April's Real Blog

Friday, July 07, 2006

Lunch Money

K, so one day in the week B4 Liz started her summer-teaching classes, whenev that was, Liz started 2 feel a bit panicky abt everything she needed 2 do. She was in the kitchen w/Mom and was all, "Man, I have so much 2 do! My classes start on Monday, I have 2 get my apartment organized... I have 2 C Gordon abt buying a car, I have 6 boxes of stuff 2 pick up @ the bus depot..." (Dad sez Liz wdn't have had this last prob if only her bf had bought one of Gordo's CrevASSe wagons, then he wda been able 2 haul alla Lizzie'z boxes.) She went on, "I need a new fone #, a change of address, I have 2 open a bank acct, do my laundry...." Mom was, like, "Where shd we begin?" Liz was all, "Mom, U don't have 2 do a thing! I'm an adult now. I can handle it all on my own." Liz was feeling xxtra confident @ that moment cuz she was having a "tall day" and was even a teeny bit taller than Mom. NEway, Mom went, "I know that!" (Abt Liz being an adult, blahblahblah.) Then Mom asked, "...Do U have enuf $ 4 lunch?" Liz sez the worst thing abt that mo was that she really wasn't sure if she did have enuf $ 4 lunch, as she'd 4gotten 2 plan 4 her lunches during the following wk.

Also, Liz posted this in a comment last nite. Note 2 Mike, this part is copied @ pasted fr. Lizzie's comment. Just the indented stuff, tho, aka "quoted material". The rest of this entry is my own writing. I know the big "journalist" gets confused easily.
Well, I had better get used to this crazy Big Smoke car culture again because I have to go see Gordon about buying a car! And it is really important that I don't let him know I don't know anything about cars. I need him to think I am going to drive a hard bargain. (Drive! Get it?! Stick out your tongue and laugh already!) Also, I might see Anthony there. I haven't seen him in person since last summer and I don't want my first re-impression I make on him to be that I am an idiot who pays too much for a used car.

That reminds me--I might want to borrow my red dress from you. I might want to wear it to Gordon's auto dealership when I go.
Liz, I can lend U that dress no prob, but R U sure it projects the whole "drive a hard bargain" image? Mom seemsta think one of her "business suits" wd do the job 4 U? She wants U 2 come by and try sum on.



  • At 3:05 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    That dress was the most grown-up item of clothing I ever owned. Mom would always say, "I don't think you're old enough to be wearing that." So it must make someone look very mature.

    I know what you are thinking--you are thinking that wearing that dress might attract men to me like flies to honey. Well, I don't think so. I went to the clothing store yesterday to get a new teaching outfit. I was looking at a gray-and-black plaid skirt and a black top with a high neck. There was this old lady looking at some other clothes on the rack and I asked her, "Excuse me, ma'am--do you think this looks professional enough for teaching?" And the old lady turned to look at me, and it was Mrs. Mary Worth! I think you might know her. My mouth fell open and I said, "Mrs. Worth, I would be honored to have your advice." And Mrs. Worth said, "If it's a professional look you're after, you're going about it all wrong. That outfit is guaranteed to rivet the sexual attention of every ginger-haired, mustachioed cretin within a 12 block radius. Take it from me. I wore one just like that in my garden last weekend, and I had a new ginger-haired stalker within seconds."

    So I put it back on the rack, because I have had enough red-headed stalkers. I asked Mrs. Worth, "Is your stalker's name Howard Kelpfroth?"

    And she frowned at me and said, "No, it's Aldo Kelrast. Similar, but different. I read about your troubles in the police blotter last summer. Terrible. Maybe Howard and Aldo are cousins?"

    And I said, "I don't know. I will ask my sister. She's really good friends with Howard."

    Just then, Mrs. Worth scowled and asked, "Is your sister April Patterson?"

    And I said, "Yes. Why?"

    Mrs. Worth was very angry. She said, "Your sister is very rude. I don't know what kind of household you were raised in, but vomiting up horsemeat over a hostess's fine collectibles is not acceptable behavior where I come from!" Then she snapped, "Speaking of ginger-haired mouth-breathers, have you contacted your old paramour, Anthony Caine yet?"

    I sort of stammered because she confused me by bringing up Anthony like that.

    Then Mary said, "Send me an invitation to the wedding," and stormed out of Ladies' Suits.

    I wonder what she meant by that?


  • At 6:05 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, an' mary worth thinx it's, like, acceptable 2 trick her guests in2 eating horses. i feel sick all over again just thinking abt it. remember how i was the next day, when u an' shawna-marie took care of me?

    so, like, i dunno what mrs. worth is on abt, eh?



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