April's Real Blog

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

More memories Liz never had

The next story that Liz thot-bubbled 4 me showed Dad sitting on an armchair as Michael (@ age 5) has a speech bubble w/"Daddy? ...What's sex?" The next thot bubble Liz sprang showed Dad sweating a couple of huge droplets while speech bubbling, "Well, er, Michael... most plants & animals R divided in2 males & females in, er, order 2 repro--" Thot bubble #3 shows Mike pting @ Dad while laffing this speech bubble: "Ha! Ha! I gotcha! Hee hee.. it's the number between 5 an 7!!! Ha ha ha ha" Final thot bubble shows Dad hunching over his newspaper and thot bubbling, "Just how much does the kid know...."

Erm, I'd guess not much. So I asked Liz, "Is THIS meant 2 show how smart, inquisitive, sensitive and theatrical Mike was? Cuz I'm not really feeling it." Liz was all, "Try not 2 think abt it 2 much. Just pretend we're talking abt sum little kid we don't even know, sum1 who hasn't grown up in2 a pompous adult. Then U mite even enjoy sum of these stories." I sed I'd try.

Perdita, thanx 4 telling us the rules abt posting 4 Duncan. I wish I knew what "delusions" he's supposta have, but I guess I'll have a better idea when he posts. And gd 4 U realizing U don't hafta B w/a childhood sweetheart, esp. if he's a dullard!


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  • At 7:03 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    I wonder what color Mike will make your dad turn in the next flashback. So far, we've seen burnt ochre and blush pink. Will it be vomit green? Panic pallor? Who knows. What I do know is tomorrow, we'll see your brother humiliate and annoy your dad again.

  • At 1:24 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, looks like a pretty ez list of words 2 avoid talkin’ 2 duncan. aftah all, “idiot” & “nutcase” r not on the list. ‘sides there’s lotsa othah ways of talkin’ ‘bout b-in’ cold, like chill or frigid or frosty or nippy or wintry. u can prolly talk 2 him ‘bout nethin’ az long az duncan knows the word. i guess w/duncan thass kinda gonna b the prob, eh? those words perdita put down r prolly the words duncan knows. by the way, who is perdita? duncan’s fam always gets me confused. she duzn’t sound like his mom 2 me.

    ur blog entry 2day soundz like sum1 told ur bro how ‘rents don’t like 2 do the lecture where they r supposed 2 tell u ‘bout sex, & he used that 2 play a joke on ur dad. wen i wuz 5, if i had done the same joke w/my dad, i wud find myself in the back of a truck headed off 2 the whorehouse. ur bro iz lucky ur dad didn’t know nethin’ ‘bout sex. didn’t u or becky tell me 1 tyme, ur mom told u ‘bout sex by leavin’ a book on a bookshelf 2 find it? on one hand it wud b rilly lazy, but on the othah hand u missed havin’a good laff @wutevah ur mom wud’ve told u.

    @least ur not az ignorant az ur mom is. wen i wuz ovah @ur house rubbin’ ur feet & u sed, “this iz bettah than sex,” it wuz weird the way ur mom popped in ur room lookin’ 4 pastries.

  • At 1:34 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. It sounds like Elizabeth is telling you these stories, but she has the scripts mixed up. I could have sworn, the story about “It's the number between 5 and 7” happened right before the "Why did I hafta get born first?" story. I suppose I should be happy she is even getting the stories right. I specifically told her not to tell the one where the punch line was “It's the number between 68 and 70.” After I told that joke, dad started asking me for advice; so I am glad she has left that one out.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 1:41 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I forget. Your sister is telling you these old stories about your brother for some reason, but I don’t remember it. Wasn’t she telling you stories about how she and your brother didn’t get along, last week? How did this turn into “your brother and your father didn’t get along” stories?

    I do have some unfortunate news for you. Thanks to the sales of your brother’s book Stone Season, Portrait Magazine is doing an issue on the “New Face of Canadian Literature” and it is featuring your brother. I think this was in response to the lawsuit settled out of court for defamation of character, due to the book review Portrait Magazine gave Stone Season. (It wasn’t good. It compared the book to the Black Plague and your brother to a disease-carrying rat.)

    Howard Bunt

  • At 3:24 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…


    When Mom first told me we were going to start reminiscing about The Old Days, I was kind of worried, I really didn't want to go back and relive the unpleasant parts of the past, like when I had that short haircut and looked a lot like Farley, but Mom told me it would be great and gave me a Big Book O' Rememberies that she said I should use to get stories out of for when there are lapses in a conversation, any conversation, and there was also a list of specific rememberies in the front, like "Mike was theatrical and sensitive and emotional" and "Connie Poirier wasn't a slut, she was a spunky and adventurous single mom" and "Dad wasn't a chauvanist pig back then at all" and "April was cute and full of beans," I noticed that I wasn't on that list, but then Mom said, "look at the bottom," and I saw that in small print it said, "Liz was a lot younger then," and I went away satisfied that all this "talk about old times" stuff would include me, but you know, every time I go into that book to pull out a story, it's about Mike, and when I asked Mom about it again, Mom said, "Of course! This remembering stuff is about showcasing how Mike has always been a star in the making!" and I asked Mom, "What about me?" and she said, "Well duh, you have always been a housewife in the making, but that's not interesting," I really started to pout, but Mom said, "Go along with this, and the Witch promises to make sure you get married in the spring," so there you are, I will be talking about Mike's childhood as much as possible.


  • At 5:59 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dc2, wow, i had no idea that ne1 else cd c those thot bubbles! odd, tho, when i saw 'em, they were in b/w, so i have no idea abt burnt ochre or blush pink. also, i saw them all over the course of one day, a bit more than a week ago. it sounds like u r c-ing 'em one day @ a time, rite around the time i'm writing abt them. weird!

    jeremy, u're rite. mom did leave a book abt sex on the bookshelf so i'd find it and learn what i needed 2 know. becky was smart enuf 2 figure out that mom had planted the book on purpose so i'd read it. oh, and perdita is duncan's older sister. but he didn't know that until v. recently. his fam had him thinking she was an aunt.

    mike, from what liz sez below, it sounds like she is just picking stories @ random.

    howard, yeah, these reminisces start out sounding like they're going 2 b about sumthing, but then they veer off the subj. i don't know y.

    liz, i know we fite and all, but after u go thru all this and get married 2 anthony, i hope u won't end up regretting it and wishing u hadn't.



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