Recapping 4 Weed

Mike posted abt going out 4 coffee w/Weed an' Carleen after he checked his apt. house the other day:

April,

Little sis. Here is the next installment of my day back in Toronto to visit my apartment. After our landlady Lovey Saltzman, waxed on about how it was not alright for Melville Kelpfroth to try to kill us all using so many Yiddish phrases I lost count; I suggested to Weed we might go get a cup of coffee so I could tell him my story about the fire, and maybe we could leave the women behind. But, alas, Josef felt sorry for Carleen having to listen to Lovey continue on about the evils of cigar-smoking goyim, and he invited her to come along with us. As we left, Lovey was still ranting on, and she may still be there, for all I know.

At the coffee house, Weed and I sat in our customary positions—looking each other in the eye, as Carleen sat in her customary position---off to the side somewhere. I started off with “Man, it happened so fast. My family was sleeping” and then it occurred to me I had used the word “Man” to start my speech, which was unusual for me, as if I suddenly forgot I was 30 years old and no longer in university. That little pause in thinking also helped to realize that perhaps I didn’t want to tell Weed how Deanna took the time to put boots, hats, and coats on the children and I called the emergency services before we tried to leave the apartment. And maybe I didn’t want to tell Weed that I didn’t actually get my wife and children outside, but instead left things up to Deanna as I went up to the attic. The firefighters and doctors at the hospital all told me those were stupid things to do, and I didn’t want Weed to think I was stupid, and only good for my looks. So I said to Weed, “and then suddenly, we were all outside!”

At first Weed stared at me blankly. I wondered if he understood what I said, or if he was confused by my implication that magic was involved in getting my family from sleeping to all the way outside. But then Weed said, “We didn’t know what was going on until the fire trucks arrived!” I breathed a sigh of relief hearing that, because it meant Weed didn’t question what Deanna and I were doing in the apartment before we got outside. It meant Weed was miffed that he found out about the fire from the fire trucks and not from me. I know if I were Weed, and he had a fire in his apartment, and I had to find out from someone else about his fire, it would hurt my feelings too. I cried a little inside knowing I had hurt his feelings. I had to make him feel better about me, so I told him, “Those guys came just minutes after I called!” That way it would seem like I had planned to call him too, but the fire fighters were just too fast for my phone-dialing fingers.

I could see Weed was relieved about my explanation, so I decided to tell him the exciting part of the story, about how “I went up to the attic…by the time I came down, I could hardly breathe…and I couldn’t see.” I could see the worry etching itself across Josef’s face. I could not stand it any longer. I had to let him know I was alright. I said, “Two guys pulled me out…I was never so glad to see someone in my life!” Then I realized I had said, “two guys” instead of “two firefighters”. Weed was going to think I have other men in my life, who come to rescue me, who aren’t firefighters and most importantly, who aren’t him. Weed yelled out “WHAT?!!”. I knew I had blundered.

Weed said, “You went up to the attic when the place was full of smoke?” I was so relieved; Josef was just concerned for my safety. I knew he understood me, better than my wife did, since she called me crazy. So I told Josef the truth, “I had to get my laptop, Weed—and my book.”

Then Josef reached out to me and held my arm from across the table. I can’t tell you how it felt to have someone near to me, who knows I am a Patterson and how I am wired, and who, in my hour of need, gave me the precious pun of pity. Josef said, “Well, for your sake, Mike…I hope it sells like a house on fire!” Those words were so beautiful, it brought me to tears. I am not a crying man, little sis, but it means so much to me to know that no matter how bad things get, there is someone out there who will tell me a pun, when I need a pun the most. I hope for you, little sis, that someday you will find a man for you, who will touch you as much as Josef Weeder has touched me.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Mike, I think what Weed 4got 2 say was, "So you risked your life, risked widowing Dee, and leaving your children fatherless, all so you can save a laptop and a manuscript you'd mostly backed up anyway?" But I guess Weed isn't so much for the "tuff luv," eh?

Apes