April's Real Blog

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Lemonade stand

So on that long, long day, about a week and a half ago, when Liz did her laundry, drove me home, got mad @ Mike, left, came back, got me 2 get back in the car w/her, and went 2 Mayes Midtown Motors 4 a fillup, and told me stories from when Mike was five and she was a little baby? A little baby not even present 4 most of the stories she was telling? Yeah, well, I'll U what happed next.

When the station attendants saw that Anthony had gotten gasoline all over himself while trying 2 give Liz her fillup, one of them, André, came running over and sed he'd take over so Anthony cd clean himself up and change his clothes. It seems he always has changes of clothes in his office cuz stuff just goes wrong that regularly.

NEway, B4 he went off 2 change and clean up, Anthony sed that we shd meet him in Gordo's restaurant. Lest U 4get that Mayes Midtown Motors has one. With cinnamon buns.

So Liz and I got a table, and while we w8ed 4 Anthony, Gordo came over 2 chat. "Liz! What have U been up 2?" She told him a summary of our day. He was like, "Really? Seriously? Sounds like U can really use sum coffee and cinnamon buns. On the house, of course!" He snapped his fingers for a waitress, who came over not looking v. happy 2 have sum1 snap fingers @ her.

"Cindy! Free coffee and cinnamon buns for these two. They're Pattersons!"

Cindy bit her lip and sed, "Yes, sir!" She took our coffee orders and left.

Anthony appeared with Michael trailing behind him. "Liz! April! Gordon! U'll never believe who I just ran in2!"

Gordo sed, "Since Michael Patterson is standing rite behind U, I'd wager U ran in2 him."

Anthony was all, "Yeah! Hey, it's no mistake he's the boss, am I rite, ladies? And Mike?"

So Mike sat down next 2 me and Anthony plunked himself next 2 Liz. Mike was all, "Lizardbreath, which story did U just tell?" She let him know that she'd just told the story of Mike's big "KASMASH" from the kitchen while dad was bottlefeeding Liz." Mike was like, "Oh! Well, U have 2 tell the lemonade-stand story next!" That was the very next one in the sequence!

And Liz sed, "Since U R here and U're such an xxpert, Y don't U tell it?"

Cindy showed up w/the coffee and cinnamon buns and put them on the table. Then she took coffee orders from Mike and Anthony.

Mike was like, "Good thinking, Lizard! Leave the storytelling 2 the professional when he's available! Okay, so watch carefully." Mike sprang 4 consecutive thot bubbles. In the 1st, 5yo Mike was sitting on the stoop just outside the house. He had a sailbout next 2 him, and he had his head resting on 2 grotesquely 4shortened 4arms, with his elbowz on his knees. We cd C Mom's legs in plaid just behind him. Mike had a speech bubble with, "I don't have NEthing 2 do. I don't have NE1 to play w/." In the next thot bubble, Mom was sitting down on the stoop next 2 Mike. In this panel, he looked bald and had the double-eyebrow effect peeps useta get then. His arms were crossed on his knees and his hands looked v. deformed. Mom had an arm around Mike and sed, "I have an idea! Y don't we set up a lemonade stand!" 3rd thot bubble, Mike, still balding, was C'n across the street telling Lawrence and sum freckled kid w/glasses, "Hey, guys! My mom is settin' up a lemonade stand!" In the background was Mom setting up the stand in front of the house: "Lemonade 1 c." Final thot bubble, Mom was sitting at the stand, pouring lemonade 4 Mike, who had his tung sticking out of the corner of his mouth. Lawrence, Gordo, another boy, and a little girl were crowding around the table. Mom thot bubbled, "Sumhow.. this isn't what I had in mind..."

Gordo sed, "Oh, I remember that! Mike, yr mother's lemonade was horrible! It's like U'd get a gulp of sour lemon taste, and then a big clump of sugar. It was awful. As soon as we'd tasted that junk, we all ran home."

Mike looked kind of sad. "Yeah. Then I was bored again. I think I got Mom 2 put on a puppet show."

Liz went, "Where was I during all this?"

Mike sed, "Oh, U were in yr crib. Mom useta just leave U there when she was bizzy and Dad wasn't willing or able 2 help out. When we went back in2 the house U were screaming. U'd spat up all over yrself and yr diaper was soaked."

Liz sed, "It just figures!" When Mike gave her a stern look and rolled his eyez in Anthony's direction, Liz sed, "But Mom cdn't help it b-cuz she knew she was nurturing a son who was xxtra smart and sensitive and theatrical and inquisitive, who needed the xxtra attention."

Anthony broke in w/"B-sides, all that neglect helped make U the good person U R 2day."

Gordo sed, "I'm having an Elly-Patterson lemonade flashback. I'm outta here."

Stay tuned 4 more reminiscing.


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  • At 8:16 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    Oh, how typical. He was bored out of his tiny mind so Mom comes up with a way of giving him something to do. Since he's an idiot, he thought it was her stand and acted accordingly. Way to fill his days, SheetShaver; he'll spend the rest of his life expecting others to jump through hoops for him.

  • At 9:07 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    u totally hafta watch how u word things around mike, dc2. since he is so literal, he is prolly out buying sum hula hoops now cuz he thinx the idea of c-ing ppl jump thru 'em is entertaining.


  • At 11:11 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    CRAP!! My bad. Odds are your mom will bribe people to do it, too. A lot of people in your neighborhood seem to say free dental work is a small price to pay for the loss of their dignity.

  • At 12:11 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. When my kids and I saw the Chinese acrobats in Toronto, jump through hoops, they were entertaining. I don’t know who would find the people in our neighbourhood jumping through hoops entertaining, except perhaps one of those doctors who does hip replacement. Can you imagine Anne Nichols or Connie Poirier or even mom doing a Chinese hoop act? The snapping and splintering of old lady bones would certainly distract from the entertainment value, I would think. You should stop listening to Amazon River catfish and what they consider to be entertaining. You are a Patterson and all you need is a really good pun. However, in lieu of that, I think tomorrow you should have another story about me, as told by Elizabeth.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 12:31 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, 2 answer ur 1st question, i have not heard frum duncan, not that he wud evah try 2 contact me. 2 answer ur 2nd question, i can come by lilliput’s aftah u get off work 2 walk u home, so u don’t hafta w8 4 ur mom 2 get there, since she kinda ditched u yestahday. that “i’m done b-ing a parent” thing ur mom & dad have goin’ can rilly bite.

    i can totally b-lieve ur mom decided doing a lemonade stand w/ur niece & nephew iz more mportant than pickin’ u up. i think the story u rilly shud’ve told 2day wuz how u got beatrice alfarero 2 give u a ride home & u found ur mom had set up anothah lemonade stand 2 compete w/the 1 ur niece & nephew set up. evn tho she wuz sellin’ hers for 1 cent (cuz “thass the way i sold lemonade w/michael”), ur niece & nephew’s lemonade wuz sellin’ bettah cuz it didn’t make ne sick, & they were doin’ everythin’ themselves & didn’t need ne1’s help (xxcept 4u stoppin’ ur nephew frum eatin’ the money, of course).

    2 answer ur 3rd question, i did get us tix 2c the police @the air canada centre 4 2morrow nite. i hope ur still free 2 go & ur fam hazn’t got u doin’ sumthin’ else.

  • At 12:42 PM, Blogger howard said…


    The old lemonade stand. That brings back memories of just last weekend. My girls María and Ana’s junior league girls hockey game got cancelled and they decided they wanted to do a lemonade stand. Well, I have a great recipe for lemonade. I got fresh lemons and a nonfattening sweetener and few little spices which will have to remain a secret (competitive edge). María and Ana got bored during the lemon squeezing and pulp extraction process, and wanted to go with a mix where you just add water and sugar. I swore to them that once they had made a proper lemonade, they would never want to go with a mix again. After some effort, the lemonade was ready, and the girls were ready to sell it. It worked great. The quality paid off in spades. Soon there were adults lounging around our front lawn demanding lemonade after lemonade, and I could barely keep up with the demand. María and Ana made close to $300, but my wife Beatrice was furious, because I think she had some things she wanted me to do around the house, because all the people made a mess of the yard, and because the ingredients for that lemonade cost more than $300. However, April, you have to make sacrifices in order to teach children about the power of good food.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 2:21 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, the prob is that u don't get that "jumping thru hoops" is an xxpression. i was totally rite abt u taking it literally.

    jeremy, i was kinda embarrassed abt the whole thing w/my mom and the lemonade stand. i mean, who does that 2 their grandkids? i was glad that merrie and robin did so much better than she did. that is such cube news re. the police! i m totally going. oh, and thanx 4 the whole walking-me-home thing.

    howard, i will hafta try sum of that lemonade. soundz delish.


  • At 3:36 PM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    A 'genius' at being literal-minded isn't what I have in mind when I think of a literARY mastermind. That may be the case in the PAttermanse but not anywhere where regular people hang out.

  • At 12:04 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey, Apes!

    How r u? I am fine. The weather is very warm here.

    Did u no that Arnes banging


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