I'm a HORRIBLE Auntie!
Yesterday evening, Dee set up Robin in his hi-chair, put his dinner dish on the tray, and left him there. By himself. All alone.
I heard sum giggling coming from the kitchen, so I went in 2 investig8. I found Robin was tossing food down @ the dogs, and they were GOBBLE-SLUPP-EAT-CHEW-GULP-SLUPPING it up. Which was making Robin shriek and giggle. And I don't know if it was from being around sum1 so yung, but 4 a moment, I cd swear I cd feel my nose reverting 2 a button nose! This happened while I was yelling, "Oh, come on, Robin.... Cut it out!" When that didn't work, I was all, "No! Stop feeding them! Eat yr dinner!!" OMG, M I already turning in2 MOM? Y was I yelling @ my nephew?!?!
Then I took his dish away, and he let out a huge, red-orange "SHRIEK!" And I had what I thot was a brilly idea, but soon I realized it was a totally sucky one. I put dry dog food in Robin's bowl, and I brought it 2 him saying, "Fine then.... Let's go all the way." I'm pretty sure I had this smug, closed-eye look when I said that. And I put the bowl down. He looked totally intrigued and started to EAT THE DOG FOOD! And B4 I had a chance 2 get that bowl away from him, Dee came in, her hair looking more bowlish than ever, and asked me, "What did U put in his bowl, April?" And as he ate it, all "Munch?" I told her, "Dog food." And she had this gobsmacked look on her face. And this time, I can't say that I blame her. I totally didn't think he'd eat it, yo! I thot he'd keep feeding the dogz, C? But still, I shda known better. I am a horrible, horrible aunt! I'm sorry, Dee and (erp!) Mike!
Apes
I heard sum giggling coming from the kitchen, so I went in 2 investig8. I found Robin was tossing food down @ the dogs, and they were GOBBLE-SLUPP-EAT-CHEW-GULP-SLUPPING it up. Which was making Robin shriek and giggle. And I don't know if it was from being around sum1 so yung, but 4 a moment, I cd swear I cd feel my nose reverting 2 a button nose! This happened while I was yelling, "Oh, come on, Robin.... Cut it out!" When that didn't work, I was all, "No! Stop feeding them! Eat yr dinner!!" OMG, M I already turning in2 MOM? Y was I yelling @ my nephew?!?!
Then I took his dish away, and he let out a huge, red-orange "SHRIEK!" And I had what I thot was a brilly idea, but soon I realized it was a totally sucky one. I put dry dog food in Robin's bowl, and I brought it 2 him saying, "Fine then.... Let's go all the way." I'm pretty sure I had this smug, closed-eye look when I said that. And I put the bowl down. He looked totally intrigued and started to EAT THE DOG FOOD! And B4 I had a chance 2 get that bowl away from him, Dee came in, her hair looking more bowlish than ever, and asked me, "What did U put in his bowl, April?" And as he ate it, all "Munch?" I told her, "Dog food." And she had this gobsmacked look on her face. And this time, I can't say that I blame her. I totally didn't think he'd eat it, yo! I thot he'd keep feeding the dogz, C? But still, I shda known better. I am a horrible, horrible aunt! I'm sorry, Dee and (erp!) Mike!
Apes
Labels: crowded house, Dee, pets, Robin
posted by April Patterson @ 8:08 AM
15 Comments:
At 9:09 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. 6 o’clock tonight is fine for Deanna to chaperone you and Gerald on a date. Be sure to do some kissing and hand-holding. When you and Gerald graduate from senior secondary school, he should be properly motivated to follow you to whatever school you decided to attend to pursue veterinary medicine. We don’t want another “Anthony and Elizabeth at different universities” kind of situation. Deanna knows to knock you over the head with a frying pan, if you try to go any further than kissing and hand-holding, and frankly after the incident with the dog food in my son’s food dish, I don’t think she will have any problem at all living up to that agreement.
Tonight, mom and I will be working with my children to fine tune some of the dialogue of Sheilagh Shaugnessey’s children Charlie and Mitchell in my novel to make it seem more realistic, since I would be using actual words and phrases from my children. I’m not sure how well the children will do with the parts of the story where father, Harvey Rood viciously beats Sheilagh for having an affaire with Wilm deGroot, or where Sheilagh leaves Harvey to die in the snow and has to report to the children she is responsible for their father’s death, or the celebration which ensues after Harvey is officially ruled dead by exposure. However, I am looking forward to the comedic scene where Sheilagh explains to Charlie and Mitchell why a woman in the 1940s would refuse to take her husband’s last name.
I told mom you would affect the mood of the children with that black cloud that seems to be hanging over your head all the time, so they would not give honest responses, but “princessy” type responses. Naturally mom agreed you should be out of the house, since it would affect the overall quality of my novel. Mom was pretty upset with the dog food incident also. Remember she said, “That kind of food is only fit for dogs or for my father.” I think she hopes you and Gerald will stray so Deanna will have an excuse to knock you across the head. Deanna is not normally a violent woman. She is more of a hissing kind of woman. So, if you do stray, and you hear a hissing sound, I would duck.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 9:12 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about feeding your ningnis (nephew) the animosh (dog) food. When I was young, I was told I ate animosh (dog) food out of the animosh (dog) dish, when the animosh (dog) wasn’t around. I don’t think any adults ever fed me animosh (dog) food. It sounds like your ningnis (nephew) liked the animosh (dog) food better than his own food, and the animosh (dogs) like the baby food better than the animosh (dog) food. Maybe you could switch them.
I am minjinawezi (sorry) I have not written in many days. For some reason, businesses with helicopters had many robberies of helicopters. They were easy to find, since helicopters don’t fly very far, and they are very noisy, and hard to hide. It would be very difficult to sneak up on someone in a helicopter, except in a Hollywood movie. It was the strangest thing. Suddenly people had an urge to take a helicopter. Then they would. Many of the people we arrested were in some kind of trance. They kept saying, “She will need a ride home.” No one here knows who this “she” is. It has been keeping the Ontario Provincial Police in Northwest Ontario very busy.
I missed your writings for the last few days, but I will probably not go back and read them, since it is still very busy here. The last time I wrote to you, your sister had not told me when she was coming to meet me in Spruce Narrows, so I could drive her to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees). But since then, she called to tell me the trial had been remanded, so I could expect her at the time we last talked about her coming. I was very happy to hear that, even though the word “remanded” confused me. I am used to getting confused when your sister tells me legal terms people use about that trial.
I am glad your sister can come. I was afraid she wouldn’t be able to, since the Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) school starts on Monday with the rest of Ontario, as you should know. I am almost at the time when I am supposed to transfer to Toronto. It would feel strange for your sister to visit Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) when I was living and working in Toronto and couldn’t be with her.
I talked to my friend Susan Dokis, whom I call Chipper, and she said people were getting ready for my sweet girl to arrive. She said there were a lot of things the people of Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) wanted to do before she came. There should be just enough time to get it done. Chipper said to me, “Suds. If you could even come up to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) a day before Elizabeth is supposed to arrive, you could be a big help in preparing for her to come.” I told Chipper I would see what I could do. I want Elizabeth’s memory of returning to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) to be a happy one, with nothing unexpected happening to make things go wrong.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 9:15 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, ha! the story ‘bout the dog food & ur nephew wuz funny. my future sis has done a lotta baby-sittin’ & wen she read ur blog entry 2day, she thot it wuz hysterical. she sed 2 me, “obviously, jeremy, ur friend april knows how incredibly st00pid it iz 2 leave a 2-year-old alone in a high chair w/2 large dogs in the room. thoze dogz wud knock over the high chair 2 get 2 the food & when the 2-year-old cracks his head on the floor or on the table, then it’s goodbye 2-year-old. since april put dog food in his dish, hiz neglectful mom or dad iz nevah gonna wanna leave him alone again, just in case april decides 2 do it again. thass a smart way 2 teach 2 st00pid ‘rents wut 2 do with their kid. i luv it.” wen my future sis xxplained it 2 me, it seemed pretty smart 2, evn tho the 1st thing I thot wuz, “y duzn’t april move the dogz?”
At 10:01 AM,
April Patterson said…
zeremy, that makes me feel a lil better abt what i did, so thanx!
mike, kthx, 6 it is! i'm going thru sum serious ger w/drawal. i hope, tho, if dee notices that ger is trying 2 push b-yond kisses and handholding, that dee doesn't whack ME, like, u know, if it's not my fault?
paul, yeah, i hope there r no unpleasant surprises up in mtig.
apes
At 4:10 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I know you are worried you may be whacked for a transgression which your childhood sweetheart, Gerald, initiates. Judging by Deanna's mood, that is a legitimate worry. My advice is that it is better to duck even when it is not your fault than to keep your head high and proclaim your innocence.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 4:43 PM,
April Patterson said…
i dunno, mike, mayB this d8 isn't such a hot idea, if dee is still upset w/me an' all.
apes
At 4:47 PM,
Anonymous said…
I wouldn't worry, April. I just got off the phone with Dee. She's so excited about getting out of the house, even if it is to chaperon you and your boyfriend, that she's willing to let it slide. I think her words were, "Carleen, I'll be FREE tonight, FREE!!!"
Carleen
At 4:48 PM,
April Patterson said…
phew, that's good 2 hear, carleen, tho i think i'm gonna practice my ducks 2 b on the safe side. bob and weave, like in my kickboxing workouts, eh?
apes
At 4:59 PM,
howard said…
April,
Dog food is made mostly of grain fillers and little meat scraps, and since you have reported your sister-in-law Deanna serving her children hot dogs before, dog food is not going to be much different from what they have already gotten, unless your nephew has an allergic reaction to grain fillers and little meat scraps or something else hidden in the food. Since I feed Becky’s three dogs, Freyfaxi, Zeus, and Apollo, fine cuts of meat, I have limited experience with dog food purchased at a store, except for that time when I was attending the Milborough Training School for Boys and I was forced to eat….um....sorry forgot you’re 15 again.
With Freyfaxi, Zeus and Apollo; I try to keep them off the tables and I discourage a feeding frenzy by throwing food to all 3 dogs at once. Freyfaxi is so large a dog, I have a fear he could get excited and eat Zeus and Apollo by accident. The dogs get fed separately and never by or on the table where the humans eat, after Freyfaxi jumped on the solid oak table one time and shattered it. All appearances are that your nephew is not leaving your house anytime soon (if at all), so you may want to establish that practice with Edgar and Dixie.
I blame myself really. Months ago, when I was giving you cooking lessons, I neglected to teach you the lesson on how to handle children who are full with dogs who aren’t.
As for your date tonight, have a good time, and don’t worry about Deanna. She’s too slow and likes boiling so much more than frying to do you much damage. Now if it was Becky with a frying pan, you would be in deep trouble. She’s fast and vicious and likes fried foods.
Howard Bunt
At 5:10 PM,
April Patterson said…
howard, thanx 4 the advice abt the dogs. u're rite, i think the "crowded house" thing is gonna last a while.
apes
At 5:14 PM,
April Patterson said…
btw, dee is taking us 2 an all-ages show @ the steam whistle indie club on yonge st. she's being all, "april, u don't know how much i need this!" and she keeps primping her bowlcut.
apes
At 5:44 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, wen i wuz workin’ 4 rebeccah, she did sum stuff 4 the edge 102.1 fm radio station in downtown toronto on yonge street. they do have sum good shows in their steam whistle indie club series they have @their studio. i gotta tell u, it iz small, so u prolly wanna get there early, so u have a place 2 stand. i dunno who's playin', but i hope u have a good tyme.
At 6:11 PM,
April Patterson said…
thanx 4 the tip, zeremy. ger is here an' dee's giving her bowlcut one last polish b4 we go.
apes
At 7:33 PM,
April Patterson said…
so, we're @ the show. it's like a showcase of local bands. oh, and guess who's here? that cute fireman who came by w/dee's foto albums and merrie's blanket. he recognized dee from the fire and me from when i answered the door. he's kinda, like, hangin' w/us!
apes
At 8:35 PM,
Anonymous said…
You better have your sister take a look at this.
http://dontdatehimgirl.com/search/cheater.asp?ddh_id=32823&return_url=index%2Easp%3F
I stumbled upon it while I was leaving a post about a guy who keeps giving me chlamydia.
Becky
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