Whappa Bomp Boom-Whappa Foom-Foom Whakk-Fwam
Tho Liz an' I disagree a lot, sumtymez we decide it's fun 2 work 2gether an' mess with Mom a bit. We had prezzie wrapping 2 do, and in the Patterson house, U totally hafta do a st00pid pun on "wrap" and "rap." Plus, Mom has this weird idea that all the music us "yung ppl" listen 2 is nothing but "Whappa bomp! Whappa Bom! Whak-fwam! Whakk-fwam! Bomm wakka Boom Boomp-whappa, Foom-foom Boomp-whakka, Foom-foom boomp, bomp, boom, bomp foom-foom-whaka." Which is totally ridiculous, isn't it? but Liz went 2 a novelty store and found a CD called "What the cranky oldsters think the 'modern' music sounds like." And this CD actually does make those sounds, with an electronic drumbeat sound in the background. So Liz and I got all our gifts and our wrapping supplies and Liz started playing that CD. Liz an' I made a big show of dancing around, acting like we really luv this music that "the kids are in2 these days," IYKWIM. We knew Mom was reading in the living room, and that she'd totally hafta come in with her classic WTF look. So when she did, I went in for the stupid pun, cuz I knew Mom wdn't B able 2 say NEthing 2 a requisite Patterson pun. I sed "wrap music." C, typical dumb pun.
Well, gotta go. Dunc an' I R gonna jam 4 a while, then he has a d8 with Zandra.
Apes
Well, gotta go. Dunc an' I R gonna jam 4 a while, then he has a d8 with Zandra.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 7:53 AM
16 Comments:
At 9:58 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings where you said your sister went to a novelty store and found a CD called "What The Cranky Oldsters Think The 'Modern' Music Sounds Like." I think my sweet girl must be playing a little trick on either you or your ngashi (mother). You see, when I first met your ngashi (mother), it was because she got sleepy after a few hours of driving from visiting my sweet girl in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees). My sweet girl had given her a music CD to help her stay awake , and the music on it sounded like you described the CD, your sister claims to have found in a novelty store. Your ngashi (mother) played it for me when I first met her, as a reason for her being asleep on the side of the road. As a member of the Ontario Provincial Police, I can say, based on the evidence presented, either your sister really likes this kind of music OR she played the same trick on her mother back in September, 2005. Since I have danced in sock feet with my sweet girl before, I can tell you that she does prefer music which has a strong drum beat. This is probably why she loved the music of the Ojibway as much as she does. I love the music of my people too, but I also like your sister’s electronic drumbeat sound music. If it had not been for your ngashi’s hatred of your sister’s music, she might have stayed awake on the road, and I would never have met your ngashi (mother) or my sweet girl. To me, your sister's drumbeat music is the music of love.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 10:06 AM,
April Patterson said…
paul, liz told me that she'd bought the same disc from a novelty store b4, to play the same trick on mom a while back, but mom "lost" it when she went on that drive that ended with u an' yr partner finding her on the side of the road.
apes
At 10:09 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. You and the Lizardbreath got music and danced around the house wrapping presents all so when mom entered the room you could say a pun? That is probably the best present a daughter can give to a mother. That’s what mom said when she called me to tell me. She said she was so touched by your kindness and generosity, she almost went into tears right then. She said she felt so happy, that she completely ignored the unusual odours and psychedelic visual effects which were accompanying your dancing, which I notice you failed to mention in your Blog entry. As a person who once roomed in university with a fellow student named Weed, I know what was really happening, and I must admit, little sis, using a pun to get away with it, is pretty sharp thinking. In university, Weed and I usually used air fresheners.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:14 AM,
April Patterson said…
mike, liz gave me half of a tiny stamp with daffy duck on it. she said putting it on my tung wd give me fresh breath. r u saying that wasn't xxactly what it was for?!?!?!?!
apes
At 12:59 PM,
Anne said…
Hellooo...so I'm @ Apes's house now, because I went 2 drop off the Blind Guardian DVD she wanted 2 borrow, & she & Liz were wrapping presents. My throat was feeling kinda scratchy, so Liz gave me what she sed were these Ojibway lozenges flavoured with lemon nectar & oh man my Urban Decay nail polish isn't just red, it picks up the translucent glimmers from the sunlight thru the windows & it's like I never knew my hands had so many ridges & lines...this is some heavy stuff. Edgar's looking @ me funny too...Apes sed the animals r always around more on Sundays 4 sum reason.
Vicks
At 1:22 PM,
April Patterson said…
omg, it looks like vicki's nail polish is MELTING, and i can hear colours an' c music!
apes
At 1:59 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I am confused, are you saying you didn't like the music we were dancing to?, because yes I did find it at some novelty store several years ago but when I saw the title I thought, "This says it is modern music, this must be the stuff that Candace is always telling me I should listen to instead of Celine Dion," and I bought it and took it home and listened to it and it has been my favorite CD ever since, and that's not something I'm kidding about, were you kidding when you acted like you liked it?
Actually I gave you a whole one of those fresh breath stamps, I am confused again, are you saying they were not for fresh breath?, because I took them from this wonderful little scamp in my class, they call him "Dealin' Dalton," I asked him why they call him that one time and he told me it's because he runs a wicked Go-Fish game after school, but one day I saw this kid pass Dalton a ten dollar bill and then Dalton tried to sneak that sheet of stamps over to the kid, but I am an excellent teacher so I caught him, when I asked him what the strange stickers were for he said they were melt-in-your-mouth fresh breath stamps and that I should keep them as a free gift, so I did, but I don't know, after we had those stamps, my breath did not feel fresh, did yours?
Anyway, I had a very nice time wrapping presents with you, but I went and looked at them today and I am afraid we did not do as good a job as I thought, the wrapping is all crooked and doesn't always cover the whole box, and there is tape stuck to the boxes in weird places, and also I think some of the presents might be broken, when I picked up that purple striped one with the yellow ribbon that I danced with, it sounded like the trifle dish we were going to give Mom that was inside is in like a million little pieces, I guess dancing and present wrapping don't mix.
Liz
At 2:21 PM,
April Patterson said…
well, liz, i thot u were kidding when u sed u liked that cd. u seemed 2 have a kidding look on yr face. i thot it was a joke kinda thing an' i went w/the joke.
mike called mom and sed u had shared sum lsd w/me and gave sum 2 vicki. i guess that's what the stamps really were. uh-oh.
apes
At 3:23 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Oh man this is gr8. All the choo-choo trains r changing colour 2 the beat while Apes & I jam. MayB Charles Wallace knows where Dealing Dalton lives.
At 3:53 PM,
duncan anderson said…
The choo-choos r getting rilly big now. Cube!
At 4:03 PM,
duncan anderson said…
THE CHOO-CHOOS R TRYING 2 THROW ME OVAH THEIR COWCATCHERS! OMG! IM OUTTA HERE!!!
At 4:33 PM,
April Patterson said…
gah, we hadta move that train layout dad had put in my rehearsal space. that was scaree!
apes
At 7:14 PM,
Anne said…
I'd never seen a coughdrop on paper before...I shoulda known sumthing was up. Is it me or does yr dad's choo-choo shirt change colours?
Vicks
At 7:29 PM,
April Patterson said…
i think i saw his shirt change colours a bunch of times. no, i heard it change colours. or did i smell the colour change? that's it, i'm not trusting liz w/nething i ingest, from now on!!!
apes
At 11:42 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Oh, man, Zeds pissed @ me again. I think I spent r d8 staring @ a maple dip & talking 2 a dbl dbl. Im so glad Im leaving 4 Barbardos on Sat.
L8r.
At 12:28 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, i did sound 4 a show all aftahnoon, 1 of thoze holiday music fests where they try 2 representation frum all the different holiday groups, kwanzaa, christmas, chanukah, pagan, devil-worshippers, wiccan---the usual. zapata henderson wuz there w/the wiccan girls chorale. she glared @me like usual. she still h8s me.
neway, i get back frum doin’ the music fest & i have a call frum zandra larson & a call frum karen, anne nichol’s niece. i answer zandra’s 1st & hers says, “call me wen u get in. i needta talk.” so i call up zandra & she sez, “zeremy. i know april patterson haz this thing where she goes crayzee 4 duncan @the beginning of the month. i don’t rilly unnerstand it & but duncan sez there’s nothin’ 2 it, so u gotta trust, rite? but today, duncan & i have a d8, aftah he & april have a ‘jam’ session.” i sed, “duncan & april have had jam sessions 4 awhile.” but then zandra sez, “well, duncan comes back frum this jam session & he iz comin’ down off a drug high.” i sed, “ru sure it wuz a drug high?” zandra sed, “he spent the whole d8 staring @ a maple dip & talking 2 a dbl dbl & sayin’ ‘keep the giant choo-choos away frum me, sweet foods i luvv. i’m scared of their cowcatchers’.” i sed, “that sounds kinda like the xxperience sum1 wud have @april’s house if they were doin’ drugz, mebbe evn if they weren’t doing drugz.”
zandra sez, “wut it sez 2 me, wen a guy duz drugs w/a girl & she’z not dealin’, then that means sumthin’ else iz goin’ on.” i sed, “4 most girls that wud prolly b true, but april iz a patterson, & the only patterson w/a substance abuse problem is her big sis.” then i sed, “lemme check april’s real blog 2c if she xxplainz it”, cuz it wuz l8 & u were prolly already in bed. so i checked out this same blog i am commenting 2 & i sed, “accordin’ 2 april’s real blog, it wuz her oldah sis who gave her the drugs claimin’ they were good 4 fresh breath stamps or a coughdrop on paper. i can’t tell which 1 is accurate.” so zandra checked out ur real blog, & she sed, “ic that. but wut i don’t c is april sayin’ wut she & duncan did 2gethah aftah they were high.” i sed, “it wudn’t b sex, cuz april pinky-swore 2/rebeccah mcguire not 2 do nethin’ till aftah they were 16, &april iz 15.” zandra sed, “i know. i saw the posters, april’s bf put up ‘round the skool sayin’ she wuz gonna lose her virginity on april 1.” i sed, “so duncan iz safe ‘round april.” zandra sed, “evn high april?” i sed, “i dunno. i nevah saw april high b4.” zandra didn’t seem completely satisfied, but i think talkin’ it out helped. i think she is nervous, duncan is leaving 4 barbados on sat.
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