Slides and Nostalgia
Mom had that class last nite, the one Vicki's mom teaches. This morning, Mom was kinda bragging that she was the first student in the class to post to their course message board. Then she got a bit anxious tho abt all their h'work assignments and she'z been scratching out a buncha notes that she mite turn into an essay. She left a ruff outline on the table. It looked like this:
Howard, OMG, Drew's been acting like a slob, eh? But soundz like U set things rite a bit.
Apes
Looking @ slides w/JohnLike I sed, she totally left theze notes out on the table, & this time they weren't even part of her journal, so I don't feel bad abt tellin' U what she wrote.
John: Oh, my gosh. --I'd forgotten about these slides.
(We are sitting on the floor, proj. betw us, both in our stocking feet.)
John: Michael in grade 2, Lizzie's 1st b-day, pictures of my parents, the canoe trip, Farley the dog...
(Farley the dog. Why did John say that? Does he think I've forgotten who Farley was?)
(Liz was so cute hugging Farley with her little button nose!)
John: There's you and me on the beach. We must have been in our 20s!
(I started to tear up a bit. ::sniff::)
John: Makes you feel a little nostalgic, doesn't it.
(No question mark. That was a statement.)
Me: ::sniff:: ...Uh huh. (Thinking: Look how thin I was!!!Now I'm fat and gross! I have a potato nose!)
Howard, OMG, Drew's been acting like a slob, eh? But soundz like U set things rite a bit.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 10:33 AM
19 Comments:
At 11:19 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, it’s good 2 have the day off frum skool 2day 4 good friday. dirne gave ovah & she wunts me 2 go 2 the cathedral church of st. damian n mboro w/her & her family. they have choral matins @noon, ante-communion & the reading of the st. john passion @1, choral evensong & the veneration of the cross @2. she iz rilly xxcited cuz this iz our 2-week anniversary of d8in’. i know thass not a big deal 2u since u have been w/gigli 4 ovah 3 yrs. but it’s a big deal w/dirne. she’z wearin’ a designer black dress, & evn tho thass a lot darker than wut she normally wearz, she sez thass appropriate 4 the day & she brought ovah a designer men’s suit 4 me 2 wear, also black. so we r gonna take this goth luk n2 the cathedral.
all i can say ‘bout ur mom’z notes on the slides iz (a) u shud b glad she didn’t make u watch them w/her & (b) there weren’t ne slidez of u she mentioned, so mebbe ur lucky & there weren’t ne 2 mention. ttyl.
At 11:30 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your finding your mother’s journal and looking through it again. Sometimes I look through old pictures with my parents and I feel nostalgic too, like your mother. For me, nostalgia includes the old sights and sounds I will never experience again. The first time I went ice-fishing with my dad, or the taste of my late great aunt’s baloney and bannock or the time I met your mother for the first time and she showed me that great picture of your sister. Those were good times.
Was your sister thinner when she was younger? Do you think she is going to cry someday about when she was thinner? Being thin is not that important to the Ojibwe. However we do have 10 different words to describe the thinness of ice.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 12:07 PM,
howard said…
April,
Because there was no school today, Becky was still sleeping when I left the house to go to give the daily massage to Thora (Becky’s step-mom). I don’t know what to think of this woman. She keeps asking me if I think she is showing or not, and I have to say, no, because she doesn’t. It takes some women a long time to show, and it appears Thora is one of those. But she has all the symptoms of pregnancy, even if she doesn’t have the appearance. She went to the bathroom and threw up 2 times while I was giving her the full body massage. I got to Sugar’s salon a little late.
I said, “There’s not much of a crowd today.” Sugar said, “It’s good Friday. Most of the ladies who get their hair cut are in church today. The ones that go to church anyway.” Almost on cue, in walks your mom, Elly Patterson.
She said, “Set me up for a shamp-Oh, Howard. I am feeling good.” I said, “Why are you feeling good?” She said, “There are a few reasons. I was cleaning out my basement and I found some old slides and I watched them. There were a lot of pictures of my family and me when I was looking hott. I was a babe when I was younger, did you know that Howard?” I said I was unaware of that, but it seemed likely. Elly said, “I love looking at pictures of me when I was thin. It makes me tear up.” I said, “What are the other reasons?” Elly said, “In my Creative and Expository Non-Fiction writing class, at Milborough College of Arts, Technology, and Tractor-Pulling; I was the first student to respond to the teacher’s request to write to an on-line forum. I love being first at something. It’s like I have won a race. There’s a girl in the class with me named Kayla Kelpfroth. Do you know her?” I said, “She’s my first cousin once removed.” Elly said, “That’s very interesting. Is she married?” I said, “A few times, but not currently.” Elly got a stern look on her face. Then she said, “Marriage is very important. My daughter Lizzie is going to be a bridesmaid in a wedding.” I said, “She is? That’s interesting.” Elly said, “Yes. She told her sister April and not me and I had to find out in my usual sneaky way. Liz likes to keep secrets from me, but I think the wedding itself is supposed to be a secret. When I mentioned it to Carol Enjo, Dawn’s mother, she seemed to be quite surprised.” I said, “I imagine she would. “ Elly said, “Yes. My daughter is going to be a bridesmaid. I am so happy. Once you’re a bridesmaid, then next step is bride.” I said, “I don’t think that’s how it works.” Elly said, “Certainly it does. Liz will take her new boyfriend to the wedding and it will give him ideas. I predict I will be a mother of the bride by September, 2007.” I said, “I’ll bet you’re right. But why September?” Elly said, “That’s the month Mike and Dee had their fake wedding. Just thinking about being the mother of the bride gets me going. I am so happy abou…ooh. Oooh. Ooooh. Yes. Yes. Yes. Mother of the bride. Yes. Yes. Yessssss.”
It was an odd conversation, but I thought you might be interested in hearing it.
Howard K.
At 12:36 PM,
April Patterson said…
paul, u misunderstood me. the outline wasn't in mom's journal, it was just on sum scratch paper she left out on the kitchen table. was liz thinner? i dunno, u'd hafta find sum old pix & c 4 yrself.
howard, it's funny that a rellie of yrs is also taking that course. it'll b interesting 2 c what she has 2 say abt the class.
jeremy, yr outfit soundz nice. & congrats on the anniversary.
apes
At 1:53 PM,
April Patterson said…
btw, paul, i never "looked thru" mom's journal in the 1st place. like i sed, yesterday she left it open on the table. y wd u say that abt me?
apes
At 2:14 PM,
Anonymous said…
Paul,
It is a not-so-nice kind of prying to ask if I used to be thinner than I am now. The answer to that is, sadly, yes. I have gained a few pounds over the years. I gained 10 pounds my first year up north. But that isn't my fault. It is hard to get exercise when winter lasts about six months. I am glad you introduced me to some new winter activities. Still, it does not seem to be helping too much. But you know, gaining a little weight every year is inevitable as a woman ages. I know. I have talked to my mother about this, and as you know, she is very wise. Especially in matters of weight gain.
I will try not to get too fat though. I think Mom is starting to get a bit on the "hefty like a refrigerator" side of things.
Liz
At 2:29 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dear friendly Becky-Thora flower,
After you left your father's house, he called me and asked me to come over to help him write new skits. We are now writing a show called "The Teen Peril" and drinking mead.
Sincerely, Gerald
At 2:53 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Oh, man. Bloggers eating my posts 2day.
4 day weekend! Cube! Im going ovah 2 Zeds this aft 2 practise the death scene. I think Zed an' I will b @ Horny Ts 2nite if NE1 wants 2 hang.
L8r, mayB.
At 3:03 PM,
April Patterson said…
becks, yr dad mite b wrong abt having a big baby. i know a couple where the dad is the same size as yr dad & the mom is the same size as thora. they had a baby boy who was born weighing 6 lbs 14 oz, & was 20 inches long. & he wasn't a preemie. the boy started growing really fast like rite after he was born, & now that he'z three, he'z way, way big 4 his age. but the couple's ob/gyn told them the best way 2 predict how big yr baby will b isn't how big the 'rents r as adults but how big they were when they were born. it turned out both 'rents were abt 7 lbs @ birth, so there ya go.
dunc, i will c u & zed @ ht's 2nite. since mirabell is so bad abt giving ne directions, do u think zed wd mind if i brot the guitar & played a coupla thingz? she seemz 2 know more abt shakespeare'z dayz than mirabell does.
apes
At 3:05 PM,
Anonymous said…
hey everryone, Vciki told me about April's blog along timeago, and now i'm finnally writing. it's borring lying down here, but our lady of perpetual counsel has great wi-fi so my uncle ferdinand gave me a laptpo to pass the time. he and my mom thohgt it would imporve my writting abilities since i'm in teh remedial track and i've missed so much school because of injuries. dr. kelbridge-fingernagel doubled my percocet dosage, so now i feel no pain. i'm just broed.
At 3:51 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Hey, Apes!
Zed said 2 bring the guitar an' we can go back 2 her place after we have r dbl dbls. Zed thinks Mirabells in2 tv show themes an' if u need inspiration her uncle Arne left this bhind when her 'rents kicked him out.
At 4:16 PM,
April Patterson said…
soundz cube, dunc.
i just found out connie'z taking that class, 2. mom's all proud of herself 4 reminding connie 2 do her posting @ that message board. she'z all, "connie's lucky i'm such a good friend!"
apes
At 5:05 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I believe I owe you an apology. I did not read your writings about your reading your mother’s writings carefully enough. Please accept this apology for saying you had been looking through your mother’s journal.
Your sister was mad at me for asking the question about her weight. I don’t like it when my sweet girl cries, so I was trying to see if looking at old pictures or slides would make her cry. I like seeing pictures of your family, since I have not met you, but I could not do that if it makes your sister cry. Your sister told me that whatever weight she has gained from being in the Northwest did not make her cry yet.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 5:49 PM,
April Patterson said…
that's ok, paul. i wanted u 2 understand i wasn't snooping, eh?
i don't think looking @ pix wd make liz cry, but i'll let her speak 4 herself on that 1.
apes
At 5:57 PM,
Anonymous said…
So, April, guess who came into the salon late this afternoon? Your neighbour, Connie Poirier. As soon as she sat in Howard's chair, she was saying, "I cannot believe I let Elly Patterson rope me into taking that class. 'Oh, Connie, I don't want to take the class alone! I'm so nervous! Come on, if we take it together, we'll have so much fun!'" So I signed up, mostly to shut her up, and then next thing you know, she's nagging me to do my required posts on the message board the instructor wants us to use. Never mind that we have a week to get our posts up. Elly was all anxious to have my post go up, since the only other person to post besides her was Kayla Kelpfroth, who sort of left an oblique criticism of Elly's habits." Then Connie said, "Kelpfroth. Any relation, Howard?" And Howard told her the same thing he told your mother this morning.
After the shamp-Oh, Connie made her way to my chair. I offered to give her a new look, but she shook her head, looking sort of sad, and said that if she made any major changes to her look, Elly would have a fit and possibly not recognize her. "Not that that would be so bad, but I'd never hear the end of it!" I offered to at least brighten up her colour with some highlights, and she went for that. She seemed pleased when she left the salon. Howard and I thought you might be interested to know.
Marjee
At 8:26 PM,
April Patterson said…
becks, were yr dad & thora huge when they were newbornz? that's the real test, eh?
hope yr show goez well!
apes
At 8:42 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i have ‘bout been churched out. dirne wunts 2 go back 2morrow to the cathedral church of st. damian n mboro 4 the great vigil of easter @9 pm. then on easter, she planz 2 only attend the procession & choral eucharist @11 am.
my mom & me had dinner w/dirne & her ‘rents. dirne’z dad sed, “2 dirne & jeremy. congrats on 2 weeks 2gethah.” dirne’z mom sed, “yes. dirne 2 weeks. ru reddy 4 2nd base?” dirne sed, “aftah wut jeremy did 4 me last nite, i am rilly reddy 4 2nd base.” my mom sed, “wut happed last nite, dirne?” i sed, “i passed a test.” my mom sed, “don’t innerrupt. i asked dirne.” i sed, “u’ll get the same answer.” my mom sed, “stop b-in’ so rude, jeremy.” dirne sed, “well, mrs. jones. it iz a little premature 2 tell u this, but my dad did jeremy give jeremy the test 2 make sure he wuz suitable 2b d8in’ me.“ my mom sed, “& jeremy passed this test, i take it?” dirne’z dad sed, “he certainly did. he iz a fine boy, mrs. jones.”
my mom sed, “u peeps sure like jeremy. so wut iz this ‘bout baseball, dirne?” dirne sed, “oh. 2nd base iz a euphemism 4 stagez of a romantic relationship.” my mom sed, “oh, like 1st base 4 kissin’. i remembah that. it hazn’t been so long since i wuz yung. w8 a minute! ru talkin’ ‘bout takin’ jeremy 2 2nd base az in the ‘feelin’ ur body’ 2nd base?” dirne sed, “ovah the clothes, but yes. thass correct mrs. jones. aftah the couple haz been d8ing 4 2 weeks, it iz tyme 4 2nd base.” my mom sed 2 dirne’z ‘rents, “& u don’t have ne problem w/this?” dirne’z mom sed, “it iz the way dirne haz been trained. i know az a fellow mother, u may b concerned that this wud lead 2 othah thingz, but that iz not the case. my husband & i b-lieve that since boys & girlz r gonna do thingz neway, it iz best 4 them 2 have clearly defined tymez wen they shud be done. that way they unnerstand wut iz appropriate & wut iz not, & we don’t hafta worry ‘bout wut they’re doin’ cuz we alreddy know.”
my mom sed, “aren’t u worried jeremy will get xxcited by 2nd base & go on2 3rd base or hit a home run?” dirne’z dad sed, “but of course, that cud happen. howevah, we feel that if we tell our daughter that everythin’ iz restricted, then she will rebel & go all the way. but if we tell her goin’ 2 2nd base iz permitted & ncouraged, then she will limit herself 2 2nd base.” mom sed 2 me, “jeremy jones. promise me ur not goin’ past 2nd base w/dirne?” i sed, “wut? 4-evah?” mom sed, “no. not 4-evah. b4 ur 18.” i sed, “so i can’t go past 2nd base till i am 18 & n grade 12?” my mom sed, “no. thass not wut i meant.” dirne’z dad sed, “uc the difficulty? our dirne haz been trained n the rulez, so the relationship will progress & there won’t b ne unwanted pregnancies or disease. just let dirne handle it.” mom sed, “wen do u go past 2nd base?” dirne sed, “aftah we have been d8ing xxclusively 4 3 months w/o ne breakups 4 ne reazn.” my mom sed, “3 months. jeremy will nevah make it. all rite, jeremy. promise 2 only do wut dirne tellz u2.” i sed, “this iz mbarrassin’ mom.” mom sed, “promise.” i sed, “ok. i promise.” dirne got rilly xxcited ‘bout that & sed, “mrs. jones. ur the best.” my mom sed, “thanx, dirne. make sure 2nd base iz ovah the clothez.” dirne sed, “but of course, mrs. jones.”
so, i got 2 go 2 2nd base w/dirne & my mom knowz & dirne’z ‘rents know. it kinda freaks me out. my mom actually sed, “so, how wuz 2nd base, jeremy?” i sed, “mom. don’t ask me that kinda question. i don’t ask u ‘bout 2nd base w/future dad?” my mom sed, “u got a point there.” it wuz weird.
At 9:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dude, at least yr gf isn't wearning yr mom's old clothes/ Now, THAT is disturbing!
Jeremy Duncan
At 9:54 PM,
April Patterson said…
so, zandra seems 2 think that next time dram club meets, i oughta try the theme songz from i dream of jeannie, gilligan's island, m*a*s*h, bewitched, maude, and the jetsons. i asked what they had 2 do with shakespeare'z time. or macbeth's time. & zandra was, like, "nothing, but this is mirabell we're talking about", & she rolled her eyez really hard. dunc was, like, "yeah, mirabell's a bit off, eh?" & zandra was all, "that doesn't even begin 2 cover it!"
apes
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