Mom's BIG Mouth

Mom was standing in the kitchen, looking up @ Shiimsa on the cabinets, and totally pinching her face like she was smelling a bad smell. I walked up B-side her and sed, "She'll come down on her own, Mom." And Mom was all, "She'll climb down my curtains." I tried 2 B helpful by saying, "Oh well.... We need new curtains NEway." Which was apparently not v. helpful as far as Mom was concerned, cuz she, like, had this tiny little explosion in her head, I think. I cd C motion lines on either side of her hed, and five tiny little bubbles, like, popping over the top of her hed. Then she unhinged her jaw and scrunched her eyez shut, getting ready 2 YELL @ me in that famous way of herz, and insteada just running away like most ppl, 4 sum reason I was all, like, compelled 2 look an' think, "Whoa! ...I can C all her fillings!" She has a lot, yo. I wonder if she mas more than she really needs cuz Dad needed sum1 2 practice on when he was 1st starting out w/the dental stuff.

NEway, it looks like it's gonna B a pets week. But there's sum stuff U shd know abt Shiimsa, which U mite not if U're kinda new 2 the blog. Shiimsa's been having kinda, like, an affair w/Dunc's cat Faustus. She doesn't call herself Shiimsa, BTW, she calls herself ANGRA MAINYU. She kinda like takes over Liz's brain sumtymes and posts here @ the blog. So U'll C a post that sez it's Liz posting, but it's in all caps, and it's signed ANGRA MAINYU. Faustus does the same thing via Duncan. So, like, the kitties were posting 2 ea other here last nite. First, Shiimsa/ANGRA MAINYU was all:

APRIL,

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE "CAGE PROBLEM." I AM GOING OVER TO "THE WALRUS"'S HOUSE NOW TO SHOW HIM JUST HOW A CAGED CAT FEELS ON THE INSIDE THROUGH A LITTLE SOMETHING I LIKE TO CALL "INTERPRETIVE SLASH."

OH GREAT, LOOK AT ALL THE PARENTHESES I USED! I MUST HAVE CAUGHT IT FROM THE IDIOTS MY LITTLE HUMAN FRIEND LIVES WITH. THE BLONDE BIMBO WITH THE LISP IS A PARTICULARLY EGREGIOUS OFFENDER.

ANYWAY, BACK IN A FEW HOURS.

ANGRA MAINYU

Hee! In case you didn't guess, "the walrus" is Anthony. Then Faustus was, like:

MY DARLING ANGRA MAINYU,

HOW I ENJOYED YOUR INTERPRETIVE BALLET. SUCH INSPIRATION, SUCH EXECUTION, I HAVE RARELY SEEN.

WOULD YOU JOIN ME FOR THE APRES BALLET, CHEZ PATTERSON? SWEETBREADS ARE ON MY MENU. YOU HAVE TOLD ME MANY TIMES THEY WON'T MISS THEM.

LOVE ALWAYS,
FAUSTUS

And Shiimsa-ANGRA replied:

DEAREST FAUSTUS,

NOT TONIGHT, MY LOVE. I AM TIRED FROM MY EXERTIONS WITH "THE WALRUS." TOO BAD THAT UNUSUALLY OVERGROWN BABY OF HIS KNEW HOW TO DIAL 911. NOW MY LITTLE HUMAN FRIEND WILL PROBABLY HOOK UP WITH HIM AFTER ALL. OH WELL, MAYBE THEY WON'T HAVE HIS BLOOD TYPE AVAILABLE FOR A TRANSFUSION.

I DO NOT THINK IT IS THE RIGHT TIME TO RAIN CARNAGE DOWN UPON THE PATTERSON MANSE. SOON, MY LOVE. VERY SOON.

WITH LOVE, ANGRA MAINYU

See, the real action around here is with the kitties, eh? Stay tuned!

Apes