Eagles R Romantic?
Loox like Warren posted 2 that message board/support group 4 Liz admirers again, as FlyBoyWarrenB:
Apes
I know you all are dying to know what happened when I (ME! I WON!) got to fly Liz Patterson to Mtigwaki in my super-cool helicopter. Well, I'll tell you a little bit now, but Liz taught me the "Patterson" way of telling stories, so I'll just tell you a bit and leave you wanting more. Mua-ha-ha-ha-HAAAAAA!NEway, that's the l8est from Warren. Last nite I had a fun time on my d8 w/Ger and w/Dee as our chaperon. Dee wants me 2 say that the cute fireman did NOT spend the entire evening flirting w/her, dancing w/her, and generally "making [her] feel like a woman again," but that she'd be happy to chaperon again any time. Any time @ all.
I had Liz up in front with me and my client in the back. This was my idea, but I slipped the guy a fifty to pretend it was his. So, once we were settled into our seats, I asked, "Is everyone strapped in?" Client guy said, "Uh-huh," and Liz said, "Yes." Then I told them, "OK, here we go." As we were taking off, I asked Liz, "You don't mind sitting up front, Elizabeth? My passenger wanted to get some work done." (Yeah, right.) Anyway, I knew the answer to that question, as Elizabeth Patterson has a total hard-on for flying in helicopters. So I really think I'm a shoo-in for winning her back, once I prove I'm up to her "seeing is believing" standards. Anyway, as I expected, she responded, "Are you kidding?!! This is the most spectacular view! --Wouldn't it be great to be an eagle, Warren?" And I replied, "Sure! That'd be cool--if you like eating mice and laying eggs!" Liz said, "Hey!--I'm talking in a romantic sense!" And I did one of those inward smiles while thinking, "And she said we'd never talk romance again!" BTW, thank you to LonelyAnthDad2FranMboro for that tip about the effectiveness of longing looks and suggestive thoughts when it comes to wooing Elizabeth Patterson!
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 6:59 AM
9 Comments:
At 9:00 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, i thot my luv life wuz pathetic till i read wut u wrote ‘bout warren. ‘course then i remembered he is under the influence of ur sis’ patterson allure. thass the only reason i can make sense of him turning ur sis talkin’ ‘bout eagles n2 a discussion ‘bout romance. now, i’m depressed again. the only guys who r more pathetic than me, r the 1s who r controlled by ur sis.
neway, back @skool again 2day. i hope the 2nd ½ of grade 10 goes bettah than the 1st ½.
At 9:05 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I hope you had some good kissing and hand-holding last night with Gerald, while being chaperoned by Deanna. As you can no doubt tell from the message board you quoted about Elizabeth and Warren on their helicopter ride, her ex-boyfriend is completely deluded when it comes to romance with our sister. You should be very happy you and Gerald are making progress, so you won’t have to go through the horrors to which Liz is being exposed.
I had thought putting a few bandages on your head was a good way to convince mom that Deanna had taken a frying pan to your head a few times on your date last night. I am pleased to say it worked like a charm. Mom was delighted with Deanna every time she looked at your head.
Incidentally, Deanna told me said she loved going out so much; she can’t wait to do it again. She said tonight and every night this week should be fine. I think by the end of the week, your whole head will be covered in a bandage, and people will think you’re an eagle, in the “white-headed” sense and not the “mice-eating and egg-laying” sense.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 5:52 PM,
April Patterson said…
mike, mom is already starting 2 get a bit grumpy abt having let me go on that d8 w/ger. "as a matter of principal," she sez. and dad's being all, "only princesses r allowed 2 go on a d8 w/their bf, w/their sil as chaperon, when the rule was parents as chaperons." so i dunno, i dunno.
zeremy, yeah, no argument abt w. being pathetic. i also hope this semester will b way better 4 u.
apes
At 6:07 PM,
howard said…
April,
I think Warren has owls confused with eagles. Eagles feed on fish, small animals like ducks, coots, muskrats, turtles, rabbits, and snakes and carrion (dead animals) occasionally. Fish account for 90% of their diet. The reason why some eagle species are endangered is that ranchers and farmers shot and killed them in large numbers because they were grouped with other raptors that killed chickens, lambs, and other domestic livestock. I learned a lot of what I know about eagles from my old boyfriend Ross, who works at Lakeshore Landscaping for Lawrence Poirier.
I remember once Ross and I had spent a weekend at his uncle’s ranch, and got trapped in a chicken coop overnight, with nothing to eat, except eggs and the mice that came into the coop after the eggs. It was a fairly harrowing experience while we waited to be rescued by Ross’ uncle, but a great bonding moment in Ross’ and my relationship. Needless to say, the thought of “Eating mice and laying eggs” stirs odd romantic feelings in me. But I can understand why it might not for your sister, since her usual diet consists of Kraft dinner and Oreo cookies.
I told my story about Ross to my Aunt Winifred and Uncle Melville Kelpfroth, who are getting close to being released from the hospital. Uncle Melville said that mice and eggs might be better than hospital food. I can tell from his returning sense of humour, Uncle Melville is feeling a lot better.
Becky had to go back to school today, as I know you did too. I wonder how your sister’s school is taking her deciding to take vacation right as the new year is starting? I know your sister can get great jobs without thinking about it, but maybe she shouldn’t treat the one she has so cavialierly.
Howard Bunt
At 6:19 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. Perhaps it is not good to press mom too hard on the dating issue, even thought it may be difficult to restrain Deanna on the matter. I have tried to inform mom that the more restrictive she is with you and Gerald, the more likely it is that you and Gerald will separate after high school, and we will have another Liz / Anthony situation. She may draft a contract for you to sign, which says something along the lines of:
I, April Patterson (hereafter referred to as the princess), agree that my dates with Gerald Delaney-Forsythe (hereafter referred to as the childhood sweetheart) are solely for the purposes of guaranteeing enough affection between the princess and the childhood sweetheart so that they will attend the same university, marry, and make enough babies to satisfy Elly Patterson (hereafter referred to as the grandmother who puts grand in grandmother).
If you were to sign it, then I am pretty sure mom would have fewer qualms about your dating.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 6:43 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, 2day wuz not 2 bad. zandra larson, zenobia barnaby, & zapata henderson were all v.v. nice 2 me 2day, cuz they're all takin' their bfs 2c evanescence 2nite, thanx 2 tix i got frum my work connections. they all seemed 2b in the mood 4 a nite of musick & romance. thass the sense i got neway. i dunno how they'll b 2morrow, but @least 2day they were in v. good moods, 4 goth girlz that is. zandra didn't evn seem 2b upset w/duncan anderson talkin' & talkin' 'bout barbados & showin' all those pics of him on the beach w/barbados girls.
my future sis finally went back 2 TO, & i got my room back. i know u haven't got ur room back, but @least ur sleepin' in ur sis' room, which usedta b ur old room, b4 ur sis moved out, instead of the rec room. u seemed bettah rested. ur bf gerald seemed pretty happ 2. i guess u gave him a hickey last nite, or his neck ran n2 somethin' & left a bruise. gerald called it a hickey neway.
1 day down. a lot more 2 go.
At 7:44 PM,
April Patterson said…
howard, abt liz missing school, mayB all this stuff w/warren already happed an' she's back @ school, but we're only just now getting the story in bits an' fits an' starts. an' if that's true, mayB i did get 2 sleep in liz's room 4 a while, but mayB i'm back 2 b-ing in the rec room. timelines r so confusing in our world, eh?
mike, b-lieve me, i didn't say a thing 2 mom abt the whole d8ing sitch. i just overheard her an' dad talking is all.
apes
At 8:09 PM,
howard said…
April,
If what you say is true, and your sister is already back home, then maybe my trial wasn't remanded to next month, but it was remanded to this month. Why, it is even possible I could be in prison right now, and not even know it.
I asked Becky if I was in prison or not, and I was just finding out about it in bits and fits and starts. Becky said, "Howie. You've been talking to April again, I can tell. You're not in prison. You're making my dinner." I had to admit that's what it seemed like, but you can never tell.
Howard Bunt
At 9:06 PM,
April Patterson said…
howard, i know. confusing!
apes
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