Falling Back

Mike wants 2 share sumthing that happed in connection 2 the whole "fall back" of Daylight Saving Time ending:

April,

Formerly little sis. As often as I try to teach the proper way to manipulate the space/time continuum, I don’t seem to be able to get through to my son. I fear when the time comes for him to do retroactive continuity on his own life story, he may be forced to live his life exactly the way it happened, which you must admit, April, is a pretty horrible thing for a Patterson to have to do.

I came to this realization when I got home last night. I looked at the clock on the wall and discerned it said “8 o’clock” without a date on it; but just looking at an actual time caused to stir in me the feeling that it was “Time to set the clocks back. Another sign that winter’s coming!” Of course, the official start of “winter” is not actually coming until next month, but you know how things are around here. You tell a little story about your Gramma Marian to your daughter and the next thing you know a month has passed.

My lovely Deanna was in her pink underwear which I think I have seen her wear, I suppose, never. She was picking out a flannel nightgown to wear which caused me to think, “As is the flannel nightgown.” Then I thought, “Sigh.” Now, formerly little sis, you may think that when I think “Sigh” it is an actual “Sigh”, but that would not be correct. In this case, my thought of “Sigh” was actually an indication of my lament of having to see my lovely Deanna with her blonde hair and fair complexion in a dotted yellow, flannel nightgown. Honestly, there is only so much yellow a man can take in his wife.

In order to escape from this nightmare of yellow, I went to my daughter’s room, on the premise I would inform her about changing the time on her clock. I walked in and there was my daughter with her naked doll, lying in a blanket of solid yellow. Needless to say the comparison to my wife and her flannel nightgown in my mind suddenly occurred. I told her, “Turn back the time on your clock, Meredith. Daylight savings is over.” and exited as quickly as possible.

Later on my daughter informed me of the events which followed. She said she was attempting to reset her sunflower clock back an hour when my son came in and said, “Whatcha doin’?” My daughter said she replied, “Going back in time!” Now, while this is essentially true, I have warned my daughter about using too much figurative language around my extremely literal son. Naturally, he assumed that my daughter was manipulating her clock the same way his Auntie Liz manipulated time during her conversation with Candace Halloran over the life and times of Anthony and his Quebecoise ex-wife. According to my daughter, my son replied to her, “Really?” She responded with, “Yep! One whole hour.”

I did have to lecture my daughter thoroughly. “No figurative language around my son, and no talking like some hillbilly from the United States, with that ‘Yep!’” If there is one thing a Patterson hates, is listening to another Patterson sounding like some ignorant, uneducated person from the States. My son made the presumption of actual time manipulation and according to my daughter produced a thought balloon which said, “If I did something one hour ago, then I didn’t do it now!” And then he ran off, leaving his Super-Teddy in the dust, along with an actual dust cloud he stirred up when he started running. My lovely Deanna says we really must think about sweeping the floor in the hallway upstairs. I don’t think we have swept it since we moved in.

After retrieving a toy (van given to him by Mira Sobinski, which I am not motivated to fix) my son had broken in the last hour, according to my daughter he asked her, “Merediff—Can you turn the time back one more hour?” To which my daughter replied, “No…why?” Then my son brought the broken toy to her and said, “It’s still broken! My daughter started laughing when she told me that part, and she continued to laugh for several minutes. I said to her, “What’s so funny?” My daughter said, “Robin thinks you change time with a clock and fix a toy. He makes me laugh.”

Formerly little sis, as you know, if you are going to manipulate time, there are certain circumstances when that is allowed, and broken toys are not that circumstance. If my son had broken that toy over someone’s head and that event led to that someone getting a divorce and abandoning their children to a ghoulish ex-spouse, then it would be a different story. I have been paying attention and to my knowledge, my son’s broken toy has not led to any divorces.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Poor Robin. He's going 2 need lots an' lots of xxtra help. Here @ the TTH, I heard Dad saying "It's time 2 'fall back' and it's BACK 2 the flannel of late FALL. ::sigh::" And Mom sed, "*@#^%!!!" It's creepy how U an' Dee replic8 certain Mom-an'-Dad issues.

Apes

Apes