Everyone!
So the good news is that Liz didn't have 2 pay 4 all those refreshments after all. Then the scary news is that since Liz sed the kids cd invite NE1 they want 2 come along 4 the stargazing, then "everyone" is coming along. Geez, not much 2 do up there, I guess. Liz thought she was doing a lil demo 4 her lesson, & then she findz out she's hosting a big ol' shindig. I think your lesson, besides "$", mite B never tell yr kiddles 2 bring along NE1 they want. 2 NEthing.
Well, it's Halloween 2day, & we had the choice 2 wear a costume 2 school or wear our street clothes. Becky and I R dressed up as the Hilton sisters, Paris and Nicky. We cdn't wear the s00per-slutty clothes the Hiltons like 2 wear, but we got sum sparkly lil dresses that'll still pass the dress rulez. Becks str8ened out her hair & I've got a long blonde wig on. Gerald is dressed as a character from the Star Wars series, tho I'm not sure which char. he's supposta B. I don't know abt Dunc, since his Mom has him coming in a bit l8, but I have a feeling he'll 4get & just wear his uni.
Becks & Dunc have kinda sorta hooked up, & Jeremy's sore abt it. He sez I oughta B worried abt Ger, 2, & I don't wanna B. But Ger, Y didn't U ev. show up @ our lil jam session yesterday?
Wednesday we have "take your kid 2 work day". My mom wanted me 2 come 2 the store, but my dad pointed out that she always has medoing her work for her helping out @ the store, so I shd spend the day @ his dental clinic. Dad won. Yay! So mayB I'll even get sum useful info 4 Brenda Starr's investigation.
Apes
Well, it's Halloween 2day, & we had the choice 2 wear a costume 2 school or wear our street clothes. Becky and I R dressed up as the Hilton sisters, Paris and Nicky. We cdn't wear the s00per-slutty clothes the Hiltons like 2 wear, but we got sum sparkly lil dresses that'll still pass the dress rulez. Becks str8ened out her hair & I've got a long blonde wig on. Gerald is dressed as a character from the Star Wars series, tho I'm not sure which char. he's supposta B. I don't know abt Dunc, since his Mom has him coming in a bit l8, but I have a feeling he'll 4get & just wear his uni.
Becks & Dunc have kinda sorta hooked up, & Jeremy's sore abt it. He sez I oughta B worried abt Ger, 2, & I don't wanna B. But Ger, Y didn't U ev. show up @ our lil jam session yesterday?
Wednesday we have "take your kid 2 work day". My mom wanted me 2 come 2 the store, but my dad pointed out that she always has me
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 7:25 AM
29 Comments:
At 8:05 AM,
Anonymous said…
I didnt 4get, Apes. I got up early 2 put my hair in dreds 'cos Im coming as Anson Carter. The Leafs suxs so bad its kinda cube 2 wear a Canucks jersey 4 a day.
C u l8r.
p.s. Beckers, I cant wait 2 C yr costume. Meet me @ the boiler room Btween 1st an' 2nd period?
At 8:15 AM,
April Patterson said…
i just saw dunc & his dreds lk pretty cube. but he mite get a lot of abuse 4 wearing that canucks jersey!
apes
At 8:59 AM,
howard said…
April,
Halloween is usually a great day for cross-dressers like me, because I can wear one of my better dresses in public and not be criticized for it. This morning however, I got to work and found Tracey Mayes there waiting for me and Fiona Brass with costumes that she had selected for us to wear. Fiona Brass is now wearing a Supergirl outfit, complete with flowing cape. I am now wearing a Tarzan loincloth, complete with a fake monkey on my shoulder. Tracey is wearing; I can’t believe I am typing this, a dominatrix outfit, complete with whip and handcuffs. Fiona’s costume and mine are clearly rental costumes, but Tracey’s appears to have been used. There’s more I could say about that, but I won’t. Gordon Mayes popped into the restaurant briefly and he is wearing a full-up gangsta rapper outfit, complete with a mile-high afro wig, and lots of gold chains. I would love to see yours and Becky’s outfits, so if you get a chance, stop by the restaurant.
Your story about your sister Elizabeth reminded me of yet another story about when Kortney Krelbutz and I were in Mtigwaki months ago. After we arrived, Kortney and I had planned to stay in Mtigwaki for a few days to make sure that our business had been settled up there. I remember a conversation with Jesse Mukwa that went like this:
Jesse Mukwa: Are you two going to be staying long in Mtigwaki?
Me: I thought we would stay a few days. Why?
Jesse Mukwa: Well, I thought we could have a “Welcome to Mtigwaki” celebration for you at the ball diamond tonight.
Me: I don’t think that will be necessary. We are only staying a few days.
Jesse Mukwa: But it’s all organized. You don’t have to buy a thing!
Me: What’s all organized?
Jesse Mukwa: You know, -at the ball diamond tonight.
Me: Huh?
Jesse Mukwa: I thought since you were new to town, we could have a little party so you could meet folks and I invited anyone who was interested to show up at 7:30 and check out our new stars!
Me: Stars? We aren’t stars. We’re just visiting for a few days. So…who’s coming?
Jesse Mukwa: Everyone!
Me: By everyone, you mean the persons that Kortney and I met today?
Jesse Mukwa: No. That wouldn’t be everyone!
Me: By everyone, do you mean all your friends?
Jesse Mukwa: No. That wouldn’t be everyone!
Me: By everyone, do you mean everyone in the whole town?
Jesse Mukwa: No. That wouldn’t be everyone!
Me: By everyone, do you mean everyone in the whole town and all its outlying areas?
Jesse Mukwa: Now you’re catching on. Here in Mtigwaki, everyone knows everything about everyone, and we are so bored that when anything new happens, no matter how insignificant it may seem, to us it is a special event. You two are new to town. You have stories we haven’t heard. Tonight you will be our stars.
Me: You are one freaking weird kid. Get away from me.
That was the conversation I remember. I thought you might find it interesting.
Toodles,
Howard Kelpfroth
At 9:09 AM,
Anne said…
OMG Howard, that's another sign I'm not gonna live n a small town after I graduate! An' props to Tracey 4 dressing up, but it seems like every girl does the sexy dominatrix, sexy French maid, OR sexy Catwoman outfit. It's kinda been done 2 death, but maybe Tracey put a new spin on it.
As 4 me, I wanted 2 go as a celeb like Apes an' Becks, so I'm going as Winona Ryder, w/a dark brown wig, carrying around merch on hangers w/tags an' acting really strange. Keesha Grant an' Noel Wainwright asked me if I was all right, so I must be playing the character well.
Go, Canucks! :-)
At 9:11 AM,
April Patterson said…
i just talked 2 becks, & she's totally in2 stopping by @ the restaurant after school. we can't w8 2 c yr costumes, either, howard!
mtighooey soundz really creepee 2 me, sorry, liz!
apes
At 9:13 AM,
Anonymous said…
Well, phase 1 of Operation ScareWeed (OSW) has been put into motion, w/me, Carleen, and Deanna. I can't say anything more right now, details to follow later!
Sabina Khan
At 10:10 AM,
April Patterson said…
nah, nicky is blonde again, lol.
apes
At 10:21 AM,
April Patterson said…
yeh, i think u r rite abt nicky. tho mayB paris has got her believing the whole "blondes have more fun" thing.
apes
At 10:40 AM,
April Patterson said…
becks, i just got a txt mssg fr howard. he sez u misunderstood his joke abt "doody hits", mng setting sum1 up 2 step in dog poo.
i know u r still way mad @ jeremy, but i was there when he almost died. believe me, u don't want that, pissed or not.
apes
At 11:56 AM,
Anonymous said…
becks. well i wuzn’t gonno 2 go 2 skool 2day, but mom woke me up cuz some1 rang the doorbell & there wuz this bag on fire in front of the house. i had 2 go & stomp it out. flamin’ bag of dog poop. very funny, becks. then i get a call frum ur gig last nite & they say u didn’t show. i guess u were 2 bizzy feelin’ up mcdunce’s plantain 2 remember frank & ernest’s halloween party, that u set up when u met them @the bumstead anniversary party. man, becks, u have rilly been lettin’ urself go since ur dad kidnapped u. usta b, u wud nevah miss a gig. lucky 4u, i wuz able 2 convince them to reschedule 4 2morrow. if u don’t like that time, then u can reschedule them urself. aftah saturday & the dog poop, i donno y i do nething nice 4u, but i got bizness ethics. it’s not frank & ernest’s fault ur crazy. i told frank & ernest, i wuz no longer ur bizness manager cuz u kicked me 2 the curb. they sed they had been kicked 2 the curb plenty themselves & the pavement hurt, so they understood.
sally & ted forth r xpecting u2b there 2nite 4 the halloween party they r throwing 4 their daughter hilary & her friendz. remember u scheduled them 2 @ the bumstead party. i hope u learned those kidz halloween songz they wanted. i told them u kicked me 2 the curb, so they shud call u & not me. sally sed her boss ralph had been kicked 2 the curb & had 2 work in fast food 4 awhile & i shud consider fast food. my mom sed that wuz a good idea, since i thot i wuz gonna b w/u aftah h.s. & now i have no career. there’z no way i’m doin’ fast food. sum othah band must need a roadie, a band w/o ne crayzee bee-yotches.
i donno who u got 2 replace me. hookin’ up ur off-brand equipment iz tricky. gud luck w/that. mom sed i hadta go2 skool & she gave me 1 of those circus orange costumez 2 wear they left bhind on saturday, wen they found out i wuz 2 young 2 work 4 them. peeps have been laffin’ @ me all day. b sure 2 join in.
At 12:35 PM,
Anonymous said…
beckett, back b4 u went crayzee, u agreed 2 that schedule cuz u sed a pro hazta b able 2 work on holidayz. u may not like my management skillz, but u nevah missed a gig, wen i wuz managing. i guess i wuz stupid 2 lissen 2u ‘bout our future 2getha. that time we stayed up all nite, kissin’ & talking’ ‘bout how we were gonna get out of m-boro. i shudda known u were just playin’ me 2 get my dad’s bizness contacts. if u rilly brot the mayes machine in2 ur bizness, ur crayzier than i thot. u won’t getta rite ur own music, u won’t getta schedule ur appearances or pick ur costumes, u will prolly hafta learn to lip-synch 4 ur concerts, & they won’t b nice ‘bout losin’ that w8. man, u have lost it.
At 12:59 PM,
Anonymous said…
That Weed guy is the creepiest photog I have ever worked with. I had the distinct impression he used pix of me for something disgusting I don't even want to say, and that's why he won't give me my negs. Anyway, I jumped at the chance to help with a prank on the perv!
Sophia
At 1:15 PM,
Anne said…
I just saw Shannon Lake n the cafeteria dressed up as Nathan Perrott. It's good that she has the helmet, w/her tendency to walk n2 walls. I never thought a Halloween costume could b so useful!
At 1:23 PM,
howard said…
Becky,
I arranged for the hit for you this morning. From the posts, it appears that I may have misunderstood what you were asking, but I hope not.
Kortney and I did not go to that weird baseball diamond star party when we were in Mtigwaki. Kortney had other things she wanted to do with me that evening, but we didn’t even get to do that because Jesse Mukwa kept showing up with animals and his sister for us to adopt. When I think about that time with Kortney there in Mtigwaki and in Las Vegas, I really miss her. It was very easy to tell how she felt about me. I wish that I was in love with her as much as I am in love with Brenda Starr. I would love to be engaged to Brenda and have sparkly children with her, but I have not had the chance to talk to her since the proposal of sparkly children was raised. I fear that she is still holding a candle for Basil St. John and prefers the single life. Possibly, she is waiting to see how my legal problems work out. You really don’t want to plan a life with a man, who may be spending the next 2 years in jail.
As for Gordon’s reaction to Tracey Maye’s costume, he was not surprised. He said, “Look at my bitch. My boo is dime. Don’t you agree, Howard?” I said I agreed, even though I didn’t understand what he had said. Gordon said, “Word up” and went back to selling cars.
My Tarzan costume is a little uncomfortable. I feel like I am running around naked, and I can’t count how many times I have had my bottom pinched and patted by little old ladies. Tracey Mayes is pleased. She says I fill out the costume well and it is good to know that April will be in good hands once her chosen straight drops dead from old age.
That’s all the time I have to post,
Howard Kelpfroth
At 1:42 PM,
Anonymous said…
becky bonkers. i get betta gradez n english than u & i have a betta memry 2. u & stick-girl tangi handed me that drink w/the dye n it on saturday, not ne mayes. if u b-lieve the mayes will stop @ just the revenge thing w/ur bizness, ur evn crayzier than i thot. i nevah lied 2u. i nevah did nething bhind ur back. wut u can’t trust iz ne girl who sez they wanna sumtimes bf.
At 2:40 PM,
Anonymous said…
batty beckers. hello! b4 u went insane, we useta study english togethah. i wuz the 1 who helped u find a way 2 use the word "propinquity” n that composition w/ a big fat a. u wunted 2 spell it rite n ur writing 2 prove 2 that teech, u cud spell it, cuz u missed it n the vocab quiz & the teech made a big deel ‘bout how “misspelling mcguire got a 98 and not 100.” i may have been making a d+ in english b4, but not aftah u tot me that kissin’ way of learning, where u get a kiss if u spell a word rite. i h8 u rite now, but u did help me w/my english grades & it’s not a d+ ne more. that wuz low talkin’ ‘bout my dad like that. u may have kicked me 2 the curb, but i nevah evah once talked trash ‘bout ur parents.
At 3:11 PM,
Anonymous said…
barmy becky. i wuz lying ‘bout wut? we useta study english togethah using kissing? ne1 can check this blog & c that’s true. u used "propinquity” n ur composition? ne1 can check ur a-graded paper on the bulletin board & c that’s true. my gradez r bettah than they used 2b thanx 2u. i got the graded paperz 2 prove that’s true. or ru sayin’ i trashed talked ur ‘rents. ne1 can check this blog & c i nevah did. wut am i saying that’s not true? i told u i don’t like lying’ cuz of my dad & all hiz liez 2 me & mom. u know i think a compulsive liar iz sum1 who actually tellz liez, like “i’m not dating dunc”, but rilly iz.
At 4:17 PM,
Anonymous said…
Oh, man, Beckers. That song.
<3
<3
<3
At 5:30 PM,
April Patterson said…
becky, dunc, ger, & i stopped by the restaurant after school & howard sed he luvved our costumes. he sed he cdn't believe how much becks & i looked like sisters when i had the blonde wig on. howard, fiona, tracey, & gordo's costumes were hysterical!
when i got 2 my mom's store afterwards, she made me put my nicky wig up in a bun! lol.
i don't know what 2 say abt the arguments going on here xcept that i'm trying 2 keep my nose out.
apes
At 5:54 PM,
Anonymous said…
I'm writing this post from the ladies' room at the Fern Bar. Deanna Patterson and Carleen Stein are here, and we are having the hardest time suppressing our laughs.
So, as planned, I got Mike and Weed to meet me at this bar and I told them as somberly as possible that Merrie has been very fearful today, and terribly jumpy. I said that one of the other children arrived at the centre wearing a scarecrow costume, and that Merrie peed herself when she saw him, and then cried unconsolably for the rest of the day. I really did it up, and made myself get teary too just by pretending that what I'd said was true. I said I needed to excuse myself to get myself together.
So then I went into the ladies, where Sophia was waiting with Dee and Carleen. She's been out there for about fifteen minutes now, and I can't wait to hear about the next phase of our little plan!
Sabina Khan
At 6:06 PM,
April Patterson said…
becks sang part of that song when we all went 2 the restaurant & it totally sounded like it cd b a hit single. girl, u've got talent!
apes
At 6:13 PM,
Anonymous said…
So I just peeked out out Sophia is draped over Jo going, "Weedy, baby, you are soooooo sexy"! Dee and I will make our move soon!
Carleen
At 7:14 PM,
Anonymous said…
LOL, our prank went better than we could have imagined! Dee said she wants to be the one to post the details, but I'll just say Weed ended up wetting his pants & then landing in Mike's lap. Perfect ending!
Carleen
At 8:29 PM,
Anonymous said…
I get so bummed abt the verse abt r luv affair ending.
It doesnt hafta end yet, does it Beckers?
Yr MCDunce
<3 <3 <3
At 9:04 PM,
April Patterson said…
now i've got that song goin' thru my head. "oh y, tell me, y do ppl break up, then turn around & make up? i just came 2 c." (ok, that's the tina turner version. i think al green's was a lil diff but not that much.)
apes
At 9:33 PM,
April Patterson said…
omg, becks, i do that 2, lol! liz bought me that cd. :)
At 9:46 PM,
Anonymous said…
OK, Beckers, I want 2 hear yr dads Al Green vinyl. Im always open 2 expanding my musical horizons. L8r.
p.s. Apes, r u home? Yr mom just called my mom looking 4 u 'cos theres alot of photos of ferrets in Halloween costumes that she wants u 2 post on yr fake blog.
At 9:51 PM,
April Patterson said…
dunc, i'm home but i was hiding out (lites off, posting under my covers w/a flashlite) cuz steph the web designer warned me abt my mom & those ferret pix. it's like wtf?
apes
At 1:19 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, i got depressed wen becky tol’ me 2 stop postin’ here, cuz nobody likes me. thass prolly true, but my mom sed i shud rite a song ‘bout how i feel, so i will feel bettah. this iz the song i ‘rote:
lying lips
every time i kiss your
lying lips
i feel the knife in your
finger tips
running down my spine
how sublime
bleeds me like fine red wine
with your lyin’
every time i kiss your
lying lips
starts a spasm going
in my hips
writhe around in your arms
full of harm
i am alarmed
by your lack of charms
(bridge)
and when you kiss me goodnight
and tell me to go fly a kite
i hold you li
-ar and taste the cheating bite
of your kiss
your lying lips
and when our lie affair ends
your lips never again offend
my heart you won’t rend
for the truth you never send
to my way it doesn’t trend
never to be seen again
from your lying without end
told in this song i have penned
i remember your kiss
lying lips
--jeremy jones
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