April's Real Blog

Friday, December 22, 2006

The Fire Story, Continued

It's weird, I've been waiting and waiting each day to find out what happs next in Mike's story as he writes in. But now sumhow I know all the deets! NEway, here's what Mike wrote last nite:
April,

Little sis. I was ready to give you another installment of the story of my family’s excitement. I had written down describing how our fire escape had been our balcony and a convenient route to the back yard, but now it was a welcome exit from an apartment rapidly filling with smoke. I had written how I had bravely gotten Dee and the kids outside and heroically alerted the emergency fire crew, before heading magnificently back into the apartment, up the stairs to my office to get my laptop and my manuscript.

But my wife, Deanna, saw me writing this stuff down and declared the next installment of the story of my family’s excitement was hers to write, since it was all about her. She says it is time for her to reassess my priorities if I wanted to be a proper husband and father. So I must defer to her for the sake of my marriage. I will give you the short story though, just in case she forgets to write.

Deanna got the kids down the stairs, but she had left Merrie's favourite blanket and two photograph albums on the fire escape. She'd dropped them so she could carry Robin and push Merrie down the stairs by the hood of her jacket. Then she told the firemen to go up and rescue me, and played ignorant about whether or not the Kelpfroths were downstairs where the flames were. Deanna is such a good wife.

That’s the short version. Deanna might add more details if she chooses to write. I will definitely be writing your installment for tomorrow though. Definitely.

Love,
Michael Patterson
Zeremy told me that his mom knows one of the firefighters who were @ the scene of Mike's apt fire, and that when Dee told the guy that Mike had gone in2 the attic 2 get his book, this firefighter sed his thot was, "Sum things just Rn't worth dying 4!" True thing there, eh?

Apes

19 Comments:

  • At 10:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Mike,

    I spent all day yesterday phoning and writing newspapers, civic organizations, and even the honours board in London about getting you decorated (or knighted) for your heroism. It meant a little extra work for Donna since it's pre-holiday rush and there's a big sale on, but credit applications can wait until I've faxed photos of your damaged armoire to Michaëlle Jean and Queen Elizabeth II.

    So far only one response from a third secretary someone-or-other at Buckingham, asking for the name of the fireman who was hurt. I called back and explained that you were the one who succumbed to smoke inhalation, requiring a short examination at an area hospital, while retrieving an culturally important unpublished manuscript but then the transatlantic line went dead so I've been leaving messages on her voicemail.

    I'll keep you updated. Donna's really steaming so I gotta run.

    Anthony

     
  • At 11:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, thanx 4 the quote frum my mom ‘bout the firefighter. ‘course my mom wuzn’t sure if the firefighter wuz talkin’ ‘bout ur bro’s book or ur bro, but i guess that duzn’t rilly matter, since both of them got rescued 4 sum reason. mom wuz kinda curious ‘bout wut kinda book ur bro wud think wuz so mportant he wud risk hiz life & his family’s life 4, so i showed her sum of the xxcerpts he had been puttin’ in his monthly letters. my mom thinks ur bro is seriously disturbed.

    neway, u shud know that shannon lake haz been looking 4u2 give u a hug. she practiced on me a couple of tymez & it’s not bad. she’z a pretty good hugger, but she sez she iz savin’ her best, most comforting hug 4 u.

    az 4 me, i am happ this iz the last day of skool & the teacherz know it 2. i got my usual lunch crowd, the peeps who stood by me wen every1 else h8ed me aftah the gym jam, their prezzies. gordie durrocher got sk8 board safety equip, cuz u know ur bro’s lack of safety consciousness haz kinda inspired me 2b more safety conscious. vicki simone got a gift certificate 2 1 of thoze TO clothes shops. i dunno much ‘bout that stuff, so it wuz sum place my future sis sed she wud like. & i got shannon lake a book called “dating for the special needs girl”. they seemed 2 like them.

     
  • At 2:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings quoting your nisayenh (brother) where he talked about going back into his burning apartment to get his manuscript, and your niinim (sister-in-law) had to take your nishimis (niece) and nindoozhim (nephew) down the fire escape and tell the firefighter about your nisayenh (brother). As a member of the Ontario Provincial Police, I do know the firefighters in Otter County and there are few who would spend much time thinking about why people go back into burning buildings. What most people don't seem to realize is that a single good breath of smoke-filled air will cause them to pass out, even if the place they are going is not burning. I expect your niinim (sister-in-law) was so concerned about your nisayenh (brother), she forgot to mention their downstairs neighbours, when the firefighters asked. I hope she mentioned them in time enough for the firefighters to know to look for them for rescue.

    If your sister has not told you already, she called and asked me not to come to visit with you over Christmas. I did not understand her reasons. She said if I came to visit then it would take attention away from your nisayenh (brother). I said it did not make sense to me. After all, your mishomis (grandfather) is still recovering from a stroke, so wouldn't he take attention away from your nisayenh (brother) also. Then she said your mishomis (grandfather) was not to going to come for Christmas either. I was shocked. To push away an elder of the family to favour a son, even for the few hours of a Christmas Day celebration, is the exact opposite of the ways of my people, the Ojibway. It is a big insult. Your sister told me things are different in the South, but I did not think they would be that different.

    Then your sister told me how your nisayenh (brother) and his family had to stay in your ngashi (mother's) house until their insurance claims were settled and they couldn't move to a different place until then. When I told her most insurance companies have apartments they keep for temporary housing for these kind of situations or sometimes they put people in hotels, if there is not temporary housing; your sister said, "Things are different in the South. You will have to make a lot of adjustments when you 'make the move' for your transfer." I can tell when I move South, I will be using insurance companies which are based in the Northwest.

    Then I asked my sweet girl when I would get to see her, and she said it would be like we discussed before, where she would go to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) and stay with Gary and Vivian Crane and live up to her promise to Jesse Mukwa. And I could visit with her there for a few days, because the important thing was for her to spend time with her friends in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees). I asked why she couldn't stay with me and we could take a trip one day to visit the people in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) and we could take a trip one day to visit with my noos (father) and ngashi (mother) in White River. She said, "Your noos (father) and ngashi (mother) are exceptional people, but they are only good to me. The people in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), when they find that the White Goose has returned, will treat me like a queen. That will be so much more fun."

    Then she said her trip to Mtigwaki, instead of being just after Christmas, like she originally planned, it would be just after New Years. I told her I had made arrangements with my work to be off at Christmas, and to go to Milborough and go apartment hunting with her for my move. I had not made plans to take off after New Years, since that is when I would be finishing up at work to prepare my move. Then your sister said she was planning to go apartment hunting by herself for a place near where she works. I was confused. I asked why she would go apartment hunting by herself, when I have already told her I am transferring in January. Your sister said, "When I say 'yes' to living with you, it'll be because I know it's going to be a working, long-term partnership. The apartment is secondary. Security and commitment come first!" I guess being willing to transfer my job two times is not enough to show your sister security and commitment. I love your sister, but I wonder if I will ever be able to do all the things she wants before she will agree to be with me.

    I said, "Have you already talked to the people in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees)?" Then she said, "I've called Jesse, and I've taken a shopping list from various residents so I can bring some stuff with me when I arrive." I told her I wasn't sure I wanted to carry all that stuff from Milborough to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) in my car. Your sister said, "No Paul. I want you to meet me in Spruce Narrows." Again I was confused. I said, "You don't want me to drive you?" She said, "That would be too much trouble. Just meet me in Spruce Narrows, and I can put all the Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) supplies in your car, and you can drive me from Spruce Narrows to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees)." I said, "Why not meet me in White River, and we can visit with my parents for a little while before you go to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees)?" Your sister said, "I already told you that. Parents=Good. Mtigwaki (Land of Trees)=Queen." Then I said, "Why not meet me at my place in Otter County, so we can have some time together alone before you go to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees)?" And your sister said, "The car ride from Spruce Narrows to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) will take about an hour. That should be enough. We talk every day, what more are we going to say?" I was about to say we would kissing and not talking, but then I remembered how your sister feels about kissing. I am beginning to understand why your sister has had problems with long distance relationships. Finally, I agreed to pick up your sister, after New Years, in Spruce Narrows to take her to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees). I could not get her to change her plans, no matter how much I tried.

    So, my Christmas plans were all messed up. I was going to visit with your sister and now I have time off. I called my friend Susan Dokis, whom I call Chipper, because she has been mad at me ever since I told Elizabeth would not be coming to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) at Christmas and I got my transfer. I thought if she knew Elizabeth was coming to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) after New Years, then she might talk to me again. I was right. She said, "Suds (her nickname for me), I found out Elizabeth is coming here with you after New Years and left you alone for Christmas. I'm sorry I was mad at you before. If you want you can have Christmas with me and my family; and we can go and visit with your family too, since they live so close." I told Chipper that sounded great. I had hoped to spend Christmas with you and your family, but a Christmas with Chipper and her family and also with my family sounds pretty good too. After all, family should be together at Christmas, especially the elders of the family. When people get old, you don't know how many more years you have with them. Each Christmas could be their last. I am glad I will get see my mishomis (grandfather) and my nokomis (grandmother) again. I think it will be a very, merry Christmas; even though I don't get to spend it with my sweet girl.

    I hope you have a Merry Christmas. Maybe you can go visit with your mishomis (grandfather) and nokomis (grandmother) and make it merry for them too.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     
  • At 2:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh Anthony,

    Those phone lines sound really very unreliable, I wish Gordon was in the telephone business, then we would never have a problem, also I wish he was in the apartment business, then I could get an apartment right over top of the dealership, it would be almost like we were neighbors and of course then I wouldn't be too far from Mom and Dad's house, it turns out that rotten April was right, Dad wants me to move out, I'm sure it's just because he thinks it is best for me, but anyway, it will be good for me to have my own space, I need more space to use while I plan my future, now that Paul is transferring down south I have to get busy on that, we aren't talking about marriage or anything, just the future, so I have started cutting out pictures from home decorating magazines and bride magazines and parenting magazines, you know, for the future.

    Not that I'm planning anything yet, I'm definitely not, I only want to get married when I find the guy who will make me feel the most secure and who is the most committed to me, that is what is important, not a party or any frilly romantic stuff like "similar interests" and "enjoy being with this person," that is fairy tale stuff, what is important is finding someone who is just like Dad who will be a good provider and be totally dedicated to me and our kids, and also who will have parents who get along with my parents, you know, 16% of all marital unhappiness amongst Milboroughtonians comes from "in-law stress," right after 82% "trapped in a sexless, joyless marriage filled with drudgery" which of course is something you can't do a whole lot about because that is the nature of a good marriage, anyway, so I'm going to be really watching Paul's parents this Christmas season to see if they seem Patterson-compatible, if you know what I mean, kind of like in the way that your parents and my parents get along really good, but then of course your parents are 100% Milboroughtonian and are bound to be perfect, but anyway, that is what I'm thinking about right now, and I could really use a bigger apartment to help hold those thoughts because the walls of my bedroom are too small for all the pictures of wedding dresses that I have put up.

    Liz

     
  • At 2:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Anthony,

    I appreciate so very much your efforts on my behalf. I have been telling Elizabeth everything you have been doing for me, and emphasizing how “Anthony Caine is the type of man who would be excellent for a working, long-term partnership” and how “With Anthony Caine, security and commitment come first.” My little sis, April has been teasing me, how I am making you sound more like you are more like an insurance firm than a person, but trust me when I say, those words are having an effect on Elizabeth. I often suspect that Elizabeth would prefer a man in her life who is like an insurance company, and I can’t think of a man better for that position than you.

    I did get a call from the third secretary someone-or-other at Buckingham about the matter, thanks again to you. I explained to her my motivations for going back into the fire for my book. I told her how we men are hard-wired to be providers and the manuscript of my book meant food and shelter for my family, and I after I got my family to the safety of the fire escape, then when faced with the prospect of losing everything my family needed to survive on a day-to-day basis, I had to risk my life because, if I didn’t, my family could be financially ruined. Then I spoke about the duty to our country of Canada, how not going into the fire to save this important book, would mean Canada may go forever without having a great Canadian novel, and all Canadians would look back on that moment as one of Canada’s darkest moments. The third secretary kept on saying she had the wrong number, but I assured her she most definitely did have the write, I mean right number.

    Let me tell you, Anthony Caine, you will not be unremembered for your efforts. I think there will be a dedication to you in my book, right there under the 15 page-dedication I have set aside for my mother.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 3:49 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Some good news about my trial. The final session and sentencing have been postponed until January or later. My lawyer, Mr. Benis, said that they are waiting to determine if your sister will be attending it along with Anthony Caine, and their availability will determine the date. Mr. Benis said 3 months for a trial about a shirt-pulling assault will probably set some kind of legal record, but that Pattersons get involved in the legal system so infrequently aside from traffic tickets, some allowances have to be made. I am a free man for another month, and possibly longer.

    Some bad news though about my aunt Winnie and uncle Melville. They finally told me what happened in the fire at your brother’s apartment and it is a very strange story.

    You may recollect that months and months ago, a mysterious person came to visit my aunt and uncle and offered them a little money to make their upstairs neighbours miserable enough to move from their apartment. Well, that person came to visit my aunt and uncle the other night. According to my aunt, she came bearing gifts of a cheap plastic lampshade with “Visit Disney World” on the side; some really ugly, nylon curtains emblazoned with "Community Waterfront Friends Fundraiser"; some cigars; and a bottle of something labeled “Cheap Hootch”. They were having a little conversation about all the things my aunt and uncle had done to encourage their neighbours to move and how they always seemed to fail, because your brother seemed to thrive on suffering. My aunt offered the lady some soup she had made, and oddly enough, the lady insisted on putting napkins in the soup bowl. My aunt thought it was quite odd and offered crackers instead, but she wouldn’t take them. Then they opened the bottle and poured drinks. My aunt and uncle had to force down a drink to be polite, because the bottle lived up to its title.

    After they had taken a drink, then the lady said, “I’m sorry about this, but I really needed your neighbours out of there months ago.” She stood up, went to my aunt and uncle’s bedroom, took out a lighter and set the bed on fire. My aunt and uncle got up and tried to stop her, and then they realized their drinks had been drugged. Then things got confused after that, but my aunt Winnie remembers the lady taking Melville’s cigar and putting it into the soup bowl and setting the napkins on fire and then throwing the gifts of the plastic lamp shade and the curtains on top of it before they could stop her. The lady ran out of the apartment. My uncle Melville went for the fire extinguisher, but the flames from the bedroom had spread to their living room and blocked his way. My aunt Winnie said they needed to try to get out before it was too late. They made it to the alcove before the smoke overcame them and made them faint. My aunt said the last thing she remembered was hearing your sister-in-law direct the firefighters, that she didn’t know about the downstairs but they should go up to rescue your brother, before she passed out. Her last thought before she passed out was that your sister-in-law had just sentenced her and Melville to death.

    Fortunately that was not the case. The next thing my aunt and uncle remembered was waking up in a curtained area near to the reception desk at the hospital. The doctors were working on them for the burns and damage to their lungs they had suffered. At the same time, someone was taking notes: "Careless smoking. Plastic lampshade and nylon curtains. Cigar put out in a soup bowl which contained used paper napkins. The flame ignited the lampshade and the fire rapidly spread from there.” My uncle Melville was disoriented, confused and enraged; but his lungs were damaged and he couldn’t talk. He told me he couldn’t understand why anyone in a hospital would be talking about fire scene investigation, or why it was important that they took their notes in such a loud voice where anyone around could hear it. But they did notice that your brother was there and after he was found to be completely healthy and left, they stopped.

    They are still in the burn treatment center of the hospital recovering. Becky and I went to visit them yesterday after we found out what happened. Becky said that when Jeremy Jones was in hospital after trying to hurt you, you and your mother came to visit him. The same cannot be said for your brother. But that’s to be expected since your brother has never visited your grandfather after his stroke.

    Becky was convinced the mysterious lady arsonist was your mother, since everyone knows how much she wants your brother to move into her house. I told Becky there was no way your mother was responsible for arson, because she is too passive, aggressive to do that. Becky conceded that point after showing my uncle and aunt a picture of your mother and they both said the lady did not look like her, but had some physical characteristics similar to her, except a smaller nose, visible teeth, and that sort of thing.

    My Uncle Melville and Aunt Winnie don’t look too good, and they have a hard time talking. It is going to take them awhile to heal. I plan to visit them every day until they are out of hospital. Their insurance company said when they get out, they can go into temporary housing for a little while until they can find a place to live. Since I am not working right now, except for housecleaning and cooking at Becky’s I plan to spend as much time helping them as I can.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 5:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I tried to find you to give you a comforting hug during school, but I never could find you. I called your mother to see if I could come over and give you a hug at your house. After she yelled at me to stop speaking so slowly, she said something about how it was too chaotic there for anyone to be giving hugs. Maybe next year I guess.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 6:00 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, howard! that is so awful. i think u r rite that the arsonist is not my mom. it sounds like--well, that witch from up north, whose name we don't say around here. since u have met her, mayB u cd describe her 2 yr aunt and unk and c if the descriptions match up. and mayB u can talk w/that royalson guy who sez he is investigating?

    paul, i kinda know how u feel when it comes 2 trying 2 get liz 2 change her mind abt sumthing. 4 sum reason, she totally h8's it when ne1 tries 2 do that.

    liz, i dunno y u r so obsessed w/the idea of marrying sum1 like dad. i mean, i get along w/him and all, and i luv him cuz he's my dad. but u hafta admit there r things abt him that r not so gr8. like how he reacts 2 a sitch like what's going on w/mike: he withdraws mentally a bit from the whole scene, becomes an observer, and tries not to have any feelings about the situation. what the heck? then he tellz every1 i'm a princess just cuz i'm not happy 2 b booted fr the bedroom i paid 2 paint and refurnish, outta my own money. and have u 4gotten what he's been saying abt getting u 2 hurry up and get an apt? and there's the whole being obsessed w/choo-choos, teeny-tiny train houses, and skinny, wrinkly calendar models. and the puns. god, the puns! c, i just don't understand how all that adds up 2 the kinda person u wanna marry? insteada, like, wanting 2 marry sum1 NOT like that.

    zeremy, no prob. thanx 4 tellin' me abt that firefighter. shannon did find me in school 2day and give me a hug, but nicolette chazarai was passing by when she did, and 4 sum reason, she gave shannon a really dirty look.

    liz, have u noticed that shiimsa's had kind of a shifty look on her face 2day?

    apes

     
  • At 6:02 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, shannon, if that wasn't u hugging me @ school, then who was it?!?!?!

    apes

     
  • At 6:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I am thinking it was Eva, in disguise. She wants to have my position of official comforter for April Patterson. I don't trust her. If she invites you to sleep with her, that should be your clue. I like being around you because you are the nicest girl in Milborough, but Eva may have other reasons.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 6:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Wasn't me. But like we talked about during lunch, April, U R welcome to stay over at my house during the hols, my 'rents say it's fine.

    Eva

     
  • At 6:42 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    shan, i really don't think it was eva. whoev this was, she was xxactly yr height. r u sure u didn't hug me and then, like, totally 4get abt it 4 sum reason? cd nicolette charazai have dun sumthing that wd make u 4get, sumhow, 4 sum reason?

    apes

     
  • At 6:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I don't know if Nicolette Charazai can do that. She spends most of her time collecting knick-knacks. I hope you noticed Eva invited to stay over at her house, as I suspected she would. I still think she was trying to impersonate me.

    The next time someone tries to hug you, who looks like me, you should ask them when the first time we met was. If they know the answer, it's me. If they don't, it's Eva. Don't tell the Eva the answer, or the question won't work.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 7:29 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hm, shannon, rite b4 u hugged me, u sed, "i'm so ... glad we ... met ... in home ec ... class, the school ... yr b...4 last, even tho... becky was... in our... class... 2." and i know i nev told eva abt that.

    hm, weird.

    apes

     
  • At 7:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Whoever this imposter is, she's good. It must be someone who was in that home ec class. Did her hug feel like a Becky hug, with some fake padding?

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 8:16 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    nope, it didn't feel like becky, plus becky is taller than u r.

    apes

     
  • At 8:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April, Shannon, the reason for my dirty look was that I suspected the girl hugging April was actually Stephanie Haskins in a Shannon wig. Stephanie is the same height as Shannon, though she's eight years older. A little "youth" makeup made her look almost exactly like Shannon, but only almost.

    Stephanie, as you might know, is the niece of the person I believe April refers to as "She Who Must Not Be Named." I was suspicious and wondering just what they might be up to in that northern place you also don't like to mention.

    Nicolette Chazarai
    Student Liaison
    Coalition of the Special Needs, the Disfigured, and the Sanity-Deprived Students of R.P. Boire Senior Secondary School

     
  • At 9:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Stephanie Haskins, eh? I'll remember that name.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 2:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. Now for more of my story of our excitement for our family after I was interrupted in telling it yesterday.

    To recap: It was 2 am. I had just finished my book and I felt like celebrating. Not that I know anything of the physical pain of giving birth, but I was comparing this feat to something equally agonizing - and, now it was done. Yes finishing my book was like having to be in labour for hour after hour until I pushed that baby out of my loins, ripping and tearing the tender flesh of my…I think it was more like passing a kidney stone.

    I sauntered down the stairs into the living room and my eyes began to burn. There is nothing like that time of night to make you realize your poor decorating choices. But in addition to my eyes, there was in my nose, the smell of melting plastic and a blue haze of smoke was beginning to curl into the apartment. Except it wasn’t blue of course. It was more like a light grey colour, and it didn’t so much curl as kind of glide through like someone had placed long ribbons across the room. The smoke was very odd. I kept on thinking I could get a pair of scissors and cut through them, but of course that was not truly the case, no matter how many times I tried.

    The alarm on the hall ceiling went off, a high-pitched whine that pumped the adrenaline like a syringe. And then of course we also had the smoke alarm, which used a more conventional battery and electrically-powered method. I don’t know why we ever invested in those adrenaline-powered things. They are just awful and so tedious to maintain.

    I woke Deanna and told her to get up. Fast. We dressed the kids, herded them into our room and onto the fire escape. And of course, by we dressing the kids, I mean Deanna got them dressed. I hate having to deal with those little hands and feet. They are too small for my delicate fingers. And of course, by herded, I mean picked up and carried. I don’t know the first thing about proper herding techniques, except it involves some kind of trained dog.

    Our fire escape. Until now, it had been our balcony and a convenient route to the back yard. I remember those days of sitting back there with Deanna on lawn chairs and viewing the bustling city of Toronto. How exciting it was to view the city lights there on our fire escape. But now, it was a welcome exit from an apartment rapidly filling with smoke.

    That is the scene where I left your readers 2 days ago. And now to continue:

    With Dee and the kids outside and the emergency fire crew alerted, I impulsively ran back into the apartment…well actually I had never left the apartment physically, but mentally I was outside the apartment with Dee and the kids. I think that should count. And by impulsively, I mean I had been thinking about doing it all along. But I had only been thinking about it in the brief time after the smoke alarm went off, so for a Patterson that is impulsively.

    Anyway, I ran up the stairs to my office and grabbed two other things I had to save: my laptop and my manuscript. I know you are thinking I probably should have only picked up the laptop and left the manuscript, but I had printed the manuscript on really nice paper and I had used the “Best Quality” setting on the printer and everything, so it would have been a shame to let it burn.

    It took seconds to get both, but by the time I reached the bottom of the stairs, the acrid smoke burned my lungs. I couldn't see. Trying not to breathe, not to panic, I moved towards the hall. In our hall closet I selected a cloth to put over my mouth to help me with the smoke. I wanted a nice, pretty, flowery cloth; my favourite, to use; but all we had in the closet were those ugly white ones we got from Deanna’s mother for my birthday. I struggled with deciding whether or not I should go into the dirty laundry to try to find my favourite, flowery one, but then I decided I would go for the plain, drab, white one and hope that no one saw me with it. That would be embarrassing. I'm strong, but not strong enough to be seen with the wrong cloth in public. Well, as they say, smoke can kill you, and once I got into the smoke, I realized I should have gone for my nicer, flowery, cloth; because the smoke went right through the cheap white cloth and I could feel myself falling forward.

    From the door of our bedroom, two masked firefighters appeared, and by masked, I mean they had oxygen masks on, not that they were masked like bandits. One of them yelled to someone behind him, “We’ve got him! He’s OK!!!” Of course he was wearing his oxygen mask when he said it, so I marveled at his enunciation. I suppose in firefighter school they teach how to properly articulate words so they can be understood when they have oxygen masks on. That’s really quite a skill. I might have to write an article on it some day. The other firefighter stuck his hand out with what appeared to me to be some kind of yellow lobster claw. It was however, an oxygen mask of some sort.

    I was given a breath of oxygen and another as they carried me like a doll to the exit, closing our bedroom door behind them. Well, I say carried me like a doll but it was more like one firefighter grabbed me around the waist and hoisted me off the ground while the other firefighter stuck the lobster claw oxygen mask on my face. When I think about it, dolls are usually carried around the neck with their legs and feet dangling, and it wasn’t like that at all. Perhaps I should say they carried me more like someone giving me the Heimlich maneuver while the other person tried to catch what was coming out of my mouth with the oxygen mask. Whatever happened to the good old-fashioned fireman’s carry? There is nothing like being hoisted onto the broad shoulders of a strong man. I remember Josef Weeder and I used to practise fireman’s carries on each other all the time in university. It was quite invigorating.

    Despite their bizarre method of carrying me, they continued to carry me down the two flights of stairs leading from our second floor apartment to the back yard. As they did so, I could hear my wife Deanna expressing the tender sounds of concern for my condition as she said, “I left a blanket and our photo albums on the fire escape.” The firefighter responded, “OK! Just get out of the way, please!” I could tell from the firefighter’s tone, this was not the first time Deanna asked about the blanket and photo albums. I could also tell he was single. A married firefighter would have obeyed the commanding wifely voice of my Deanna instantly and retrieved the items to keep her from continuing to ask about them over and over again. That’s what I would have done myself, if I had not been busy being carried by firefighters at the time.

    Two pumper trucks were in the lane. At least that’s what I was told. I only saw one myself. Lights from a police car and a rescue vehicle were like fireworks as my eyes adjusted to the scene outside. Of course, now that I think about it, fireworks are usually sparkly and don’t produce that much light. Perhaps I should say the lights were more like miniature suns. No. That’s too strong a term. How about, the lights were blinding me to the one thing I wanted to see more than anything. That should work.

    I was safe, but seeing Deanna and the children in the care of the fire crew brought me to tears. As the firefighter who had been giving me the Heimlich let go, so my feet could touch the ground again, I heard him say, “Medic! Get this one to the hospital!” I turned to him and said, “Don’t you mean ‘paramedic’ and shouldn’t he examine me first, before deciding I need to go to the hospital?” The firefighter said, “Hey! If you’re so smart, why did you go back into a burning building?” I started to tell him it was to preserve the manuscript of what would become the great Canadian novel, but I could tell his thinking was too pedestrian, or should I say, “firefightian” to understand the importance of great literature. So, I did not argue the point any further. Instead, as Deanna rushed to embrace me, I told her she was the most important thing in my life, by handing my laptop to her and saying, “Deanna, take my laptop!” Truer words of trust and dedication to another human being have never been spoken before and may never again be said. Entrusted into my wife’s arms was Canada’s literary future, and I knew she would follow through and make sure it was preserved.

    As I walked to the rescue vehicle, I could tell my children realized the importance of what I had done for our country. My daughter said, “Mommy! Look! The fire! It’s burning everything! What are we going to have left?” Clutching my laptop in her right arm and gathering my children in her left arm, or was it the laptop in the left arm and the children in her right? It is so difficult to see things when you are being loaded into an emergency vehicle. Anyway, Deanna had them all together so that, in effect, all my children were gathered into her arms. I could hear my wife answering, “Each other.” as I was being loaded into the emergency vehicle. I could feel their concern for my health and well-being, even though they were busy watching the apartment burn instead of standing close by me.

    Yes, what we had left was my son, my daughter, my wife, and my book. With those 4 things I can conquer anything. I can tell you little sis, in moments of crisis you realize what is truly important: Your family and great literature.

    Little sis, just to let you know, there is a very good chance I will get called to make some speeches about my heroic rescue from our burning apartment, so I may or may not be writing to you about my excitement tomorrow. However, I expect to begin the story again the following day. I know your readers are anxious to hear about what injuries I sustained, so they can keep up with modern Canadian literary history, and I will try not to disappoint them.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

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