Howard K.

     

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