Gramps Jokes About Politics
Hey, I just got another e-mail from Gramps:
Apes
"April,Man, gd questions, Gramps. MayB sum1 out there knows, eh?
I think writing e-mails to you is good "therapy" for me. So I'll tell you a little more about this visit with the young doc. We were sitting at his desk, and oddly we were both sitting in front of it, with the desk pushed up to the wall, instead of the usual arrangement with a doctor, where the patient sits across the desk from him. But no matter. I gestured my hand toward my open mouth to indicate I want to talk. He told me, "I know. Aphasia is an extremely frustrating condition. We're hoping to bring back your ability to speak... But it will take time. Are you comfortable with your therapist? And you have language tools at home to help you communicate?" I just stared at him, of course, and he continued, "We have to retrain your mouth and your brain to work together again. Right now, they're..... Disconnected." That's when I thought a real zinger, April. How it kills me that people can't hear me when I think this stuff. I thought, "My mouth and my brain are disconnected.... I could have a career in politics!!!" See how brilliant?!?
But what I really don't understand is why, on Remembrance Day, I was able to say--actually SAY--"Yes" to Iris when she asked if I was sure I was up to going. Why was I able to get my mouth and brain coordinated for just that one moment, and then never again since? Have I had some major setback? Why has no one asked the doctors and therapists about this? Since I can't ask for myself? Maybe next time I should write this stuff out on the computer and then print it, eh? Or maybe I need to get that doc's e-mail address. I hear all the docs are on the e-mail these days.
Love,
Gramps
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 6:53 AM
8 Comments:
At 8:57 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. Grandpa Jim has once again forgotten one of the cardinal rules of our family, which is: Things that happen on Sundays or are mentioned in our monthly letters don’t necessarily happen. His speech is a clear example. He said “Yes” to Iris on Remembrance Day, but it was on a Sunday. Iris said in her monthly letter, Jim could say: "Yes, no, good, big". I know Grandpa Jim is tempted to think he can do those things, but he should remember when and where they occurred. Judging from his attempt at humour in his thoughts (Sadly, not a pun. Pattersons don’t do political humour, and for obvious reasons. We stink at it.), Grandpa Jim still has a way to recover.
I asked my lovely Deanna, pharmacist, and therefore knowledgeable about all things medical, about Grandpa Jim’s question, and she said, “Jim's got ‘expressive’ aphasia, meaning that he ‘understands’ what's going on ‘around’ him but he's currently not ‘able’ to speak. As for his speech ‘coming’ and ‘going’, recovery patterns are ‘hard’ to predict.” There’s the answer to his question. I know I and my family hope that Grandpa Jim gets better soon. I think we will see him for the first time since his stroke at Christmas, and it would be better for everyone, if he was completely cured by then. Don’t you agree?
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 9:16 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings quoting your mishomis (grandfather) about his bad medical news about how he has regressed with his Aphasia. When I asked my sweet girl if she was sad her mishomis (grandfather) was not able to talk, she said, “Paul. I already told you I can read his thoughts. So it doesn’t matter if he talks or not. Besides, when my mishomis (grandfather) talks, he is usually complaining about something, so it is not a bad thing he can’t speak. At Christmas time, I will have to learn to shut him out of my mind, or he will drive me crazy.” Your sister can be very funny sometimes, even when she doesn’t use Native humour. “Read his thoughts.” That’s funny. Of course, I remember when she said she could read Shiimsa’s thoughts, so maybe. No, that can’t be right.
Another thing that is funny is what your mishomis (grandfather) said for his joke: “My mouth and my brain are disconnected…I could have a career in politics!!!” Among the Ojibway and the Métis, we make jokes like that about wiiji-inendamomidiwin (agreements) with the mooniyashis (White men). Our history is full of stories about mooniyashis (White men) gagiinawishki (telling lies). When I read your writings quoting your mishomis (grandfather), I thought it was very funny. There is the problem the Ojibway and the Métis had all along. The mooniyashis (White men) in my people's history had Aphasia, although not exactly like your Grandpa Jim, since they could talk.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 11:35 AM,
Anonymous said…
Jim Richards,
You should leave the political jokes to the professionals, like us politically conservative anthropomorphic green-feathered ducks. I don't know too much about Canadian politicians, but your comments would certainly apply to Congressman Pinkford Veneer, Democrat in Washington, D.C. He is a spineless, hypocritical, out-of-touch politician who would probably make more sense if he had a stroke.
Mallard Fillmore
At 11:59 AM,
Anne said…
Right on, Mr. Fillmore! Some of my folks' friends n the States sed u should stop making jokes about Dwight Eisenhower & Woodrow Wilson--sumthing about them being out-of-date. Oh well, it's yr site.
Neway, Apes I'm back to posting on yr blog! Zeremy is rite, Gordie is getting better, even if that pervy doctor's been grabbing his ass & whatevs. *shudder*
Oh, & tell yr dad thanx again 4 my toolkit, even if the contents r kinda strange. He left me a card w/it that read "Vicki, my beautiful best friend noted how much you like music, so I hope this toolkit strikes the right NOTE with you!" I could've sworn the card had water stains on it.
Neway, he gave me a buncha CDs of "soothing chants" by the Oopsalokamooki tribe from Nunavut & sum Celine Dion CDs--perfect 4 my native Canadian-French Canadian heritage, he wrote. At least the kit is black w/skulls & crossbones & hazmat stickers. That's pretty cube!
Vicks
At 1:10 PM,
Anonymous said…
Sgt. Royalson here.
Should Gramps ever recover his wits (which sadly seems very unlikely) we on the Force would love to interview him in depth concerning the events leading up to his "stroke." As you know, his wife, the estimable Iris Richards, has a long history of husbands having "strokes." Further research in Canadian archives reveals that my prior count was actually short a few husbands. Counting in the recently discovered half-breed husbands, it seems she had no less than eleven prior mates, ten of whom suffered "strokes" leading to their demise, and one of whom fell down a flight of stairs (he evidently would not eat her "cooking.") (One of the prior husbands was a Mr. Wright, and I suspect he was grandfather to the young constable (and old academy classmate of mine) who your elder sister is in the process of throwing over for the limp-wristed car salesman whom we suspect of being the "star stalker" who uses a telescope to gaze at under-age or elderly women.)
Your relatives and acquitances keep us pretty busy, young lady!
Busily yours,
Sgt. Royalson
At 6:53 PM,
April Patterson said…
mike, i think gramps doesn't understand thoze rules cuz things were diff when he lived in vancouver. tho i guess u think he'd b used 2 the mboro wayz by now.
paul, sumtymez i can read thot bubbles. mayB it's a patterson thing?
hey, vicks, welcome back! sorry my dad's such a freak!
sgt royalson, i dunno what 2 tell u. that all's news 2 me, eh?
apes
At 9:30 PM,
Anonymous said…
Grandpa Jim,
Efen yo' wanta do the politickin' jokes, yo' shud do like my mammy tole me many a time. Use a Schmoo. Thar's nuttin' in the whole world wut does politickin' jokes like a Schmoo. They am tasty and wanta be eat for vittles so bad if ever even a hongry man looks at a Schmoo, the Schmoo will gladly jump inter a frying pan. They shore tasted good, but my mammy tole me the best part of the Schmoo was its politickin' joke. Efen yo' feel a hankering fer a politickin' joke again, use a Schmoo. They's over in the Valley of the Shmoon, just a stone's throw from Dogpatch, where it be I am living.
Li'l Abner Yokum
At 11:05 PM,
Anonymous said…
Grandpa Jim,
I don't like to listen to them politicians. I ain't said much, but when I is been pushed aroun' ee-nuf, I is gone stand up for my rights an' I is got rights I isn't hardly used yet. Thats what I thought when I ran for president back in 1952. I lost the race, I thinks it was for the reason Uncle Antler decided he was running for president as Pogo Possum too. Efen your going to do the politician up right, you has to do more'n a single panel. I spent months with my race.
Pogo Possum
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