Significant
Sum more of what I heard abt this past Saturday's "Mike's a bigshot" party @ Weed's place in TO.
I heard that Mom was all, "Oh, John (SNIFF!) [crying] I'm so proud! I've been reading Michael's work, helping 2 edit... I alwayz hoped he'd find a publisher... and now... ::HONK:: [blowing her nose]" And that Liz overheard this and kinda raised her brows while Dad smirked. Then I heard that Warren was all, "This is pretty amazing, Liz!" And Liz was like, "Yes. --I feel kind of insignificant next 2 my famous brother! Well, he's not famous yet, but..." And I heard that Warren cut her off, all "Hey. U'll never B insignficant!" And that when Liz went, "No?" Warren was like, "U cd become my 'significant' other!" Gah, what a bizarre way 2 ask sum1 2 have a longterm relationship w/U. And all in service of bad punnery. Y?
Apes
I heard that Mom was all, "Oh, John (SNIFF!) [crying] I'm so proud! I've been reading Michael's work, helping 2 edit... I alwayz hoped he'd find a publisher... and now... ::HONK:: [blowing her nose]" And that Liz overheard this and kinda raised her brows while Dad smirked. Then I heard that Warren was all, "This is pretty amazing, Liz!" And Liz was like, "Yes. --I feel kind of insignificant next 2 my famous brother! Well, he's not famous yet, but..." And I heard that Warren cut her off, all "Hey. U'll never B insignficant!" And that when Liz went, "No?" Warren was like, "U cd become my 'significant' other!" Gah, what a bizarre way 2 ask sum1 2 have a longterm relationship w/U. And all in service of bad punnery. Y?
Apes
Labels: Dad, Liz, Mike, Mike's literary pretensions, Mom, stupid puns, Warren
posted by April Patterson @ 5:57 AM
6 Comments:
At 7:41 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I must say that even though Warren Blackwood is not the Lizardbreath’s childhood sweetheart, he is showing excellent signs he knows how to woo a Patterson woman. First he leers at pictures of other women, while he is standing by her. Then he puts forth a proposition to become a “significant” other, while using a pun on the word “significant”. There is no faster way to a Patterson woman’s heart than through a pun.
That is quite a bit more impressive than the “grabbing and kissing” method your boyfriend used to start his relationship with you. I know he was just 11 years old at the time, but rumour has it that his romantic style has not changed much in the intervening period. He would do well to take notes from Warren, as would a certain Anthony “Get off your butt and propose already” Caine. Of course, I could be giving Warren Blackwood too much credit. Your breath, little sis, smells much better than Liz’s does, so Mr. Blackwood may simply be showing as much affection to Liz as he can without having to smell her halitosis.
As for mom, I realize I had made a tactical error in not publicly thanking her for reading and editing my work. If I had done so, then she might not have felt the need to work the room “HONK”ing her nose and declaring how proud she is of herself. At least she kept herself busy.
As for me, my lovely wife Deanna kept me busy introducing me to friends and business associates I didn’t even know I had and most of them were not very pretty. Ah, the price you pay for being famous.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 8:12 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i hadda pretty good day 2day. vicki simone’s v-girl friend vanessa went 2 the kool haus & got them 2 lower the minimum age 4 their xtra credit internship 4 a new guy 2 handle audio 4 their shows. she came by the w/the principal 2day & he sed, “oh, jeremy (sniff!). i’m so proud! i’ve been reading ur resume, helpin’ vanessa 2 edit it…i always hoped 1 of our own @r.p. boire wud get this internship…& now…” then there wuz this big honking sound as a flock of canadian geese landed in the skool yard. either that or ur mother blew her nose again. neway long story short. i got the internship, i got outa detention 4 next week, & i think i may have a gf.
u may not know this ‘bout the v-girls in skool, but in addition 2 havin’ all names which start w/”v”, they r also known 4 havin’ “victimificant” bfs. 4 example, vicki simone’s bf gordie duroccher is constantly a victim of his own sk8boardin’ accidents. valerie & violetta have bfs w/similar, but completely diff issues. aftah vanessa got me outa detention & got me the internship, i sed, “this is way more than wut the tix i got u r worth. wut do i owe u?” vanessa sed, “u cud b-come my victimificant othah.” she hadda xxplain wut that meant. it turns out that between the gym/jam disaster & the “retarded” disaster, i meet the qualifications ez.
we’re out 2nite @kool haus 2c incubus, the v-girls & the v-othahs includin’ gordie who’s finally recovered enuff frum hiz broken coccyx 2 get outa st. michael's hospital. either i or vicki simone will let u know how it goez. i’m mainly gonna b learnin’ their sound setup, but i promised 2 spend sum tyme w/vanessa while i wuz there. mebbe vicks 2, if she wunts 2 dance or sumthin’ w/a guy, since gordie’s not supposed 2 move around a lot.
At 8:29 PM,
howard said…
April,
In a few more hours I’ll have to go to spend my weekend at Mimico Correctional Centre doing shamp-Ohs for the conjugal visitors and being away from computer access. Becky came up to Toronto have supper with me and she brought with her a party dress I asked her to pick up for my assistant Francine, so she wouldn’t have to spend any more formal evenings out dressed like a jester. Francine put on the dress and was whirling around in it.
She said, “This is amazing, Howard!” Becky said, “Wearing that other dress probably made you feel pretty insignificant.” Then Francine got a very earnest look on her face and said, “Howard. Becky. With this dress I’ll never be insignificant again. As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this party with the jester dress and when it's all over, I'll never be insignificant again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be insignificant again!”
Becky and I both clapped. I think Francine is on her way to recovering from working for your brother for almost 4 years.
Howard Bunt
At 8:41 PM,
April Patterson said…
4tun8ly ger knows i h8 puns, so he doesn't try an' use 'em on me.
jeremy, congrats!
apes
At 8:42 PM,
Anonymous said…
April, Jeremy might be the most victimificant boy in our school. I'm such a lucky V-girl!
Vanessa
At 8:44 PM,
April Patterson said…
scarlett o'francine, howard! so gwtw!
apes
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