April's Real Blog

Friday, December 15, 2006

Dr. Foell Speaks, Sort Of

Did U know that Ontario Neurologists have a message board online? I didn't either, but sum1 tipped me off 2 OntarioNeuroSpace, and I found a posting from a BFoellNeuroMan:
Hello, Neuro friends! Remember the patient I was telling you about, the one that, for confidentiality reasons, I refer to as "Bim"? Well, at the end of that recent consult we had, I was briefing his wife, um, "Biris." I gave her the anti-depressant scrip and told her he can take it at bedtime. "Biris" said, "Another pill. He has so many now." Since she seemed a bit dazed, I asked her whether he takes them at the same time every day. As you know, this can be a problem, especially with our elderly patients, and moreso when they start to feel overwhelmed. "Biris" said, "Yes. Every day at the same time." When she said this, I couldn't help noticing that the "double" part of her double chin had suddenly gotten much larger, and she she seemed a little bit robotic. I asked her how she is "coping with all this," and she did a ::sniff:: kind of sound. I told her, "It's not easy being a caregiver. Are you OK? --Tell me. Honestly." And she asked, "Can you give me a prescription for some HUGS?" When she did, I felt my eyebrows fly up in my face, but what I was really reacting to, from a neurological standpoint, of course, was the fact that this poor dear, who was already no looker to begin with, seemed to have taken a thousand hits from the ugly stick at just that moment. And my whole brain and body went into defense mode against the possibility that "Biris" would go in for a hug from me. Thinking fast, I took a couple of steps back, grabbed that Rx pad, and wrote "HUGS" on a sheet. She took the page. Blinked. Then said, "Oh, you took what I said and acted on it literally. No wonder my husband likes you." Whatever that was all about, folks!
Huh, I didn't expect neurologists to be so gossipy, did U?

Apes

posted by April Patterson @ 7:04 AM  

30 Comments:

  • At 9:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. Have you grown so desperate for material for your daily Blog entry that you are looting from Neurologist message boards, and some doctor talking about some other family than ours? I would feel sorry for this Bim and Biris to be treated like this by one of our family members. If their names were Kim and Kiris, then it would be a whole different situation, since you know how Pattersons feel about people, whose names start with “k”. I do find it odd that the Biris person reacted very similarly to how Iris in our family did in a similar situation with Dr. Boell. Dad told mom who told me that Dr. Boell called Dad to talk with him about Iris and her desire to have a prescription for “hugs”. Dad and Dr. Boell had a long conversation about that subject. Dad’s opinion expressed to Dr. Boell and mom who told me, is that Iris has developed a particular desire for long, actually uncomfortably long, hugs; especially with male doctors.

    You may remember Dad told me all about that, when he talked about getting hugged by Iris at the hospital right after Grandpa Jim went there after his stroke. He said it took all his strength to pull her off him. He thinks she may be possibly lining up her next husband, and since she is so old, a doctor husband would be a good choice for cheap medical care. These are not thoughts dad normally thinks, since he thinks about model trains most of the time, but a Sergeant Royalson stopped by the house asking questions and gave him the idea, and I must say, little sis, the pattern definitely fits. “Prescription for some hugs” is something someone who is flirting with a doctor would say. Maybe this Biris and Iris are competing for the same man.

    Whenever I think of Iris, I feel sorry for Grandpa Jim. Her face is scary, and since he has to visit doctors for his lifestyle, I can’t imagine the anguish he goes through as Iris tries to peddle her “poor, pitiful, caretaker” routine to each member of the male medical profession in order to get some gratuitous hugging. Grandma Marian would never have done anything like that. She hated doctors, and she had some personal pride. At least with my wife, Deanna, not only am I married to the most attractive woman in the Patterson family, but when I see her hugging a doctor, I know it is part of her pharmaceutical profession, and not some sad attempt to find a husband better than I (as if such a thing is possible).

    Little sis. Let this be a lesson to you. First, use better material for your Blog entry. Second, don’t hug doctors, unless you are in the medical profession.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 9:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings quoting a message board which seemed to be talking about your mishomis (grandfather) and your nokomis (grandmother). The names seem very similar to theirs. I asked your sister if the description of your nokomis (grandmother) was accurate, and she said your nokomis (grandmother) was more unattractive, because she uses this thick black lipstick, so no one can tell if her mouth is open or if her mouth is closed unless they look at her from the side. I told your sister I agree that sometimes makeup can make people less attractive, but then my sweet girl said something about how she is wearing more makeup now she is living in the South, so I should not think wearing makeup is bad. I told her I didn’t.

    Then I asked your sister about the problem this Biris had, where she was sniffing from being a caretaker and needed hugs. Was that a problem your nokomis (grandmother) had too, and should she help? Your sister said, “My ngashi (mother) said mishomis (Grandpa) Jim can walk with a walker and put on a coat by himself, and there are 2 professional medical ladies who come in every day to help my nokomis (grandmother). The only thing wrong with mishomis (Grandpa) Jim now, is he can’t talk. My ngashi (mother) says she takes mishomis (Grandpa) Jim books on tape and things like that to stimulate his brain to help out my nokomis (grandmother). That’s the kind of help he needs now--things to get my mishomis (Grandpa) Jim talking again. Don’t worry, Paul. My ngashi (mother) will handle it.” I felt much better talking to Elizabeth. I care very much for my own mishomis (grandfather) and I am glad your mishomis (grandfather) is being taken care of. When I get my transfer to Toronto, I look forward to meeting your mishomis (grandfather) and your nokomis (grandmother), and maybe I can bring your mishomis (grandfather) some books on tape also.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

  • At 10:16 AM, Blogger Anne said…

    Hi Apes, 4 sum reason I couldn't log n2 Blogger on Wednesday nite from my Sidekick, but I guess I can deal with being a shadow person sumtimes as long as Gordie is with me. <3 <3 <3

    So neway, I was IMing w/Maynard about yr grandpa's learning 2 talk all over again, & since he works 4 a catalog company from prison he went ahead & ordered the Fisher-Price toy that you pull 2 hear an animal sound, like "This is what a horse sez: NEIGH!" I know Marjee sez talking 2 Maynard makes her feel like she's shedding IQ points, but it's nice of him to think of yr grandpa.

    Vicks

     

  • At 12:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    mike, u can't really b that stoopid can u? did u miss where the doc sed he was saying "bim" and "biris" for "confidentiality reasons"? obvs he was talkin' abt gramps an' iris. and don't tell me what 2 write. if u think my blog is boring,don't read it.

    vicks, don't feel bad. i go in2 shadow 4 no reason that i can tell, 2. it's v. weird, isn't it?

    apes

     

  • At 1:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    yo apes, last nite howie wuz giving mom's house a xxtra good cleaning, since he is prolly going 2 prison soon. neway, we were in dr. ted's study when we saw that ontarioneurospace site up on his computer. he wuz logged in as "Dr. $tud" an' i saw he posted this in reply 2 "BFoellNeuroMan":

    I know that Biris woman. Look out for her. Bim's son-in-law, "Bohn," is my best friend. This means that I hear all of the sordid goings-on over at the Senior's Living Palace. Also, that means Biris knows me, and consequently she knows that I am the most handsome eligible bachelor over age 50 in Milborough. Anyway, not long after her husband Bim had his stroke, Bohn told me that he needed a favor. Biris told him she would feel better if she could get a doctor to come to the house twice a week to check up on her and Bim. Naturally, Bohn asked me to do it. I did because friendship with Bohn's family is important for a successful business in this town.

    So, one afternoon, I went over to the Senior's Living Palace to visit Bim. The doorman, Bom, wouldn't let me go up. He kept asking me if I'd brought him any prime rib, and making veiled threats like, "Gee, Doc, if I don't get any prime rib from you, there's no way I can guarantee that something terrible won't happen to you while you're visiting." I took the hint and gave him the $25.99 it costs to go to the "Spectacular Prime Rib Buffet" at the Empire Hotel.

    When I knocked on the door to Bim and Biris's apartment, Biris flung the door open immediately. She was dressed in a lacy pink nightgown. She had obviously made some alterations to the gown to make it seem more "sexy," because the crooked seams made it obvious that an arthritic hand had lowered the neckline to a more revealing depth, and I could still see the shadowy outline of the words, "World's Best Grandma" on the front, where the puffy paint had been hastily removed. Of course, it was hard to read by candlelight. Did I mention that all the lights were off in the apartment, and about a thousand candles were aflame inside?

    I said, "Uh, hello Mrs. Brichards." Biris took my hand and said, "Call me Biris." She pressed my hand to her breasts and said, "Oh Doctor, I think I'm having an arrhythmia!" I said, "I don't think so, Biris," and she said, "Then it's probably just butterflies. I hardly ever get to spend time with extremely handsome men...alone...in my apartment." She fluttered her eyelashes at me.

    I said, "Isn't Mr. Brichards here? I came to check up on him." And Biris said, "He's here, but he's fast asleep. Bim sleeps so much now. But I'm a young and vital woman, Doctor. I long to do active things."

    And I said, "That's good. That should really help Bim recover."

    And Biris said, "I mean, things that Bim can no longer do."

    And I said, "Well, that's too bad."

    And Biris said, "Yes. A lush, vital woman like me has needs."

    And I said, "Oh, of course. That's why they invented Meals On Wheels."

    And Biris said, "No. I'm not talking about food. I'm talking about a much more primal urge." Then Biris took my hand and pressed it between her legs, up against her old lady underpants. Then she said, "Doctor...do you know that I haven't been 'hugged' in two years?"

    And I said, "Umm...the word 'hug' is a euphemism here, isn't it?" I didn't know what to do. I didn't yank my hand away because I didn't want to seem rude. Once you are rude to a member of Bohn's family, it's all over for you in this town.

    Biris batted her eyelashes and giggled. "Oh, Doctor, you're so smart," she said. "Please, let me hug you now. I need to be hugged SO HARD. I need to be hugged until I see stars. Until I'm sweaty and out of breath and can't talk except in incoherent babbles because I've been hugged so good."

    I have to admit that, at that moment, I had the strong urge to throw Biris down on the couch and hug her until we were too tired to hug any more. But then I remembered how it could ruin my life--surely having a love affair with Bohn's wife's stepmother would cause Bohn's family to have me thrown out of town.

    So I told Biris, "I'm not qualified to do it myself, but if you ask Bim's regular doctor for a prescription for some hugs, that should help you out." Then I ran out of the apartment.

    I'm sorry that old lady Biris threw herself at you, but I was in a tough spot and I didn't know what to do.

    "Bed," aka Dr. $tud.

    i'm like totally barfing, but howie keeps trying 2 tell me that iris is just lonely an' confused. now i'm wondering what it is he's doing ovah there on the days he goes 2 "help iris out." yuck.

    becks

     

  • At 1:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Just 107 more days until April has to do me!

    Yours in future studliness, Gerald

     

  • At 2:42 PM, Blogger Anne said…

    OMG Becks, I totally barfed up my tofurkey burger after reading that! I think I'll recover n time 4 r Starbux powwow after school. Maybe we'll see Apes's mom carrying out another box of books on tape from Lilliput's while guzzling an xtra large latte, like we did the last time.

    Sorry about bagging on yr family Apes, they're just so funny sumtimes. I'm glad I'm not the only person who turns n2 a shadow 4 no reason. It's like we're characters in a comic strip that the artist got too lazy 2 draw, or sumthing.

    Vicks

     

  • At 3:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sgt. Royalson here.
    Recent developments have, once again, confirmed my suspicions directed at one Iris "Black Widder" Richards. (I shall not recite her string of names derived from her many ex-husbands, out of respect for their bereaved families.) Her inappropriate attentions to your Grampa's treating physician are quite in keeping with her sluttish behavior these last seven or eight decades. That a woman of her advanced age and extreme ugliness continues to draw virile young men like flies to maple syrup says a lot about her, none of it good. Can you not encourage Grandfather Richards to e-mail me here at Headquarters with the details of his "last meal" before his near-fatal stroke? Beyond the fact that he never got to touch the prime rib which your mother had lovingly brought to him (and the odor of which had tantalized her so cruelly) we are in the dark as to how the poison was administered. The going theory is that it is a derivative of an Esquimaux fertility elixer, as we know from pharmaceutical records that Iris purchsed same in enormous quantities via mail order from disreputable establishments in Yellowknife in the months immediately preceeding the "stroke." (Perhaps I can safely disclose that your sister-in-law also purchased said elixer, presumably to administer in safe dosages to her husband, in an attempt to rekindle his rather flaccid masculine side. Please keep this disclosure in confidence, as we have no intent to prosecute Deanna, whose "Miss Ottowa 1997" pin-up photograph graces our stationhouse.)
    Sgt. Royalson

     

  • At 3:24 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    You may have been wondering why neither I nor Becky have written since we got our toolkits from your dad last weekend. You may also be wondering why I haven’t written about my trial in the last several days. You may be wondering, but you have not actually inquired, so you may not be wondering.

    Well, the whole announcement that Constable Paul Wright would be moving here in January for his job transfer threw the court into disarray. Judge Patterlover delayed the trial from continuing until it could be determined if the trial was necessary, since apparently my trial is more about your sister’s love life, than it is about my assaulting her. My lawyer, Mr. Benis, sent out Ms. Blitoris of the "Find 'Em and Lick 'Em" Confidential Investigation Agency and her assistant Ms. Bulva to find out what was going on, since Judge Patterlover was not sharing information about when the trial would restart. As it turns out, Judge Patterlover had to get a consultation with “you know who” up in Corbeil, and she was on vacation and unable to be reached. So, they have spent the last week trying to get confirmation that my trial is to continue.

    In the meantime, Becky has trying to recover from the devastating effect the Gym Jam disaster had on her career, and she accepted an offer to appear as a guest star on Degrassi: The Next Generation, as a young pop high school pop singer, whose career disintegrates after a particularly disastrous show in the Degrassi Community School gymnasium, due to band members using drugs. I told Becky, I thought it was a bad idea to do a show whose plotline so closely mimicked her own life, but she promised that on Degrassi: The Next Generation, her story would be considered to be a comedy compared to the sex, drugs, dating, rape, abortion, sexuality, oral sex, religion and eating disorders regularly appearing on the show. I think Becky hopes that if people can see her story relative to a situation different from how things are in Milborough, then they will realize that the Gym Jam disaster was entirely overblown, and they will start buying her music again at the levels they did before. So, we spent the last week in Toronto while she was shooting the episode. Mr. Benis promised he would call us if anything happened with my trial, but nothing has. Mr. Benis said he expects things will happen next week, for sure, if they are going to happen at all.

    Of course, when we got back from Toronto last night I saw Dr. McCaulay and Becky’s mom Krystle had trashed the house, so I spent most of the evening cleaning. While I was cleaning Dr. McCaulay’s study, Becky found what Dr. McCaulay had written about his visit to Iris.

    Becky was amused and disgusted by what she saw, but she doesn’t realize what Iris is going through. She asked if, on the days I go to help Iris out, if I have been “hugging” her? I told her I have been giving Iris shamp-Ohs when I go to visit. Becky went “Eww” but of course, Becky knows that I have been giving shamp-Ohs to the city’s elderly women for months and months now, from when I was working at Sugar’s salon. I give Becky her own personal shamp-Oh every morning with her bath to get her ready to face the day, so she doesn’t really have any room to complain. It’s just hair and scalps after all. In Milborough, where the heterosexual men age and die so early in life, the women, particularly the older women have needs. Not every woman has the advantage your mother has of having virtually no libido. But if Iris has been coming on to Dr. McCaulay, or to Dr. Foell, or to your dad; then I may not have been visiting her enough.

    Changing subjects slightly, since your boyfriend Gerald has been announcing to everyone that on April 1, you and he are going to be physically intimate, AND that he has been waiting since 2003 to be physically intimate and only restrained because you and Becky pinky-swore to wait until you were 16; Becky has been receiving a lot of inquiries as to when her 16th birthday is. I think she would appreciate it, if you didn’t tell people, and if you could get Gerald to stop announcing it too, that would be great. Becky hasn’t decided yet if she is going to do it exactly on her 16th birthday. She is considering linking up with a hott, young, popular male star and using the occasion to further her career. There are also some young men at R.P. Boire who have caught her eye. And then some days, she says men are too much trouble and she is just going to wait until I get out of prison and we are married.

    As for you and Gerald, I am aware of some of the Viking rituals Gerald has been going through as a part of his “adoption” by Becky’s dad Thorvald, and I strongly recommend taking protection against diseases, which may have been passed on from eating too much rancid shark meat or drinking too much Brennevin. Maybe double or triple-wrapping up little Gerald would be best. How does Gerald feel about duct tape?

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 4:13 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    well, y'know, howard, soon after ger posted that message of his, he got caught trying to give me that book he mentioned on here last nite. the one he got from his dad. u know, abt how 2, um, give a guy pleasure using, um, well, yr mouth? an' while he was trying 2 pass me that book, he was announcing really loud that i hadta "do it" w/him on april 1st. and of course, ms. prudehart was just behind him when he did this, so we BOTH ended up w/detention this afternoon AND we have a joint parent-principal conference next week. i was sooooo mad!

    the message u found fr. doctor ted, becks? so much ew!

    neway, detention's over (finally) so i'm headed off 2 the starbux powwow vicks mentioned.

    apes

     

  • At 4:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    But April, you HAVE to do it with me on April 1, 2007! We have a contract! Thorvald explained it all to me. After all, the Icelandic Vikings developed the foundation of our modern Anglo-American-based Canadian legal system.

    Thorvald says that the bilateral contract was thus:

    I, Gerald, promised to be an excellent if chaste boyfriend, doing all the things that good boyfriends are supposed to do, like take you to dances and buy you flowers and romance you, all while patiently waiting.

    You, April, in turn promised to give me some red hot sex on the day you turn 16.

    Just so you know, I expect you to pay up at 12:01 am on April 1!

    Gerald

     

  • At 4:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    P.S. "Little" Gerald will be free and unfettered like a good Viking penis should be!

     

  • At 4:56 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    ger, yeah, that's pretty much what u were shouting in the hallway when ms. prudehart was standing rite b-hind u, and she told the principal all abt it so he can b sure 2 "convey it accurately" 2 our 'rents 4 that conference next week.

    and i have never, ever agreed 2 unprotected sex. did u sleep thru our hygiene unit in sex ed?

    apes

     

  • At 5:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dearest April flower,

    I would never put your vaginal flower in danger! I know that because you are a virgin and I am a virgin, we do not need to worry about sexually transmitted diseases. Also, if you don't want to get pregnant, you can find some other way for that not to happen. I personally hope that you do get pregnant because a Viking man proves his manliness through his ability to spread his seed. I will need lots of manly sons.

    Why do we have to wait until April 1, anyway?

    Gerald

     

  • At 5:22 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    well, ger, thanx 2 the principal's call 2 my 'rents, dad's gone out an' purchased a chastity belt 4 me. smooth, ger, real smooth.

    apes

     

  • At 5:42 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Your parents in the type of store which would sell a chastity belt, is difficult for me to imagine. I have a few, but rest assured they were not actually for the purposes of being chaste. They were more like for the purposes of being chased and then...um...I keep forgetting you're only 15. Are you sure what they bought is actually a chastity belt?

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 5:42 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    oh, and by the way? no glove, no love, virgin or not.

    apes

     

  • At 5:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I am almost done with my new book, this is the chapter I have just finished working on, you did not sound too impressed when I told you about it yesterday but now that you have seen it I know you can't help but admit how great the idea is.

    Chapter 157: Arnold Rescues Leslie Again, For Another Time, At The Beach (The Second Drowning)

    Arnold was standing on the beach with his daughter Espagnola and her play group, it was Arnold's day to supervise the play group so he took them to the beach because he was teaching his baby daughter to swim even though she wasn't even 2 years old yet, Arnold really was the world's best father that way, Espagnola was so advanced she was like a four year old, anyway, so Arnold let his daughter and her friends play by the water, anyway he had also a more romantical reason for being there, he knew that Leslie was teaching her fourth grade class a unit about water biology that day and she was out in the middle of the lake diving for some algae and plankton and water plants and also some ooze from the bottom and some fish, Leslie was a really thorough teacher like that, Arnold knew that she would make a really fantastic mother some day, he only wished his hot-blooded Latin ex-wife Teresa had been as thorough a mother as she was a flamenco dancer but she wasn't, she ran off with that bullfighter who had a lot of money, it was okay because Arnold didn't miss her, except for her fiery and passionate Spanish ways in the bedroom, Teresa had been very exciting there but Arnold knew that Leslie would be a more appropriate kind of girl in the bedroom, all that fancy stuff Teresa would try used to scare him.

    Just then, Arnold heard some screaming from out on the lake and he knew that Leslie must of had an accident, he didn't waste any time, he ran off the end of the dock and dove in the water and swum out to where Leslie was swimming, the water was very cold but he swum on, right out to where Leslie was in her bikini, he dragged her to the shore. Then Arnold asked Leslie, "Hey are you okay?", but she didn't answer, and then Arnold knew she wasn't breathing, Arnold knew he had to do the CPR but he didn't really know it, he was just a mild-mannered accountant, but he vowed he would try to save Leslie, so Arnold put his lips onto Leslie's lips, and he meant to do the rescue breathing, but he couldn't control himself, and he kissed Leslie with the kind of passion that he thought only fiery-tempered Latin ex-wives had, and he saw Leslie's skin was turning blue, she was dying, and Arnold knew her only chance to live was for Arnold to kiss her so good that she had to wake up again, like Snow White, so Arnold kissed her and kissed her and even did some of that tongue stuff that Teresa was so crazy about, and then it was so amazing, suddenly Leslie threw up a bunch of lake water all over Arnold, she was breathing again, well Espagnola had seen the problem with Leslie, who Espagnola liked way more than her evil abandoning Spanish mother Teresa, Espagnola wanted to be just like Leslie someday, she was hardly Spanish at all except like her name, and her dad called her Nola to make her sound less fiery and Latin and more like a proper nice girl from Milborough, anyway, Espagnola saw what was happening to Leslie and she went to the pay phone by the lifeguard stand that was closed and she dialed 911, she learned this new skill all because she really wanted Leslie to be her new mother, it was not hard for her at all, she was a very advanced girl for 18 months, anyway, then the ambulance men showed up and took Leslie to the hospital and Arnold was just about to jump in to ride with her when Pete, Leslie's boyfriend who was a police man, drove up and said he would be riding with Leslie and that Arnold should round up all the kids and take them back to their day care, Arnold was angry, Pete was always foiling his plans to get closer to Leslie, Arnold saw a lot of likenesses between Pete and Teresa, just like Teresa Pete was from a strange culture of dark-haired people with weird ways who did not do things the Milborough way, Pete was always getting between him and Leslie, something was going to have to be done, but not by Arnold, he was too kind and mild-mannered, but Arnold knew that any time he wanted to he could ask his boss, Morton "the Fatso" Gayes, who was a Mafia capo, to have Pete "taken care of," but Arnold was a nice person, he didn't think he could ever do that...yet.

    ---

    What do you think, I am writing this all from Anthony's outline and I think it is really brilliant, we're going to be rich!

    Liz

     

  • At 5:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dearest April flower,

    Your insistence upon the use of those sterile and uncomfortable anti-disease devices makes me think that you and your little vaginal flower are maybe the kind of virgin that your sister Liz is. If you're really a dirty whore, it's okay to tell me, my little buttercup. I won't mind. Vikings did not place much importance upon female virginity. However, a lying woman needs to be slapped around, at the very least.

    Concernedly yours, Gerald

     

  • At 6:05 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    oh, howard, i didn't c yr post until after i sent mine thru. he hadta go up 2 corbeil 4 it. special store. yeah, i'm sure. chaste, not chased. my dad wd like that kinda pun if it were not abt his "little baby's virtue." bleah.

    apes

     

  • At 6:09 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i'm not a liar, but i don't wanna b w/sum1 who thinx it's ok 2 slap a woman around, so u mite wanta think v. hard abt that 1, ger. and while we r talking abt thinking, there is no way u r gonna b totally in charge of our d8's (if we ever get 2 have ne again) or what we do in bed (if we ever get 2 do that). and if i'm gonna learn how 2 please u, u hafta learn 2 please me.

    of course, thanx 2 what happed in school 2day, i mite b locked in a tower until my 'rents r no longer legally allowed 2 keep me there.

    apes

     

  • At 6:15 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    liz, w8, anthony's outline had arnold rescuing leslie 2x, in almost the xxact same way? that's kinda weird. i think my favourite character is pete.

    apes

     

  • At 6:21 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Don't be too hard on Gerald. After all, some people who wear chastity belts liked to be slapped, and he might be confused by this. I know the last time I used a chastity belt there was a big fellow whose hands were quite large and he...um...sorry. I keep forgetting your age.

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 6:23 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, one of these dayz when i'm older, i'm gonna get u 2 finish telling me a buncha thoze stories u alwayz stop telling when u remember i'm only 15!!!

    apes

     

  • At 6:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    In Anthony's story, Arnold rescues Leslie many different times, he rescues Leslie at the beach in two separate incidents but no they are not exactly the same, the first time was when they were in high school and Leslie was playing a dangerously rambunctious game with her friends Dusk and Candida, but I don't know why you would be hung up on that, Arnold rescues Leslie at least 42 other times in the story, for example, he rescues Leslie from five different instances of food poisoning when she is living in this Eskimo village with Pete's people that is called Fkingkrazi, Arnold is a dashing hero but it is his mild mannered exterior that means Leslie can't see it yet, Leslie is an especially stupid girl I think, but Anthony says I shouldn't say that, that he thinks Leslie is just not ready to face her destiny yet, isn't Anthony so sensitive?

    Liz

     

  • At 6:28 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    so, doesn't leslie being so stupid make u not like her v. much?

    apes

     

  • At 6:29 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Waiting until you are older to tell you those stories sounds good to me. How about after I get out of prison? You should be older then, maybe 40 or 50. Actually, if you visit me in prison, I could probably tell you there, because then what are they going to do to me they haven't already done, eh?

    You could come with Becky. I think she is planning on doing on of those live Folsum Prison albums, like Johnny Cash.

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 6:30 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, i'll def visit u w/becks, and play on the album if she lets me!

    apes

     

  • At 8:19 PM, Blogger Anne said…

    Oh man, Gordie just txt'd me from the Milborough Pharmasave. Gerald talked him n2 going with him so he could buy like 4 bottles of that Enzyte stuff. Just wanted to give u the 411, Apes.

    Does ne1 want 2 watch the new Kamelot DVD over @ my house? My rents r still out & I've got 10 cases of wine coolers & a case of Molson!

    Vicks

     

  • At 9:22 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i'm posting this from vicki's house. becky's here w/us 2. we're watching the kamelot dvd. ger sent me a txt denying the enzyte thing. "april flower, no offense to gordie durrocher, but he's had so many head injuries, he doesn't know what he's seeing anymore!"

    apes

     

Post a Comment

<< Home