Dad shops

So, like I mentioned in one of my comments yesterday, my Dad went out 2 do sum Xmas shopping. U know how he's alwayz complaining abt doing this in his December letters, eh? So, he talked about going from one store 2 another @ the mall, where there were shelves of perfume w/names like "Channel," "Whiff of Lust," "Fume," "Eau de Bodice," and "Kumquat Spritz." The kitchen appliances has names list "Whiz Chopper," "Blendall" (with dual action), and "Easy Toast." He passed through sections with purses, gloves, scarves, and coats, hosiery, dresses, and accesories. He looked at bras, undies, and nightgowns while a redhaired woman with a big ol' updo raised her browz an' gave him the stinkeye. He wandered bast Audioshop and the bookstore and drifted in2 the Snax restaurant. While he was sipping coffee and feeling all sorry 4 himself, he overheard a woman talking with a friend of hers: "Know what I'd like for Xmas, Darlene? --A tool kit!!! Every1 gives me bath stuff or clothing, but a good tool kit is sumthing every woman can use!" Dad got a huge happy-face grin on his face and, as he paid 4 his coffee, he also paid 4 the lunch thoze 2 ladies ordered. As he was running out, he heard the waitress telling them, "I dunno Y, but the guy who just ran outta here paid 4 yr lunch."

OMG. It soundz like Dad was all happy cuz he luvs buying toolkits as gifts, and now he thinks women luv these things. Remember last December when he was on an' on about this in his dumb letter?

I just love these tool kits you can buy at the hardware stores these days. They have almost everything you need around the house, and they come in these very well organized plastic containers. If if you ask me what a great present is, personally, I think everyone should get these as gifts! I mean, they are not only useful, but they are conversation pieces at various social functions with other guys. With enough of these, they could have a serious toolkit collection, with each one marked as to what year it was made, with the model types, and get into documenting the changes that the kits had each year. Hmm, that makes me think about my tie collection. I should document who sent me which one, and have them marked as to the occasions that I have to wear them, in case the giver happens to be there, and I want to afford them the thrill of recognizing the tie they gave me.

Now that I think of it, the wives would have been the ones purchasing the ties, so it would be a great excuse to talk to all sorts of lovely ladies. Here, I guess you would not want to document the conversations. Just the year, who they came from, and how you felt about it when you opened the present. Yes, I can see it all now, inviting all sorts of people over to see your tie collection, joining the tie collectors club, going to tie collectors conventions in exotic places like Milwaukee, or Peduka, or Porcupine Ontario.

In comparison it makes tool kit collecting seem pretty exciting, AND they are useful. I mean what is a tie good for? Spilling soup on? If they were at least absorbent, you could wipe things up with them. I wonder why ties were originally invented?

Anyway, if I was to give everyone a toolkit for Christmas, year after year, it might solve this problem of gift wars. If you knew I was giving you a present this year, and you knew it was a tool kit, you might just write me a note and suggest that perhaps we NOT exchange gifts this year! It could even be in the form of a legal agreement so no one would be sued for not having given a gift.

Dad is so predictable! So, like, after he told me all this stuff abt his shopping trip? I was, like, "Dad! By NE chance did U run in2 NE1 I know and say or do sumthing embarrassing?" He looked kinda shifty and was like, "Oh, I'm l8 for my trains!" And he ran off. Gah, 2 those of U who mighta seen my Dad yesterday, I hope he wasn't 2 bad!

Apes