Liz stops in @ Gramps's place on the way 2 court
Liz sez she stopped in @ Gramps an' Iris's apt on her way 2 work. L8r, she told me, "It's weird, April, but it felt like my whole visit was just 2 advance a story. What's that fancy word U learned 4 that?" Me: "Exposition?" Liz: "Rite, that."
So NEway, when she showed up, Iris was all, "Elizabeth! How nice of U 2 drop in! U just missed yr Uncle Phil. He's on his way back 2 Montreal." Liz was all, "Hello, Iris!" Then, "I was on my way 2 the courthouse so...." She trailed off w/out finishing her sentence. Iris went, "He's much better, dear. Much better. He's had lots of tests and his doctor is so pleased. They say the damage isn't as bad as they thot it was. We believe he can quite think quite clearly, but he's having 2 learn how 2 speak again. His therapist sez he's doing well, but until he can form the words properly, I'm doing all the talking 4 him. ...And he finds that a little frustr8ing." Liz sez she saw a thot bubble over Gramps's head w/a storm cloud an' lightning just then.
Well, gotta run, in a big hurry this morning!
Edit: As a favour 2 Becky, I'm gonna hold off on having my lawyer go after Liz abt the "Tapril Tatterson" libel. Tho Dunc is def gonna go after her 4 saying "Tuncan" listens 2 Harry Belafonte. He sez that's totally un4giveable!
Apes
So NEway, when she showed up, Iris was all, "Elizabeth! How nice of U 2 drop in! U just missed yr Uncle Phil. He's on his way back 2 Montreal." Liz was all, "Hello, Iris!" Then, "I was on my way 2 the courthouse so...." She trailed off w/out finishing her sentence. Iris went, "He's much better, dear. Much better. He's had lots of tests and his doctor is so pleased. They say the damage isn't as bad as they thot it was. We believe he can quite think quite clearly, but he's having 2 learn how 2 speak again. His therapist sez he's doing well, but until he can form the words properly, I'm doing all the talking 4 him. ...And he finds that a little frustr8ing." Liz sez she saw a thot bubble over Gramps's head w/a storm cloud an' lightning just then.
Well, gotta run, in a big hurry this morning!
Edit: As a favour 2 Becky, I'm gonna hold off on having my lawyer go after Liz abt the "Tapril Tatterson" libel. Tho Dunc is def gonna go after her 4 saying "Tuncan" listens 2 Harry Belafonte. He sez that's totally un4giveable!
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 7:03 AM
15 Comments:
At 9:13 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your sister visiting your mishomis (grandfather) and your nokomis (grandmother). My shift had finished and I contacted your sister to let her know I was coming to Milborough to support her during her trial. She started to say many reasons I should not come. I think she is afraid I will make comments during the trial how the legal system in Milborough is different from the legal system in the Northwest and most of Ontario, or maybe she thinks I will try to beat up this guy, Howard Bunt, who attacked her. Those were not the reasons she said. She said the Good Witch of the North will be angry. Then she said she really didn’t need support after all, because her ngashi (mother) and noos (father) would be there. Finally, she said, “What will it take to keep you from coming, Paul?” I said, “You must visit your mishomis (grandfather) who had the stroke before you go to the courthouse.” Your sister was not very happy about it. I visit my mishomis (grandfather) all the time, and if I am married to your sister and living in Milborough as she has planned, then I think we would visit your mishomis (grandfather) in Milborough as well as my mishomis (grandfather) in White River, even though I know it is not your family’s way to visit relatives. It is good for my sweet girl to do this, so she will be used to it when we are finally together after my transfer.
I mentioned my little trick to get your sister to visit your mishomis (grandfather) to my friend Susan Dokis, whom I call Chipper. I said, “Chipper. I got Elizabeth to visit her mishomis (grandfather). Isn’t that great?” Chipper said, “Suds (her nickname for me). It sounds like you are insulting Elizabeth.” I said, “What do you mean, Chipper?” Chipper said, “Having to force your girlfriend to visit her mishomis (grandfather). She should already be doing that without you making her do it.” I said, “Things are different in the south. They believe in not visiting relatives, except at their ngashi (mother’s) house.” Chipper said, “Why would you want to live someplace where they do not respect their elders?” I said, “Elizabeth shows respect for her mishomis (grandfather) in other ways.” Chipper said, “Like what?” I said, “She takes bubble baths and she finds him computer clip art for his picture board.” Chipper said, “Suds. That was a serious answer wasn’t it?” I said, “Of course it is, Chipper.” Chipper lives in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) and she has a hard time understanding the ways of the South.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 11:44 AM,
Anonymous said…
April and friends,
Here I am sitting in the hall at the courthouse, Anthony has internet on his cell phone, neat huh, well what April didn't tell you is that I only went to see Grandpa because Mom got upset with me at breakfast, she asked me, "When was the last time you saw your grandfather?" and I said it was that one time I stuck my head in his room at the hospital, and she said, "That's far too long, Missy," and I said, "I think you mean Lizzy," and Mom said, "What I mean is, you are going to get your butt over to the Seniors Living Palace and visit your grandfather, and that nice lady who takes care of him for free," and I said, "I have court," and for the first time I was super-glad Howard grabbed my shirt and that I'm suing him over it, but Mom said, "Before court. Or even better, after court. You can have dinner with them," and I said, "Before court is good," and so I went over there and listened to that free nurse, I remembered just in time that her name was Iris, I almost called her Agnes, anyway, she blabbed a whole bunch about Grandpa getting better so I wondered why I had to be there in the first place, I was glad I didn't even bother taking off my coat because I was about to turn around and leave when I saw Grandpa got angry at Agnes--oops, I mean Iris--and I was worried there might be some domestic violence, so I said to Grandpa, "Whatever you do, don't tug on her shirt or try to hug her, then Agnes will sue you for a million dollars like I'm suing Howard," and Agnes said, "I thought you were suing Coward," and I said, "Yes, he is a coward, he should just of asked me to marry him, I might of said yes, but now he's just another coward like all the other boys," and Iris said, "Don't worry, you'll get married someday, dear," and I said, "How do you know that?" and Agnes said, "From what I hear, no man can resist the lure of your magical Patterson pussy," and I said, "I don't know about that, Paul doesn't really like my cat very much," and Iris sighed and said, "Your mother is right, you really are a very simple girl," and I thanked her, I can't remember what happened next, maybe tomorrow.
Liz
At 11:48 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Anthony read what I wrote and he says I am not suing Howard, that we are trying to send him to jail, and I said, "I think that's what suing means," and Anthony said, "No, 'suing' is when you try to get money," and I said, "Yeah, aren't we going to get some money from this?" and Anthony said no, we would have to do a whole separate suing for that, in the civil court, whatever that is, I don't know what being nice has to do with it, Howard definitely wasn't nice when he ripped the hem out of my t-shirt.
Liz
At 12:35 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. Like the Lizardbreath, mom called me up and asked when I was going to visit my grandfather. One of the things I like about being married and having children is that my mother treats me with more respect that she does you or poor unmarried, living-at-home, Liz. I said to mom, with tears filling my eyes, “Mom. I can’t go visit Grandpa Jim. I am in such a state. I am in a state of mourning.” And mom asked the usual question, “Did something happen to the kids or Deanna?”
And I said, “No, mom. I saw them a few days ago and they were fine. I am talking about my novel. The manuscript is almost done. I am in mourning over Sheilagh Shaunessy and her children - especially Charlie who's grown to become her strength and her salvation.” Mom said, “I thought you spelled it ‘Shaughnessy’?” I said, “That’s not important. What’s important is that the characters I've created, the fantasy into which I’ve fallen for the past 16 months or more, is coming to an end.” Mom said, “16 months? Michael Patterson, you didn’t start on this novel until last July. Remember, I helped you with the outline.” I said, “I think Sheilagh was lurking in my unconscious mind for longer than since July. I can’t interrupt my mourning for Sheilagh, by visiting Grandpa Jim. Wasn’t it enough I had to postpone completing my novel for dad and me to prepare Grandpa Jim’s apartment while he was in hospital? We put handles in the washrooms, and banisters along the halls. We replaced the toilet seat with one that was easier to move to, and we made the bathtub accessible with bars and a special seat. We even changed the shower curtain rod to one shaped like a bow so that there'd be room for two people inside. Sheilagh was a terrible state when I got back.”
Mom said, “You know I love you Mike, but you should be careful when you say those kinds of things. People will actually go to the apartment and can see there aren’t any banisters along the halls.” I said, “They will? I thought Iris said their friends are avoiding them.” Mom said, “Promise me your novel will be a runaway bestseller and you will dedicate it to me.” I said, “I promise.” Then mom said, “I guess you can put off seeing your grandfather for a little while longer.” I said, “Thanks, mom. You’re the best.” Then mom said, “Say it.” I said, “You put the grand in grandma.” Mom said, “That’s better.”
You see, little sis, the importance of being married with children. Don’t make the same mistakes Liz did, or you will have to visit Grandpa Jim too.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 1:03 PM,
howard said…
April,
I am at the courthouse with Mr. Benis, my lawyer. I can tell it’s going to take a long time before the trial is actually going to start. I feel very ignorant. Mr. Benis says that Milborough law is a little different than regular Ontario law. In Ontario, criminal trials are held in either the Ontario Court of Justice or the Superior Court of Justice, depending on the offence a person is charged with. Generally however, more serious offences are heard in the Superior Court of Justice before a judge or a judge and jury, and less serious offences are heard in the Ontario Court of Justice before a judge only. Even Mr. Benis doesn’t know if I am going to the Ontario Court of Justice or the Superior Court of Justice, but he suspects it will be the Superior Court of Justice, since the Milborough police had me under surveillance for over a year, trying to gather more evidence against me. Mr. Benis doesn’t think they would do that for anything other than a serious offence. He said the fact the Crown went from Anthony Caine, Elizabeth Patterson and 2 other witnesses, to 6 other witnesses at the last minute is a bad sign. But then Mr. Benis said, “This is Milborough, and the wheels of justice turn at odd angles.”
It won’t be too long now before I am sent to prison, but the waiting is enough to drive you crazy. I wish I had some weights to lift.
Howard Bunt
At 2:28 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, my 2nd day of in-school suspension az punishment 4 wut happed @the gym jam. the in-school suspension supervisor sed, “i hafta give u sum tests 2 show ur getting better. much better. we r gonna test u till the principal iz pleased. he duzn’t wanna have so many kids in the in-school suspension, so he wants tests 2 show the damage izn’t as bad as the school board thinks it is. he believes u malcontents & delinquents can think quite clearly, but u hafta learn howta behave properly in class again. he thinks ur gonna do well, but frum the looks of u, till u can test properly, the principal is gonna do all the talking for you to the school board officials. i think the principal is gonna find that a little frustrating.” i sed, “duz this mean ur giving us tests all day?” the in-school suspension supervisor sed, “ah, the ‘2 drugged-up 2 let us have a proper rebecca concert’ jeremy jones can hear me thru his purple haze. yes, germy wormy, thass wut i sed.” so, i have been takin’ tests all day. it hazn’t been 2 bad, xxcept 4 me feelin’ rilly st00pid.
At 6:33 PM,
April Patterson said…
mike, u r gonna find this hard 2 believe, i know, but no1 hasta force me 2 visit gramps. i do it cuz i want 2. gramps is cube!
jeremy, it soundz like u had a ruff day. :(
howard, wow, u must b stressed. how weird that they don't even know what court u r gonna b tried in! wanna borrow my dyno-bands? u can get a resistance workout fr. them when u don't have access 2 w8's.
apes
At 7:20 PM,
howard said…
April,
Thanks for the offer of the dyno-bands, but my lawyer Mr. Benis says I should avoid public displays of strength. He says it will weaken my case. I suggested knitting, but knitting needles could be construed as a deadly weapon. I just need to be patient. I sat around the courthouse most of today. I hope we will have more progress tomorrow, but I doubt it.
Howard Bunt
At 7:50 PM,
April Patterson said…
hm, how 'bout a puzzle book? i cd pick u up a puzzle book @ lilliputs. cryptograms, crosswords, logic probs? or does yr lawyer think puzzles wd b bad 4 yr image, 2?
apes
At 8:26 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Hey, Apes,
I went 2 c my lawyer aft skool. His secretary says hes 2 busy 2 take my case rite now he has sum important client thats taking up all his time. When I was leaving I saw a courier slip @ reception hes been getting papers from The Johnston Institute. WTF?
L8r.
p.s. Zeds rilly pissed @ me I guess I shld of said I want 2 sue Liz 4 saying that u & me were kissing.
At 8:52 PM,
April Patterson said…
dunc, omg, i wonder what the johnston inst. is up 2 this time!
sorry 2 hear abt zed getting mad @ u!
apes
At 8:54 PM,
howard said…
April,
A puzzle would be fine says my lawyer, Mr. Benis, so long as it is a puzzle book that I can do with a large rounded crayon. He doesn't want me to be associated with anything sharp and pointy.
Howard Bunt
At 9:31 PM,
April Patterson said…
howard, i think we have sum puzzle boox like that, 4 kids. i hope u won't mind the puzzles r e-z.
apes
At 1:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
howie, mayb i can come 2 court w/ u an' we can play cat's cradle or hopscotch or sumthing while we w8.
becks
At 1:10 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Now I can tell you the rest about my boring visit with Grandpa, anyhow, that Agnes lady sure does blab on a lot, I wonder if she was always like this before Grandpa had his stroke or if she is "talking for two" now or what, it makes me almost wish I had spent some time with them before this happened but then I remembered I could just ask you April since you spend lots of time with them, anyway, Iris blabbed about some stuff about doctors and exercises and eating and whatever, I just remember it was funny because Agnes was talking to Grandpa the same way I talk to my fourth graders when they are being very very childish, but Grandpa didn't look like a childish fourth grader, his face was all squished up and wrinkly like a prune, and I thought he might be going in his pants or something, he looked very unhappy, anyway I was just about to say, "Iris, I think he is going Number Two," when Grandpa told her himself by shouting, "Ta!" which I guess is how you say "two" when you are brain dead but of course that silly Agnes woman who is just full of herself thought he was saying "thank you," and she kissed him and said, "You're welcome," I didn't have the heart to tell her she was wrong, after all Mom said to be nice to her, she is cheaper than a nurse, and also, talking about your grandpa going Number Two to some lady named Iris you hardly know at all except she came to your college graduation and you might of shook her hand there is awkward, you know what I mean?
Maybe more later, Liz
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