Things that happen in the papers

So, like, Mike wrote sum more abt his visit an' convo w/Weed and Carleen in Toronto:

April,

Little sis. I am sure your readers have been on pins and needles waiting for the next installment of my story about visiting with Josef Weeder and Carleen Stein to tell them what happened during the fire at my apartment. When I last was telling this story, Josef and I were talking in the coffee bistro, and Josef gave me words of encouragement which caused me to start weeping profusely. I am not a man who displays emotion easily, or apparently quietly either. We were eventually asked to leave because I was disturbing the other customers. I made a mental note not to sign autographs of my book in that coffee house. It was so poorly named Donut & Coffee anyway. I should have no truck with an establishment who can’t spell “doughnut” properly.

As we were walking out of the coffee shop, Carleen positioned herself in between me and Josef, so we were forced to talk over her and she also served a barrier to any more touching by Josef. I suspect she thought Josef touching me on the shoulder was the source of my emotional outburst in the coffee bar. Josef, was still able to touch me with his concern for my well-being. He asked, “So, what are you gonna do?” I know what he was really asking. Josef and I have lived with or close to each other for 11 years. This fire would mean the ending of all that. However, I knew my mother would never let us stay anyplace other than with her, including any temporary living arrangements which might be provided by our insurance company. So, I had to tell him the truth. I said, “For now, we’re going to stay with my parents. We don’t have a lot of choice!” Knowing Josef, he would catch my hidden meaning on “not having a lot of choice”.

Then Carleen looked directly at Josef, and he had a very nervous look on his face. I knew something was up. Josef said, “Carleen and I will bunk in at the studio, and the Saltzmans are staying with friends until our apartments are cleaned. Heaven only knows how long that will take!” I looked at my old friend Josef as he said these words and I got the message loud and clear. He and Carleen were not going to try to find a place near my mother. They were staying in Toronto in his studio and then were going back to the apartments. It was the end of an era in my life, and it was all thanks to the situation created by those smoking Kelpfroths, of which Carleen was clearly taking advantage. I looked at Josef’s face closely to see any signs he was going to change his mind, but there were none forthcoming. I looked at him to remember the details of his appearance, (pulled-back hair, muppet nose, oddly-shaped cranium), on this night, our final night together as he stood in front of the Sushi & Taco Bar across the street. This was my last time in Toronto with Josef, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I said, “Man….I feel sorta….sick!” Then out of nowhere, Carleen spoke. Well, actually she was directly to my right, but she hadn’t spoken in so long, I had almost forgotten she could speak. As is usual with Carleen, she tried to give words of comfort, but she simply had no idea what was going on. She said, “You’re in shock, Mike. Your whole family is. Losing your home is a major trauma. It’s going to take a long time to recover.” How would Carleen know how my family is doing? Carleen hadn’t seen my family. And the signs of shock are usually a sudden drop in blood pressure, cold and clammy skin, a weak or rapid pulse, irregular breathing and things like that. Carleen was touching my arm, like she could tell shock from feeling my coat. My sickness felt more like I had a queasy stomach, like maybe I was reacting to seeing Josef in combination with the Sushi and Taco sign behind him.

But then I thought about it. Maybe it was shock. Shock at having an apartment fire almost destroy my novel. Shock at having my best friend living apart from me due to the fire. Shock knowing I would probably never get Ned Tanner back with Weed living so far away. I thought to myself, “This is the kind of thing that you read in the paper…but it’s always happening to someone else.” And I looked up in the sky, almost like the Lizardbreath does when she is trying to be especially earnest. I could actually feel myself looking like Liz and my lips started to get fluffier. I was freaking out until I realized I don’t read the paper, except for my column in the Clarion Weekly. Then I felt much better.

That’s it for today, little sis. More details of my story tomorrow. I know your readers can’t wait for my next installment.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Mike, I don't think Carleen was trying to use "shock" as a medical diagnosis. People use "in shock" all the time for when something traumatic leaves U kinda stunned. But I agree she really wdn't know if that applies 2 the fam, eh?

Zeremy, the crayzee thing is that Mom's chaperon rule only applies 2 Ger. So, like, I cd hang w/U w/out an adult. BUT. She's got all of Mboro watching 4 Ger 2 suddenly, accidentally show up @ places where I happen 2 B. She sez, "April, it's not that I don't trust U, tho mayB I shdn't. But I sure as heck do not trust that BOY!" So I dunno what.

Apes