April's Real Blog

Sunday, October 30, 2005


Apparently, Mike an' Dee's neighbourhood, which is in or near Toronto, did their trick-or-treating last nite even tho Halloween is 2morrow. Lovey helped Weed put tog. a scarecrow costume, & he'd sit out front on a chair, all still, so peeps wd think he was a fakey stuffed thing. Then he'd jump up & scare the bejeebus outta them. Hardee har, har, Weed, like yer not scaree w/out a costume. Poor lil Merrie got so scared she wet her pants. Ooh, big man, Weed, scare a toddler.

So, NEway, Howard, that's what they were doing insteada going 2 the "family" dinner the Mayeses had 4 Wilf Sobinski. I dunno Y Mike an' Dee weren't included, tho I guess this shows U can B family w/out being "family" (or is it the other way around?).

Babysitting last nite was fun. Apparently, Gordo's been picking up speech patterns fr. watching old Gansta moviez fr. the states. And lil Paul is totally imitating his dad. Rosemary just thinks it's silly. Smart girl. & Tracey gave me a c-note, even tho they weren't out nearly as l8 as that time 4 new year's.

Well, Dad's already setting up his train display 4 his choo-choo d8 w/Dunc's Dad. The lil train ppl all have Halloween costumes.



  • At 9:07 AM, Blogger howard said…


    Thanks for finding out why it was that your brother and sister-in-law did not attend the banquet in her father’s honour. I think they were invited, because Mira made some passing comment about it last night.

    I spoke to my uncle Melville and aunt Winnie who live next to your brother and sister-in-law, in whatever place it is in or near Toronto that my uncle Melville and aunt Winnie live. My uncle was royally ticked off by the antics of Josef Weeder dressed up as a scarecrow. After he jumped up and pretended to attack any trick-or-treaters coming, then he would take off his mask, hand them some candy, and everyone would have a laugh. Everyone, of course, except my aunt and uncle. Uncle Melville said, “All night long. Screaming and laughing. Screaming and laughing. The only time it was different was when our upstairs neighbour took his daughter over there. She just screamed. Then when Josef Weeder tried to give her candy, she asked if he had any coffee-flavoured ones, and he said no. So she started screaming again. Her father had to grab her by the waist to keep her from attacking Josef Weeder. The whole way upstairs she was screaming, ‘I need coffee candy! I need coffee candy!’ When the dad got her upstairs, the mom said, ‘What does she need…a change of costume?’ The husband replied, ‘Nope. …a change of pants.’ These 2 clueless upstairs neighbours put one pair of pants after another on the girl and then a whole variety of costumes and the whole time she kept on screaming for coffee candy. Finally Winnie couldn’t take it anymore and went upstairs with some coffee candy we had in the house. That finally calmed her down, so we could go to sleep.” This was a story I thought you might find interesting.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 9:26 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hey, weed, has ne1 told u l8ly u r an arse? well u r!

    thanx 4 the story, howard.


  • At 10:06 AM, Anonymous mcdunce said…

    Hey, Apes, Im 2 bummed 2 come over 2 jam 2day. WTF is w/ Beckers, NEway? 1st she says kissing me is like drinking fine merlot then she says she doesnt even rilly like me. Aft we kissed I laid down sum beats and did some remixes and mashes of her grad song -- the mash w/ Audioslave is so cube, BTW -- and I burned them to a CD 4 her but now Im going to throw it out and delete the trax fr my 'puter 'cos Beckers will just say there no good NEway.

    I dunno what 2 do. My 'rents havent figured out Im suspended yet. Im not grounded NEmore but I dont want 2 go NEwhere. I read that dolphins book fr the library an' Bing a hermit is not 4 me. The Milboro Public Library doesnt have NE books on goat herders xcept 4 Heidi. So Im going 2 read Heidi an' I dont care if ppl laugh @ me for reading a girly kiddy book there prolly still laughing @ me aft assembly NEway.

    Oh, man, my mom just knocked on the door an' said she wants 2 talk. L8r.

  • At 10:15 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dunc, d00d, u r taking everything way hard! don't throw away those trax cuz i totally wanna hear them. if u can stand sum company, i'll pick up sum tim balls & coffee & visit l8r. lemme know.


  • At 10:51 AM, Anonymous duncan said…

    So my mom asked me if there was NEthing I wanted 2 tell her. I took the letter fr the school fr under my mattress an' told her I was suspended. She said she already new that 'cos the school nurse said so @ the party that my mom an' dad were @ last nite. She said she was so mad @ me that she wld have yelled @ me an' grounded me 4ever but I was asleep when they got home an' my dad said it cld wait till this a.m. She thot that worked out good 'cos it gave her time 2 think abt things.

    Shes sorry she didnt warn me abt the assembly but she didnt no abt it ahead of time. Her boss said there was an urgent request fr the principal 2 talk 2 the school abt safe sex so she had 2 go rite away. She said she shldnt of joked abt the size difference Btween a banana an' a plantain an' she specially shldnt of joked abt the trouble I had putting the condom on the plaintain when she was showing me how 2 use condoms. I told her I had sumthing else 2 tell her that Id thrown out all the bananas an' plantains an' she LOL an' said that she thot shed 4gotten 2 shop 4 them but I did her a favour 'cos she got 2
    cancel a cooking lesson w/ Mrs. P. Then she said that she thinks Mrs. P. got the PTA 2 request the urgent assembly 'cos Mrs. P. is obsessed w/ evry1 having rainbow parties. I didnt say this 2 my mom but if sum d00d is getting bowed hes luckier than me.

    My mom says that shell speak 2 the principal 2morrow an' I should skip HR 2 give her time 2 speak 2 him an' then show up 4 1st class. She asked me who I want 2 go 2 work w/ on Wednesday an' I told her my dad an' she said she thot so an' that was cube w/ her. So I wld feel gr8 if I cld stop thinking abt Beckers.

    Tim balls sound good. C u L8r.

    p.s. Apes u shldnt take $US fr Gordo 'cos u mite B money laundering if my dad isnt talking abt choo-choos or jazz hes talking abt money laundering.

  • At 11:08 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    ok, dunc, i'm gonna go out 2 horny tim's in a few mins. it's cube that yr mom isn't p.o.'ed nemore & understands how she embarrassed u. i wdn't b surprised if u r rite abt my mom & the pta.

    don't worry, tracey paid me in $CAD.


  • At 11:23 AM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    i'm gonna meet u guyz at horny tim's. sheesh dunc u take everything so personally. i didn't say ur music sucked or that i hated u all i sed wuz that i didn't like you romantic-like. u r a good kisser that's bside the point. i just don't like you in a romantic way. that shouldn't surprise u cuz whenever i wuz around u (xxcept 4 kissing) u would get all frozen an' stiff like u didn't like me neway.

    c u at horny tim's. i haven't eaten in like 16 hours an' i'm starving screw the diet.


  • At 11:30 AM, Anonymous duncan said…

    Oh, man. I bet only Mats Sundin feels worse than I do rite now. Im going 2 bed 2 read some Heidi. C u 2morrow, Apes.

  • At 11:33 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    aw, dunc, don't b like that! i'm @ horny tim's w8ing in line & i c becky coming in now. we're coming by in a bit & we're gonna cheer u up, whether u like it or not! :p


  • At 11:37 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    oh, & poor mats sundin. :(


  • At 11:43 AM, Anonymous duncan said…

    Leafs v. Sens last nite was brutal. Sens 8, Leafs 0. Thats y I was in bed when my 'rents got home fr the party. Ok, c u soon.

  • At 11:49 AM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    come over dunc i want 2 talk 2 u. we need 2 have a serious convo. abt r relationship. pref. over tim balls cuz i'm starving.


  • At 11:56 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    becks & i just paid 4 our tim balls & coffee & we r on our way 2 dunc's house. she didn't realize he wasn't meeting us @ horny tim's.


  • At 12:01 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    yeah i'm a dumb blonde so what? :P i can't wait 2 get 2 dunc's house i'm gonna jump in bed w/ him an' tickle him til his whole body turns as purple as his lips.


  • At 12:12 PM, Anonymous kate moss said…

    LOL! I found this site by doing a search on "Josef Weeder" after I heard a rumour that he scared a 3yo girl so bad she wet her pants. I did a photoshoot w/him once & he scared me so bad I swear I almost wet my pants too. He kept hitting on me and it was so skeevy of him. And that assistant of his glared the whole time. So when I heard this story, I assumed it was his regular face that scared the poor kid and not a costume!


  • At 12:27 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    well, becks wasn't kidding abt the tickling! she jumped in2 dunc's bed & started 2 tickle him all ovr. he's all, "stop", but u can tell he's having fun, & becks is like, "i can feel yr plantain!" & just then his mom busts open the door & she's "break it up! u kids need 2 b downstairs where i can keep an eye on u!" so now we r downstairs in the kitchen having tim balls & coffee. becks still wants 2 have her serious talk w/dunc, so i'm gonna give 'em sum alone time when we're done w/our refreshments.


  • At 1:55 PM, Anonymous Sabina Khan said…

    I can't even tell you how angry I am to hear what that Weed guy did to that poor little girl. She's already had enough trouble adjusting to having a younger sib, to the point where she's acting out in daycare. And now she's got that caffeine addiction--and then this!

    So I called Dee and asked if she'd be interested in giving this Weed person a taste of his own meds. You know, play a prank on him that scares him bad enough to wet his pants. She said she'd think about it and get back to me. Even if she says no, I might go ahead and think of something on my own.

    Sabina Khan

  • At 2:01 PM, Anonymous Carleen Stein said…

    I told Jo not to go along with this stupid trick, but he said, "Lovey's so excited about this prank! Besides, it's all in good fun." I said, "Right, that's what the monkey thought when he was chasing that poor weasel. And then, POP!"

    Well, Dee and Sabina, count me in if you decide to prank on Jo.


  • At 2:25 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hey, so becky, dunc, & i r jamming now @ dunc's house. those trax he laid down fr. beckers's grad song r totally hott. ger, u can come ovr 2 if u wanna jam w/us.


  • At 4:29 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    dunc i just wanted 2 tell u an' the whole world that the conversation we had wuz the best evah! wow. want 2 b my new kinda sorta not really bf type guy?


  • At 7:34 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    apes. uc. i knew becks wuz lyin' 'bout not liking mr. lips of purple. that's y she kicked me 2 the curb. i've been n bed all day healin' frum yesterday & i'm stayin' there 2morrah, 2.

  • At 7:42 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    well, if u r wondering how much school u can miss b4 u end up suspended, just ask dunc.

    i don't know what's going on betw. becky & dunc, but i don't think she was lying, i just think she's changed her mind.


  • At 7:59 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    apes. most girlz say they just changed their mind, when they were rilly lying. & there'z no way i'm getting advice frum that gf-stealin' mcdunce.

  • At 8:01 PM, Anonymous duncan said…

    Thats cube w/ me Beckers.


    p.s. Beckers rilly didnt feel my plantain. She was just trying 2 cheer me up.

  • At 8:10 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    well, i'll let becky speak 4 herself, tho i doubt ne1 likes being called a liar. i don't know abt "most girls", that soundz a bit xtreme.


  • At 8:33 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april. sorry 'bout the "most girlz". ur cube. i think cuz i wuz painted, burnt, splashed, dyed, shot, & chased by pyro clownz yesterday, i'm not feelin' gud 'bout becky right now.

  • At 8:44 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I was supposed to go with Brenda Starr to visit Corbeil today, but she called and told me she just got into Rock Roquefort’s restaurant to do her interview for the autobiography of him she is supposed to ghost write, after a week of waiting. And I thought my restaurant was busy. We’ll have to do that trip another time, I suppose. I haven’t seen Brenda in awhile, and I miss her. I guess that’s how life will be with an internationally known reporter like Brenda Starr—feast or famine.

    Tracey Mayes came by the Mayes Midtown Motors restaurant today as I was waiting for a shipment of tropical fruits from Blueline food distributors. She told me that she had been working on getting my charges removed on attacking the 3 women including Elizabeth Patterson, but she was having problems because all 3 women were videotaped giving their testimony against me under oath, and so it was difficult for them to recant their testimony without them being charged with perjury. She said she was expecting to find out something on November 1, and would let me know. That made me a little nervous, since Tracey wields quite a bit of power in this town, and if she can’t keep me out of jail, then there is someone else even more powerful who is interested in seeing me in jail.

    I got to finally meet Duncan Anderson’s parents last night at the banquet. They seemed to be unaware that you and Duncan were together now, and I didn’t think it was my place to tell them. They still think Duncan is dating Keesha Grant, because they had this whole list of dates they had preplanned with Keesha and Duncan going back to last Thanksgiving. They might need to be straightened out on this matter. Mrs. Anderson said she had a few tips to give me on Bajan cooking and I should attend her cooking lessons that she gives to April’s mom on Sundays. What do you think? I do have Sundays free.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 8:51 PM, Anonymous duncan said…

    Oh, man. I hafta talk 2 Keesha 2morrow. Howie I dont think u want 2 come 2 my moms cooking lessons 'cos she h8s them an' just does them 2 humour Mrs. P. but its up 2 u.

  • At 9:33 PM, Blogger howard said…


    Thank you for your good advice. I will kindly decline your mother's offer, the next time she asks. Good luck with Keesha tomorrow. I will be spending the rest of the evening putting up Halloween decorations in the restaurant. Tracey Mayes and her kids were here helping earlier, but I get to finish it off. Tracey wants the place to look festive. Come by and see it tomorrow. I think it looks pretty good and matches my own personal decorating style.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 10:27 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    oh i felt dunc's plantain alrite an' it's more like 1 of those monster-size genetically modified super bananas.

    i went home 2nite after dunc an' i had r first "date" in his bedrm an' i told mom i wuz hooked up w/ dunc an' she got kinda upset she wuz all like "well i understand where ur coming frum baby cuz we all know black men r where it's at btween the sheets but u got 2 keep an eye on him, they'll cheat on u if u let them outta ur site 4 2 minutes 2gether. it's not their fault, it's cuz they have so many girlz throwing themselves at them 24/7." then b4 i could say nething she called planned parenthood an' told their apptmt lady that i needed 2 get in rite away 2 get hooked up w/ some foolproof birth control. mom goes 2 the lady "i'm talking suspenders AND a belt, she's dating the dark chocolate if u know what i mean." i wuz all like "mom i'm not going past 2nd base until i'm 16, apes an' i pinky swore," an' mom goes "uh huh well that's nice but i trust ortho novum over a pinky swear ne day of the week. plus u gotta know honey ur little vow of chastity won't last a week with a stud like duncan anderson. no i won't feel safe until my baby has been paragarded." i quit arguing cuz it's just pointless 2 argue w/ mom abt sex stuff. just so u know tho dunc i don't care if mom gets me protection better then they have at fort knox i m still not going past 2nd base.

    neway jeremy if u haven't figured it out yet i wuz just never that in2 u.


  • At 11:41 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    becky. well, duh! aftah yesterday’s torture, i had a bfo. april & me r alike. ur mackin w/geraldine, u tell april & she just takes it. ur mackin’ with dunkin, u tell me & i just take it. i take it frum mom, kids @skool, & frum the girl i luv. so duz april. i donno ‘bout april but iabyc ne more. if april iz smart, she’ll stop that fake-fiting w/u & do it 4 real.

  • At 6:02 AM, Anonymous Jesse said…

    Dear Miseses Edward knee Tayler,

    I jus wantd you to no. Here in the Tig we take care of our owen!

    I seen you nasty post to Miss Patterson so I maded sure that we took good care of her.

    You dont need to worry about Miss Patterson we wise natives got her back. But tanks for the concern white lady.

    luv but not,


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