April's Real Blog

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Love an' Hope

After his little break from e-mailing me, Gramps wrote again:
April,

I feel inspired to write to you again, this time about our journey home from the doctor's office. When your step-Grandma Iris and I were stepping into the Handivan, we were in silhouette, but instead of being a uniform black tone, we had various grey tones so that we faded to nearly white at the feet. And the driver who was helping us was a silhouette of pure white. Freaky! And there were huge snow flakes in the air, bigger than our heads, and shaped like ellipses. Not this kind: .... But the kind that's like a circle you stepped on. And the pine trees were also in white silhouette. I was worried that I was seeing things this way because of my stroke, but when we got home and I typed out my concerns, Iris told me it wasn't the stroke, those oddities were real!

So once we were settled into the Handivan, and the van started hovering us home, Iris said, "You're recovering, Jim. A stroke isn't the end of the earth anymore." This was almost more alarming than reassuring, because people have been telling me all along that the stroke is not the end of the earth, and I tried to believe, but now I'm thinking they were just saying that to make me feel better. And what if she's doing it again now?!?!? Well, no matter. She continued, "We can do this, you and I. We can make you whole again. I believe that!.... Don't you?" And instead of saying "Yes" so she'd know she'd gotten through and that I agreed, I just thought, "Where there's love.... There's hope." I can't help it April. I know I can say "yes," "and," and "no," but I'm not a "yes and no" kind of guy! I need to explain things!

Well, the hands and brain are tiring again, so this is me wrapping up.

Love,

Gramps
Aw, Gramps, I don't think ppl were lying B4 when they sed it wasn't the end of the earth, I think Iris kinda chose her words poorly just then.

Apes

posted by April Patterson @ 8:55 AM  

9 Comments:

  • At 11:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings quoting your mishomis (grandfather) talking about his trip home from the doctor with your nokomis (grandmother). Her words and his words were very touching. It seemed like they were words not only could your gikaawin (grandparents) want to hear, but many peoples to the end of the world, or the earth. They could be on a coffee mug or a collectible T-shirt. In fact, I told your sister, I was thinking the same words could work with our relationship, even though I haven’t had a stroke. We have been apart for our whole relationship, since we have never lived in the same town, but with my transfer, we finally will. I told my sweet girl, “The transfer can make us whole. I believe it. Don’t you? Where there’s love, there’s hope. And I hope after we are together again, we will be even closer than ever, because we love each other so much.” Your sister said, “Oh. Those are good lines. Can I use them in my book about Arnold and Leslie?” I told her she could.

    It’s 9 more days until Christmas, and I am looking forward to seeing not only your sister again, but you and your entire family, including your noos (father), despite the things he has written about me. I have my apartment mostly packed up for moving to Toronto, and I think one of things I will have to do when I am in Milborough is find a place for your sister and me to live. I have to be out of my apartment by the end of January, so it would be good to have a place to move before then.

    I wish I could tell you things were better between me and my friend Susan Dokis, whom I call Chipper. She still will not talk to me after I told her about my transfer and your sister would not be coming to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) for Christmas. Before I come to Milborough, I may have to make a trip up to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) to speak to her personally. Your gikaawin (grandparents’) words were so meaningful; maybe I could use them with Chipper.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

  • At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. From your Blog entry (or I should Grandpa Jim’s Blog entry), it sounds like our grandfather has mostly recovered from his stroke, except for not talking. The family and I are planning to be in Milborough for Christmas, and I am very happy to hear Grandpa Jim won’t be one of those slobbering and twitching stoke victims. I think my children would be very upset to see their great grandfather like that. I know I would. After all I haven't been to visit Grandpa Jim once since his stroke, specifically to avoid that kind of confrontation.

    I prefer to think of my grandfather as the sleeping old guy in the corner who occasionally wakes and says something about how things were better in the old days, or leers at a passing young woman. Actually, having a nearly mute Grandpa Jim may be an improvement over the old Grandpa Jim. There are only so many times when you can be told the old days were better and certainly he can still leer without talking.

    Then again, there’s always the possibility he could have one of those dreams where he is in a harem and then starts repeating “Yes” over and over again. That would not be an improvement. And without Grandpa Jim to occasionally quiet Iris, with a cutting remark or insult, there might not be anyone to get her to stop talking. The Lizardbreath said when she visited Iris yammered on continuously.

    I am beginning to think we should skip going to Milborough for Christmas this year. After all, the children get most of their presents from the Sobinskis when they visit here, so mom can’t see the presents and complain about Mira spoiling them. I must admit my children do prefer those toys to the ones they get from mom, who gifts consist almost entirely of Lilliput’s stock and you never see the kids using. After all, when is the last time you saw one of my children carrying about a book? I’ll talk to Deanna. Maybe we can stay home and avoid Grandpa Jim and Iris this year.

    OK. Back from that conversation with Deanna. See you on Christmas.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 12:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, that weather ur grandpa wuz talkin’ ‘bout wuz bad. i did a party @the blum estates 2 celebr8 the lightin’ of the 1st candle of chanukkah. the blums, rhetta blum & her dad lit the shammus candle & their rabbi led them in reciting the 3 berakhot (blessings). after that, they lit the 1st candle w/the shammus candle & broke out the latkes & a lot of othah great food, catered by anne nichols again. i found jazzed up & hip-hop versions of maoz tzur (rocky fortress), mi y'maleil? (who can retell?), chanukkah, oh channukah in case ne1 wanted 2 dance, but it wuz mainly a sittin’ & socializin’ kinda party. not 2 many young peeps. i gotta say, the blum fam iz loaded. ur bro wudn’t have had all thoze financial probs if he married rhetta. ‘course deanna’s fam haz money 2, so mebbe it duzn’t mattah. ur bro will will find a way 2 suffer, no mattah who he marries.

    aftah the party wuz ovah, the ground wuz covered in snow & the snow wuz coming down in circles the size of our heads & no1 wuz plowin’. the blums thot it wuz v.v. strange, but 2 dangerous 4 peeps 2b out travelin’ unless they hadda hover car. so, the peeps w/hover cars left & they took some peeps w/them. my mom can’t afford a hover car, so i called her & told her not 2 pick me up & my equipment cuz the blums wud let me spend the nite & mebbe things wud b better n the mornin’, which they were. i asked mr. blum wut the prob wuz & he sed, “pattersons. hadda set the mood 4 sum kinda old peep convo & sum deal w/coffee mugs. thingz r back 2 normal now.” i thanked the blums 4 letting me stay ovah.

    az i wuz packin’ up my stuff in my mom’z truck, anne nichols drove up 2 pick up her catering equipment & her niece karen wuz w/her. karen just glared @me wen she saw me. i thot, “well, she still h8s me. pretty typical 4 me.” but then anne cornered me near mom’z truck & sed, “jeremy. karen is still recoverin’ frum a breakup w/her last bf. i tried tellin’ her that breakin’ up w/a guy isn’t the end of the earth, i mean world nemore, but she iz still in the ‘i’ll nevah b whole again’ stage & i hafta admit my own relationship w/my husband iz not the best xxample.” i sed, “luis guzmán broke up w/her?” anne sed, “luis guzmán? don’t b silly. he’z latino. the races do not mix in mboro. wut i am tryin’ 2 say iz karen likes u, & where there’s like, there’s hope.” i sed, “thass almost good enuff 2b on a coffee mug.” anne sed, “ur rite, jeremy. there’s just 1 little thing missing. i can’t think wut it iz.”

    anne nichols iz nice, but she duzn’t know nething. karen obviously h8s me & i know the races mix n mboro. aftah all, i d8ed eva 4 awhile, & duncan anderson iz w/zandra larson. anne must b talkin’ ‘bout the mboro of her generation.

     

  • At 12:51 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i'm so glad i went 2 vicki's last nite. a few minutes after i posted, marjee showed up. vicks, becks, marjee, an' i had so much fun having snax, watching dvd's, and talking abt, like, everything. they really helped put the ger stuff in2 perspective 4 me, esp. when becks reminded me that our pinky swear only meant that age 16 was the earliest we'd possibly go all the way w/ne boy, not that we HAD 2 the second we turned 16. and esp. not if the boy was suddenly going thru personality changez we didn't like. thanx, girls, u totally have my back!

    apes

     

  • At 1:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Say, April, how do you suppose a "virgin" like Gerald even knows that a condom is an uncomfortable device? Do you think he might be a lying ho who needs be slapped around?

    Marjee

     

  • At 5:55 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I had a good visit with your Grandpa Jim and your step-grandmother Iris today. After the discussion this past week of Iris hitting on Jim’s neurologist, I thought it had probably been too long since I last visited. Iris was quite excited to see me. She said, “Coward. It’s been over a week since you last visited.” I said, “Yes. Becky and I were in Toronto so she could appear in a television show.” Then I heard a lot of “Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!” sounds coming from the washroom, and I said, “What’s that?” Iris said, “Jim is getting his bath from Diane and Carole, his nurse and personal care assistant.” I said, “Is it alright if I say ‘Hello’?” Iris said, “Certainly, Coward. Everyone is fully dressed in there.” So I looked in and the 2 ladies and Jim were in the bath, getting clean, all while completely dressed. I said, “Jim. I’m just in here for a visit. I’ll see you after your bath.” One of the ladies said, “Jim usually naps after his bath.” The other lady said, “Most men do.” And then they giggled. I went out to visit with Iris, and then I heard your Grandpa Jim say, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” I thought something was wrong, and when I went into the washroom, I saw why he was speaking so much.

    I went back out to Iris and I said, “Do you know what they are doing in there?” Iris said, “Of course, Coward. Jim is getting very clean, and his clothes are getting wet.” I said, “I mean the reason why he is saying ‘Yes’ over and over.” Iris said, “I’m not stupid, Coward. Believe me, I was surprised by it at first, but let me tell you, these ladies are miracle workers. Jim always does his exercises when they aren’t here, and he never grumbles about them. He is so motivated. I have seen a tremendous improvement in the last 3 months. We have a lot of seniors around here, and Jim is recovering from his stroke a lot faster than any other persons I have seen before. I may not like everything they are doing, but I can’t argue with the results. I believe Jim can be whole again. And where there’s hope, there’s love, even if it’s not exactly the kind of love everyone thinks. I am certainly grateful to my son-in-law Dr. Patterson, who pulled some strings to get Jim these ladies coming right after Jim got home from the hospital. There are some who say John is nothing but a pervert, always talking about other women, but let me tell you Coward, pervert doctors know the best nurses and personal care assistants. ”

    Then I heard your grandfather say, “BISCUITS!!” really loudly. I said, “Does he want biscuits?” Iris said, “No. That means he is done with bath time.” And sure enough, a few minutes later, Diane and Carole came up to the living room saying, “Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup! Jim is in bed resting. See you tomorrow.” Iris showed them out. Then Iris said, “How do you feel about hugs, Coward?” I said, “Actually, Iris, I came here specifically to see if you needed a shamp-Oh.” Iris said, “Goodness, do I! I haven’t been able to get out of the apartment much in the last 3 months, except for doctor’s appointments, so I haven’t been able to visit you at Sugar’s Salon.” I said, “I don’t work at Sugar’s any more. I expect that I will be put in prison this coming week, and Sugar has already hired someone to take my place.” Iris said, “Prison time? Elizabeth is really going through with that? I thought her boyfriend from the Northwest was transferring in January.” I said, “Something is going on with that transfer, but I don’t know what it is.” Iris said, “Well, then Coward. Let’s get that shamp-Oh.” So, Iris had a really good shamp-Oh. There was a lot of pent-up energy there. I laid her down beside Jim on the bed sleeping and left them there. They looked so peaceful, like they had been screened onto a coffee mug.

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 6:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i h8 2 say this, but i know y a "virgin" like gerald knows that a condom is an uncomfortable device. he callz it “practice sessions". wen ur in the boy’s washroom @skool, sumtymez things r obvious, like wen sum1 hazta take off a condom 2p. evah since u told gerald nothin’ wuz gonna happ on april 1, unless he wuz wearin’ 1, he’z been practicing. gah! i can’t b-lieve i’m tellin’ u this!

     

  • At 7:26 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, i don't know how iris can stand thoze women in her place. if they were shouting "hup! hup! hup! hup!" around me? i think i'd hafta punch them in the nose. a punch 4 every "hup" wd abt do it.

    eek, zeremy. had no idea.

    apes

     

  • At 8:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Zeremy's rite, the men's restroom can be a danger zone. Sumtymez u hafta duck 2 avoid condoms flying across the room from so many dudes "practicing." It's hella gross.

    BTW, I stand corrected about last nite's trip 2 the drugstore. Gerald was looking 4 Eccinachea, not Enzyte. "An honourable Viking man must ensure that his sinuses are clear and that his throat is not sore 2 ensure optimal deflowerment of a worthy virgin!" he told me. Whatevs, bro.

     

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