April's Real Blog

Monday, October 29, 2007

The Liz-Laundry Show

Liz came by recently when I was doing homework in the kitchen. She was toting a basket full of laundry, and sed, "Hey, Sis--Where's Mom an' Dad?" I was like, "They went 2 help Iris w/Grandpa. He went home from the hospital 2day." Liz asked, "How R U doing?" I was kinda shocked, but I was also bored, so I went, "I'm bored, I guess. ...Wanna go out sumplace?" And Liz was all, "I dunno--I was planning 2 do my laundry, watch sum mindless show and hang w/the family." Next thing I knew, we were @ the laundromat, eating pizza, and watching Liz's wash going "RRRRRR" in the machines. I did my pizza-eating and laundry-watching while seated w/my laptop on my (oh, hey!) lap. Liz was standing and leaning across the folding counter. She was saying, "Sometimes...U can have the best of both worlds!" Yeah, and sometimes, U kinda get the worst. I'm just sayin'.

For those who like 2 keep track of these things, Liz was wearing jeans, a white belt, and a white V-neck top tucked in2 her jeans. And her everlasting bun. Tho I can't talk much abt the bun, what w/my hair curse keeping me w/the prop bun. I had on a black top and pale pants [not undies 4 U Brits--trousers!].


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  • At 8:16 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    The worst is yet to come, kiddo. Either you'll listen to some long, boring story about Eric or Liz will whip out her engagement ring. Either way, you've got the terrible, awful future right in front of you.

  • At 2:29 PM, Anonymous Wong's Dry Cleaning and Laundry said…

    Excuse me, Ms. Patterson. But I believe you were holding a pizza box. I never saw you bring in a laptop. However, my place was blurry and unfocused, most likely overinked that day. I can see your confusion.

  • At 6:16 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    joke's on u, mr. wong. i had a laptop that had a "pizza" sticker, w/difficult-2-read type, along the side. neat trick eh?

    dc2, what happened next has already happened--but in usual patterson style, i'll dole out the deets in little chunklets thruout the week.


  • At 6:29 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. By your trip to the Laundromat, you can tell the extent of the wretched situation to which our Lizardbreath has exposed herself in her new domicile. Personally, I would never go for an apartment without washer/dryer connections, but I understand her motivation. A story here or there about the trials of having to go to the Lucky Laundromat (Don’t believe those folks at Wong’s. They are always trying to use their Chinese mind tricks to get new customers.), and if one of those stories happens to find its way into the ear, and more importantly the brain, of one Anthony Caine, then he may find it in his heart (another body part to infiltrate) to allow Elizabeth to do her laundry at his place.

    If Liz works it right, she may end up doing Anthony’s and his little half-Quebecoise child’s laundry too. Once they discover the little delightful things which come from mixing laundry with Liz---the cat hair, the tiny pieces of dried macaroni---they will become even more enamoured of her intrusion in their daily lives, and a proposal must surely be in the offing, if for no other reason than to have clean laundry. After all, if you have seen Anthony Caine with the clothes he wears in public, you will realize he has been operating off what is probably the last load of laundry his ex-Quebecoise wife did before she left.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 6:37 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, u were so desper8 2 go out, u went w/ur sis 2 the laundromat?? damn! that is sad. i signed up 4 the poetry slam @ cuppa java café, & they had a spot 4u2. u sed u were gonna write a poem called “i usedta know wut i wuz all ‘bout ‘till i went 2 winnipeg,” so i hope u did, cuz thass wut i put down. i finished my poem called, “i died, but i got bettah” & i am definitely doin’ it. i hope ur not ditchin’, cuz i gotta think the poetry slam gonna b way more innerestin’ than laundry. fyi, in case u forgot, they snap their fingerz 2 clap 4 this thing.

  • At 6:47 PM, Blogger howard said…


    In case your sister needs a place to laundry aside from the Laundromat or your place, she’s welcome to use ours. I’m sure Beatrice won’t mind. Wait! No, Beatrice saw what I wrote and she says she minds. Sorry. I seem to remember there being some sort of difficulty between your sister and me, but all I can really remember was that ultimately it was all Thérèse Caine’s fault, although I can’t think what she had to do with it. In any case, Beatrice doesn’t want her over.

    I went to help Iris get your Grandpa Jim settled back into his place. Your parents were there, but their idea of helping was to try and browbeat your grandfather into moving into Sunset Manor long term care facility. It was sad to see your grandfather looking so weak and pale. His eyes were not open too much; but when they were, I could tell he wished he were stronger so he could get up and slap your parents silly.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 6:47 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    yeah, liz is prolly using all this as a ploy 4 anthony's sympathy.


  • At 6:52 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, i'm totally in 4 the slam. howard, lotsa ppl wanna slap my 'rents silly!


  • At 7:04 PM, Anonymous nacnud nosredna said…

    Hey Apes,

    Im on CW's Crackberry @ the Reindeer Resto. Its gr8 2c Bambi, all the w8tresses r in costume & shes dressed like a naughty nurse. Ive got a wicked hedache again 2day I dunno y.

    I took my bass back 2 Steves Music so as of 2morrow Im a str8 edge d00d. 2nite Im having my last beer.

    WTF? Arne just came in, that d00d is rilly rilly

  • At 7:07 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, ok. i'll b @ur place by in 15. we can walk 2 cuppa java café or u can drive & i'll hide in the back seat, so no1 can c ur carryin' a passenger w/ur M1.

  • At 7:33 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    rilly rilly what? dunc, what's going on?!?!!?

    jeremy, we'd better walk. w/my g1, i'm not allowed 2 drive w/out a licensed adult in the car w/me. i don't get 2 test 4 the g2 until december.


  • At 8:30 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, my poem, in case ne1 wunts 2 know:

    I Was Dead, But I Got Better
    Tulips -- the senses bright -- sitting on the black riser – Hurler --
    the Dutch tulips reflecting the color of clouds
    moving over the sun. Intimacies! The flowers
    not important -- but like mirrors of all space
    of all hideousness and beauty. I hear
    the music of myself and write it down
    for Bloggers to read. I pass reversed fantasies as they
    sing to me with white-haired black girls. I visit
    among the peoples who look like myself in the wrong direction
    And I know all I need to know.
    There is a golden bed radiating all light
    the air is full of silver hangings and butter tarts
    I chuckle to myself. It is her bed. I know
    all there is to know. I see all there
    is to feel. I am friendly with the ache
    in her nethers. I see the tattoo she has never shown. The answer
    to love is my voice. There is no time!
    No answers. No reflections. The answer to her feeling is my feeling.
    The answer to her joy is my joy without feeling.
    The room is a multicolored cherub
    of air and bright colours. The pain in her nethers
    is warm and tender. I am smiling. The pain
    is many pointed, without anguish.
    Light changes the room from yellows to violet!
    Many colourists, none with knowledge and all without time!
    The dark brown space behind the door is precious
    intimate, silent and still. The birthplace
    of Curtola. I know
    all that I need to know. There is no hurry.
    I read the meanings of straight-edged walls and disproportionate ceilings.
    I am separate from my mirror self. I close my eyes in divinity and puns.
    I blink in solemnity and unsolemn joy.
    I smile at myself in my movements. Walking
    I step higher in carefulness. No pregnancies here. How would a mirror child look. Nonexistent to me. I fill
    space with myself. I see the secret and distinct
    patterns of smoke from my mouth. Smoking is not allowed, but no one stops me.
    I am without care part of all. Distinct.
    I am separate from gloom and beauty. I see all. Now it is time to return to life.

  • At 9:06 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    *snap* *snap* *snap* :)

    here's mine:

    i usedta know wut i wuz all ‘bout ‘till i went 2 winnipeg

    a milborough life i was leading,
    or mayB i was b-ing led
    until i bled
    or felt i mite soon b bleeding,
    and here i'm reading u this screed
    full of my need 2 plead
    my case

    i usedta think all i cared 4
    was what i mite b dared 4
    by a certain tall blond drum playin' dude
    that sum consider v. rude
    but i thot i needed the band
    and the blond dude's hand
    up my shirt an' sumtimes down my pants
    when he took that chance

    but then there was winni 4 yet another summer
    which wasn't a bummer
    but instead was pretty cube
    if u don't mind the occasional rube
    and a cuz implying u usedta b a horse's rear
    but cheer 4 b-coming an equine head

    assisting surgeries on fluffies and rovers and bossies,
    reading vet-mag glossies,
    bein' treated like a person, 2
    not unlike u
    i hafta say i kinda dug it

    i wanna go my own way
    call it another lonely day
    but don't tell the 'mac
    they'll bang on my door
    an' demand their lyrics back
    while calling me a hack

    so broken up from bf and band
    2 buckle down on the books
    and focus on my future
    find out who i am time w/a man
    who tells me i can
    insteada tellin' me i can't
    chant it w/me

    april can! april can!



    that last part didn't really have much 2 do w/the rest, but i've been taking yoga @ the milborough holistic wellness centre


  • At 9:17 PM, Anonymous Zippy the Pin-head said…


    Thanks for sharing your pizza/laptop with me and my shadow self at the Laundromat. It’s a friend who shares her bytes and her bites.


  • At 9:32 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april can! april can! i namaste 2u! that wuz gr8. the peeps picked u up & carried u 'round the room. wen they begged u 4 an encore, i am rilly glad u had the good sense 2 stop b4 u finished sayin’ all the lyrics 2 “everybody’s different.” the cuppa java café crowd wuz started 2 get ugly. goin’ back 2 screamin’ “april can! april can! namaste!” got them back on ur side again.

  • At 9:36 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    whew, that was close! i'm glad i thot fast on that one!

    u got major snaps 4 yours, jeremy, an' i noticed peeps were lookin' @ the mirrors kinda funny.


  • At 10:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I <3 <3 <3 you Apes.

  • At 10:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    WTF so uncube. I mean

    I <3 <3 <3 u April Patterson from sum anonymous d00d.

    p.s. I <3 u * infinity 4evah. Not eva.


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