April's Real Blog

Monday, January 29, 2007

Liz Warps Time

Liz told me that she was gazing out the window recently, thinking, "I thot that moving home wd B a good thing, but now I wish I hadn't. I used 2 have my own apt, my own stuff. Everything around me was MINE! Now I have no boyfriend, no privacy, no identity... It's as if I've gone back in time... To being a KID again!" Then Mom came in2 the room, all, "Here's yr laundry, sweetie! Don't 4get 2 put it away." After Liz put the laundry away, she sez she got in2 bed, clutching the stuffed-animal bunny from when she was little. Yeah, I think that completes the process, eh?

Well, xxams start @ school. Wish us luck!

Apes

Labels: , , ,

posted by April Patterson @ 6:53 AM  

12 Comments:

  • At 9:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. “Completes the process”? No, little sis. This is what happens when you try to defy the Patterson tradition of living in Milborough and marrying your childhood sweetheart. If you’re like me, you end up with your apartment burned down, lose all your material posessions, living in your mother’s house for weeks on end, and finding all desires for finding a new apartment back in Toronto mysteriously stifled. If you’re like the Lizardbreath, you end up back at your mother’s house curled up in a fetal position, snuggling your childhood stuffed animals, and staring wide-eyed off into space. No matter where you may go, April, this is where you will end up. Let this be a lesson for you.

    I know your thought may be to dump your boyfriend Gerald, and run to halfway across the world and establish a life in China making babies for some Chinaman; but it will be no use. Eventually you will find your way back to Milborough and you will be just like Elizabeth is now. When I saw Liz like that, I said to mom, “Mom. I hate to see Elizabeth like this. What can I do?” Mom just said, “Elizabeth is finally ready to accept her future. If you could get that lazy, good-for-nothing…I mean…wonderful man, who is just like John, Anthony Caine, to get over here and propose to Elizabeth, that would be something to help.” Then she patted Elizabeth on the head and said, “There, there, Lizzie. Things will be better for you soon. I prepared your bath, and I even found your old rubber duckie to play with.” Elizabeth smiled and said, “Squeekers?” And mom said, “Yes, Sweetie. Mommy found Squeekers for you.” Elizabeth said, “I like Squeekers.”

    Little sis. When I see Elizabeth like this, I am so glad I married my childhood sweetheart right out of university.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 9:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, xxamz r not so bad so far. i’m glad i did a lotta studyin’ by myself & not w/the study group @duncan’s. i cudn’t get nething done there. the story ‘bout ur sis is rilly sad. i hope ur bro iz wrong & it’s not true 4u 2. if it is, @least i will know where 2 find u wen i grow up & wondah what evah happed 2u. i guess married 2 gerald, 2 kids of opposite sex, & running ur own mboro vet practice w/ur mom stoppin’ in occasionally 2 give u advice on how 2 parent or how 2 run ur own bizness. wen u talk ‘bout it, u sound like thass not wut u want. but then i look @how u’ve been w/gerald & only gerald startin’ n2 ur 5th year & most girls ur age who r az pretty az u r, have had a few bfs, & i think mebbe ur talk & ur actions may nevah match. i hope i’m wrong, tho.

     

  • At 9:22 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I am trying to feel some pity for your sister, but then I remember that the same machinations which are trying to put your sister together with Anthony Caine are the same ones which are trying to put me in prison. Becky talks about how breaking me out of prison would be possible, but when I see the way your sister is going, and the inevitable drag towards her inevitable future, I begin to think that there is no way I am going to be able to get out of prison. I may be drawn there by forces too powerful to defy. I am beginning to think the short drop hangings I have heard spoken about as a sentence for me may be better. It seems appealing to me now, for some reason. I wonder what kind of dress goes best with a black hood. Of course, black goes with everything, but I still want to be pretty from the neck down.

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    What you don't understand is that I was sure that if I moved home, it would cause certain events to happen that would make it sure I would get married and live happily ever after in Milborough, in fact there were two plans in place, the first was the main plan, that me moving south would make Paul follow me and when he got down here and saw my family that it would make him want to marry me and stay in Milborough forever, that seems like the normal reaction, but all that happened is he kissed me, which I hardly ever allow, and then he went away and cheated on me with Susan, and then there was my backup plan, which was that there is, um, I mean are some "parents without partners" in this town and one, um, some of them are men, and that I could marry one of them, you know, if the Paul thing didn't work out, which it didn't, and so far even though I've been back here for months and spending lots of time with at least one parent without a partner, and rubbing my body against him as often as I can, he hasn't given me a backup proposal, which I was sure he would do, so now that plan is shot too I guess, what is the world coming to, what has happened to my special allure, it seems to still work on Warren but only kind of, he still hasn't moved to Milborough, I just know he would want me to move to Vancouver to be with him and I'm not doing that, Mom says it's a hellhole and that it was a mistake to let Grandma Marian get buried there, besides it's too far away from home.

    What I need is a good balance of my own space plus close to homeness, yeah, that's it, like maybe Dad could turn the garage into an apartment, all we're doing with that space right now is parking our cars in it, what a waste!

    Liz

     

  • At 12:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Excuse me but have you seen my bunny, I was sure I left it on my bed this morning, but when I called Mom for our lunchtime talk, she said it wasn't there when she went in to make my bed for me.

    I am trying hard not to cry, I will just suck my thumb until we find my bunny, I guess, that should work.

    Lizzy

     

  • At 1:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    It sounds like your sister should enroll in the “Toward Independent Living” program. The life skills training part does cooking, grocery-shopping, laundry, money management, job-seeking and job maintenance skills. They also have social services for independent living, and psychiatric services. It has helped me a lot. I think it could help your sister too. Let me know if she is interested, and I can talk to the person in charge of the program to see if they will let your sister in.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     

  • At 2:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    It's not fair, I borrowed Robin's paccy an' Merry tried to steal it back an' she hit me, an' when I was cryin', Robin got the paccy back! Now what do I have, nothing, I still can't find my bunny an' Mommy says if she sees me sucking my thumb again she's gonna put hot sauce on it! Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!

    Lizzy

     

  • At 3:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Tell your mother that although I have agreed to take Merrie and Robin for the mornings while your mom works at Lilliput’s, I am not going to take care of “Lizzy” too. I don’t care if “Lizzy” is potty trained and can mostly dress herself.

    Connie Poirier

     

  • At 6:53 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    shannon, when liz saw yr post she sed, "no! no, no, no, no, no! nizzie NOT special special needs!" so i guess she's gonna pass on til.

    mike, u r such a fatalist. i still have hope i can who i want. sum1 who can live in another town or another country, even. sum1 who admits when she's wrong and apologizes when she wrongs sum1. sum1 who doesn't pun. sum1 who makes her own decisions abt life.

    jeremy, yeah, i hope u r wrong.

    liz, in case u can still read, i wanted 2 let u know that dad sez he mite hafta put that appliance back in yr mouth. the 1 u had in middle school 2 make u not suck yr thumb. the 1 that gave u a lisp and made u bond w/sharon edwards over b-ing "different."

    connie, i hope the whole being potty trained thing holds up. cuz if it doesn't, i am NOT changing my big sister's diapies.

    apes

     

  • At 7:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, ur sentence 2 ur bro “i still have hope i can who i want” iz kinda missin’ a word. i think u wanted 2 say “i can b who i want”, but ur bro may think u wanted 2 say “i can have who i want”. u mite wanna correct it b4 he starts makin’ assumptions & tellin' ur mom 'bout them.

     

  • At 8:49 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    oh, foo, jeremy, i h8 it when i take all this time 2 preview an' i still don't c my typos. can't we all pretend that i wrote "i can b who i want"? it was supposta b "i can b who i want." i wish these comments cd b edited. :(

    apes

     

  • At 12:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i unnerstand u meant "i can b who i want", but 2b honest there is a certain part of me which is imagining u meant "i can have who i want." sorry. i'm just a guy. i can't help myself sumtymes.

     

Post a Comment

<< Home