April's Real Blog

Saturday, November 17, 2007

We finally left the restaurant!

Well, here's how we finally left the Country Kitchen Restaurant @ Gordo's Garage an' Grill. Mike's watch started 2 beep. He was all, "Oh, yes! I set my watch alarm 2 remind myself 2 set aside time 2 work on my next masterpiece, about the windjammer. Well, this has been the most fun, but I have 2 obey my muse!" Mike got up and walked away. Anthony was all, "Welp, better get back 2 work!" And he got going. Liz was like, "Okay, let's take my laundry back 2 my apt. I think I only have one more story 2 tell abt Michael for now." I whispered, "Thank God." On our way out, I slipped the waitress a ten-spot for her tip. I just knew that Mike, Liz, and Anthony wd think we don't hafta give her NEthing since our cinnabuns and coffee were comped. But we spent a long time in that booth and the waitress cda been making $$ from paying customers. And she did w8 on us, an' shd B paid 4 that.

NEhoodles, as I followed Liz down in2 her basement apt, Liz was carrying her laundry basket, which was piled hi w/clothes an' linens, and I was carrying sum xxtra laundry that Liz wasn't able 2 fit in2 the basket. As we were doing that, I was all, "So... Michael was jealous of U 'cause were U a cute little girl, an' he was, well... a boy!" And Liz was all, "I guess..." She didn't say NEthing else until we'd gone in2 her bedroom and she'd hung abt half her laundry. Then she sed, "But, I guess I was jealous of him 2. He cd do all kinds of things that I cdn't do." Sitting on the edge of Lizzie's bed, I asked, "Like what?" Liz was all, "I dunno... He cd climb up an' get stuff out of cupboards. He cd open the fridge, he could play outside and he cd do..." Then while saying, "...other things..." Liz sprouted a thot bubble that showed Mike looking more similar 2 Robin than how he looked in most of the thot bubbles Mike an' Liz had been showing in their other flashback-stories. In this thot bubble w/the Robin-looking Mike, Mike was standing in front of an open toilet, and little Nizzie was holding herself up by curling her fingers over the edge of the bowl (ew!). And Mike had this speech text sprung up in front of him: "MAAAAA!!! Lizzie's watchin' me again!"

I sed, "First of all, ew." And Liz sed, "U R so critical!" Then I was like, "Hang on, Liz. In the stories that U were even IN, U were a little baby, not even crawling yet, let alone pulling yrself up 2 watch Mike pee. Secondly, U were aware enuf 2 xxperience jealousy, and sumhow xxperience it in a way that U R able 2 remember having felt this way?" And Liz sed, "What makes U think I remember NE of this? I don't even know if it's true. I've got a script, remember?" And I sed, "Oh, rite, the script."

NEway, peeps, I M cautiously optimistic that by Monday, I will B able 2 move on2 a new topic. And of course, on Sundays we nearly alwayz talk abt sumthing diff.


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  • At 9:02 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Well, the fact that they're reading this from a script your Mom handed them makes a lot more sense than this having really happened. It also solves the mystery of why your brother writes such implausible seeming material. Copared to this, Stone Season and its follow-ons are a lot more realisitic.

  • At 9:43 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Oh, Amazon River catfish supervillain, are you hinting you would like a free copy of my book? As you may know, most of the criticism of my book comes from little snippets I have leaked in my monthly letters, and not from people who have read the whole thing. My sister April may complain about the book, but she also says she has not read it, so you can discount anything she might say.

    Let me assure that after those monthly letter snippets came under the sharp editing knife of my mother, Elly Patterson, they were no longer just snippets. I have literally seen their accumulated, mom-edited, entirety bring grown adults to their knees weeping. At book signings, people have told me while crying, "Michael Patterson. After reading Stone Season, I never want to read again." That is how powerful my book is.

    If you want a free copy, I'll see if can find one for you. Just give me the address of whatever muddy bog or creek bank in the Amazon River where you live, accepts mail.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 10:16 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Include me out, pal! What they're saying is that, thanks to aping what your mom thinks is a prose style, you've managed to destroy their ability to take pleasure in reading books. If you had your ownvoice instead of trying to please a college drop-out, you'd be wondering what you did wrong when they said that because, being liteal-minded, you wouldn't know that they'd found the very perfect book.

  • At 12:57 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    watch out, dc2, i know mike well enuf that i can predict he'll think u just complimented him. 0_o


  • At 9:55 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Sorry, old Amazon catfish. You lost me on that address after you started talking about the apes. I need an address, not a discussion on the literary skills of your mail workers in the Amazon. I really don't expect apes to be that good with literature anyway.

    Michael Patterson


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