Warren thinx about the old times
Apparently, there's a message board/support group 4 men who R obsessed w/Liz. Sum1 e-mailed me 2 tip me off abt a new post that just showed up there fr. "FlyBoyWarrenB":
Zandra, I do have a bunny, but she doesn't watch TV, so I've never had to flip the channel away from sumthing she was watching. Sorry!
Apes
I knew being a pilot would come in handy someday! Me, I'm the only one authorized to fly Elizabeth Deborah Patterson to the noble-north Mtigwaki area! Me!Wow, when ppl obsess over my sis, they really obsess. How weird that must B!
The other day, when I came by to offer her a ride, after she'd gotten her little sis to scram, settled us into the kitchen, and made two cups of coffee, conforming (she said) to Patterson hospitality rules, I explained that I've been working for a mine company and was going to be taking some dude to a mine site north of Mtigwaki. I said that I thought she'd be planning to go up there anyway, so.... And she cut me off with a "Hmm." BTW, thanks to everyone here who has helped me track Liz's movements, or else I wouldn't know she was living with her parents in Milborough, or where the house is. Anyhow, Liz said, "It's a great opportunity, isn't it." She made that a statement, not a question. Then she said, ".....I could use my tickets at a later date. It would be nice to get there early....." Then she put a hand on my right arm. And you know that made me feel all warm and tingly, eh? And she half closed her eyes and said, "Wait a minute. I know you, Warren. What's going on?" I was a little taken aback. Whatever could she mean by that? I've never been a trickster! But I didn't say that, I said, "Nothing! We're friends, right? When we stopped seeing each other, we said we'd be friends!" Liz got up to return our empty coffee mugs to the kitchen sink, and as she did, I said, "So, for old times' sake--you'll come with me?" And Liz told me, "Sure. For old times' sake, I'll come with you." Then, I followed her to the sink, got right behind her, like I could almost spoon her, but standing up, breathed in her lovely Liz scents, and thought, "And... We sure had some great old times!" Well, that old time when she got me to fly all the way out to White River to give her a ride to Toronto, without bothering to mention that she had a boyfriend, only to kiss that boyfriend in front of me and dump me while we flew, that wasn't such an old time. But we did have good times. And I'm pretty sure if I hadn't "let myself go" and worn unattractive aviator glasses, she would have chosen me! And now I'm buff again!
Well, fellow Liz admirers, I'll keep you posted with mynewsvictory!
Zandra, I do have a bunny, but she doesn't watch TV, so I've never had to flip the channel away from sumthing she was watching. Sorry!
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 6:51 AM
15 Comments:
At 9:05 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I have to say your Blog entry today was an eye-opener, even though the majority of your entry was a quotation from a message board. It must be a slow day for you creatively.
When I met Warren Blackwood for the first time at the Lizardbreath’s graduation from Nippissing, and he flew in on his helicopter from Edmonton to be there, I was suspicious. Elizabeth said that she and Warren had dated from April to May, 2003; only 2 months and then he left North Bay to take a job. But I think everyone there at Liz’s graduation thought a man who is willing to take that kind of flight for a university graduation is not just a 2-month boyfriend.
From what you wrote in your Blog entry, my original opinion appears to be quite correct. As a man, I know what a man really means when he thinks, “great old times” about someone else. Sometimes I think “great old times” about Martha McRae or Rhetta Blum or about my times in university. Obviously, Warren Blackwood and our darling Elizabeth were a little more intimate than she tried to make it seem. At least it sounds like there will be someone else in the helicopter with Warren and Liz, so more “great old times” will not happen.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 9:07 AM,
howard said…
April,
I know the last time I saw your sister, she thought she hated me, but I don’t think that means we couldn’t be friends. I wonder if your sister would do some yard work or plant some plants with me for old times’ sake. We sure had some great old times back when worked together at Lakeshore Landscaping. I remember making a suggestion she shouldn’t operate heavy equipment without a licence and she would ignore me. That always made me giggle. She would tell me and all her other coworkers a story about her cat, and we would usually assume she couldn’t possibly be that ignorant and she was making some kind of indirect joke. Good times. Those were great old times.
I would go over to your house and ask Elizabeth right now, if it weren’t for these chains on my legs. I told Becky, I am completely back to normal and she can let me go, but Becky says there are 3 words I would have to say to her to convince her. If I can say those three words without fainting, then she will let me go. I had those three words around here somewhere. Where are they? Oh! Here they are.
The 3 words are: I hate Elizabethhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
At 9:51 AM,
Zandra Larson said…
Hi April,
The bunny problem is resolved: my father is stumping up to get Arne's cable reconnected. Wilco tried to take my father's arm off when he attempted to put the hockey game on last night. I hope I don't have to see the other six forms of self-defense Wilco's capable of, Jeremy; thanks for the hockey scores and the television offer, but everything seems more under control now. Arne is taking Wilco back to his apartment right now since Labyrinto de los novios won't be back on for another hour.
Zandra
At 10:11 AM,
duncan anderson said…
Hey, Apes,
Last nites gig was gr8! Those Canucks Perdita knew from her old job were jerks. The podiatrist wanted a brite lite so he cld read his model race car magazines all thru our set & the playwright kept requesting Bobby Curtola covers. Perdita had the bouncers throw them out. I nevah saw her so look so happy, xcept mayb when she pushed me in2 the goat pen when I was a little kid.
Morning @ the beach, then I have 2 pack 4 our flite back 2nite. Im going 2 rilly miss my new bass, but Im going 2 leave it here 4 the March Break gigs, I dont want nething 2 happen 2 it on the plane.
C u 2morrow.
MCDunC
p.s. Perdita isnt rilly my aunt, Ill tell u abt it when I c u.
At 11:36 AM,
Anonymous said…
zandra, glad u wrote. it xxplained sumthin’ weird that happed 2 me 2day.
my mom & future sis sent me out 2 the grocery, which haz this kind of juice bar / deli counter now. neway, i wuz standin’ in line 2 pay 4 my groceries & ic a rabbit ovah gettin’ a carrot juice smoothie. i thought that wuz kinda weird 4 a rabbit, but wen i thot ‘bout sum of things i had seen rabbits do in this town & especially ur rabbit, wilco, it didn’t seem that strange.
so, i am payin’ 4 the groceries & the dude takin’ my money sez 2 me, “did u know liz patterson haz been in this grocery b4 & bought groceries? those were some gr8 old tymes. i wish she wud come back 2 buy sum more groceries 4 old tymes’ sake. izn’t liz patterson like the hottest woman u have evah seen?” & i sed, “no. not rilly.”
& the guy sed, “wtf? ru crayzee? liz patterson makes every woman that haz ever existed look bad.” & the guy behind me sed, “ru talkin’ bad ‘bout liz patterson?” & the othah guy sed, “he sed she wuzn’t hot.” & anothah guy sed, “who sed, ‘liz patterson wuzn’t hot?'” & the cashier guy pointed 2 me. then anothah guy sed, “let’s get him!” i had seen peeps in the patterson allure trance b4 & i knew they wouldn’t b happy unless i told them i worshipped ur sis. so i ran 4 it.
i gotta the parkin’ lot & i was runnin’ 4 my house & there were like a bunch of guyz chasin’ me yellin’, “liz is the best! admit it, 4 old tymes’ sake!” i thot they were gonna catch me wen the rabbit i saw b4, pulls up a car right next 2 me & ur uncle arne opens the door. the last tyme i rode w/ur uncle arne & the rabbit, i wuz freaked out cuz of how fast the rabbit drives, but this tyme i wanted a fast driver. so i jump in & the rabbit is whippin’ thru all these back alleyways & jumpin’ ovah street corners & stuff. i sed, “i think u lost the crowd.” & ur uncle arne sed, “it duzn’t mattah. he likes 2 drive that way.”
neway, he pulls up 2 my house & ur uncle arne opens the door. i sed, “thanx. u saved my life. iz there nething i can do 2 repay u?” i think ur uncle arne wuz gonna ask 4 money, but the rabbit pointed @the carrots in my grocery bag, so handed them ovah. ur uncle arne sed, "gotta go. labyrinto de los novios iz gonna start soon.” then they sped off.
i told my mom & future sis the story, particularly wen they asked y 4got the carrots. my future sis sed, “u know, jeremy. sumtymes it iz bettah 2 lie & just say this liz girl is hot, insteada this ‘no lying’ think u have goin’.” i dunno. i hafta keep my integrity, eh?
neway, thanx 2 ur rabbit, i am still alive & now i know how u got him away frum the tv. hope ur dad is alright.
At 12:46 PM,
April Patterson said…
mike, don't criticize my "creativity." not cube. so what r u saying? u approve of warren cuz he's willing 2 go 2 all kindsa lengths 2 b w/liz? or r u gonna go back 2 yr regularly scheduled mike-ishness?
howard, yeah, i can c y becky won't let u outta thoze chains.
zandra, yr bunny sounds lots more interesting than mine.
dunc, perdita not yr aunt? when did that happ?
zeremy, my sister's patterson allure is getting ridiculous, eh? gd thing u r immune.
apes
At 1:20 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Did you tell Warren my middle name, I'm so upset, for years I have tried to keep men from finding it out, after all "Elizabeth" is a good name because it means "consecrated to God" which is good, it makes me sound chaste like a nun, but "Deborah" sounds like a wanton slut who walks around with her hair down, flowing free, and wears skirts above the knee and maybe even does sex things with boys who fly helicopters, you know "Deborah" means "bee" in Hebrew, and you know what that means, like "the birds and the bees," the bee flits from flower to flower to flower, getting its few moments of pleasure and then flitting away again to some other flower, never caring whether that flower will be able to find a life mate now that it isn't pure anymore or not, I can't ever forgive Mom for naming me that, and now Warren knows, this is terrible!
Yesterday after work I went to the liquor store and I ran into this old lady there, she was buying gin, she said her name was Ella and since I helped her get the Bombay gin off the top shelf, she wanted to give me some advice, she told me to pay attention to my dreams, well I didn't have any, but I do have this weird feeling like if I go up north with Warren, it is me who is going to have a big surprise, it's such a strange feeling, maybe Paul is going to get me a big diamond ring for Christmas, but somehow I think maybe that's not it, that the surprise won't be a good surprise, but who knows, what could go wrong up there in Mtigwaki, it's the Land of Perfection or something like that in Indian-talk.
Liz
At 4:19 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. Sometimes I wonder if you even read what I post to you. No, I certainly do not approve of Mr. "Ulterior Motive" Warren Blackwood, but thanks to your telling Miss "I Have No Will of My Own" Elizabeth Patterson to say, "Yes", she has agreed to travel with him, without any regard to how that will make her look to Anthony Caine, who spent hours supporting her at the trial, at great cost to himself.
Since you are having difficulty understanding me, let me explain this to you in terms you can understand. Your childhood sweetheart is Mr. "Loyal Since You Were 11" Gerald Forsythe-Delaney. As he is to you, so Anthony Caine is to Elizabeth. Imagine how Gerald would feel if you decided to take a long trip with Mr. "Harmonica-Throwing" Jeremy Jones? He would probably be upset. He might even get so upset, he would propose to a Quebecois woman, marry her and have a little half-Quebecois child. Would you want to betray the man you are destined to marry, and who has been loyal to you for the last 4 years, by forcing him to marry someone whose first language is French and have a child with her? Of course not. Like you, Elizabeth should have refused the trip with Warren Blackwood. Does this make more sense to you now I have put things into your perspective?
Now that she has accepted the trip, all we can really hope for in Milborough is that Anthony doesn't find out and propose to a different woman than Elizabeth. If we are really fortunate, then maybe Elizabeth will come back from her trip having broken all romantic ties with both Warren and her current boyfriend Mr. "Temporary Companion" Paul Wright. I know both mom and dad would be very happy if that was the outcome.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 4:31 PM,
Anonymous said…
Elizabeth,
Slightly older sis. I wish you would reconsider taking the bus, instead of riding with this nefarious Warren Blackwood. The trip may get you there one day earlier, but by taking it, you will further soil your already questionable reputation. Already my daughter has asked why your breath smells like helicopter fuel, and I don't know what to tell her.
For your information, Deborah is the name of the famous female judge, who allied herself with the warrior Barak to defeat people who were oppressing Israel. In university, when I was rooming with Josef Weeder, sometimes we would play act characters from the Torah. Josef would usually be Barak, because he looks much more like a warrior; and I would usually play Deborah, because my skin is better than Josef's. Pretending to be a different character from history was very helpful in developing my playwriting skills during university. My point though is to let you know that Deborah was a very strong woman. She was like the Sheilagh Shaunessy of ancient Israel. You should have no shame in carrying that name.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 6:13 PM,
April Patterson said…
liz, i didn't tell warren yr middle name. he mite have learned it by reading mom's website. she got steph 2 put yr an' mike's middle names in that "q & eh" section.
mike, u know what? i don't think u even care abt liz OR anthony. i think u say all that pro-anthony stuff only cuz u figure it's what mom wd want u 2 say, and u wanna make sure u stay her favourite child. no1 made anthony marry thérèse xxcept anthony himself. but now that i think abt it, i think u r the 1 who ruined anthony's life.
think back 2 when liz came home 4 xmas back in december 2001. u pretended u were just innocently taking her 2 visit gordo an' tracey, when really u were setting up liz 2 re-meet anthony. when he was already engaged. if u hadn't dun that, liz never wda thot abt getting back in touch w/him, let alone spending nye with him. and anthony's marriage 2 thérèse mite have had a chance 2 work out since he mite not have gotten all obsessy abt liz, which is what killed his marriage.
so now that i think of it, mike, u r evil. gah, i can even remember how gordo was on2 u, telling u, "mike... don't u know it's dangerous 2 lite a fire in a gas station." and how u had this totally smug look on yr face that almost made gordo wanna stop being friends w/u.
oh, and btw, liz didn't accept warren's invitation cuz i told her to. liz ignores what i say all the time. she accepted cuz she wanted 2.
apes
At 9:26 PM,
Anonymous said…
April and Mike,
You can stop arguing whose fault it is I am going with Warren, it's definitely April's "fault," I really didn't know what to say, Warren showed up so suprisedly and I got confused, I couldn't think what the right answer was, so when April said an answer I just took it, but I don't think it's a bad thing I'm going early, no, see, this will give me a lot of advantages, after all it is more time with Paul who is my current love, even though we are totally not talking about marriage yet, the more time we spend together makes it more likelyish that he will give me a diamond ring soon, plus it is time with Warren that will help us keep our friendship kindling in a way that our emails can't do, and also I didn't tell Anthony anything about Paul moving to Milborough yet, I didn't want him to feel jealous or anything, I know he is still madly in love with me, I wouldn't want to hurt his feelings and make him fall out of love with me, that wouldn't be the right or nice thing to do now would it, I'm sure you all agree.
Anyway April, thank you so much for the wonderful idea, the only problem I am having with it is that I think I am having some kind of PSTD or something, from the trial, because Warren looks so much like a thinner Howard with black hair that I am having trouble not screaming a little to myself or anything when he is around, but I called my therapist lady, Sylvania or whatever, and she says that this is normal, I should just try to relax with some deep-breathing exercises and those pamphleteers she gave me about being self-reliable around men.
Anyway, I just know this trip is going to be wonderful, I did what that Ella lady recommended and paid attention to my dreams, today during the last two hours of school I told the kids it was naptime and then I took a snooze, and I had a dream, in the dream the Good Witch of the North appeared and she told me that this trip to Mtigwaki will be the deciding factor in who will be my husband, well I woke up super excited, I'm finally getting married!
Liz
At 9:28 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I can forgive your extraordinary ignorance of matters, since back during the days when Anthony and Elizabeth first separated from each other; you were too young to know what was going on. December, 2001 was 5 years ago. You were 11 years old and did not yet know what romance was, at least not until a few months later when you and your childhood sweetheart Gerald officially began your relationship.
In December, 2001, Elizabeth was dating Eric Chamberlain, and she was miserable with him. As you know by now, but we only suspected then, Eric was cheating on Liz. She came home for her Christmas break from university and immediately started crying on mom’s shoulder, when mom asked her about her friends in university. We all knew Eric was wrong for Elizabeth and she should have stuck with Anthony Caine, whom everybody liked, even you.
The simple fact of the matter, little sis, is that Elizabeth has only been happy with one man in her entire life, and that is Anthony. You may like Elizabeth’s current boyfriend, the constable; or you make like this Warren Blackwood guy, but it is plainly obvious to anyone with 2 open eyes, that Elizabeth was not and is not happy with those men. A Patterson is only happy with their childhood sweetheart and their childhood sweetheart is only happy with a Patterson. Anyone else who gets involved with a Patterson or their childhood sweetheart is starting a relationship which is doomed to failure, no matter what I or anyone else does. You are dating your childhood sweetheart, so you should understand this, but maybe you need to have a few miserable years with other men after you graduate high school to discover this for yourself. I certainly hope you are smart enough to figure it out without having to do that.
In any case, mom and I and Deanna knew this basic truth back in December, 2001. So, mom suggested Deanna and I find a way to get Elizabeth to see Anthony Caine, so neither she nor Anthony would have to continue being miserable. Gordon Mayes had hired Anthony to do the books for Gordon’s Garage, and at the time Gordon and Tracey were living over Gordon’s Garage, so it was easy to say, “Come with us to visit Gordon and Tracey” and turn that into an excuse for Elizabeth to see Anthony.
It worked like a charm. Anthony invited Elizabeth to go to his father’s New Year’s Eve party for his business associates, and I think everyone (including Connie Poirier) hoped that the two of them would embrace at midnight and discover the “truth” that they were meant to be together and eventually get married. Of course 5 years later, and they still haven’t discovered the “truth” and neither have you apparently. Back in December, 2001, no one knew that Anthony had been engaged to Thérèse for 3 weeks, because we all thought Anthony would wait until he graduated from university to propose to anyone. We later on discovered that Anthony had proposed to Thérèse, because he found out Liz had moved in with Eric Chamberlain, which of course means sex, and in the mind of Anthony, meant Eric and Liz were essentially married.
The real error was back July, 2002 when Liz told Anthony she was no longer with Eric Chamberlain, and he did not break his engagement to Thérèse and propose to Elizabeth. Elizabeth should have told him right then and there he would never be happy with Thérèse, because he was her childhood sweetheart. But she didn’t, and it led to the disaster that was the Caine marriage. I can’t really blame Anthony for that mistake. We later found out that Thérèse was working for Anthony’s father, so there was a whole separate motivation for him to continue on with her. I can’t blame Anthony’s father, because it is entirely possible he was ignorant of the “Patterson marries childhood sweetheart” rules, and thought he was doing Anthony a favour by setting him up with a woman who was essentially Elizabeth’s opposite (career-minded, intelligent, sharp dresser, hooked nose, etc.) I can’t even blame Elizabeth, even though she was told time and time again Anthony was meant for her, she never seemed to understand it, just as you don’t seem to understand it.
Little sis. I care for you and I care for Elizabeth dearly. You are my sisters. I don’t want you to have the pain and emotionally heartbreak which Elizabeth and Anthony have suffered. The only man you are going to be happy with is your childhood sweetheart. Accept that now, and save yourself some misery. Learn from Elizabeth’s mistakes. If you try to defy your destiny, then all that is going to happen is you are going to make any man brave enough to desire to be with you, unhappy.
You are going to get to hear about this unhappiness happening with Elizabeth and her constable boyfriend and this Warren guy very soon, I think. Watch carefully. Take note. Take heed. This will be your fate too, unless you smarten up.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 11:22 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Hey, Apes,
Im back in Canadian airspace. B home soon! Cant wait 2 hang w/ u & Zed! I brot both lamps pls tell me again which 1 is the rite 1 so I can get it out kwik. I think u already told me but I 4got 2 print out the email.
L8r.
MCDunC
At 11:28 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Apes, cld u pls call Zed & ask her 2 meet me @ the airport? I have 2 take yr sister 2 Mtg.
BTW, I dont think Mr L's Saab or Dr L's Honda wld b v. good in Mtg w/ all the sno & ice & dirt & gravel. Pls ask Zed 2 rent a ATV.
This is rilly rilly important pls dont let me down.
Yr best friend 4evah & eva,
Duncan Anderson
At 11:31 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Do u remembah I got arrested 4 u? Who do u think those web cams were 4? <3 <3 <3
MCDunC the Most Studly
Post a Comment
<< Home