Mom's Tantrum
Recently, Mom went out 2 clear the snow an' ice off of her car so she cd do sum shopping. I was inside looking after Merrie an' Robin, and when we heard the noises outside, they wanted 2 watch out the window. Mom was totally grimacing while she scraped and chipped. After a while, she yelled out, "I DESERVE AN INDOOR SPACE!" Then Dad went outside, all "Elly? Elly, what R U doing?" And Mom was all, "What does it look like I'm doing?! I'm cleaning the ice and snow off my car!" And she went back to CHIPping the ice away. And Dad was, like, "Y don't U take MY car, then I'll park yrs inside and everything will melt rite off it!" And insteada being, like, "OK, thanks, that wd B a big help," she unhinged her jaw, scrunched her eyez, and screamed, "NO, OK? NO, NO, NO and NO!!" And she had a big storm cloud over her hed while Dad went back in.
When Dad got in2 the house, Merrie sed, "Grampa John, Gramma Elly had a TANTRUM, didn't she?" Dad kinda smirked and sed, "Yes, Merrie. Yes, she did." Merrie was all, "When Robin has a tantrum or when I do, Mommy gives us a time out. Will U give Gramma Elly a time out?" And Dad sed Mom wd hafta give herself 1, since she's all grown up. But then Merrie got the idea that Dad just cdn't do it cuz he's not Mom's parent. And she foned Grandpa Jim 2 ask him 2 give Mom a time out. I'm not sure what Grandpa Jim and/or Iris did abt that!
NEhoodles, l8r on, Mom sed that while she was out there chipping away the ice, she was gettng herself all worked up by thinking, "Grumble! ... We have a 2-car garage and 4 cars 2 park. So, whoze car gets left outside? MINE." Then she got even madder while she thot, "I'm the 1 who does the shopping, the cooking, and the organizing around here...." That's when she got 2 the pt abt yelling that she deserved an indoor space. Dad sez that after Mom no-no-no'ed him, he was thinking, "Never make a sensible suggestion 2 sum1 w/a chip on their shoulder."
So, a buncha us R gonna have a study sesh over @ Dunc's house 2day. He's gonna have a steady supply of Horny T's coffee an' Timballs, he sez. So 4 thoze of U who R planning 2 stdy w/us, C U there!
Apes
When Dad got in2 the house, Merrie sed, "Grampa John, Gramma Elly had a TANTRUM, didn't she?" Dad kinda smirked and sed, "Yes, Merrie. Yes, she did." Merrie was all, "When Robin has a tantrum or when I do, Mommy gives us a time out. Will U give Gramma Elly a time out?" And Dad sed Mom wd hafta give herself 1, since she's all grown up. But then Merrie got the idea that Dad just cdn't do it cuz he's not Mom's parent. And she foned Grandpa Jim 2 ask him 2 give Mom a time out. I'm not sure what Grandpa Jim and/or Iris did abt that!
NEhoodles, l8r on, Mom sed that while she was out there chipping away the ice, she was gettng herself all worked up by thinking, "Grumble! ... We have a 2-car garage and 4 cars 2 park. So, whoze car gets left outside? MINE." Then she got even madder while she thot, "I'm the 1 who does the shopping, the cooking, and the organizing around here...." That's when she got 2 the pt abt yelling that she deserved an indoor space. Dad sez that after Mom no-no-no'ed him, he was thinking, "Never make a sensible suggestion 2 sum1 w/a chip on their shoulder."
So, a buncha us R gonna have a study sesh over @ Dunc's house 2day. He's gonna have a steady supply of Horny T's coffee an' Timballs, he sez. So 4 thoze of U who R planning 2 stdy w/us, C U there!
Apes
Labels: crowded house, Dad, Merrie, Mom, Robin, stoopidity, Sundays
posted by April Patterson @ 6:56 AM
8 Comments:
At 9:26 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I am sure you are aware as is the rest of the family exactly why it is mom’s car is parked on the outside of the house and not on the inside. Neither dad nor I nor Deanna works on the weekends and mom does at Lilliput’s. It makes sense for her car to be on the outside where it is not blocked by our cars.
On the occasion you mentioned, where dad went out to intervene in mom’s screaming outside, you seemed to have completely missed the conversation which occurred prior to dad’s leaving to talk to mom. Mom started shrieking and dad said, “I guess I better go outside and try to stop her.”
Then Elizabeth said, “No, dad. Mom likes to scream. Better for her to do it outside than in here with us. I have a ringing in my ear from the last time.” Then dad said, “No, Liz. We don’t want Elly to make a spectacle of herself. It doesn’t look good, and it scares the grandkids.” I said, “Don’t worry about my kids, dad. They are in a safe place with April.” Dad said, “I wondered why I hadn’t seen them in the last 3 weeks. What happened?”
I said, “Well, dad. Let’s just say that Deanna and the kids are not used to yours and mom’s parenting style, and it may take awhile for them to get used to it.” Dad said, “It’s the screaming isn’t it? And throwing frozen vegetables as a form of discipline.” I said, “All perfectly normal things, but Deanna and the kids aren’t used to normal. After all, Deanna was raised by Mira Sobinski.” Dad said, “Curse her name.” Liz said, “Bad mother incarnate.”
I said, “Exactly. Mira’s style of parenting was to tell her children what they should do and give them gifts. She calls it ‘giving the children direction and the tools to accomplish their goals’. But of course Deanna thought it meant she couldn’t do anything on her own and she always had to be taken care of.” Elizabeth said, “That is so warped.” Dad said, “Poor Deanna.”
I said, “Exactly. You see it may take awhile for Deanna and the kids to get used to living here.” Dad said, “Well, I better get Elly to stop shrieking about her parking place, or the grandkids will never come back to appreciate our much better parenting style.” Elizabeth said, “Wear hearing protection.” Then dad left and I said, “There goes a braver man than I am. When mom stops screaming, I can go tell April it’s safe to bring out the kids and try to think of some reason why mom was acting that way. Maybe, a tantrum.”
Elizabeth said, “Dad can take abuse like no other man I have ever seen, except for possibly Anthony Caine. I abused him terribly in high school and he always took it.” I said, “Anthony’s a great guy. Some day, he will find the right woman who can scream and yell and act just as incoherently to him, as mom does to dad.” Elizabeth said, “You may be right. All that Quebecoise woman did to Anthony was to be jealous of him all the time. She should have been screaming in his face. That’s what I would have done. I’ve been practising with April.” I said, “Anthony would have had a much happier marriage, if his ex-wife had shrieked at him nonstop.” Elizabeth said, “When you’re right, you’re right, Ugly Brother.”
As you can tell, little sis. The story would have been much better if you had included our part in it.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 9:30 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, wuz that wut that wuz? ur mom screamin’? wow! ur mom shud leave her screamin’ 2 the indoors. she wuz so loud she shook the windows in our house, & we don’t live that close 2u. i hafta scrape the windows on mom’s car cuz our garage iz 2 full of stuff 2 park the car in there, but i don’t scream wen i do it.
i thot duncan wuz spendin’ 2day in TO w/zandra, but if he’z not then i mite come ovah 2 his house 2 study az long az zandra iz there 2 keep him under control. othahwise, he iz 2 distractin’.
At 9:31 AM,
howard said…
April,
What a sound your mother can produce, eh? I will bet it is so loud it would cause your father’s eyes to recede into his head, if he were standing next to your mother. It scared the dogs so badly over at Becky’s house we had to bring them all the way inside the house and calm them down, even Freyfaxi, the giant dog. It took several hours to coax them back out, and even then they were skittish. I guess this explains why the dogs get so nervous when there is an overnight snow fall. I will have to check the weather report from now on, for the dog’s sake. If they predict an overnight snow, then I think we will bring them in to sleep with me and Becky.
Howard Bunt
At 10:40 AM,
April Patterson said…
mike, omg, y r u in such a big hurry 2 criticize me an' my blog entry? i wasn't around 4 that convo u quoted, how was i supposta include it? insteada acting like my blog entry was all deficient cuz i didn't include sumthing i cdna
known abt, y cdn't u just b nice and say, "oh, here's sumthing u didn't know abt that cd help xxplain sum of the stuff u wrote abt"? wd that have been so hard? sheesh, i think u shd apologize 2 me.
jeremy, duncan and zandra went 2 toronto yesterday.
howard, yup, that was my mom alright. sorry she scared becky's dogs.
apes
At 4:17 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. Asking for an apology and assuming I was in a big hurry to criticize your Blog entry. I must say little sis, I am quite proud. Righteous indignation and an overly-sensitive reaction to something are 2 of the finest traits of being a Patterson. I think of all the times when dad judged all of society by its trash or when mom judged persons’ adulthood by their public manners, and I wondered if my little sis was ever going to develop the skills which it took to become a true Patterson. Your response to my comment on your Blog entry, answered all my questions and concerns. Yes, little sis. I can see you developing into a true Patterson, through and through. There will be nothing about which you cannot stand in superiour judgment after only a limited time observing it. It’s going to be good to have you around my kids, because if I ever want to show my son and my daughter how a young Patterson is supposed to be, I can point to their auntie April.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 4:50 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, that wuz an innerestin’ tyme @the study session. I hafta admit wen wilco the rabbit startin’ poundin’ on the television, it wuz a little distractin’. i asked zandra larson wut wuz goin’ on & she sed, “on wilco’s favrite tv show labyrinto de los novios, the younger sister of the heroine began repeatin’ ‘aposté que él todavía te ama’ over & over again. then the action went 2 the heroine’s mother az she wuz screamin’ her anguish ovah her lot in life, while scraping the ice off of her car. i think the younger sister repetitiveness wuz supposed 2 symbolize the heroine’s inability 2 express herself & the mother wuz supposed 2 symbolize the heroine’s icy exteriour which wuz keepin’ 1 of the ‘novios’ frum lovin’ her. it wuz gettin’ 2b 2 symbolic 4 wilco. he prefers the story 2 show him wut’s happenin’ nsteada tellin’ him. thanx 4 keepin’ him frum breakin’ the tv.”
then wen gerald wuz in the room & lettin’ out these sighs ‘bout how he wunted 2 do sum more personal studyin’ w/u, that wuz distractin’. gordie durroccher’s sk8board analogies 4 rememberin’ thingz were pretty distractin’. duncan breakin’ n2 air guitar wuz distractin’. then wen zapata henderson showed up wuntin’ 2 talk 2 me ‘bout her l8est break-up w/her bf, eldritch, & zandra sed, “zapata, jeremy iz studyin’ 4 xxams. why don’t u talk 2 me? we’ll go 2 anothah room & i know all ur probs will melt rite off u.” then wen zapata sed, “No, OK? No, No, No and NO!!” i knew i hadda leave & talk 2 zapata, or no1 wud get ne studyin’ done.
At 6:23 PM,
April Patterson said…
mike, so u act like i'm jumping 2 baseless conclusions, asking 4 an apology i don't deserve, and then pretend u r paying me a compliment. let me remind u that u wrote, "The story would have been much better if you had included our part in it." uh, how cd i have dun that if i didn't know abt that "part," eh?
so: admit u were wrong. then apologize 2 me.
jeremy, yeah, thoze thingz were pretty distracting. i guess we r lucky that we were able 2 cover all the material that we did, eh?
apes
At 10:11 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. “Admit you were wrong. Then apologize to me.” Little sis. You are very silly sometimes. You know perfectly well apologizing is not what we Pattersons do. Did mom apologize to you for yelling at you this last week? I didn’t think so. It’s perfectly alright for you to expect an apology, but it would be a serious breach of Patterson etiquette if I actually gave you one.
Love,
Michael Patterson
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