April's Real Blog

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Mom needs to get a refund fr. the photog class!

K, so remember how I told U that Liz, Mike, Dee, Merrie, and Robin were all over 4 a picnic lunch yesterday? Well, after we'd finished eating lunch, Mom went and got her digital camera she'z been using 4 her course, and she was all, "OK, every1! Group shot! She got us posed, all "Closer, closer...Umm, John, get in the middle w/Mike. Closer... Closer." She had Liz holding Merrie (the 1st time since Merrie was around 5 or 6 months old!), then Dad to Liz's left and kinda behind her, then Mike sorta in front/2 Dad's left, Dee, scrunched in overlapping Mike's left shoulder while holding Robin, like, under his armpits, feet dangling, me in front of Mike an' Dee (Mike sort of resting his right-hand fingertips on my shoulders), and Eddie betw Liz an' me. I was havin' one of my short dayz, my head not even reaching up 2 Mike's shoulderz, so I'm sure I looked abt 11. Can I ever B in a family foto an' not look like I'm still pre-pubescent? Erg. Well, I did a lame little "peace" sign w/my rite hand, trying 2 take my mind offa being so friggin' short again. Oh, and Dixie wasn't there cuz she'z on punishment. No picnic privviez.

So, NEway, Mom was all, "SMILE!" Then she was, like, "Whoa! I don't have the setting rite. OK...Can U get the dog in there again? That's it! Hold it.... Hold it...Smile!" Then, "No, w8....I want 2 turn off the flash 1st.. Ummm.... There!" Then, "OK, Smile...SMIIIIILE! I don't know Y it's not taking the picture...." Then, "SMIIIILE... Move back, April.. W8... Now.... SMIIIIIIIILE!" Then she took the picture with a big CLICK and moments l8r, she was looking @ the image in her camera, all, "Darn. Every1 alwayz looks so 'unnatural' in my pictures." And Dad shot her a dirty look when she sed that. I think he was thinking abt the $ she wasted taking that foto class, since after all that, she still can't fig out howta work her camera properly.

Note 2 Luann: I think yr sticky-outy tung laff mighta been a 1-time thing, but just in case, I'd try 2 B a bit careful whenev sumthing is funny, an' concentr8 on not sticking out yr tung when the laff happs. HTH!



  • At 6:14 PM, Anonymous Eva Abuya said…

    April, my mother told me she was in that photo class w/your mom. Mom said, "Elly Patterson was just hopeless. Every session, just about,she'd forget the simplest things, such as how to turn her camera on, where to put the batteries if needed, and how to change the on/off setting for the flash. That poor teacher of ours had to have the patience of a saint to keep going over these basic things again and again!" Feel sorry for the dude, don't you? And for whoever is teaching the class she's in now.


  • At 6:14 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    yeah, i wdn't wanna have 2 teach ne class my mom was in, esp. if it had ne use of tech involved.


  • At 7:29 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    hey guyz. just wrote in 2 say that u mite not b hearing 2 much frum howie an' jer 4 awhile.

    the 2 of them got 2 talking last nite on the bus an' both of them agreed that jer having red hair like howie wuz not gonna work out, it wuz just 2 weird. but marjee wouldn't dye jer's hair again, an' the rest of us were 2 buzy laffin' at them 2 talk serious abt it. so the boyz hatched a plan 2 dye jer's hair back 2 its original color.

    well off they went 2 the baroness von beaute (w/ a accent mark like a frenchy version of "beauty") an' talked 2 the baroness herself abt how 2 fix jer's hair. i guess she told them that there wuz 2 much dye in his hair, they would have 2 use a stripper first 2 get the dye out b4 redying his hair, an' she sold them sum stripper w/ the hair dye.

    well they came back 2 the bus an' we knew they were up 2 sumthing when they locked themselves in the bathroom. marjee an' me tried 2 get in 2 c but dad wuz all like "leave the luvbirds alone. no man can survive on sex with women alone." an' i wuz like "gross dad" but he blocked the door, so me an' marjee went an' did other stuff while we w8ed 2 c what they were doing in there.

    well it wuzn't long b4 we heard sum pretty loud screams coming frum the bathroom. marjee an' me came over an' were trying 2 get dad 2 let us in, but he stayed standing in frunt of the door like a unmoveable rock, saying "those r merely the sounds of man-on-man luv. leave them b." an' i wuz like "gross dad, jer's only 15! i think that's illegal!" an' dad sed "under viking law, jeremy is a man. go back 2 what u were doing and mind ur own buziness."

    then we herd jer yell "harder! harder!" an' dad wuz like "c, he likes it." an' i wuz like "dad, jer an' howie r so not having man-on-man luv in there. jer is not gay." an' dad sed "mayb not b4, he wuzn't, but when men r confined in close quarters, they r bound 2 discover the here2f4 unknown joys of brotherly luv."

    then i herd jer yell "howard! stop! stop!" an' i wuz like "c, that duzn't sound like njoyment 2 me" an' dad wuz like "what u r hearing r the sounds of 2 1st time luvvers discovering each other's likes and dislikes. it is perfectly normal." an' i wuz like "dad! sumthing is wrong in there!"

    then we herd howie yell "o my god, they're brite red!" an' dad frowned. he wuz like "hmm, howard should not b xxpressing surprise that certain parts of the male anatomy bcome discolored during arousal. sumthing must b wrong." an' so dad opened the bathroom door. jer an' howard were there. their hands were dyed brite red. i guess the dye stripper stripped all the dye off jer's hair--which is now snow wite--but the dye just ran off on2 their hands. no matter how hard they scrubbed, their hands just kept getting briter an' briter red.

    also, the weird thing is, the dye rubs off their hands on2 stuff. howie wrecked 3 of my best costumes b4 we finally just stopped at a medical supply store an' bought him an' jer sum rubber gloves. that solved the prob, but it is hard 4 them 2 type on their fones an' blackberries or whatevs w/ the gloves on. it is even hard 4 jer 2 do the sound equip but 4tunately, if he allows xxtra time, he can still do the job.

    neway, we stopped at a salon 2 get sum help. the guy who owns it sez that howie an' jer r totally screwed. they will b leaving brite red stains on everything they touch 4 1-2 weeks. so rubber gloves 4 that whole time. also, the dude sed that the "baroness von beaute"'s real name iz denise patterson. she got her cosmetology/beautician's licenses yanked a few years back cuz she blieves that hair dye has 2 b cleared out of a person's system b4 they can start on a new shade of dye. the nice stylist guy (his name wuz matthew, v. cute, wears lots of leather) sed that this is not true an' leads 2 disastrous results like howie an' jer got. i thot, "hey, i wonder if this chick is related 2 apes?!" but i didn't get a chance 2 ask matthew nething else, cuz him an' howie were flirting. i guess matthew has a rubber fetish an' since howie is stuck wearing gloves 4 awhile, he is just matt's type.

    so this is working out pretty good 4 howie, but jer is all pouty. u can totally tell that he wants me 2 give him sum loving 2 cheer him up, just like matt is giving howie. later 2nite, i think i will reserve the sleeping suite/study room an' give jer a little pick-me-up.

    sumtimez 1 of us mite help them rite a post or 2, but i don't think so, we r all 2 buzy 2 take dictation frum those 2 fools.


  • At 7:31 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    o, i 4got 2 add, all jer's hair fell out this morning. another reason y he's totally bummed.

    i think he looks cute bald.


  • At 7:41 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, that's just awful abt bald jeremy an' the red handz! i dunno of ne denise patterson in the fam, but it's poss there cd b a distant rellie i don't know abt.



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