Mike doesn't love camping NEmore
Mike called a second time yesterday, after he'd complained abt his fan trubs the nite B4, and he sed that he'd 4gotten 2 mention that the air conditioner in the kidz' bedroom had stopped working and leaked water all over the floor (so Howard, if yr aunt an' uncle tell U there was ceiling drippage, that's Y!). Mike turned it off an' Dee gave Merrie & Robin a cool bath, then put them in Mike and Dee's bed. When she told Mike this, he was all "What abt us?" They ended up inflating 2 "Inflate-A-Bed" mattresses and sleeping on those in the living room. Mike sed he lay there grumping in his thots, all, "I used 2 luv camping." And they got 2 "camp" under the LR fan, which was going "tinkle tinkle tinkle", like the bedroom fan had been doing, LOL! Oh, and since Mike doesn't like me 2 leave out his swears--when Merrie asked him "How come there's water all over the floor?" Mike thot (but didn't say)"
".
NEway, Ger, we will play thingz cool w/yr bro so he doesn't get suspicious. B careful over there @ yr camp, eh?
".NEway, Ger, we will play thingz cool w/yr bro so he doesn't get suspicious. B careful over there @ yr camp, eh?
posted by April Patterson @ 6:54 AM
17 Comments:
At 9:33 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. This morning I applied duct tape liberally around the air conditioner and solved the leaking problem, but it did not solve the problem with the air conditioner not working. We love living in this Heritage House, but sometimes we wish our landlady Lovey had taken the time to install central air, instead of relying on a 40-year-old window A/C. Unfortunately, we have to do our own repairs as a part of our rental agreement with Lovey, so unless my masterful repair abilities can determine the source of the problem, I fear we may be purchasing a new air conditioner for Lovey.
Last night when I was with my darling wife, Deanna under the tinkling fan on a blowup mattress in the living room, I was thinking deep thoughts. I thought, “Why did Deanna insist we both had to sleep on the 2 ‘Inflate-a-Beds’ next to our chesterfield when my daughter’s bed is so large, one of us could have slept there, or I could have stretched out on the chesterfield?” and “Why did Deanna insist I spend so much time making our blankets into little separate semicircular coverings, when if you are hot, you would rather have no blanket at all?” and “Why did I keep thinking about the time I was in summer camp with Martha McGuire, when I actually got to kiss someone camping, instead of what I do now?” Needless to say, I did not sleep well.
I hope your night went better. By the way, how is the air-conditioning working at your place?
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 9:35 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writing about your niijikiwenh (brother’s) trouble with the air conditioner. We don’t have many air conditioners in Otter County. Summer time, we open the windows and the temperature is just right day and night. It is one of the few times of the year we can do that. If it gets that hot in Toronto in the summer, it must be very different there. When I get my transfer, I will make sure to find a place with good air conditioning and silent ceiling fans.
I spoke with your sister for our usual two hours last night. She told me the temperature is affecting her relationship with Shiimsa. The kitty that kept her face warm during the cold Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) nights is now a sweltering, sweat box of a kitty that causes her to wake up with soaked sheets and the smell of wet cat. She considered turning her air conditioner down to the levels necessary to make Toronto be like Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), but she thinks it would cost too much. She did not like my suggestion of locking Shiimsa out of the bedroom, but even in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) she did not like that suggestion. Toronto is such a strange place to me; I did not have any good suggestions. I got the feeling, my sweet girl did not want suggestions, but she wanted a chance to tell me of her sufferings. My poor Elizabeth. How she is suffering in Mississauga.
You may or may not be interested in happenings with my friend Chipper (Susan Dokis) in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), since you have not met her. She invited me to go camping with her as soon as I get a little time off (not so much time off I could be visiting your sister of course). She says the weather is so nice in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), you could practically camp out naked and not be the slightest bit uncomfortable. Of course, you would have to have some mosquito netting over you to be truly comfortable, but I understood what she meant. You do not need a working air conditioner. It would be an excellent time to discuss her special lesson on the importance of law enforcement in the Northwest for her class this autumn. The people in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) can be intrusive, so a camping trip would be the perfect opportunity to discuss a school lesson without worrying about anyone interrupting us. As Chipper would say, “No classus interruptus.” I think the lesson we will teach will be very in depth and satisfying to the students. The more time you spend in preparation, the better the class will be.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 9:37 AM,
howard said…
April,
Notes from the tour. Becky’s performance at the New Brunswick Summer Music Festival in Fredericton, New Brunswick went very well and things seemed to go back to normal with Becky. My Brunswick Stew for dinner seemed to irritate her for some reason. Marjee and I were able to return to our usual arrangements and we enjoyed dancing together during Becky’s performance. After most everyone else went to sleep, I made Marjee her favourite dessert, which involves chocolate, whipped cream and…um…I guess I have to stop there. I can’t wait until you turn 18, so I can finish my stories.
Today we are traveling to Halifax (or the Halifax Regional Munipality), Nova Scotia. Becky is going to be a part of the TD Canada Trust Atlantic Jazz Festival. She plans to use most of her jazz material in her performance, which I have always thought was her strong point, despite her own preferences for pop music. Thorvald has arranged a meeting with Gary Beals, the Canadian Idol runner-up, who lives in Halifax. Becky has been a little too enthusiastic about the meeting, and I fear what she may have planned. Thorvald does not approve his obvious non-Viking background, but he admits he may have some connections that might be useful to Becky. I try to stay out of such things.
By the way, tell your brother that water accumulation in an air conditioner usually means leakage in one of the ducts. If he were in Quebec City, there is a hardware man I could recommend to him for air conditioner parts and a good servicing.
Howard K.
At 9:44 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
My brother Blair swears sometimes, but he doesn't use unusual punctuation marks to do it. My mother and father have both told Blair it is all right to swear, as long as he doesn't do it around me or (I hate to say) your mother. I don't know if my brother has ever met your mother or not, but my mother said it doesn't matter because everyone eventually does meet your mother. Blair still forgets and swears around me, but he always says, "Don't repeat that, Shannon. Mom and dad will kill me." I don't think mom and dad will actually kill my brother, but they might take away his driving privileges. However, my brother drives me a lot of places, so it is not much of a punishment. I kind of like swearing. It makes me feel like I am being naughty and that makes me giggle. Maybe we could get together sometime and swear, in secret of course. I wouldn't tell anyone.
Love,
Shannon Lake
At 3:07 PM,
howard said…
April,
Notes from the tour. Marjee and Becky had a big fight, which I think she has already told you about. I am so responsible for it. I knew I should stopped after the whipped cream, but I have a weakness for pineapple topping. Anyway, we were waiting for an official pronouncement from Thorvald about women and sisters’ fighting and eye-gouging. After a long time, he finally came out of his library / Becky’s bedroom and said, “This is a very difficult point of Viking society. In Hrolfs saga, Gautrekssonar, the only child of King Eirikr of Sweden is Thornbjorg, who "spends her girlhood pursuing the martial arts". Freydis Eiriksdottir who took part in an expedition to Vinland, defended herself from Skraelings using a sword while heavily pregnant, and personally murdered several "inconvenient" people later in the expedition, is described in Eirik the Red's Saga. Þórdis (Thordis) appears in The Laxdaela Saga taking revenge against Eyjólfr for the killing of her brother. In Gesta Danorum, the Saxon laws and the abbot of Iona are against women fighting in battle (which, presumably, wouldn't have been necessary if no women were fighting). As for eye-gouging, in chapters 71 and 72 of Egils saga. Egill repaid poor hospitality by gouging out his host's eye and cutting off his beard before departing in the morning. Marjee said, “But Becky is the hostess not the visitor. She shouldn’t get to gouge out eyes.” Becky said, “What about dealing with dirty whore sisters?” Thorvald looked confused about that. He said, “I will have to keep looking for that subject.” Then we all had a long talk, the results of which were: (1) Marjee and I had to cease the more intimate part of our relationship for the remainder of the tour, (2) Marjee couldn’t leave, because she was responsible for Becky’s hair and makeup for performances, (3) Becky had to promise not to gouge out Marjee’s eyes, since she needed them to do her hair and makeup, and (4) I had to make Thorvald a banana split.
I hope we get to Halifax soon.
Howard K.
At 6:30 PM,
April Patterson said…
hey, every1!
wow, it soundz like u've been having major dram on the bus! i'm glad u were able 2 work thingz out!
howard, i tried telling mike what u sed abt air conditioners, but mike thinx he'z knows everything.
mike, no air conditioning @ our house, nope, nada, just sweltering heat, u wdn't like it here @ all!
shan, i guess if u wanna swear sumtyme that'd b cube. i haven't really thot abt, like, swearing 4 fun.
paul, the weather soundz nice up there. i'll bet u have a nice camping trip if u have one.
ger, guess what? "u" wanted 2 take me out 4 coffee @ the starbucks down the st from lilliputs when i had my break this afternoon. sumtymez "u" sorta let true feelingz slip out. like "it's terrible how my brother punches me in the stomach all the time. xxcept for all those times i really do deserve it b/c i'm so annoying." & "isn't it ridiculous how i'm so in2 all that viking crap? i, um, mean that as a joke of course! want another iced cappuccino?" u get the drill. i hadta kiss "u" a bit, but i pretended 2 have a cold so i cd just do a cheeker.
apes
At 8:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, only ur bf wud ask u2 mack w/hiz bro 2 protect hiz secrets. if i hadda bro, i wudn’t wunt my gf 2 mack w/him 2 protect my secrets, but sumtymez i think my pledge 2 not tell liez makes me kinda like sum kinda weirdo compared 2 most guyz.
neway, u prolly alreddy know ‘bout the big fite on the bus 2day. u may have heard how guyz find 2 hott girlz wrestling on the ground & pullin’ on each othah’z hair xcitin’. well, it’s true. i have been havin’ a hard tyme gettin’ that image outa my head & what’s evn worse, 1 of the othah guy’z n the crew videotaped it & haz been playin’ it n the back of the bus wen rebeccah & her ½ sis r not lookin’. i keep tryin’ 2 stare @eva’z pic n our yrbook, but the sound of rebeccah sayin’ “ur goin’ down whore sistah” distracts me every tyme. i wondah if rebeccah wunts sum more lingonberry soda.
At 8:30 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. Good news for you. I called mom and she said the air-conditioning in your house is in tip-top shape in preparation for the move to their retirement house, which I suppose is the house with the double and/or triple-sized lot down the street from where you live now, dad keeps talking about. I think it’s great mom is getting prepared for the move already with the very packable and portable clear plastic tote boxes and the house all cleaned up in preparation for showing to potential buyers. I wish Deanna had been as prepared for our last move from the apartment below us to the one we are in now. She spent a lot of time cleaning our last apartment before we could finally leave it and of course, we lost most of the parts to our bed a few days before we found then, thanks to this last minute and unprepared effort. Deanna was an excellent choice for a wife, but there are times when I am reminded she is not mom.
I hinted to mom a little it might be nice for the grandkids to visit a nice air-conditioned house until we get our air-conditioner repaired, but she wasn’t certain. I think she is afraid my kids might make a little mess and destroy the state of the house after she had raked it over it from cellar to rafters. I can’t imagine what it is like to live in that house in such a state of cleanliness. Dad says he hid a lot of his stuff at his office or in his new Crevasse until the “siege was over.” Just out of curiosity, is this the real reason you are buying new furniture? Did mom throw your old stuff out when she was cleaning?
In other news, the director of my new play, Mr. Miroirbelle, says that the show is nearing production readiness. I want to attend the rehearsals, but the director says he does not want to intimidate the actors with my extraordinary presence. I tried to argue that I am just the sort of person to inspire young and impressionable people, but Mr. Miroirbelle insisted. Such is the plight of the playwright that you have to hand over your work to another artist’s interpretation. I am allowed to come on opening night and I hope you and the whole family will be there. I am thinking about inviting Sheilagh to come (in my imagination of course), as if she could feel the strength which comes from an intangible thing, like the words of an extremely well-written community theatre play performed in a post-WW II Canadian farming community, so different and yet so, like her home.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 8:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Of course. What was I thinking? I can't imagine a girl as nice as you ever thinking about swearing. I am sure when you think thoughts, instead of stars, saturns, and exclamation points; you think with hearts, moons, clovers, butterflies, and unicorns. Please forgive me for ever thinking you would swear for fun.
Love,
Shannon Lake
At 8:41 PM,
April Patterson said…
jeremy, i nev understood that abt guyz liking 2 c girlz fiting. i never think fiting guyz is teh sexy, eh?
mike, did mom tell u the a/c is working? she'z such a kidder! u just don't get her sense of humour cuz u've been out of the house so long!
apes
At 8:46 PM,
April Patterson said…
aw, shan, i didn't mean that. sumtymez, like, if sumthing falls on my toe, an' it really hurts? u can believe thoze swearz come on outta me! it's just that i nev just thot of saying a bunch of 'em 2, like, amuse myself, that's all.
apes
At 9:30 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Mike, d00d, u have these rilly loud window a/c units & u r pissed abt tinkly c-ling fan noises? Get a grip, d00d. @ least it made my 'rents laff when I told them abt it.
p.s. Stay away from my gf. I rilly mean it.
At 9:56 PM,
Anonymous said…
Duncan,
Where is the love, “dude”? Is this the thanks I get for that extraordinarily nice letter I wrote in your defence for your court date earlier this year? I suppose I should be glad your rents are amused. I wish my rent was amused enough to include apartment repair. As for my window air conditioning unit, obviously if it had been working, I would not have noticed the tinkle-tonkle sounds of the ceiling fan, since it would have masked the sound of the fan and my daughter waking me up to tell me about the malfunctioning A/C unit.
As for staying away from your “gf”, I presume this means girl friend and not ground floor, general fund, or government-furnished, or glitch factor. And your girl friend is…? Not to worry, I am a happily married man and the most profligate of women could not sway me from my devotion to my beloved Dee and her long, orange, striped, baggy pyjama bottoms. I have a sudden sense of déjà vu.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, u nevah think fiting guyz is teh sexy, eh? i think i remembah this girl who wuz watchin' her bf last yr gettin' n2 fites durin' h.s. hockey gamez. i kinda remembah that girl gettin' kinda xcited 'bout her bf n thoze fites, eh? i kinda remembah the girl & her bf looked like u & gerald. iz my memory gettin' bad? lemme know. i 4get thingz sumtymez.
At 11:13 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Hey, Mike, u bettah stop spying on Apes & fix yr st00pid a/c. Cold snaps ovah. Its going back 2 32 degrees 40 w/ the humidex b4 the weekend.
U no who my gf is, d00d. Ive c-n u w/ her. Stay away. Last warning.
MCDunC
At 11:32 PM,
Anonymous said…
Duncan,
It’s so sad to see yet another one of my little sis’ lifelong friends develop psychopathic tendencies. First it was little Becky McGuire, whose aspirations to musical greatness alienated the people around her, and I suppose by your reference to yourself as MCDunC, you must be following the same insipid course as your blonde, female predecessor. It’s a shame to see a young man with such promise resort to vile threats due to knowledge he incorrectly presumes others to have.
However, it will make for great literature. I wonder if I should have Sheilagh meet a young, Barbados-born man with pretensions of musical greatness, only to have her suffer the hardships of knowing that the youth is descending into madness as his young man's well-being, which needs the solid affirmation that property, position, power and a means to sustain himself brings, fails to succeed due to his insane belief that Sheilagh knows who his girlfriend is. I think it has some promise. Thanks for the idea.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 11:49 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Mike, d00d, u rilly dont want 2 fix that a/c, do u? Y dont u go download sum more p0rn if u want 2 waste time u r much bettah @ that than @ riting.
U want 2 c psycho, go back 2 the Mboro Public Library again.
MCDunC
p.s. U can go 2 the Mboro Public Library on Mons if u want cos my gf doesnt work Mons.
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