Merry Christmas
Hey, so every1's in the house, and we're all saying this fire stuff happed on Xmas eve, even tho Mike's been telling abt it way, way longer. Time is weird in Mboro, eh?
I cdn't help hearing the convo Mom and Dee had in the wee hrs as they and Dad settled Robin and Merrie in2 the sofa bed. I guess the stuff Mike told us abt in yesterday's blog entry happed in that same diff continuity where Liz was transported 2 Paul during the Labour Day weekend.
So, the convo I heard. Dee was all, "The fire started in the apartment downstairz. Mr. Kelpfroth was smoking in bed.... He'd turned off the smoke alarm so the landlady wdn't find out. By the time our alarms went off, the fire was out of control. I took the kids down the fire escape. Michael ran up to the attic to get his book. The firemen got him just in time. He had 2 B checked 4 smoke inhalation... I picked him up @ the hospital... And we all came here." Mom went, "So every1's safe and sound." And Dee was like, "Yes!" Mom hugged her an' sed, "Merry Xmas!" while Dad, I think, put a hand on one of Dee's hands. Or forearms. Not sure which.
NEway, Zeremy, sorry I wasn't able 2 make it 2 that party. I tried 2 sneak out last nite, but Mom was all, "Hey! This is a time 4 family 2getherness! Get yr Patterson butt back in here!"
Well, Merry Xmas 2 all of ya that celebr8 it!
Apes
I cdn't help hearing the convo Mom and Dee had in the wee hrs as they and Dad settled Robin and Merrie in2 the sofa bed. I guess the stuff Mike told us abt in yesterday's blog entry happed in that same diff continuity where Liz was transported 2 Paul during the Labour Day weekend.
So, the convo I heard. Dee was all, "The fire started in the apartment downstairz. Mr. Kelpfroth was smoking in bed.... He'd turned off the smoke alarm so the landlady wdn't find out. By the time our alarms went off, the fire was out of control. I took the kids down the fire escape. Michael ran up to the attic to get his book. The firemen got him just in time. He had 2 B checked 4 smoke inhalation... I picked him up @ the hospital... And we all came here." Mom went, "So every1's safe and sound." And Dee was like, "Yes!" Mom hugged her an' sed, "Merry Xmas!" while Dad, I think, put a hand on one of Dee's hands. Or forearms. Not sure which.
NEway, Zeremy, sorry I wasn't able 2 make it 2 that party. I tried 2 sneak out last nite, but Mom was all, "Hey! This is a time 4 family 2getherness! Get yr Patterson butt back in here!"
Well, Merry Xmas 2 all of ya that celebr8 it!
Apes
Labels: Christmas, continuity, recap
posted by April Patterson @ 7:32 AM
8 Comments:
At 9:42 AM,
Anonymous said…
Hey, April, I'll be over in a little while with yr present!
April
At 1:53 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings where your niinim (sister-in-law) was explaining to your ningitiziim (parents) what happened with the fire at her apartment. I knew your ngashi (mother) would realize what is important in life--everyone’s safe and sound. I was impressed with your ngashi (mother) the very first time I met her. I hope you are having a good Niibaanamom (Christmas), as good as you can with what happened to your nisayenh (brother) and his family on whatever day it happened.
That is far more important than being picky about the things your niinim (sister-in-law) said about the cause of the fire. The law gives the fire department the right to determine the origin and cause of a fire they have responded to and this is done immediately after the fire is put out, and after the debris is no longer too hot to process, most times within four hours after the fire is over. As a member of the Ontario Provincial Police, I would find it very suspicious your niinim (sister-in-law) would know so much about the cause of the fire so shortly after it occurred. I expect she is just guessing, but if she is not, she may want to get her story straight. My old roommate at the Ontario Police College (OPC), Sgt. Royalson was recently re-assigned to the arson squad and he may have some questions for her. It would be much better for your niinim (sister-in-law) if she did not speak about her guesses, until the Fire Department completes their examination of the fire.
I am having a very merry Niibaanamom (Christmas) with my friend Susan Dokis, whom I call Chipper and her family. We sang the 12 days of Christmas Ojibway style, which in honour of the day I will share with you. It is from:
http://www.powwows.com/Gathering/showthread.php?t=29206
The Twelve Days of Christmas
OJIBWAY STYLE..
On the first day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
A rez car with expired plates.
On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Two Sacred Rocks,
and A rez car with expired plates.
On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Three blocks of cheese,
Two Sacred Rocks,
and A rez car with expired plates.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Four pounds of flour,
Three blocks of cheese,
Two Sacred Rocks,
and A rez car with expired plates.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Five pow wow tapes,
Four pounds of flour,
Three blocks of cheese,
Two Sacred Rocks,
and A rez car with expired plates.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Six braids of sweetgrass,
Five pow wow tapes,
Four pounds of flour,
Three blocks of cheese,
Two Sacred Rocks,
and A rez car with expired plates.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Seven days of food stamps,
Six braids of sweetgrass,
Five pow wow tapes,
Four pounds of flour,
Three blocks of cheese,
Two Sacred Rocks,
and A rez car with expired plates.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eight beaded drumsticks.
Seven days of food stamps,
Six braids of sweetgrass,
Five pow wow tapes,
Four pounds of flour,
Three blocks of cheese,
Two Sacred Rocks,
and A rez car with expired plates.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Nine frybread burgers,
Eight beaded drumsticks.
Seven days of food stamps,
Six braids of sweetgrass,
Five pow wow tapes,
Four pounds of flour,
Three blocks of cheese,
Two Sacred Rocks,
and A rez car with expired plates.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Ten cans of milk,
Nine frybread burgers,
Eight beaded drumsticks.
Seven days of food stamps,
Six braids of sweetgrass,
Five pow wow tapes,
Four pounds of flour,
Three blocks of cheese,
Two Sacred Rocks,
and A rez car with expired plates.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Eleven eagle feathers,
Ten cans of milk.
Nine frybread burgers,
Eight beaded drumsticks.
Seven days of food stamps,
Six braids of sweetgrass,
Five pow wow tapes,
Four pounds of flour,
Three blocks of cheese,
Two Sacred Rocks,
and A rez car with expired plates.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me
Twelve nights of poonging,
Eleven eagle feathers,
Ten cans of milk.
Nine frybread burgers,
Eight beaded drumsticks.
Seven days of food stamps,
Six braids of sweetgrass,
Five pow wow tapes,
Four pounds of flour,
Three blocks of cheese,
Two Sacred Rocks,
and A rez car with expired plates.
Chipper tells me she really likes the 12th day, over all the other days, and she would like to show me why, when we have the time. I can’t wait. Chipper usually has the best surprises.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 2:42 PM,
April Patterson said…
hey, paul, i like yr version of the 12 dayz. i've totally got in goin' thru my hed now.
i think sgt. royalson left a message on my rents' answering machine sayin' he has ?'s 4 mike an' dee.
btw, in case ne1 was wondering, my prezzie fr. eva was a variety pak of hairclips and a gift cert. 2 shoe shack w/a note saying "so u never have 2 borrow from yr sister again." lol. kind of an inside joke w/us. an' i gave her a gift cert. 4 sugar's salon cuz eva needs a lot of deep conditioning and other "maintenance" 4 her hair.
apes
At 2:59 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I don’t know where Deanna gets her stories. I told her very clearly, when I was at the hospital, and heard the people working on our downstairs neighbours, someone was taking notes. "Careless smoking, Plastic lampshade and nylon curtains". From that it was obvious that Melville had been drinking and he'd "put out" his cigar in a soup bowl which contained used paper napkins. Then after that the flame ignited the lampshade and the fire rapidly spread from there. I didn’t hear one word about smoking in bed, or turned off smoke alarms. I don’t know where she got that story. I told her “drinking alcohol, soup bowl with paper napkins, plastic lampshades, nylon curtains.”
Her story doesn’t make any sense. Melville smoked in the apartment for months without ever setting off a smoke alarm before he got Lovey’s eviction notice saying he had to “butt” out. Why would he turn off the smoke alarm, particularly in that easily ignitable firetrap of a Heritage House? That wouldn’t be safe.
Of course, Deanna says my story about the drinking and the soup bowl with paper napkins is silly, since all I overheard was “Careless smoking.” It makes perfect sense to me. After all, if Melville was drinking and stuck his cigar in a regular soup bowl with soup in it, the soup would put out the cigar. Obviously, it had to be a soup bowl with napkins, used ones; and he had to be drunk. I don’t know why that doesn’t make sense.
We have to have our stories straight before we answer questions from any Sgt. Royalson, and she needs to agree with my story. Your comments about pretending we are both helpless idiots without an ounce of brains between us was not any help, even though dad agreed with you. I hope you’re not going to be a problem when we are questioned.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 3:58 PM,
howard said…
April,
Contrary to what your mother said and Deanna agreed to, everyone was not safe and sound after that fire. My aunt Winnie and uncle Melville spent Christmas Eve moaning from burn pains, and hacking from damaged lungs. It didn’t help when the doctor told them that if only the firefighters had been alerted they were there and gone to rescue them earlier, instead of discovering them by accident, when the firefighters went into their lower apartment through the front door to put out the fire; then they might not have been as injured as they were.
We already had our visit from Sgt. Royalson, and they explained to him their side of the fire story, which is only remotely like your sister-in-law’s and brother’s versions. Apparently the fire department investigation corroborates most of my uncle and aunt’s story, and I can only imagine why your sister-in-law and brother are making these things up, when they could not possibly have gotten the correct information. The fact their stories do not agree with each other, tells you a lot about their veracity. It’s almost as if 2 different sources were told there was a fire and then they each made up something to go along it without ever consulting each other. That could be an amusing exercise I suppose, but it is not the best way to tell a coherent story.
The only thing that was for certain is the blame for the fire is going to be laid at least temporarily on my aunt Winnie and uncle Melville, ruled as “A naturally occurring accident coming from being stupid, disgusting persons with a K name.” I did not know there was such a ruling, but Sgt. Royalson assured us there was. Sgt. Royalson does not believe my uncle and aunt’s story that a mysterious lady was the cause, but instead went off on some tangent about it being a Mrs. Irving 'Pepper' Saltzman or your niece. No criminal charges are being pressed, not that my poor burnt and lung-damaged aunt and uncle who lost everything in their apartment which weren’t in burn-proof boxes, need any more punishment.
Becky was here briefly this morning and sang my aunt and uncle a song she wrote which she has found to be enormously popular in Milborough, So, You’ve Been Burned by a Patterson, Again. My aunt and uncle loved it and they smiled, even their burns make it hard to smile without pain.
I am glad everyone in your house is safe and sound and I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, even your brother and sister-in-law (although I am having a lot harder time wishing them well.)
Howard Bunt
At 6:16 PM,
April Patterson said…
howard, i tried stopping by yr aunt and uncle's hospital room, but it seemz they left instructions @ the front desk that no pattersons shd be allowed in. v. v. strict orders. so i left the xmas choccies w/the nurses. i hope they delivered them and didn't eat them instead!
i visited my gramps and iris 4 a while. i brot my guitar and did sum of grandpa jim's fave xmas songs. after a lil while mom called and insisted i hurry home cuz 2day was supposta b abt being s00per gr8ful that mike was ok. and merrie and robin. and dee.
apes
At 1:36 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, aftah the xmas eve party i did, then i crashed & my future sis, (sister of my mom’s fiance) woke me up frum the cot where i sleep in the basement when my future sis & future dad visit. i opened sum prezzies & then i crashed again. i woke up pretty l8 & i read ur blog entry & i hafta admit the part where u sed:
neway, zeremy, sorry i wasn't able 2 make it 2 that party. i tried 2 sneak out last nite, but mom was all, "hey! this is a time 4 family 2getherness! get yr patterson butt back in here!"
i wuz rilly confuzed by that till i remembered sumthing “sum1” sed @the xmas eve party. so, sorry u missed it. there were lotsa of thingz which happed, & evn tho u weren’t there my good friend lapril latterson showed up 2 help me & it wuz almost like u were there, evn tho u weren’t there @all. u remembah lapril? she’z the nice girl who wears her hair down, so she looks rilly pretty & peeps who have known her 4 years don’t recognize her. she’z not like u, cuz u alwayz wear ur hair in a bun or a pony, so peeps know who u r.
neway, lapril showed up & she wuz wearin’ a rilly hott xmas dress & she wuz smokin’ in it, & wen i say “smokin’” i don’t mean the “smokin’” like “burn down an apartment smokin’”. i meant the “smokin’” like she looked good.
the party wuz 1 of thoze old folks xmas eve parties where they like hearin’ soft jazz arrangements of xmas music written by peeps who died 300 years ago. i remember lapril wuz v.v. innerested in a convo she heard between connie poirier, greg thomas, anne & steve nichols. it wuz kinda like this:
anne: connie, u heard mike patterson’s apartment burned down, did u?
steve: mike, he’z the 1 w/the hott wife, eh?
anne: don’t get xxcited, steve. she’z married 2 a patterson.
steve: oh, rite. frigid.
connie: i heard all ‘bout it. i agreed 2 take on elly’s grandkids 4 the morningz, & do sum of the babysitting duties when they need kids watched.
greg: wtf? this is the 1st i heard of it. why’d u do that, connie? u know how elly iz. hey! she’z retired now! y duz she evn need u 2 do that?
connie: beatrice alfarero is off on a week's vacation frum lilliput's, so elly haz been helping moira kinney.
greg: help! wut duz she need elly’s help 4? all she duz iz read the new book releases. her daughter is the 1 who will end up fillin’ in 4 beatrice, since she’z off frum skool.
lapril latterson: thass 4 sure.
anne: wut about her othah daughter, elizabeth? she haz time off frum teachin’. she cud do it nstead.
connie: she’z going on a trip 2 visit the peeps she usedta work w/in the northwest.
anne: & 2c her 1st nations bf. i’ve seen pictures. he’s is v.v. nice lookin’.
connie: thass true. if elizabeth hooked up w/him, he wud b the best lookin’ patterson man, & actually the only patterson man 2 look like a man. {both women sigh}
steve: the pretty girls only go 4 the good-lookin’ guyz. she should consider an oldah lookin’ guy.
anne: she is. anthony caine. {every1 laffs} i’ve heard a rumor, connie. have u heard it 2?
greg: u2 alwayz w/the gossip. wut is it?
anne: i’ve heard that elizabeth iz goin’ up 2 the northwest 2 break up w/her bf, cuz he wuzn’t there 4 her during the howard bunt trial.
steve: thass the trial where howard bunt raped & murdered elizabeth, isn’t it? i heard they were gonna get short drop hangingz legalized again, just 4 him.
anne: elizabeth wuzn’t raped & murdered. thass just sum rumour. all howard bunt did wuz pull on her t-shirt iz wut i heard.
connie: thass true. i’ve seen the shirt.
greg: steve, the howard bunt trial is the one thass gonna set the record 4 longest tyme in a mboro court 4 a trial where the victim wuz not injured in ne way, & there wuz no theft of ne kind.
steve: oh. wut duz this hafta do w/her bf? he’z in the northwest. did he rape & murder elizabeth?
connie: no, steve. he’z a cop in the northwest & his job keeps him 2 bizzy 2 come down, so elly & john have been workin’ elizabeth 2 b-lieve he is not committed 2 her. they prefer anthony caine, cuz he is more reliable.
steve: anthony caine. commited? reliable? thass a laff. the guy wuz evn more obviously n2 women othah than hiz wife than i wuz. um…i shouldn’t sed that should i?
anne: u got that rite.
steve: but i’m completely loyal now, honey.
anne: if by loyal, u mean the gps trackin’ implant, then yes.
connie: so, anne, y do u think elizabeth iz goin’ 2 break up w/her bf?
anne: she hazn’t seen the guy since july, cuz the trial haz taken all her vacation & sick tyme. so, she’z goin’ up 2 the northwest & she’z stayin’ in a different town frum him w/her former boss & his wife.
steve: soundz like she’s preppin’ 4 a break-up 2me. there wuz a tyme wen i wuz havin’ an affair w/susan the stewardess & 1 tyme she decides she iz gonna stay ovah @her ‘rents nsteada in the cheap hotel w/me &…thiz iz a story i shouldn’t b tellin’, is it?
anne: only if u get 2 the part where susan’s father breaks ur arm.
connie:despite steve’z questionable xxample, he haz a point.
anne: i gotta feel sorry 4 elizabeth’s bf. poor guy. so elizabeth iz gonna b bizzy w/the trip, april iz gonna b bizzy helping moira, & elly iz gonna b bizzy getting’ in moira’s way & so ur stuck w/the kids. come on, connie. ru sure u wanna do that?
connie: ur one 2 talk, makin’ food 4 elly 2 take 2 her dad every week, so she can claim she iz doin’ sumthin’ 4 her dad.
anne: i feel sorry 4 her dad.
connie: well, i feel sorry 4 her grandkids.
greg: she can’t b that bad.
connie: ru kiddin’? she warps her children. i took care of april over march break & it took a whole week b4 she wuz back 2 the sweet april i usedta know wen she wuz a child.
{@this point, lapril latterson & i hadda discussion ‘bout whether or not she, lapril that is, wasn’t sweet nemore. i hadda tell lapril sum hard truths ‘bout how she wuz actin’ in skool back ‘round the march break this year. she accepted wut i sed, i think only cuz i don’t tell lies. lapril sed she may have sum new years resolutions, az u know. by this tyme, connie, anne, steve & greg had moved 2 a part of the room away frum where i wuz dj-ing. then 2 ladies stepped near.}
lady #1: u know last month, i thot she wuz goin’ nuts. she sed, {doin’ an imitation of sum1 w/a lisp} “i have 2 retain an emotional detachment tho i can talk ‘bout hemorrhoidth & other vaguely humourouth maladies w/a thtr8 face.” but then sum cancer patient wud come in & she wud start laffin’ her head off. claimed it wuz cuz the backlash of holdin’ back the laffin’ 4 the hemorrhoids patients.
lady #2: that wuz whacked, but u know the way she got the manager job wuz just plain weird. she had her baby in november, 2004. she wuz back 2 work part-time 4 months l8er. then 4 more months l8er, the head pharmacist haz a mysterious health scare & outa nowhere decides 2 retire early. the next thing u know, she’s the manager, jumpin’ ovah all of us w/more xxperience.
lady #1: that wuz v.v. weird, i will admit. it wuz almost like sum1 wuz intentionally puttin’ her n2 a position 2 make a lot more money 4 sum unknown reason. but it duzn’t mattah now. she lost everything in her apartment in the fire.
lady #2: that collection of kids’ clothez we took up wuz v.v. nice. i wuz surprized she didn’t want nething 4 herself, but she sed her sil had plenty of xxtras. ‘course aftah c-ing wut kinda clothez those were, i wud have taken a collection neway. every single pair of pants frum the sensible school marm polyester pants collection.
lady #1: i didn’t know her butt wuz that big till now. that polyester is not a girl’s friend.
lady #2: thass the way it iz w/all the women in her fam. evn the teenage girl iz gettin’ a wide load on her.
{@this point, lapril latterson & i hadda discussion ‘bout whether or not her butt wuz big. normally i try 2 avoid this kinda discussion w/ne woman, cuz i don’t tell lies, & no woman rilly wunts 2 hear the answer * i didn’t wanna hurt lapril’s feelingz. lapril sed she may have sum more new years resolutions, az u know. by this tyme, the 2 ladies had moved 2 a part of the room away frum where i wuz dj-ing. then karen, who iz anne nichols’ niece & luis guzmán & sum othah girl i think i had seen ‘round skool came ovah.}
karen: hi, jeremy. who’z that workin’ w/u?
me: this iz lapril latterson. she’z visitin’ me ovah the holidayz & she agreed 2 help me dj. lapril, this is karen, anne nichols’ niece. & the peeps w/her r luis guzmán & i don’t remembah ur name, sorry.
alto escurrido: my name is alto escurrido. i am not v. close friendz w/ne1 u know, but i remember admiring ur friend april’s figure once.
me: april haz a v. nice figure.
alto escurrido: i usedta think so, till i realized girls like paris hilton & lindsay lohan were the pretty girls & they had figures like me. luis is my bf. isn’t that rite, luis?
me: ur not playin’ the field nemore luis?
luis guzmán: si, chico. in mboro, every1 is in a couple. i have been told i needed 2 find a latina & she needed 2b not a musician, but cool w/the band thing. alto wuz recommended & she is loco wen it comez 2 loving.
alto escurrido: paris hilton & lindsay lohan r my modelz. i am tryin’ 2 talk luis n2 doin’ a sex tape.
lapril latterson: y don’t u w8 till ur @least 16?
alto escurrido: 16? that soundz like sumthin’ april patterson wud say. u don’t know her, but april & her bf gerald r a couple in our skool. they have been "dating" 4 ‘bout 3 years & they don't c each othah v. much, & they’re always on their own, & they don't hold hands, or kiss under the stairs. they’re like 2 blocks of ice stuck 2gethah.
luis guzmán: they r more like an old married couple than teenz.
karen: u know lapril, a pretty girl like u wudn’t wanna spend 3 years of ur life w/a bf who has no passion. i’m sure u & jeremy kiss all the tyme.
lapril latterson: me & jeremy. thass funny.
me: wut lapril meanz 2 say iz she already in a committed & secure relationship & it’s not me.
karen: so, lapril wud have no prob if i asked u2 dance w/me?
lapril latterson: no, i’m in a committed & secure relationship w/sum1 othah than jeremy.
karen: jeremy wud u like 2 dance?
me: i guess i cud dance 1 song, but i am workin’ so thass all i can do.
karen: that will b enuff.
{then karen took me out 2 dance while lapril watched the sound equip.}
karen: ur not 2 bad a dancer, jeremy.
me: thanx. u pick up a few moves wen u’ve been involved in the entertainment biz 4 awhile.
karen: u know i am not involved w/luis nemore. he considered it, but i didn’t qualify cuz i am not a latina & i am also a fellow musician. strange rules 4 d8in’ n mboro, but it works 2 ur favour. i’m available. all u hafta do is ask me out.
me: i needa break frum girls 4 awhile. i am no good @relationships & i need the tyme 2 figger out wut’s wrong w/me & fix it b4 i d8 ne1 else.
karen: jeremy, thass just silly. ur a heterosexual guy in mboro. ur not gettin’ ne break frum girls while u live here.
me: song’s ovah. i gotta get back.
karen: thanx 4 the dance, jeremy. remembah wut i sed.
{i return 2 lapril & ic she’z upset.}
lapril latterson: committed & secure. zeremy. thass wut my sis sez she wunts in a relationship. i luv my bf, but wut they sed wuz true 4 me 2. my bf & i talk more on msn than we do in person. is there sumthin’ wrong w/me?
me: there’z nothin’ majour wrong w/u. ur relationship iz xxactly wut u want it 2b.
lapril latterson: wut do u mean?
me: just wut i sed. u don’t wanna b 1 of thoze couples @skool who are all glued 2 one anothah like sum peeps r so u can never talk 2 one of them on their own. it duzn’t mean ur relationship iz wrong. it’s different frum the way 99% of teenage relationships r, but it’s not wrong. it’s the way u want it 2b.
lapril latterson: now ur makin’ me sound like sum freak.
me: ur not a freak, u know. ur a..um…latterson.
lapril latterson: thass not makin’ me feel bettah.
me: u can do wutevah u wanna do, but if u wanna b like every1 else, then u shud spend sum more tyme w/ur bf & kiss & hug & hold hands & all thoze things that make havin’ a bf fun. not that i’ve evah had a bf of course. i am speakin’ just frum the male perspective as a bf. well, not xxactly, my relationships w/a gf have involved xxplosions, getting’ punched out, prison riots, & b-ing bitten on the hand. but b4 all thoze thingz happed there wuz a happy tyme, where the relationship wuz kinda normal.
lapril latterson: thanks, zeremy. u reminded me ur relationship r evn more abnormal than mine. i think i have sum more new years resolutions 4 me & my bf.
{that wuz a good convo i had w/lapril. aftah that she we just played songz & made fun of old peeps dancin’ & she helped me clean up aftah it wuz all ovah. i gave her her cut of the money 4 the gig, & my mom drove her home. & she sed, “u know zeremy. i don’t think my mom evn noticed i wuz gone.”
thass wut happed @the dance w/me & lapril latterson, in case ne1 wuz innerested who mite b reportin’ my activities 2 ur mom.
At 2:30 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. The following day after my apartment was burned and I lost almost everything except my laptop, reality set in. It wasn’t mom putting sheets on the day bed in her sewing room for my daughter or assembling a borrowed crib for my son. It wasn’t you taking residence in the cluttered rec room, while we took your bedroom and found your collection of Teen Beat magazines. The thing that really did it was watching mom chart our bathroom routines according to everyone's schedules. I suddenly realized that I am sharing a shower with 3 adult females, and I would probably find things in the bathroom I wouldn’t find back in our old apartment bathroom with its gigantic interiours.
Since Deanna works in the same building with dad, they are commuting in together, leaving me the car to drive the hour and a half commute to my work. Mom gave dad a strict lecture about not forgetting and leaving Deanna at work, if he decided he was going to take time off to do whatever dad does when he is not at work. Connie next door agreed to take our children for the mornings and Mom would take them for the afternoons. I know you were probably thinking that since I work in Toronto, I could have taken the children to their regular daycare with Ardith Narayan, in order to keep from disrupting their normal schedule, instead of handing them off to Connie, a woman they barely know. But mom convinced me that since we are likely to be in her house for a long time, it would be better to establish a new way of doing things, which would be more convenient for our new state of being.
As planned, I decided to go to my old place after work to see what remains. There I met Josef Weeder and his girlfriend, Carleen Stein, and our landlady Lovey Saltzman. We stood outside and as the white luminescent circles we call snow were falling about us, we looked at the burnt building. As we stood there quietly, it occurred to me that none of us were wearing hats, even with it snowing outside. Before I could launch into a lecture on health consciousness, Weed put his arm around Carleen and said, “They saved the outside of the place, Mike, but the water an’ smoke damage is wicked.” Carleen hissed at Weed, “How many times do I have to tell you, don’t use an’. Only teenagers and low class people say an’.” Then Weed stepped back from Carleen so I was closer to her now and he said, “Our side of the building is OK, but everything stinks!” I wasn’t sure if he was talking about the smell or his relationship with Carleen.
Lovey said, “Feh! I should have evicted those people! Who needs this?! Who needs this?!!!” I must admit at this point, I was taken aback, and not only by Lovey’s repetition of “Who needs this?!” with extra exclamation points. You see, Lovey had told us all along that she should couldn’t evict the Kelpfroths because they knew their rights, but now she was saying she should have evicted them. I started to get mad at Lovey, which I know I shouldn’t do because she is a beloved older, ethnic, mother figure for me, and thus beyond reproach. I had to refocus my anger. So I said to Weed, “And…the Kelpfroths?” Weed said, “Still in the hospital in serious condition.” Then I was taken aback again. My oldest and dearest friend, Josef Weeder had betrayed me. He had stabbed me in the back by inquiring and finding out about the condition of the Kelpfroths. We had gone the entire time dealing with my losses in the fire due to the Kelpfroths without anyone actually asking about them. Our record would still be perfect if it hadn’t been for Josef. I said to him, “Vile betrayer.” He said, “You asked. Don’t ask the question, if you don’t want to hear the answer.” Lovey Saltzman gave us the declaration of “Hmph!” which is usually her way of saying she is going to go for the punch line. She pointed to the broken downstairs window with broken glass and ice on the window sill and said, “From smoking, he can kill himself slowly…it’s HIS business…but that schlemiel tried to kill us ALL!!” I was very tempted at that moment to launch in the dangerous effects of second-hand smoke to which my family had been exposed for the last 1 ½ years, but then I remembered the rule about beloved older, ethnic, mother figures and I held my tongue. Not literally of course because that would be painful.
You know I had plans to go inside, if I could, and go up into the attic, while counting my steps to safety. However, I am not sure if I will be writing about that tomorrow. We’ll have to see what kind of mood I am in.
Love,
Michael Patterson
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