April's Real Blog

Monday, November 12, 2007

Checkers in Flashbackland

I was rite. We R still on this memory sequence. So on that day more than two weeks ago, in the booth @ the restaurant of Gordo's Garage an' Grill, Mike had told his story abt spooking that poor letter carrier thru the mail slot in the front door. Liz started 2 say, "U know, mayB we shd get go--" Then Mike cut her off w/"The checkers story! The checkers story shd have come B4 the mailslot story! Lizard, now U have ME mixing up the sequence! OK, watch these thot bubbles!"

Anthony rubbed his hands in happy anticipation, Liz scowled, and I just kinda braced myself. We got 4 thot bubbles featuring Mike and Dad playing checkers in profile (Mike on the left and Dad on the rite). 1st thot bubble, Dad was pting @ the bd and saying, "Watch it Michael-- if U move there, I'll jump U--so take that turn again." Next bubble, Dad was saying, "Now, I'll move here. Look closely--" Mike was holding a checker while speech bubbling, "Hah! I can jump U 2 times!!" 3rd thot bubble had Dad picking up a checker and saying, "Well, then... I think I'll just jump yr man here...." Last bubble had Mike going from profile 2 fullface, scrunching his eyes shut, opening his piehole wide, and screeching, "MA! Daddy cheats!"

Just then, Dad walked up 2 our booth, saying, "Oh, I remember that! Boy were U a stinker!" Mike sed, "Dad! Didn't Mom brief U? We're teaching April that our flashbacks show I was smart, inquisitive, theatrical, and emotional." Dad did that thing where U're laffing so hard no sound is coming out, and then he sed, "Ha, thanx, I needed the laff. Hey, Anthony! U know if I were a betting man, I'd put my money on U as my dear Elizabeth's future hubby!" Anthony beamed and Liz went, "Da-a-AD!" Dad sed, "Oh, sorry, I'm doing it again. Well, Gordon told me I cd find U all here, and I thot I'd come in and C 4 myself. Oh, w8, I'd better take a picture 4 Elly. She'll luv this! He took a camera out of his pocket and fiddled w/it a while, trying 2 figure out how 2 get it on. I realized this cd take the rest of the day, and the flashbackery was bad enuf, so I was like "Dad, give it here." And I got it on and ready 4 him. He snapped like 10 pix. Then he--pulled up a chair and started 2 eat cinnabuns.


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  • At 7:28 AM, Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said…

    We see the first hint of Mike's hatred of reciprocity in that thought-bubbling. He simply won't tolerate his kind of nonsense when he's the target.

  • At 2:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Jermy wormy, pudding and pie.
    Kissed the girls and made them cry.

  • At 2:53 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    aw, d00d, that jermy wormy song brings back sum seriously messed-up memories 4 jeremy. and it's all my fault. i'm gonna go find him an' comfort him in advance of his c-ing that.

    dc2, mike tried 2 play candyland w/merrie once, but he put up a fit an' called her a cheater when she won.


  • At 3:30 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, u don’t hafta worry ‘bout the “germy wormy, jeremy jones” song or evn this “jermy wormy, pudding and pie” version of it frum sum1 anonymous on ur blog. peeps sing that 2 me all the tyme & i am kinda usedta it by now. shannon lake saw it on ur blog b4 u did & she told me u were gonna comfort me. i am rilly glad that wen shannon had her special needs peeps lined up in the hall to help u out w/sum “shannon style” comfortin’, u had othah ideas in mind for comfortin’. i gotta say i like ur comfortin’ waaay bettah than shannon’s.

    the reasn i seemed messed-up wen u found me wuz actually that “ma! daddy cheats!" frum ur bro’s story. thass wut rilly brought back messed-up memories of my life, only i wuzn’t talkin’ ‘bout checkers, wen i wuz 5 & sed it. i’m not rilly n2 checkers. one of the tymez wen i wuz out w/my dad, country jones, he put a fake beard on me 2 make me look oldah than 5 years & took me gamblin’ @1 of the casinos where he wuz playin’ a gig. he lost a lotta money & i think he hazta play @that casino free frum now on. no checkers @a casino, but there r ez girls there. it wuz a rilly whacked out tyme, but i’m not sure if that xxperience wud b worse than playin’ checkers w/ur dad.

    i think i 4got 2 tell u i hadda good tyme yestahday@the remembrance day celebration w/u & aftahwardz, evn the part where u started sendin’ messages back & forth between u & duncan anderson & his sister, perdita. wen u started talkin’ ‘bout goin’ 2 barbados 2c duncan, it made me a little nervous, but i know ur just talkin’ ‘bout goin’ 2c a friend & not nethin’ else than that, eh?

  • At 3:52 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I tried to explain to my daughter that the rules for Candyland specify that any card that would cause you to advance past the purple square at the end wins the game, but she said you had to land exactly on it to win the game. If you don’t follow the rules, then you are a cheater, just like dad when he was playing checkers. Of course, when I was little and called dad a cheater, he and mom got into some conversation about some woman he hired for his dentist office, and not checkers.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 4:12 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    thanx 4 sharing remembrance day w/me, jeremy. u really helped keep me fr. being sad that gramps cdn't b @ the ceremony. i still don't know y mom an' dad wdn't let me visit gramps myself. they had sum, like, secret reason. i'm glad i cd comfort u, even tho yr reason 4 needing comforting was diff than what i thot. and, yeah, i'm just worried abt duncan as a friend. it's tuff cuz he's so far away and i worry that those mental-health peeps mite misunderstand a buncha stuff.

    mike, i think i understand y dee has banned u from playing board games w/yr kids. i heard u also almost got in2 a brawl w/robin over a chutes an' ladders incident.


  • At 4:28 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I did not get into a brawl with my son over Chutes and Ladders. The simple fact of the matter is that you should not be allowed to win the game by trying to eat your opponent’s playing piece. Aside from it not being a healthy thing to do, in a game like checkers, where there are many pieces associated with your opponent, the process of eating the pieces could take longer than the game would, if it was played in a regular, non-piece-consuming fashion. My son does not need to get in that habit, and my daughter needs to stop telling my son that board game playing pieces are actually candy.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 4:43 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i dunno wut the mental-health peeps cud misunderstand ‘bout duncan xxcept they mite think he’z not az crayzee az he is. i know eva haz been askin’ ‘bout him a lot, but u mite wanna leave out that part where he sez he wunts u2 leave w/him, & not eva. i don’t think she wud like it & b-lieve me, u don’t wanna b punched out by eva.

    yeah, i dunno wut the deal iz w/u & ur grampa these days. it’s like u usedta b the one 2 visit him all the tyme, wen nobody else wud, & now it’s kinda like ur 'rents wunt u2 stay away frum him. but they will let ur niece visit, so he can’t b, like, u know, rilly awful lookin’ or nethin’. u don’t think it’s 1 of those thingz where he lost his memory & only remembahz u wen were little & thinks ur niece is like, u, xxcept w/blonde & curly hair, eh? i kinda remembah u tellin’ aftah his last stroke, u sed he thot ur sis wuz ur mom wen she wuz young. mebbe it’s that kinda thing & they have sum kinda idea they r protectin’ him or protectin’ u. i dunno. it’s hard 4 me 2 make ne sense outa wut ur ‘rents do.

    just 2 let u know, ne tyme u wanna comfort me, thass ok by me. evn if i don’t rilly needta b comforted, if ur in the mood for comfortin’, i’ll find a reasn. ur rilly good @comfortin’. i feel loads bettah.

  • At 4:46 PM, Anonymous merrie said…

    help, attic-daddy! robin eated the gumdrop card from candyland!

  • At 4:55 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, i guess yr theory abt gramps thinking merrie is me is as gd as ne other. my 'rents refuse 2 answer ne ?'s i ask them abt gramps.

    u r also v. v. gd @ getting comforted!


  • At 5:17 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. When you come over to babysit tonight, please be sure to keep board games away from my son, who has developed a taste for them. I have to admit, that some of the game pieces are actually better-tasting than most of the things my lovely Deanna makes for dinner, but they are not an actual source of food. Candyland is a no-no, because of the way it looks, and we especially want to keep my son away from the Chinese Checker set. I would rather him be a cheater at checkers, than an eater at checkers.

    See you tonight. And if you bring Jeremy Jones along to help you, tell him that he can come as long as he finishes the wallpapering he started the last time he came to help you baby-sitting. He should bring his own wall paper paste and applicator.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 6:42 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, in the future, i'd appreci8 if u'd ask me directly if i'm able 2 babysit insteada telling mom u want me 2 and then having her force me 2 change my plans cuz she always does everything u ever want her 2 do.


  • At 7:27 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey, Apes,

    Perdita tried 2 get the team 2 cut off my 'puter time but they wont.

    Do u remembah the time I was @ yr place & Mike made me play chess ovah & ovah again? I rote abt it in yr blog sumwhere but I cant remembah where nemore. Now he wants me 2 play w/ him on yr moms website. Guess what he still rilly rilly sux. I beat him 10 games in a row. Its sorta boring but the team will give me unlimited 'puter time 4 online chess, so were going 4 the best of 100 games. Ill post the results 2morrow.


    Yr friend,
    MCDunC the Studly

    p.s. R u rilly d8ing Jer or r u just good friends?

  • At 9:07 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    lol, dunc, u r prolly gonna make mike cry by beating him over an' over. and he'll accuse u of cheating.

    jeremy an' i r good friends who d8 each other.


  • At 10:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I <3 <3 <3 u April Patterson

    From sum anonymous d00d who mite nevah c u again.


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