April's Real Blog

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Not Santa

So, Mike wrote again last nite, w/the next bit of his story, picking up after he noticed the smell of smoke in his apt:

At 3:02 AM, Michael Patterson said…

April,

As I promised you, this is the next installment of our night of excitement. When I left off yesterday I had just finished my manuscript for my novel, I had praised my muse, and I had smelled smoke.

Then the smoke alarm went off and made a lovely “BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” sound. You get the idea. There were 68 E’s just in this installment, and trust me when I say there will be more E’s in my installment tomorrow. I counted them as a matter of habit due to the instincts of my journalistic training. The smoke alarm sound caused me to reminisce about the last time I heard the smoke alarm go off in the apartment. It was back in 2002 and Josef Weeder was frying / burning an egg. Then as Josef was pulling the apart the smoke alarm to get the sound to stop, Lovey Salzman appeared at the door to ask if there was a fire. Then it occurred to me, there was something different from that time when I heard the “BEEEEEEEEEEE” of the smoke alarm in 2002, aside from having fewer E’s, and this modern-day occurrence. Lovey Salzman had not arrived at our door, asking if there was a fire, when actually it was Josef’s cooking. I thought to myself, “If Lovey is not here, then this must not be a cooking fire. Plus this smoke doesn’t smell like the Kelpfroths’ cigar smoke or incense or gaseous excretions, smoky smells we have dealt with since they moved in. It must be a real fire.” My first thought after that was, “Get mommy!” But then I realized I wasn’t living with mom, not yet anyway, so I ran for the nearest mommy, and that was my wife Deanna.

Little sis, as you may recollect, my wife Deanna is a heavy sleeper, since she slept through the Tinkle Tonkle noises of our ceiling fan over the summer. I said to her, “Deanna! Wake up! Something’s wrong! The smoke alarm’s going off!” But this did not wake her up. So I grabbed her right arm with my right hand to brace me, and I gave the hair near her bangs a vigourous tug with my left hand. This woke her up and she said, “What?”

Then time was of the essence. I yelled at Deanna to go “Get the kids! I’ll call emergency!” But Deanna grabbed her forehead instead, I think because I had yanked out a little of her hair near her forehead when I was trying to wake her. So I yelled “HURRY!!” at her with 2 exclamation points to get her going. When I was talking about that moment later on, the authorities explained to me that calling emergency while I was there in my bedroom of a burning apartment building was probably not the best way to do things, and I should have left the bedroom before making that call. I completely agree with that advice now. I should have gone into the kitchen, where we keep our phone books, so I could look up the emergency numbers. Just to let you know April, the number is 9-1-1, in case you ever get caught in an apartment that’s on fire.

Well, Deanna was ever the smart mother. She got the kids’ coats and put hers on first, so she would not have to deal with that while she was helping the kids on with their coats and boots. I was so proud of her intelligent way of dealing with an emergency. I heard her say, “Robin, Merrie—Let’s get your coats and boots on! We’re going outside—Right NOW!” It was definitely the voice of authority and the kids took note of it.

Our daughter is old enough and responsible enough to put on her own coat, as you know from when I told you how she traipsed around after me in her coat and pyjamas the night we found Ned in the plumbing. But our son needed help with his. He kept on saying to Deanna, “No mommy. Boots on outside. No burn Robin.” He was so cute.

And speaking of cuteness, our daughter thought we were going outside to see Santa, because she said, “Is Santa here?!!” Now, I know what you’re thinking, little sis. Why does our daughter think that going outside in the middle of the night with a smoke alarm sounding off is the way to meet Santa Claus, when she is 4 years old and has experienced Christmas before? Well, sadly, the answer is that our daughter has never actually spent Christmas in her own home. We always travel to Milborough and have Christmas there. The whole tradition of Santa coming and delivering presents to her own house while she is sleeping is a completely foreign concept to her. I say, “always travel to Milborough”, but that is not completely the truth. My daughter’s very first Christmas Eve in 2002 we spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning at Deanna’s parents’ house and had Christmas dinner in Milborough. But there was so much complaining about that situation, we and Deanna’s parents have traveled to Milborough every Christmas since then, just to keep the peace with mom. Mom is happy about the arrangement, but it means our daughter doesn’t have the first idea how Santa Claus works. Mom always says that is best to protect your daughters from getting involved in the more commercial side of Christmas, so you can concentrate on the true meaning of the season. I said, “The birth of baby Jesus?” And mom says, “No, Michael. The food.” When she’s right, she’s right. That’s our mom.

That’s it for this installment, little sis. I wouldn’t want to spoil you with too much information for your readers. More tomorrow.

Love,
Michael Patterson
Hey, Mike, I've known abt "911" since I was around 4 yo. Also, when we learned abt fire safety in school, they told us U get every1 out FAST, take yr coats an' stuff w/U, call 911 when U get out, an' THEN get the coats an' boots on when U R out of danger. But I'm glad yr safe, even tho U guyz don't really seem 2 know what U R doing.

Apes

16 Comments:

  • At 9:06 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Mike, d00d, u r killing me here. Im w8ing 4 yr wife & kids 2 pass out from the smoke or get trapped by the fire while yr wife puts on their coats & boots & hats. Y didnt u just wrap them in blankets & get them outside? Am I the only 1 who paid attention 2 the 100X/yr fire safety lectures @ skool? I shld b a uni professor on fire safety knowledge, I guess. Uni professors dont work v. hard so I cld keep gigging @ nite.

    D00d, Im starting 2 think u r smarter than I think. Mayb u r the 1 w/ the huge life insurance policies on yr wife & kids. Y rnt u helping 2 get them out? I think u r only interested in rescuing Sheilagh.

    If I didnt h8 the police so much Id report u. I hope PC Wright reads this, hes ok 4 a cop.

    2 MORE DAYS TILL I LEAVE 4 BARBADOS! CUBE!!!

    L8r.

     
  • At 10:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings quoting your nisayenh (brother) where he talked about smelling smoke, waking your niinim (sister-in-law) and your niinim (sister-in-law) dressed your nishimis (niece) and nindoozhim (nephew) in coats and boots while your nisayenh (brother) called for emergency, all before leaving their apartment. I know from your nisayenh (brother’s) writings, he and his family survived. As member of the Ontario Provincial Police, I am not a firefighter, but we get called to fire emergencies to help with the victims. I would like to say that even though there are fire safety lectures in the schools, the workplaces, and on television; people practiced fire safety, but it is not true. Every year, I have seen people die or burned by fires in situations they could have avoided. The reason is that they do not take the time to plan for a fire in their own home. You have fire drills in school and your nisayenh (brother) and niinim (sister-in-law) have them where they work, but many people do not do a fire drill with their children at home.

    What you do is rehearse the escape routes you've planned for each room of your home with your children. Then, every so often, test your plan. Use your finger to set off the smoke detector and let everyone know it's time for a fire drill. See if everyone can evacuate your home and gather outside within 3 minutes, which is the time it can take for an entire house to go up in flames. When I visited with your sister in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) and I tried this, your sister got her cat Shiimsa every time. I tried to tell Elizabeth that you should leave your pets and your personal items during an actual fire. She told me she would rather burn to death than leave Shiimsa behind. I think Shiimsa agreed with her, since I usually got a few extra scratches after one of my fire drills.

    Your information to your nisayenh (brother) is good, but there are some things you left out, you should know:
    1. Cover your mouth and nose with a moist towel or an article of clothing to keep out dangerous fumes while evacuating
    2. Crawl under the smoke to safety, staying as low to the ground as possible, since smoke always rises.
    3. Touch any door (not the doorknob) to see if it is hot, and if it is, not to open it — find another exit
    4. Never go back into a burning building once safely outside
    5. Stop, drop, and roll to extinguish flames if an article of clothing catches on fire.

    Your nisayenh (brother) has not finished telling his story, but I have this feeling, he is going to talk about doing some more unsafe things. It is a good thing his story is limited to your writings, and is not read by other people, who might get the wrong ideas about fire safety, unless they are told not to do things the way your nisayenh (brother) did, as you have done in your writings. If it was, it would be very irresponsible of the person who telling your nisayenh (brother’s) story.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     
  • At 10:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, ur sis’ constable bf, soundz a little 2 rule-oriented 4 ur sis, but since he iz a constable, thass not 2 surprising. it prolly wud b good 4 ur sis 2b w/sum1, who will make her follow rulez.

    az 4 ur bro, aftah wut he rote, he’z rilly lucky he’z still alive. i remembah the tyme i wuz stayin’ w/my dad & he wuz livin’ in a trailer & he got mad @me & started flickin’ lit matches @me, the trailer wuz nothin’ but flamez n wut seemed liked seconds. ‘course my dad wuz kinda the opposite of ur bro. he pushed me outa the way 2 get 2 the door of the trailer 2 get out b4 the trailer went up. dad practices rilly good fire safety 4 himself. i know ur bro iz st00pid, but he did go 4 his fam 1st & not his manuscript, like u were guessin’ yestahday.

    as 4 duncan, if i hafta lissen 2 him talkin’ ‘bout goin’ 2 barbados in 2 more days nemore, & how warm it’s gonna b, & how he’s gonna get 2 work w/hiz relative’s house band in their restaurant evry nite, & how good the bajan food iz & how pretty barbados girls r; i may set fire 2 him. i gotta xmas eve party 2 do & 1 on new years eve also, which will keep me bizzy, so i don’t hafta think ‘bout not havin’ a new years d8. ‘course the fact duncan’z leavin’ iz prolly a rilly good thing. eva abuya haz been talkin’ ‘bout how she finally convinced her dad that kwanzaa wuz not unnecessary, since her fam alreddy celebr8ed the nigerian yam festival in august, & kwanzaa covers a lotta the same ground az the yam festival. i think she had planz 2 do sumthin’ w/duncan 4 the last day of kwanzaa, & that wuz gonna b a nitemare, if duncan had ne planz w/zandra @the same tyme. a zandra / eva battle ovah the holidayz wud not b fun. so, it's a good thing, duncan is leavin'. i just wish he wudn't talk 'bout it so much.

    i wud guess u have sum kinda planz set w/gerald alreddy, but now that i think ‘bout it; u & gerald nevah do nething on new years eve, do u? i kinda remembah u sayin’ wut u do iz w8 4 ur sis 2 come back frum her new years’ eva party w/sumthin’ broken or hung ovah. thass kinda lame, but i guess u mite think it's fun 2 do. u & ur sibs seem 2 like 2 make fun of each othah. i mite do that 2, if had ne sibs.

     
  • At 11:09 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Your brother is an idiot, but he is a good reminder for how not to do things. Becky had a moment when we talked through what do if her bungalow caught on fire, and I checked the safety ladder and found one of the rungs in it was not as tight as I would like it. Becky said, “Howie. You are way too concerned about tight rungs.” Then she started giggling about something, I am not sure what. At least, when I go to prison, I can go with the knowledge Becky will be safe in a fire.

    As for my trial, my lawyer, Mr. Benis said the trial conclusion is definitely postponed until after Christmas, so I should enjoy my last Christmas holiday outside of prison. I have been decorating like mad. I don’t think there is one section of the house which does not have some Christmas finery with the Howard Bunt touch on it. Of course I have my critics. Becky’s mother Krystle said she didn’t think the angel at the top of the Christmas tree should be so well hung, and she wasn’t talking about the way he was hung on the tree. I don’t know why people always think the angel on the Christmas tree should be a girl or heterosexual or wearing clothes. After all, cherubs are naked. Becky said, “Howie, with your Christmas decorations, this is going to be our gayest Christmas ever.” Then she started giggling again. It is disconcerting when she laughs for no apparent reason, but I must admit laughter from Becky is a lot better than the tears and crying which have marked much of her demeanor since my trial began. Becky’s father Thorvald was less than pleased with my decorating. He said, “My dog, Freyfaxi, should not be wearing reindeer antlers and have bows in his hair. I would take my battle axe to you, if Freyfaxi was not so cute and if I did not see that large package under the tree marked ‘To Thorvald From Santa’.”

    I would ask what your Christmas plans are, but I expect you and your family are probably spending time helping your brother and his family recover from whatever fire losses they had. It’s a terrible thing to have disaster strike over Christmas, but I have the strange feeling that if your brother didn’t have a fire in his apartment, I would be in prison now. So, I have really mixed feelings about the whole situation.

    Just to let you know, despite everything that has gone on in the last 2 months, I did visit with your mother to see if there was anything I could do for your brother and his family, and after she said, “You’re not already in prison? I thought they would put you in prison right after Liz and Anthony testified.” and I explained to her the justice system doesn’t work that way, she said, “Pastries and prime rib would be the perfect thing for my son and his family. They love pastries and prime rib.” I made some and delivered it to your mother, and she seemed very happy to receive it. I hope your brother and his family enjoyed it.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 11:14 AM, Blogger Zandra Larson said…

    Hi April,
    I can sympathize with Jeremy: now that Duncan's gotten over the acid accident, he hasn't been talking about anything else other than gigging in Barbados. He keeps forgetting that I'm sentenced to spend the holidays in Ottawa with the family, which means Arne is going to demonstrate Christmas "magic," resulting in at least one of us needing first aid. On the other hand, maybe he can teach me something to make Eva disappear, or at least avoid Duncan.
    My mother and Duncan's mother have been working with the Milborough Fire Services all week to remind people of fire safety for the holidays. I guess they don't do that in Toronto.

     
  • At 11:21 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    How silly of me. I forget to mention that I called up my Aunt Winnie and Uncle Melville Kelpfroth about what went on at their apartment, and they basically told me they were alright, but they were too busy dealing with things that happened to have a long conversation with me about it. I was glad they were OK, but I completely forgot to tell you about it, since I didn't have any more details than that. I will let you know their side of the story, when they have time to tell it to me.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 11:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. I see you and your Blog mates are nothing but critics of my family during the little excitement we had at our apartment. Please note that I, in my suspense-filled style of writing, have not actually said there was a fire in my apartment, only that I thought there might be a fire. Don’t jump to conclusions. There may be a fire or there may not be a fire. Your readers will find out in tomorrow’s installment, maybe, if I decide to tell them. Certainly, if there was not a fire, then you would feel pretty foolish telling me all the things we did wrong for a fire, when there was not really a fire. I heard enough lectures from the authorities that arrived after I called emergency about what I did wrong, and they actually found out if there was a fire or not. Your readers did not. The important thing to remember is my children were well-dressed for the weather, we all got out safely, and most importantly, whatever happened, be it fire or something else which causes smoke like a fire, it was not our fault.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 11:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I know you haven’t talked to anyone at school about your brother and his family going through a fire in their apartment, but if you need to talk to someone and get comforted, I am ready to do it. After all, remember what a good job I did comforting you after your grandfather had his stroke, and I took you to look at the other special needs kids to compare them to your grandfather. I have some of the kids who are fire survivors already lined up to walk past, whenever you are ready to talk. Some of them have big marks on their face and hands where they were burned, and I know you will feel better about your brother and his family, when you see them. When I see you in the hall, be prepared for some expert comforting just like only I can do, and not Eva or Gerald.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 11:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I can't believe how many people think they are qualified to criticize how a Patterson acts in a crisis, don't they know we are the First Family of Milborough and therefore we do everything correctly?

    Also, what you have to understand is that a Proper Patterson is a Modest Patterson, we do not go running outside in our nightclothes with bare feet, even in summer, we stop to put on slippers and a bathrobe at least, Pattersons do not let their children run around barefoot outside, we have to maintain standards so other people will see how the Best People act and follow our example, setting a good example is just a reflex for Pattersons, I guarantee you that when Dee was just sitting there thinking for a second, she was asking herself, "What can I do to make a good impression on our neighbors and the rescue personnel during this crisis?", of course because she is a good mother and a Patterson, she immediately thought, "My children must be properly and neatly dressed, but in a way that will indicate that we hurried out of the building with all due speed!", that is why Dee did not put the kids in their snowpants, and their boots and coats were not color-coordinated.

    Also, Mike knows that in a Proper Patterson chain-of-command, it is not the man's job to take care of the kids, that is a woman's job, and he knows Dee would not like for him to horn in because if he helped her with her job, it would make it look like she couldn't handle her job right, it would be like a slap in the face, no, a man's job is to call 911 because a woman would be too panicked and distracted thinking about what is happening with her kids to do a good job on that, and a proper Patterson man shows he is competent by calling the emergency people right away, bravely risking his life so the firemen might have a couple of extra seconds added to get there in a hurry and maybe save the house, besides, Dee was busy dressing the kids and a Patterson man cannot be seen out on the lawn just waiting for his wife to dress their kids, that would look like he didn't care about them, so instead he waits around for the woman to dress the kids and then he might when the woman says the kid is ready carry one heavy kid down the stairs, this shows paternal love.

    I am ashamed of all of you especially April and Paul for criticizing my brother, who while he is ugly is not stupid, he is a perfect example of a young Patterson man, who is still learning but doing a pretty good job of upholding Pattersonhood throughout Ontario, you are all from Ontario, you should appreciate what a sacred institution Pattersonhood is, at least Anthony understands even if you jerks never will.

    Liz

     
  • At 12:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Elizabeth,

    Thanks for explaining Pattersonhood to all these unappreciative people who write posts here. I couldn't have written it better. Well, actually, I could have, but it is not necessary to write it all, since you have already written it and I have other things to do.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 6:51 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hey, dunc, u r soooo lucky!

    paul, thanx 4 the reminderz abt fire-safety procedures. we r totally gonna do a firedrill @ my house next wk, whether liz likes it or not!

    zeremy, u know what? i was supposta spend new year's eve w/ger this yr, but he totally ruined it w/his getting us in trub last wk, when ms. prudehart confisc8ed the "naughty" book ger had taken fr. his dad's library and tried 2 give me in the hall. and then, after we'd already been totally busted and had 2 serve detention, he went around the school posting signs abt "gerald delaney forsythe's april patterson 'deflowering' party, april 1, 2007." of course, ms. prudehart took those all down and "entered them in2 evidence" 4 the parent-principal meeting we hadta have after school 2day.

    now i m not allowed 2 spend "unsupervised" time w/ger. like @ all. indefinitely.

    and considering how ger has been treating me l8ly? i'm not even sorry we can't b alone 2gether.

    liz, well, i guess i'll never b a "proper" patterson, so whatevs. and i hope u noticed that after u spent all that nrg defending mike, he critized yr writing. that's gratitude, eh?

    shannon, thanx 4 the offer, but i don't think looking @ horribly scarred kidz wd make me feel better.

    apes

     
  • At 7:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i h8 thoze aftah skool meetings, particularly wen it's only a couple of dayz b4 the holiday. i hafta have them pretty much every week since the gym jam, so the principal can tell my mom that i have still not yet been caught w/ne drugz or alcohol durin' the daily searches of my locker. i hope aftah the new year, peeps will 4get all 'bout the gym jam. i plan 2 do a lotta studyin' ovah the break. i think if i get rilly good grades, then the teaches may start 2 4get.

    neway, how did ur meeting go? ne deets u care 2 share?

    since u sed ur kinda gerald-grounded, if ur innerested u can alwayz come & do the parties on xmas eve & new years eve w/me az an assistant, u know 4 a salary, in case ur fam lets u outa the house evn if it's not w/gerald. these parties, i am doin' sound 4, there will b lotsa peeps u know there, so it will b a good way 2 keep up on things going on in mboro. az u know, in mboro mosta the action happs at holiday parteez 4 sum reazn. it's not a romantic kiss w/ur bf on new years, but it will keep u bizzy & i gotta tell u, 2b honest, if i am seen hangin' 'round a patterson in public, it will help my reputation. so u wud b doin' me a favour if u sed yes. lemme know if ur innerested.

     
  • At 7:57 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I know Jeremy just gave you an invitation, but you could always spend New Years with Becky and me, assuming I am not in prison by that point. A little bird has told me that a certain novice Viking might be in attendance with his adopted Viking fafa for some special Viking New Years rituals (which are mainly eating rancid shark meat and drinking Brennevin brand champagne), just in case you actually wanted that New Years Eve kiss after you have calmed down a little about your current problems with your current kisser of choice. Of course, if I am in prison by New Years, then Becky could use your support.

    Also, just to let you know, once I am in prison, Dr. McCaulay will no longer have any excuses for putting off his wedding to Becky's mom. So, aside from you sister, Krystle McGuire is very excited about the prospect of my going to prison. If you come over, she may ask you to be a bridesmaid, just a warning.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 7:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I'm sorry you don't want to be comforted by me yet. I'll keep my friends on standby tomorrow, in case you change your mind. Sorry to hear about your problem with your boyfriend. I think it stinks the principal is picking on you when your grandfather just had a stroke, and your brother's house burned to the ground.

    If you want, you can come to my house for New Years Eve. There won't be any kissing (because my parents don't think of me as 17 yet), but my computer reading program Justin is going to read A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens for us, and he does a really good job. He'll will make you believe Ebenezer Scrooge is just a bad boy who needs to be reformed by a good woman (or some good women ghosts). My brother Blair hates it, but boyfriend Nolan will love it, since he is vision-impaired. This will be my first New Years with a boyfriend. I am really looking forward to it, even though I don't get to kiss him, and I know my parents will put a big distance betwen me and Nolan at midnight to make sure I don't.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 8:10 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    my mom sez she'll d-cide what i'm gonna b allowed 2 do 4 new years, and she'll d-cide in her own sweet time. if i try 2 rush her, she sez i can spend new year's eve removing stray cat hairz from the entire house. all of them.

    howard, my mom is convinced that "this viking nonsense" is @ least partly responsible 4 gerald's behaviour l8ly. i really don't think she'd approve of my having a new year's eve that involves ger, his "adopted viking fafa," and "viking new years rituals."

    zeremy, i will write abt the meeting when i'm feeling a bit more calm.

    apes

     
  • At 2:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. As I promised you, this is the third installment of my family’s night of excitement. When I left off yesterday I had just finished my manuscript for my novel, I had praised my muse, and I had smelled smoke, and my wife Deanna helped the children put on their boots and coats, while I called emergency. Carrying on from there:

    The smoke alarm was still going off and making a lovely “BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”
    sound. You get the idea. There were 54 E’s just in this installment, compared to 68 yesterday. I am not sure, but I think the smoke alarm sound was only audible in our bedroom which could account for the lessened number of E’s. When we were in the children’s bedroom, I could clearly hear Deanna say to our daughter, “We’re going into our room.” And then our daughter said, “Why?” and Deanna responded with that classic motherly rejoinder “Just do as I say!” Then after that I heard the smoke alarm again. So, I thought the smoke alarm had a limited sound projection, or that my wife’s and my daughter’s voices are so loud and shrill, they can easily drown out a smoke alarm. In any case, the effect was less E’s.

    Deanna was carrying the duvet from our daughter’s bed and our daughter was carrying her stuffed animal, while I carried my son into our bedroom. It was there I saw my wife Deanna suddenly drop the duvet and pick up 2 large books. Seeing this caused me to think, “If those books are more important to Deanna than having a duvet to cover our children and keep them warm outside, then is there something in the apartment more important to me than helping Deanna get the children all the way down the fire escape and to confirmed safety?” Maybe Weed and Carleen and Ned Tanner, or Lovey and Morrie? "No", I thought. They are in the other apartment building, and not the same one I live in. Then, the answer came to me as swift as a bolt of lightning (which by the way is not the reason why there was smoke in our apartment)--- Sheilagh Shaugnessy and her story. Yes, I suddenly remembered my manuscript, which I had just completed only a few minutes before all this happened.

    So, I said to Deanna, “Get the kids out. I’ll be right back!” And Deanna said, “Michael---Where are you going?” And I said, “To get my manuscript! It’s in the attic!” Then Deanna said, “WHAT?!!! The place is filling up with smoke! Are you CRAZY?!!

    I had to pause a moment to contemplate that question. First I had to ask myself if I had done any backups of my manuscript. Of course I had. I had printed it out. So, even if the computer crashed, I still had a paper copy. Alas, both copies would be destroyed in an apartment fire. I could ask one of those computer smart people at Portrait Magazine where I work, if there is a way to make a copy someplace other than your home, but it was too late to think about doing that now. I would probably burn to death trying to figure out how to make a copy someplace else by myself.

    With that possibility removed, the next question was whether or not I should go to the attic to get my manuscript. Looking at the wisps of smoke, they didn’t look very threatening, but Deanna did say that the place was filling up with smoke, so there was the possibility that with her keener vision, she could see smoke that I could not see. That told me it would be risky, but would it be worth risking my life to try to save Sheilaugh, in the event my wife’s eyesight was truly better than mine?

    What happened then blew me away. It was as if I'd entered the conscious mind of someone else. A woman, whose life story has captivated me totally, as if it were my own. Sheilagh is just a young woman from England. She had to make a terrible decision too, which cost her dearly. She chose to leave her life in Devon, England to live with a brutal man and in brutal conditions in Bodner Saskatchewan. I felt the weight of her decision. I heard her voice, incredulous, vulnerable and lonely; looking for the one man in her life who wouldn’t disappoint her, who wouldn’t let her or her children down. She was looking for the man who had spent the last sixteen months chronicling her life; so that the whole world (or the people who read best-selling books anyway) could see a strong woman, capable of taking care of her children, and capable of handling everything that life had thrown at her, and capable of leaving her abusive husband to die from exposure in the snow. How could I let such a woman die in a blazing fire, if there was anything I could do to prevent it? Michael Patterson is not a man, so consumed by self-interest; he could ignore the pleas of Sheilagh Shaugnessy and her children.

    Of course, about then, my daughter was whining about something and it broke my concentration. But it didn’t break my conviction. I said to Deanna, “I’ll go crazy if I don’t get it!!!” And get it I tried.

    Now, I know your readers are probably sitting on the edge of their chairs in suspense. Did I get my manuscript? Did I burn to death? Will there be a happy and heart-warming Christmas moment at the end of my story of our excitement that evening? I will give your readers just a little hint to keep them going until my next installment: I am a Patterson.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

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