April's Real Blog

Saturday, March 24, 2007


So I heard a bit more abt the "every1 look @ Mike" party a week ago @ Weed's studio. This time, what I heard was that Gordo an' Tracey went up 2 Liz an' Warren, and Gordo asked Liz 2 introduce him an' Tracey 2 her "friend." And Liz was all, "Gordon and Tracey Mayes, this is Warren Blackwood." And Warren went, "Whoa! [another whoa?] U own Mayes Motors out on the hiway, rite?!!" That's kind of a big ol' conclusion 2 leap 2, doncha think? Yeah, it happs that he lucked out and it turned out 2 B true, but imagine all the awkward if he'd been sum other "Mayes." It's not the world's most uncommon last name, eh?

NEhoodles, while Gordon and Warren talked, I hear that Tracey put a hand on one of Lizzie's arms and was all, "It looks like Gordon and Warren have it it off! ....Is he yr new beau?" Beau? Is Tracey turning 31 this yr or 91?!?!?!? Then it seemz Liz was all, "I don't want a new beau, Tracey. ....The last one left 2 many arrows." Sum ppl R saying that rite after that, Mike tapped her on the shoulder and sed, "Slightly older younger sis? Bravo for employing a pun here, and such an unexpected one! Some people might wonder what a beau has to do with archery, but they simply have to forget about spelling and go for the lovely homonym. Bow and arrows. That's wonderful. You'll be a married Patterson lady before you know it!" But I can't verify that last bit 4 sure.


Labels: , , , , , ,


  • At 7:01 AM, Anonymous Marjee Mahaha said…

    April, maybe I'm being overly sensitive, especially since I've lost my fiancé to your sister, but this whole "arrows" thing hits me as a dig against Paul being First Nations. Which would make it a very hurtful and offensive comment, not to mention reeking with horrible old stereotypes.

    This is just the kind of thing my birth mom recently did a book on. She was looking at the depiction of indigenous peoples in popular culture. Imagine the outrage if a line like this appeared in pop culture these days--say, a TV show or a comic strip!


  • At 7:09 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    marjee, i was wondering abt that, but the last time i accused sum1 of making a racist st8ment, i got blasted! in ne event, i think it's likely that liz will come on here and deny that there was nething insensitive abt what she sed.


  • At 10:29 AM, Anonymous Constable Paul Wright said…


    Boozhoo (Hello).

    Miigwetch (Thank you) for your e-mail saying I could read your writings today and say what I felt needed to be said about your nisayenh (brother’s) party and what your sister said about me.

    First I think I need to correct a common misunderstanding about the Ojibway people. The mitigwaab (bow) and mitigwanwi (arrow), its technology and craft are an important tradition with the Ojibway. But, the first mitigwaab (bow) and mitigwanwi (arrow) were found in Africa. The Ojibway did not starting using them until many years later. Many Ojibway are offended if the terms are used to refer to the Ojibway as a people.

    Television and movie programs have shown the Ojibway in a stereotyped way for so long, many people believe they are that way. The Ojibway are not miigwani-wiiwakwaan (feather headdresses) and war paint, mitigwaab (bow) and mitigwanwi (arrow), bizhiki (buffalo) and teepees, mindoominez (beads) and skins, nibwaakaawin (wisdom) and miigaadiwin (warfare). This is not the way the Ojibway are today. Anyone who came to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) would see that. The mitigwaab (bow) and mitigwanwi (arrow) are a part of our tradition, but they are also a part of our stereotype. Most Ojibway today are not mitigwaabinini (archers). As a member of the Ontario Provincial Police, I can tell you I have never used the mitigwaab (bow) and mitigwanwi (arrow) as part of my duty, and I never used them when I was dating your sister.

    Many people resort to stereotypes when they want to hurt someone because they are angry. I think your sister is still angry at what she has done to herself. She gave up her job, a community who loved her, and me to chase after Anthony Caine when he was divorced. I think she is angry Mr. Caine has not started a relationship with her, after she did that for him. If I was angry at your sister like she is angry at me, I might say something like, “I don’t want a new fork. My last girlfriend spoke with a forked tongue.” Speaking with a forked tongue (not trustworthy) is the Ojibway stereotype of the White. What she said does not hurt me; but it might make her friend Mrs. Mayes think your sister is a racist.

    My girlfriend Susan Dokis (whom I call Chipper) saw what you wrote your sister said. Chipper said, “Suds (her nickname for me). Normally I would be surprised someone who spent 2 years in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) would use an Ojibway stereotype as an insult, even if she is angry; but not Elizabeth Patterson.” Working on the OPP, I have seen many people say things you would not expect. I think the time your sister spent among my people has had an effect. Chipper is not convinced. She thinks the “beaus and arrows” pun is the way your sister is. Chipper says one of the other Ojibway stereotypes is our people make little effort to get an education. She said your sister reinforced that stereotype again and again during her teaching. She did not like it when I told her your sister was so happy she cried when she got the job teaching summer school in Mississauga. She says that shows how your sister really thought about her Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) teaching.

    I decided to read a few more of your writings about your nisayenh (brother’s) party. I remember when your sister told me her relationship with Warren Blackwood was over. He was at the party with your sister, so it was not true. Vivian Crane told me when I was dating your sister, she would say it was not serious and we were just friends. I was in love with your sister then, so it was not true. Chipper says your sister likes having a man around, like some women like having a very nice purse. You want to have a purse around because they are handy, but you don’t want to marry it. When Chipper is using her native humour and talking about me and your sister, she says I was her Ojibway purse—perfect for the North, but out of fashion in the South. Chipper is very good at native humour.

    Your sister should be careful with Warren Blackwood. As a constable of the Ontario Provincial Police, I find it unusual a man who lives in Vancouver is able to be in Milborough just when your nisayenh (brother) has his party. I also find it unusual he would know enough about the town of Milborough to recognize your friends, Mr. and Mrs. Mayes, own an automobile dealership, just from the common name. Your writings say he was very impressed with the place for the party, the party, and Mr. Mayes. I think Mr. Blackwood is more prepared than he is impressed. He is planning something, but I do not know what it is.

    This is all I have to say about your writings. Miigwetch (Thank you) for remembering us. Chipper would love to meet you someday, without your sister. After your sister’s last visit to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), I think it will be a long time before people here will want to see her again.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

  • At 10:58 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Little sis. I can see from your Blog entry someone has been spreading rumours about me. As you know, Gordon and Tracey Mayes are two of the strongest proponents of the Anthony Caine / Elizabeth Patterson relationship, and I can assure you that I would never interrupt their machinations to compliment my sister on a pun. My comments on the Lizardbreath’s punnery occurred much later in the evening. At the time during the party you mentioned, I believe I was busy in conversation with the silhouette of our Grandma Marian, who arrived at the party so she could tell me how proud she was I got a publisher. At least I think it was a silhouette of our Grandma Marian, but I am not certain because I was in a dark shadow for most of the conversation. The lighting in Josef Weeder’s photo studio is difficult, because so many of the hanging pipes block the lights. You literally can walk from being totally lit to a slight shadow or in nearly complete darkness. How Jo uses the place for photography, I do not know. It is one of mysteries of his photographic genius, I suppose.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 11:00 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    paul, thanx 4 writing in. i thot u shd have a chance 2 tell yr side of things. i think the "forked tung" joke is v. v. appropriate!


  • At 11:02 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, i think if i saw a silhouette of grandma marian, i'd b so scared i mite pee my pants! it wd b like seeing a ghost.


  • At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…


    Little sis. I suppose when mom says that her mother cast a shadow over her life, you thought she was speaking figuratively. There are enough silhouette people at R.P. Boire senior secondary, I would think you would be familiar with them by now and how they oftentimes take on the aspects of people who are not “light-challenged” as they like to call it. Please remember silhouette people really hate being compared to ghosts, and no one wants to hear about your public urination in your clothing.

    Mom tells me when I was young, there were no silhouette people; but that was a long time ago. I wonder if I ever tell my children the stories of my youth, if I will remember it the same way, or will I suddenly start remembering silhouette people in my stories that I didn’t remember when the things originally happened. I asked mom about it, and all she did was mutter something about how the Good Witch of Corbeil needed to keep her background artist employed. It didn’t make sense to me, but that’s the way it is most times when mom mentions the Good Witch.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 11:40 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, last nite @kool haus 2c incubus, w/vicki simone & the v-girls & their bfs includin’ gordie wuz pretty gr8. the kool haus has a gr8 audio setup & i think i am gonna luv doin’ the internship there.

    i don’t think vanessa & i r officially bf/gf yet. she introduced me 2 her friends az her victimificant othah, which i thot wuz like a bf, but it is not xxactly the same. wen 1 of vanessa’s friends took her aside & asked her if i wuz her new bf, i heard her say she sed she didn’t wanna a new bf, cuz the last 1 left 2 many arrows. i took vicki simone aside & asked ‘bout that & she sed vanessa’s last bf wuz n2 stunt archery & met w/a tragic end. i sed, “he got killed frum arrows?” vicki sed, “no. he graduated frum r.p. boire, got hired by gordon mayes & duzn’t do archery nemore. he is no longer victimificant.” then vicki kinda got choked up wen she sed that part. then she sed, “he gave all his arrows 2 vanessa & she has arrows all ovah her room & she is 2 sentimental 2 throw them out.” then it made sense, actually more sense than wen ur sis sed the same thing 'bout arrows @ur bro’s partee.

    neway, i think i wud rather b a v-othah than a bf rite now neway. vanessa is a lotta fun. i had a good tyme. i danced w/vicks sum, cuz gordie wuz not movin’ ‘round much. yes, vicki found his sk8board & took it away frum him. he wuz kinda in a bad move mosta the rest of the evenin’ but @least he wuzn’t back in hospital. i dunno wut u did last nite. ur blog is kinda stuck talkin’ ‘bout ur bro’s partee.

  • At 1:42 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i dunno what i did last nite, either, jeremy. sumtymez my life is just like that.


  • At 6:12 PM, Blogger Vicki Simone said…

    U did an awesome job w/the sound the Kool Haus last nite, Jeremy! What can I say, Vanessa's connected w/the rite ppl. :-)

    So yeah, she's totally n2 u, but she's also burned from the guy she dated after the stunt-archery dood. It was this guy Virgil from Ascension of Our Lord Secondary School n Mississauga. He was stopping by her house & accidentally impaled himself on a stray crossbow n the dining room. He survived, but he can't drink soda because it spurts outta his stomach. He didn't want Vanessa 2 tell anyone about this because he thought it made him look clumsy & vilified his character.

    & thanks 4 dancing last nite! Gordie understands that we're looking out 4 him, but he's still upset bcause if he's outta danger he won't get injured, & he likes the hospital food.

    Apes, I have an xtra ticket 2 c the Roots 2nite @ the Kool Haus if u wanna go & r allowed 2 stop talking about this boring partee...lol.


  • At 6:40 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    vicks, i m so there! what time shd i meet u an' where?


  • At 7:19 PM, Blogger Vicki Simone said…

    Kewl! I'm not sure if u rec'vd my txt--is it ok if me & Vanessa come by yr house @ 8 pm? We can hang n the Acid Lounge until 9, when the show starts. Don't worry, I'll b back 2 my metal ways next week...lol.

    I think I'll wear this top & these pants, but I mite change my mind n 5 minutes. I just need lots of pockets...lol.


  • At 7:41 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    vicks, yeah, 8 wd b cube. i like the clothes. shd i call myself "vapril" 2nite?


  • At 7:45 PM, Blogger Vicki Simone said…

    Thanx! I can always yr opinion, which sounds weird bcause she-who-must-not-b-named makes u wear fug clothes some days, but I know that's beyond yr control. Violetta & her bf Vince r gonna b there too, so u can be an honourary v-girl. :-)



Post a Comment

<< Home