Mike = "Kept Man"? Ew!

Here's the next bit that Mike hadta say

April,

Little sis. The best thing about quitting my job was how many things I found out about the true nature of my wife as a result. You were there for part of it. I had come home from Portrait Magazine and announced to my wife I had quit my job, and you popped in from around this enormous wall and hallway which were located just behind the stairs to the second floor bedrooms. I have lived at Sharon Park Drive for most of my life, and the tendency for the house to rearrange its interiour has never ceased to amaze me. For example, when I left for work this morning, in place of that enormous wall and hallway was the door to the back porch.

You were there with my children, apparently baby-sitting behind that wall, even though Deanna was home. Back in my old apartment, when there was a baby-sitter waiting there after work, it usually meant Deanna and I were going to go out. That was not the case this time. As I was thinking about this, you said, “Mike finally did what?” Deanna replied, “He left his job at Portrait Magazine! I’ve been begging him to quit and he did!” As you saw, little sis, Deanna gave her begging (whining, caterwauling, nagging, etc.) the total credit for me quitting my Portrait job. I had a sudden thought, which filled my mind with dread: If Deanna thinks “begging” works, then she may continue that practice for the rest of my life. I had this sudden flash of me, in a train conductor’s uniform, playing with model trains.

I was about to launch into a protest, when my son leaped over my shoulder and I caught him just in time. My son was headed for my wallet, but he was not going to get it. This distracted me from my mission long enough so that you were able to fire off your question, “What will you do now?” My mind raced back to the model trains, but I convinced my mouth to answer, “Freelance…And I have an outline done for a second book.” I was thinking of calling it Son of the Soddy or The Soddy vs. Godzilla. Which one do you like?

As you departed, what you didn’t see (probably because you went all black) was Deanna grab me by the shirt collar and say, “I’m going to be the breadwinner. For a while! And...if you’re working at home, we won’t have to look for an apartment in the city!” Then the shame of it all fell on me. I couldn’t think of any couples in Milborough where the wife was the breadwinner, which could stand as a good example for me to follow in my life. Steve Nichols cheated on Anne Nichols. Thérèse Caine cheated on Anthony Caine. The only solution which popped into my head was that I could become a “kept man”. I am sure you know the ones, little sis. I would be a white boy from the suburbs that marries a rich city lady. My job would be to pleasure her and be eye candy. She in returns takes care of all my financial needs. I could not imagine this was what Deanna really wanted. I said, “You’re really OK with this? …I’ll be a ‘kept man’!”

But Deanna answered with an enthusiastic “Yes…and with less tension in your life.—I’ll be able to keep you for longer.” Well, little sis, it’s hard to deny a woman who answers your question with a pun, even if she implied that the tension in my life was going to kill me. Deanna put her arms on my shoulders. I put my hands on her shoulder blades, as she started to slide to the floor. I think it might have led to something else, if Edgar hadn’t been on the floor giving us the evil eye. Gone are the days when a little romantic punning led to some hanky-panky on the floor. I think it’s been almost 5-6 years now since those days. I hope Deanna doesn’t expect me to wear a Speedo as a part of this “kept man” business.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Aw, man, I've gotta give sum extra treats 2 Eddie! And I M sooooo replacing my bed when I get the chance. Ew!

Abt yr next book, I think mayB it's time 2 move on fr. the whole "Soddy" theme.

It makes me kinda sad that Dee believed U quit Portrait cuz U asked her, since that seemz 2 have lil or nothing 2 do w/it. Poor Dee! Tho I guess yr rite, this cd put U on the road 2 a "Dad" choo-choo kinda future.

Morrie, I'm sorry 2 hear abt yr trubs w/the shady moving company!

Apes