April's Real Blog

Saturday, April 15, 2006

Gordo Time

This morning @ brekkie Dad sed, "Oh, April! Did I tell U abt my recent visit 2 Mayes Midtown Motorz?" & I'm all, "No, but I have a feeling U R abt 2." & He sed, "Oh, April, U & yr teenage sarcasm! But listen, U'll like this story. I was telling Gordo abt how I thot yr mom wd rest after selling the store, but now she's cleaning out the entire house. And Gordo sed he can understand b/cuz they've been talking abt doing the same thing there, only there's never enuf time." I'm all, "Yeah, Dad, fascinating material, keep talking." & he's like, "There U go again, April! U're such a teen! So, Gordo told me, 'I want 2 organize the parts department, extend Anthony's office & redesign the convenience store, --but I haven't had time!' I told him, 'Well, when U're in bizness...time is money!' And he sed, 'Yep. The more U make...the faster it disappears!' Well, April-buddy, I thought that was pretty good, even tho it wasn't a pun, & I was happy 2 C that Gordo had a model ship in his office, up on those filing cabinets?" Just then, I saw Dunc @ the window, holding up a dbl dbl & waving 4 me 2 come outside. I was thinking, "Thank God 4 Dunc!" And I'm all, "Dad, gotta go, Dunc needs me!" And Dad's, like, "But I haven't finished my story!" And I was, like, "I know, Dad, & I'm all broken up abt that, but we'll have 2 save the rest 4 l8r, eh?"

So now I'm @ the Andersons' house. Jammin' w/that electric guitar Dunc holds 4 me. That guitar is sweet!

BTW, Mom is pissed that most of the students in her creative nonfiction class haven't signed up for the course's message board yet. And she's actually using the class's contact sheet to call them up & harass them to register! Mom's totally off the hook.

Yeah, Becks, I know what U mean abt trying 2 convince yr dad abt NEthing WRT his unborn baby, genetics & logic. I hope that if Thora births a normal-sized baby, he doesn't freak & accuse her of having sum other d00d's kid. Tho U know he totally wd. @ least there'z DNA testing, eh?

Apes

posted by April Patterson @ 7:52 AM  

17 Comments:

  • At 9:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings about your father going to the car dealership. The saying, “Time is Money” is interesting. I think it comes from the states. Among my people, time does not mean money. The words and terms used today about time are relatively new because this was not in our culture until recently. When I say recently I am estimating about 100 years or so. When using the number system when referring to time it changes a little. In Anishinaabe culture we measured time by parts of the day or days and nights or the seasons. For example we use would ask “ Aaniish epiichaak” meaning "what is the distance" and we would answer by saying so many days, like niizh gwaan meaning two days. To measure someone's age we measure by the winter season. This question asks "how many winters are you" --"Aaniish ensaboongizyin"? The answer may be "Ndoniizhtaana nsaboongiz", meaning "I am twenty winters old". When we want to say "in two hours" we use the words "Niizho dabagiiswaangak", meaning "two clocks" or "two revolutions of the clock". The word for clock is very descriptive Dabagiiswaan daba comes from the dabage meaning to measure. Giis comes from the word giizis which means the sun and waan makes it an object, so when describing the clock in Anishinaabemowin we are saying "an object that measures the sun".

    I hope you find this interesting. We may be related some day and I like to think these stories will help us understand each other better. Your sister used to like those kind of stories a lot, but lately she seems to be less interested in learning about Ojibway life than before. I think it is just a phase she is going through.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

  • At 9:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, omg. omg. omg. ur dad wuz @mayes midtown motors again? haz he bot that car or not? ur dad haz gotta b the slowest car buyer i have evah known. i have been goin’ on test drivez it seemz like 4 @least ½ year. i swear if i hafta do anothah test drive w/ur dad i am gonna scream. i think i am stayin’ n my house all day. xxcept wen i go 2 dirne's b4 we go 2 church, of course.

     

  • At 10:03 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Today’s a busy day at Sugar’s salon. All the ladies are getting their hair done in preparation for Easter. However, the good news is that my coworker Marjee Mahaha is going to go with me this evening after work to spend Easter with my aunt Winnie and uncle Melville Kelpfroth in Toronto. We have tomorrow off from work. I haven’t seen my aunt and uncle in awhile and I am sure they have many stories to tell me. I would take my bud Becky too, but she has her shows at the Valhalla tonight.

    This morning when I stopped by at Thora’s (Becky’s step-mom) to give her a full body massage before going to Sugar’s, she said to me, “Howard. I am not supposed to be showing. I have only been pregnant for a month.” I said, “That’s nice. But it’s 2 months, remember? Besides, I wasn’t talking about showing. You’re keep asking me if I think you’re showing, and I agree with you, you’re not showing.” Thora said, “I think I’m showing a little” and she started to cry.

    Trying to change the subject I said, “What is the big pile of junk in your house?” Thora started crying some more, “Thorvald got all this baby equipment at garage sales and baby clothes from goodwill.” I said, “Well that explains the quality. I thought you were buying new baby clothes.” Thora cried some more, “Thorvald made me take them back.” I said, “Where are the axe marks?” Thora said, “What axe marks?” I said, “From where you threw an axe at Thorvald for doing this.” Thora said, “Thorvald took my axes away. He doesn’t want to endanger our baby if I should accidentally fall on one.” I thought to myself that was one of the smartest things Thorvald has done. As emotional as Thora has become, she would probably be throwing axes all day long. She said “I am like the Valkyrie Skeggiold, which means "axe-age" from Snorri Sturluson's Gylfaginning in the Prose Edda. I serve as a mead-maiden to the Einheriar in Valhalla, and my axe is kept from me.” Then she started crying some more.

    I gave the full body massage and that seemed to calm her down. She said to me, “How do you feel about babies, Howard?” I said I had always wanted children, but couldn’t bear any of my own. Thora said, “Oh. How do you feel about girl children? Would you expose them to the elements?” I said, “What? Thorvald again. He’s not going to expose any child to the elements.” Thora said, “If I have a girl and Thorvald wanted to expose her to the elements, would you take me in?” I said, “If that extremely unlikely set of circumstances did occur, I and many other people would take you in, after we had beaten Thorvald back to his senses.” Thora said, “That’s very comforting. You comfort me Howard. Just like Odin was comforted under the leaves of the Yggdrasil,l the "World Tree", the great ash. Excuse me, I need to vomit again.”

    It was an emotional morning. I hope your day with Duncan is going better.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dearest April flower,

    This morning, my parents and my brother and I went bright and early to Mayes Midtown Motors. My mother became very upset with my father last week when she read that your father was upgrading his car from a broken down old Bushwacker to a luxury Crevasse. I did not know this, but Mom reads your parents' monthly letters on the family website.

    Mom thinks it is very important to "keep up with the Joneses, possessions-wise." I told her that Jeremy's mother drives an ValUVo wagon just as she does, but Mom said that she was not referring to Jeremy Jones's family. She meant "Joneses" to mean "richest families in Milborough." I said that made no sense because there are no well-to-do families named Jones.

    Mom got huffy and said, "That doesn't matter. Get dressed. We are all going to Mayes Midtown Motors as a family." As soon as Mom left the room, my brother said, "You're a real dumbass," and punched me in the stomach.

    When we reached the dealership, we all got out of the car and started following Mom around in the section of Crevasses. We were there for only 10 seconds before this very portly older man began to waddle towards us. He looked to be 55-60 years old. My father shook his hand and said, "No offense, but I would really prefer to work with Gordon Mayes on this transaction. It is very important to my wife that we work with the boss, and not just an underling."

    Then the man said, "But I am Gordon Mayes." It was very awkward after that. While my dad tried to cover up for his error, I stood there stunned. The last time I saw Gordon, he was paunchy, but not rotund. Also, he only looked to be about 40 years old then. As my parents walked off with Gordon, I whispered to my brother, "Milborough Rapid Aging." My brother said, "You retard," and punched me in the stomach.

    My mother began to try out the many Crevasse station wagons. She made my brother and I test out the back seats. I secretly enjoyed this because it gave me an opportunity to assess how comfortable the backseat of my mother's car would be as a secret place to engage in coitus (after age 16 of course). When my parents were out of earshot, I told my brother, "This will be handy information to use as my relationship matures, sexually speaking." My brother said, "You idiot. You'll never even get to third base," and he punched me in the stomach.

    Then, suddenly, my mother caught sight of three very, very luxurious cars across the parking lot. They were so fancy they sparkled in the sun. Mom asked what they were. Gordon told her, "They are a luxury import from Britain, called the Sells Sloyce. They are the most luxurious, expensive car on the market today. I cary only two or three at any given time."

    My mother began to ooh and aah.

    My dad said, "Melanie, those cars cost over $100,000!

    And my mother began to tear up and complain. So dad agreed to let her try them out.

    They are, in fact, very luxurious. The trim outside is 24 karat gold. Inside, the dashboard is very pretty. It's all mahogany and ebony, with various precious gems imbedded in it. The upholstery is all fine Corinthian leather.

    My mother said, "I'll take it."

    And dad yelled, "Melanie! What did our marriage counselor say about making big spending decisions?"

    And mom said, "Aloysius, if you really loved me, you would buy me this car!"

    Well, the argument went on for some time. Finally, I said to my brother, "This is so embarrassing." My brother said, "You are a fucking pansy," and punched me in the stomach. I threw up. Fortunately, we were not in the Sells Sloyce at the time.

    The vomiting fortunately stopped the argument long enough for Gordon Mayes to convince Mom to take a Crevasse wagon. Mom agreed but only because she could get it in the special edition color of Bamboo Mist. She said, "Elly Patterson does not have a special edition paint job on her wagon. She took stupid old royal blue." So Mom is very happy.

    I have to go now. My brother says he has a game he wants us to play out in the backyard.

    Devotedly, Gerald

     

  • At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    jeremy, njoy ur new crevasse. az 4 bases, all i can say iz, "stainz show n new carz". our valuvo wagon mebbe cheap, but no1 cud tell if there iz a new stain n the back seat. better have a towel w/u wen u turn 16.

     

  • At 2:43 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    It’s interesting we are all talking about the Mayes family today, because at Sugar’s salon, who should happen to come in for a shamp-Oh and hair styling but Tracey Mayes. She had her two children, Rosemary and Paul, with her. She said to me, “Just regular shampoos for the kids, Howard. And I’ll take a shamp-Oh.” I said, “I thought you didn’t like me after that business with Dr. McCaulay.” Tracey said, “Oh Howard, you live with Dr. McCaulay now and he does say kind things about you particularly regarding your cooking and cleaning. He had some old lady there before you, and she threw out a lot of his important stuff. I understand you are much better.” Of course I had to chuckle to myself because I was that old lady. Tracey said, “Why are you chuckling, Howard?” I said, “Oh, sorry. I thought I was chuckling to myself. I thought it was ironic that Dr. McCaulay who once hated me so much he blackballed me from working at the Spigott Building now approves of my work.” Tracey said, “Things change a lot in Milborough. Nothing remains the same.”

    I was shampooing Rosemary’s hair, while Paul was playing with his portable videogame. Rosemary said, “I want a shamp-Oh. My babysitter April tells me they are great and all the teenage girls have had one.” Tracey said, “You’re too young, Rosemary.” I said, “That’s right. The owner of the salon, Sugar only allows girls over 13 years old and if their parents sign a waiver.” Rosemary said, “What’s a waiver? Is it like when you wave at someone? Or is it like when you sign on someone who is waving? Or is it someone who rides on waves?” I said, “That’s quite a few ways to interpret that. What a bright girl.” Rosemary said, “I have to be to understand daddy sometimes.” Tracey said, “Yes, we were making cookies the other day and after Gordon came home from work, we noticed some of the cookies were missing.” Paul said, “All of the cookies.” Rosemary said, “Then when I asked daddy where they went, he said, ‘Cookies are like money. The more you make the faster they disappear.’” Paul said, “That means he ate all the cookies.” Rosemary said, “Or it could mean the more time you spend making cookies, the more cookies there are that can disappear.” Paul said, “Whatever. You are working too hard to understand dad.” Rosemary said, “You’re just jealous because daddy reorganized my room and not yours.”

    Tracey said, “He’ll get around to Paul’s room eventually. Things are so busy at work. Did you know we have opened a convenience store?” I said, “No. So, you have a restaurant and a convenience store?” Tracey said, “Well not much of a restaurant anymore. Gordon doesn’t mention it, but it has been losing business steadily since the Valhalla opened.” I said, “I’m sorry to hear that. I liked that restaurant.” Tracey said, “I know. Gordon doesn’t even wear his lederhosen anymore or speak in German. Now he’s back to that same old ugly suit with the tie I can never get him to tie long enough.” I finished Rosemary’s hair and started on Paul. Rosemary said, “I miss daddy when he was talking like a gangsta rapper. He was so cube then.” Tracey said, “That’s cool, dear.” Rosemary said, “April says it’s cube, not cool.” Tracey said, “Well April would know.” Rosemary went over to Marjee to get her hair cut.

    Paul said, “I liked it better when dad talked like an Italian mobster and had hired thugs. You were one of his thugs once weren’t you?” I said, “For a time.” Paul said, “Is that why you wear a dress now?” I said, “No. I wore a dress then too.” Paul said, “That’s cube. Maybe someday I can wear a dress and be a thug.” Tracey said, “No. Paul. You’re going to be a nice grown up boy, and marry a girl, and wear suits like your father.” Paul said, “Can I wear a suit like dad wore when he was an Italian mobster?” Tracey said, “Yes, Paul. The Italians make very nice suits. I wish your father would wear them again.” I finished with Paul and he went over to Sugar to get his hair cut.

    Then I started Tracey on her shamp-Oh. She said, “I worry about Gordon. Dr. Patterson seems to be in Mayes Midtown Motors every day talking about his car purchase. I could swear my Gordon looked older than John Patterson, and Gordon is only 30. I am really worried he might not live much longer. April is so lucky to have you as a back-up gay Howard. I don’t think Lawrence is going to live up to his promise to me to be my back-up gay. All he talks about is Nick, Nick, Nick. And I think something is going on behind my back at Mayes Midtown Motors. Gordon is so interested in redesigning the convenience store and he wants to expand Anthony’s office.” I said, “Why is expanding Anthony’s office and redesigning the convenience store something to worry about?”

    Tracey said, “Last year we didn’t even have a convenience store, and now Gordon wants to redesign it. Anthony has been working out of his home since last April and his year of paternity leave is finally over and now Gordon wants to expand his office. Howard, Anthony has barely been in the office for a year, and now Gordon wants to expand it. Then there is the boat.” I said, “The boat.” Tracey said, “A balsa wood sailboat that sits on top of the cabinets. Whenever I ask about the boat, all Gordon does is smile and say it was a gift from someone special.” I said, “Well it couldn’t be Dr. Patterson. All he gave out at Christmas was toolkits.” Tracey said, “Don’t I know that. Every member of our family got one, including Rosemary. No, Howard. This is a recent gift, just in the last month.” I said, “What is so suspicious about a boat?” Tracey said, “No one will tell me about it. Even when I ask Anthony, he just smiles and shrugs. Something is going on, but no one is telling me. I will find out Howard and when I do…Oohh. OOoh.. OOOoohh. Yowza. Yes. Yes. Hoo. Oh wow!” I said, “That was a good one.” Tracey said, “Well, I have had to go without for awhile. Gordon has gotten too fat to do his duty. I may have to come in for a shamp-Oh more often.” I said, “I’ll look forward to it.” Tracey started over to Marjee for her haircut and stopped and said, “It’s good to talk to you again, Howard. I’ve missed it.” I said, “Me too.”

    That was the conversation. I hope you find it interesting.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 3:54 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    paul, that's interesting abt diff wayz of thinking abt time.

    jeremy, i've given up on knowing what my dad's up 2 w/the whole car trading in. like u, i thot it was all dun agez ago, but now i'm not sure. it's just like my mom selling the store, eh?

    howard, that stuff tracey sed abt gordo does sound strange. hmm, my dad recently took up making balsa-wood model ships. wonder if there's a connection?

    ger, i get nervous whenev i hear yr brother's planning 2 play a special game w/u.

    apes

     

  • At 3:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Aw, now why worry, April? Gerald and I had a great game of me punching him in the stomach over and over again in the backyard. LOLOL! He's in bed now, groaning.

    Gerald's Brother

     

  • At 6:36 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, becks, that is so xtreme! can i help u out sumhow?

    apes

     

  • At 9:13 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, shd i call luggsworth? i don't want yr dad 2 go back 2 jail, but this is xtreme!

    apes

     

  • At 9:20 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Thanks for calling me about the crazy stuff Thorvald is planning to do to Mayes Midtown Motors. Marjee and I were on the way to Toronto to visit my aunt and uncle, but we have turned around and will be there shortly. I will let you know more when I get there. You may want to call your father to see if he can help, since he is financially invested.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 9:31 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, my dad's on his way. he wdn't let me come along. man, i have a v. v. bad feeling. . . .

     

  • At 9:43 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    We got here to Mayes Midtown Motor and met your dad outside the dealership. We can’t see Gordon or Becky or Anthony or Thorvald, but Freyfaxi is out in the showroom covered in black shoe polish. Your dad said, “What’s going on? April told me some maniac is trying to burn down the dealership. This isn’t about the balsa wood boat is it?” I said, “No. It has to do with Thorvald’s wife Thora nagging him to get a Crevasse, when he wanted a different car.” Your dad said, “Oh, I understand that completely. So, we are siding with Thorvald?” I said, “No we are siding with Gordon and Anthony, your business partners, remember?” Dr. Patterson said, “Oh right. My business investments. I get you. Sometimes it is hard to de-cide who you’re going to be be-cide when you are choosing the sides.” Marjee and I both groaned. Marjee said, “We better go in Howard. Can you handle Freyfaxi?” I said, “I’ll try.” We’re going in now. I’ll let you know what happens.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 9:54 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    The first step was getting past Freyfaxi, who had been told to guard the door. I said to him, “Freyfaxi. It’s me, Howard. The guy who walks you every day.” Freyfaxi just growled. Your dad said, “Perhaps he is too dog-tired to give you a civil answer.” Marjee said, “Try something else, Howard.” I said, “Freyfaxi. It’s me, Howard. The guy who makes your food every day.” Freyfaxi just growled. Your dad said, “Don’t let him bedog you. He’s the underdog here. You know all the cur-rent ways to handle dogs.” Marjee said, “I know you can do it, Howard.” I said to him, “Freyfaxi. It’s me, Howard. The guy who knows your special spot to be scratched.” I saw a glimmer of recognition. I said, “You know the spot. The one you can’t reach with your hind paws.” I got closer. “It’s right here.” Then I got the spot and started scratching. Freyfaxi stopped growling and rolled over so I could get to the spot easier and he started whining and kicking his hind leg in ecstasy, pushing one of the showroom Crevasses’ a few meters. Marjee said, “I knew you could do it Howard.” Your dad said, “He’s like puppy in your hands.”

    Now we have gotten past Freyfaxi, we have to go inside the office, where I can hear Thorvald, Becky, Anthony and Gordon’s voices. Wish us luck. I will write when I can.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 10:03 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, good luck!

    apes

     

  • At 10:38 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    We got inside the office door and there was Thorvald with his axe and some Molotov cocktails. Gordon and Anthony were being tied up by Becky. Thorvald said, “Marjee Thovaldsbastarddottir, Hoskuld the wise, John Williamsson. You have come to stop Thorvald Mordsson, but you are too late.” Your dad said, “That’s Patterson, not Williamsson.” Thorvald said, “But your fafa’s name is William and not Patter.” Your dad said, “You certainly have the will in your patter.” Thorvald stared at him.

    Gordon said, “Dr. P? Does this have something to do with the boat? No, wait. Dr. P. Stop this idiot. He plans to burn us alive.” Anthony said, “I don’t want to be known as Burntanthony.” Becky said, “Do something, Howie.” Marjee said, “You hit him low and I’ll hit him high.” Thorvald said, “Marjee Thovaldsbastarddottir. If you and your newly muscular body... Marjee, you are looking quite fine.” Marjee said, “Thanks.”

    Thorvald said, “What was I saying? Yes, if come near, you will face the blade of the Ogress of War.” I said, “New axe, eh, Thorvald.” Thorvald said, “Yes. Do you like it?” I said, “It is quite beautiful. The engraving on the handle is quite nice.” Thorvald said, “I knew you would appreciate a fine blade, Hoskuld, but do not try to trick me. I have these Molotov cocktails to burn this place to the ground.” Anthony said, “I don’t want any Molotov cocktails. I don’t like drinking cocktails. It gives me a headache.” Gordon said, “Anthony. Molotov cocktail, also known as petrol bomb, benzine torch, molotov grenade or molotov bomb, is the generic name for a variety of crude incendiary weapons. While they are commonly associated with irregular military forces and rioters, they are actually more frequently used for basic arson. In urban slang, they are often referred to as a homemade frag.” Thorvald said, “I am impressed with your knowledge Gordon Fatass.” Gordon said, “Thanks. Now would one of you disarm this idiot.” Your dad said, “Would you prefer dis-arming or strong arming? I find violence al-arming.”

    I said, “Thorvald. Can’t we speak about this reasonably?” Thorvald said, “Gordon Fatass has turned my wife against me, and insulted my honor. I will have my revenge myself on him. He will pay with his life for this affront, just as Flosi did to Njal and his sons.” I said, “But the main point of Njal’s Saga is about friendship between the two friends Gunnar Hamundarson and Njal Thorgeirsson, who remain loyal friends despite the best efforts of enemies to drive a wedge between them. Wouldn’t you rather be friends?” Becky said, “Fafa. Hoskuld the Wise is speaking wisdom. Friendship is a better way.” Marjee said, “Becky-Thora is right. You don’t need to resort to burning.” Anthony said, “The attractive and muscular native girl is right. Burning me is not the way to deal with problems.” Gordon said, “Anthony is right. Any problem can be settled without lighting a place up, most times.” Your dad said, “Gordon is right. Time is money, and you don’t make money by burning down a business.”

    Thorvald said, “Perhaps you are right. But the car you talked my Thora-Thora into, the Crevasse. I have read Consumer Reports. The Crevasse is not one of their recommended buys! They say it is not a good value!" Gordon said, “States magazines. What do they know? The Canadian Auto Press says the Crevasse is one of the best cars made in Canada.” Thorvald said, “It is?” Gordon said, “Yes. If you will untie me, I will show you.” Becky said, “I’ll help. The knots are just slipknots.” Thorvald said, “Becky-Thora, do you betray me just as Freyfaxi did?” At the mention of his name, Freyfaxi came bounding over and knocked over the 2 Molotov cocktails. They shattered and everyone screamed.

    The place was on fire. Marjee and Becky and I quickly grabbed Gordon and Anthony and Thorvald out of the way. Your dad said, “I know where the fire extinguishers are. They are right next to the tool kits.” He was back quickly and started extinguishing the fire. The office was smoky and somewhat burnt, but no one appeared to be injured beyond a few cuts. Your dad said, “We better get everyone to hospital to check for smoke inhalation.” We are headed over there now. I will post more to you later.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 11:07 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    We’re at hospital now. As I had said before, no one is seriously injured, but they are taking their time checking us over thoroughly. I am quite impressed with how well your dad is doing. At hospital, once they found out your dad was among the injured, they immediately catered to him and he took charge of the situation. It is so odd to see him acting competent and professional and not making puns every few seconds. It’s as if he is a different person. I wonder why that is.

    While we have been waiting for everyone to be treated, I have been picking glass out of Freyfaxi’s fur. The shoe polish in his hair appears to have absorbed most of the blast of the Molotov cocktails and saved the rest of us from serious injury. Of course it helps the dog is built like a tank. As the ambulance drove us to hospital, Freyfaxi was bounding along beside us barking, apparently completely unfazed by the explosion that happened right next to him.

    I expect firefighters are making sure Gordon’s office is being put out completely. I told Gordon that Thorvald’s actions were all part of a Viking car purchasing ritual and he did not really intend to burn anyone. I don’t think he believes me. He said, “I am very familiar with long and drawn out car purchase rituals.” Gordon did tell Thorvald that if he did not want to see jail time, he would be buying a full-up, loaded Crevasse for his wife and it would be for the full retail value, plus whatever repairs to his business are not covered by insurance. He said to Anthony, “You did get the insurance right this time, didn’t you?” Anthony said, “Yes. Gordon. I wouldn’t make that same mistake twice, like I did with the Gig.” Gordon said, “Shhh! I was never associated with that place, remember?” Anthony said, “Oh right. I meant to say Giglet, the beloved character who is friends with Winnie-the-Pooh.” Marjee said, “That’s Piglet. Not Giglet.” Anthony said, “I was just reading that story to my daughter last night and I could swear it was Giglet.” Marjee said, “Whatever.”

    Thorvald seems to be a little meeker, given that we were very fortunate to not be more hurt. I think he realizes how close he came to really hurting Becky. Becky is extremely angry with him now and is giving him the old-fashioned silent treatment. Thorvald says, “Becky-Thora do not be to me like Meklorka, the mute concubine.” I don’t think Becky is going to let him off as easily as Gordon did, or be swayed by examples from Icelandic sagas.

    Marjee said to me, “Well this certainly postpones our trip to Toronto.” I said, “We’ll still get there, once we are done in hospital and I have made sure Becky is all right and settled.” Marjee said, “Coming that close to death makes you think hard about your priorities in life.” I said, “Yes it does.” Marjee said, “I have been coasting along for a long time, but I think it may be time to make some decisions.” I said, “Decisions are good.” Marjee said, “I am glad you agree. I’m looking forward to spending this weekend with you and your aunt and uncle.” I said, “I am too. I think we will have a lot of fun.”

    That’s how things are here. Your dad should be coming home soon with a few extra bruises and bandages. I will let you know if anything else comes up.

    Howard K.

     

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