"Pop" Locks His Workshop
Oh, one thing I 4got 2 mention abt Mom this past Monday. B4 she made that gross brekky I didn't eat, she was sitting @ the table in her robe drinking coffee @ reading the paper. I asked, "U don't hafta go 2 Lilliput's 2day, hum?" Which I'm not sure Y I asked, since I thot Moira had taken over already, like ages ago, eh? And Mom was all, "Nope! It's my 1st day of retirement." Wha? Then what was w/all the "Under New Management" stuff? Don't worry, I looked in2 that. NEway, Mom went on, all, "I'm going 2 start cleaning this house. I'm going 2 go thru every drawer & every corner in every cupboard." Then she punched a fist in the air while being all, "I"m going 2 sort and organize and throw stuff out. --It's sumthing I've been wanting 2 do 4 YEARS!!" And I went 2 my dad, all "'Pop'...has mom wigged out?" And he was, like, "I don't know, --but I'm locking my workshop." Hmm, he never seemz 2 get that I'm being, like, ironic, when I use "Pop"--like it's a parody of all thoze old 1950s sitcoms from the states. Oh, well, it's still funny 2 me.
NEway, I stopped by Lilliput's yesterday afternoon & I asked Moira WTF was up w/Mom thinking that this past Monday was her first day of retirement, what w/the changez Moira already made & her "new management" sign from like 4ever ago. And Moira just kinda rolled her eyez & told me that my Mom had gone in2 denial, and in her befuddlement, she'd continued to show up 4, like, 5 minutes/day & convinced herself she was still in charge. "Really, it wasn't all that different from when she still was in charge of this store, April, so I didn't bother trying 2 disabuse her of her little delusion. And she even had sum lucid moments now and again when she seemed to realize we'd already changed handz. I figured she'd come around eventually. I just hope to God she doesn't forget. And get your dad to put those godawful trains back in."
So, like, Dunc asked me if I'd B willing 2 do sum music 4 Macbeth, er, sorry, "the Scottish play". I asked him what-all kinda music, & he sed he didn't know, but cd I come by rehearsal after school 2day w/my guitar. So I sed OK.
Jeremy, sorry 2 hear what happed w/Dirne. I don't think U were being st00pid, just honest. Dirne shda appreciated that. U shdn't ask sum1 their opinion if U Rn't willing 2 hear their real opinion, good or bad.
Becks, yikes, it's not cube that Drew made such a mess of yr gym, drank yr favourite drinx, & left all that disgusting laundry 4 poor Howard!
Apes
NEway, I stopped by Lilliput's yesterday afternoon & I asked Moira WTF was up w/Mom thinking that this past Monday was her first day of retirement, what w/the changez Moira already made & her "new management" sign from like 4ever ago. And Moira just kinda rolled her eyez & told me that my Mom had gone in2 denial, and in her befuddlement, she'd continued to show up 4, like, 5 minutes/day & convinced herself she was still in charge. "Really, it wasn't all that different from when she still was in charge of this store, April, so I didn't bother trying 2 disabuse her of her little delusion. And she even had sum lucid moments now and again when she seemed to realize we'd already changed handz. I figured she'd come around eventually. I just hope to God she doesn't forget. And get your dad to put those godawful trains back in."
So, like, Dunc asked me if I'd B willing 2 do sum music 4 Macbeth, er, sorry, "the Scottish play". I asked him what-all kinda music, & he sed he didn't know, but cd I come by rehearsal after school 2day w/my guitar. So I sed OK.
Jeremy, sorry 2 hear what happed w/Dirne. I don't think U were being st00pid, just honest. Dirne shda appreciated that. U shdn't ask sum1 their opinion if U Rn't willing 2 hear their real opinion, good or bad.
Becks, yikes, it's not cube that Drew made such a mess of yr gym, drank yr favourite drinx, & left all that disgusting laundry 4 poor Howard!
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 9:12 AM
29 Comments:
At 9:42 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your mother’s plans to clean. In Ojibwe, we would call her a Biinichigewikwe (female cleaning person) and among my people they are often confused about their role in life. When I met your mother, I would never have guessed she has wanted to clean your house for years. My ningashi (mother) keeps a very clean house and I have tried to do as well as she has. Your sister called my place Spartan when she came to visit. Maybe she was trying to compliment me, but it did not sound that way. I thought she was holding me up to the cleaning standards of your mother, but I guess I was wrong. Does your mother consider your sister to be cleaner than or not as clean as she is? It would be a big help if you could tell me. That way I can figure out if my sweet girl will become a better or worse Biinichigewikwe (female cleaning person) than she is now.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 9:50 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, dirne called me this mornin’ & sed, “jeremy, y aren’t u here 2 walk me 2 skool? ur l8. a good bf shudn’t b l8.” i sed, “i thot u broke up w/me last nite, cuz i told u i didn’t like ur food. u know, like u were sorting & organizing & throwing stuff out, & i wuz one of thoze things.” dirne sed, “oh that. i must apologize. my behaviour wuz definitely not wut a good gf shud do. & my food wuz rilly bad. my dad tried 2 eat the food & he got sick. i shud’ve gone thru every drawer & every corner n every cupboard 2 find better recipes. my mom sed food that bad iz not wut a good gf cooks 4 her bf & i shud 4give u 4 not sayin’ the rite thingz 2 me. so, i can 4give u, if u can 4give me.” i sed, “sure. i can 4give u. thass no problem.” dirne sed, “good. i am glad thass settled. now hurry ovah here 2 walk me 2 skool or we’ll b l8.” i sed, “how ‘bout if my mom drivez us?” dirne sed, “it iz not az personal az a walk, but a good gf must b willin’ 2 adjust n emergencies.” mom drove us 2 skool & dirne & i kissed a lot n the backseat. she sed 2 my mom, “xxcuze me mrs. jonez, but makeup kissin’ iz supposed 2b passionate & uncontrolled, so i hafta ignore the usual decorum of not kissin’ n fronta ‘rents.” my mom sed, “wutevah. it’s only a 5-minute drive 2 ur skool.” makin’ up kissin’ wuz gr8. u shud try it sumtyme w/gigli.
az 4 macb…, i mean the scottish play. mr. mirabell haz given me sheets & sheets of notes. shakespeare rote spots 4 musical interludes n the play & mirabell iz fanatical that they “not be rewritten by ne1 especially mike patterson.” by the way, it wud be a rilly, rilly gud idea not 2 mention wut ur last name iz 2 mr. mirabell. also, there r sum sound fx spots he wunts live music nstead of wut i wuz uzin’ recorded, cuz “my buddy willy shakespeare wud’ve wunted it that way.” i can help u thru it @rehearsal 2day.
At 9:52 AM,
howard said…
April,
Frankly some of things your mother says about cleaning her house frighten me. I remember having to clean up at your house the last time your mother cleaned, which was just before Christmas, I think. If she turns your house into a disaster area, I will be willing to fix things up, at least in your room, if you can find a way to get your mother out of the house for as long as it takes to do that. Hopefully, that will not be necessary. However, your dad’s idea of locking things up may be the right one. I have some extra locks, in case you need to borrow some.
Howard K.
At 11:50 AM,
April Patterson said…
howard, the locks sound like a good idea. i think i'll keep my room locked & tell her i need 2 practice managing my own living space so i'll b ready 2 live on my own when i'm @ university. i think she'll like the sound of that, eh?
jeremy, mayB when i talk 2 mr. mirabell, i shd use my quebecois alias, avril parlefils. whattaya think? thanx 4 yr offer 2 help--i'm sure i'll need it!
paul, my mom doesn't really say nething 2 me abt liz's cleaning habits. it mite b a way of trying 2 respect her privacy or sumthing. i'm not sure. but i mite b able 2 clear up sum thingz abt my mom's cleaning habits.
u c, it's not like she keeps the house looking like a sty or nething like that. typically, it's all presentable, so if peeps drop by, they're not like totally disgusted or nething. but my mom has ideas abt "everyday surface cleaning" & "deep cleaning". deep cleaning involves getting in2 all the nooks & cranniez of the house & getting rid of every last bit of dust or dirt. & organizing everything & getting rid of stuff u have saved but don't need. that's what she hasn't dun in a v. long time & sez she wants 2 do now. hth.
apes
At 12:32 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your mother’s definitions for cleaning. Things are defined differently with my people. In Ojibwe, the words involving cleaning are:
bakazhaawehe - cleans a fish
bekisagaathe - floor is clean
biinaagaminit - liquid is clean
biinadit - is clean
biini' - clean somebody
biinichigaadeit - is cleaned
biinichige - he cleans things
biinichigewikwe – female cleaning person
biinichigewininiwag- male cleaning person
biinininjiihe - has a clean hand
biinitaw - clean something for somebody
biinitoon - clean something
As you can see from our words, we do not have words that make a difference between "everyday surface cleaning" and "deep cleaning.” You can also tell that having a clean floor or fish or liquid or hand is more important than cabinets or corners. Also, important is whether you clean for somebody or for yourself. With the Ojibwe, you should always understand your reason for cleaning. From what you have written about your mother, it sounds like your sister is a better “deep cleaner” than she is, but not as a good an "everyday surface cleaner” as your mother. My ningashi (mother) says I am a good biinichigewininiwag (male cleaning person) but I would make a terrible biinichigewikwe (female cleaning person). It is one of those things I am working on.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 1:11 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i think duncan alreddy told mr. mirabell ur name iz april, but parlefils mite work. dirne sed that parlefils sounded 2 diffrent frum patterson & sum othah peep wud prolly call u patterson & that wud wreck the whole thing. she sed u shud use a name close enuff 2 patterson so if sum peep callz u by ur last name, u can pretend they just mispronounced ur name. eva sed, “how ‘bout pratterson?” shannon sed, “mebbe…plattersound.” i suggested “splattersome.” i guess it’s ur choice.
@lunch, dirne told every1 the story ‘bout our dinner last nite. shannon sed, “u…gotta…learn…howta…lie, jeremy.” i sed, “like u & ur apartment?” shannon sed, “that…wuz…just…a…little…joke, jeremy. liten…up.” eva sed, “i dunno. i kinda like the idea there iz @least 1 guy out there i can count on 2 tell the truth.” vicki sed, “maynard told me that it iz bettah 4 a girl 2 think her guy iz a liar. that way she’z not disappointed wen she findz out she iz rite. it’s like when gordie tellz me he iz not gonna try sk8boardin’ off the roof of the skool. i know he iz lying. his sk8board tracks are all ovah the roof.” dirne sed, “but of course a proper bf knowz wen he iz supposed 2 lie & not lie. 4 example, if ur gf asks u if she looks gud, a proper bf sez she luks good, evn if her outfit izn’t designer.” i sed, “april told me u shdn't ask sum1 their opinion if u rn't willing 2 hear their real opinion, good or bad.” dirne sed, “yes. that soundz like sumthin’ april wud say.” eva sed, “i know u think a lotta april, jeremy, but if she rilly did that, her band w/duncan & gerald wud’ve been back 2gethah a lot sooner. duncan & gerald sed they have been tryin’ 2 get it back 2gethah 4 monthz, but april wudn’t lissen 2 their opinionz.” i sed, “i think thass a little diffrent.”
vicki sed, “this iz borin’. i wanna know wut happed w/duncan & zandra larson yestahday @drama.” dirne sed, “i didn’t get 2c it myself, but brent luggsworth sed he caught them kissin’. duncan wuz lyin’ down supposed 2b pretendin’ 2b dead & zandra larson wuz all ovah him.” eva sed, “wut? wut? ru sure thass wut happened? duncan sez u can’t trust brent luggsworth.” i sed, “i dunno ‘bout brent luggsworth, but duncan did have lipstick on his face that did not match the stuff he wuz wearin’” vicki sed, “duncan wuz wearin’ lipstick?” dirne sed, “well he hadta, w/thoze purple lips of hiz.” vicki sed, “it wud be fun 2c duncan w/diffrent colour lips.” i sed, “it’s not that xxcitin’.” shannon sed, “but…if…he…iz…dead, purple…lips…wud…b…the…rite…colour.” dirne sed, “ur rite shannon. i will hafta remember 2 tell that 2 mr. mirabell.”
thass kinda how lunch went.
At 1:39 PM,
howard said…
April,
I will be glad to drop some locks over at your place later today. I had a visit at Sugar’s salon with Moira Kinney you might find interesting. She came in the salon and said, “It’s my lunch break, Howard, and I want a shamp-Oh. I deserve a shamp-Oh to celebrate.” I said, “OK. What are you celebrating?” Moira said, “Today is the first day since Elly Patterson sold Lilliput’s to me that she hasn’t been in the store.” I said I had heard that she considered today to be the first day of her retirement. Moira said, “I know. What a struggle that was. When she went on her trip to Mexico she had finished the remaining paperwork required for the sale of Lilliput's to me and the sale was finalized, or so I thought. But she would continue to show up at the store and make comments about how she didn’t like the changes that were being made and she would try put things back the way they were. Of course she was only there for a little while, so it was easy to undo what she had done. Finally, I asked her why she kept coming around when she had sold the place to me and she said, ‘Moira. We haven’t had our official celebration dinner yet.’ I said, ‘The paperwork was signed back in March.’ She said, ‘Without a dinner it’s not official. I am sure that is the law.’ So I said, ‘All right, where do you want to take us?’ Then she said, ‘Take you? Oh no, Moira. You are the purchaser, so dinner is on you.’ I said, “All right. Where do you want to go?’ Then she said, ‘It has to be someplace ethnic to show I support our ethnic population in Milborough. Let me see, what ethnic population have I not supported lately. I know. The Japanese. That would be good.’ I said, ‘All right. Is there a restaurant you would like?’ Then she said the Kabuki House, because she knew someone who said they liked the food there. It was a long and miserable night. Elly thought the sushi rolls were some kind of pastry and I thought she would never stop eating. Finally the restaurant manager said they were trying to close, so we should get out. Between that and the toasts and all the hugging, it was one of the worst nights of my life. But it was all worth it. She didn’t come to work today. No screaming about coffee. The phone books don’t have huge bites taken out of them. The customers have been friendly and responsive when you ask them if they need help. It is like the bookstore is starting a whole new life. I am feeling really good about my future now and oh, that’s the spot…ooh! Oooh! OooooH! Yes. Yes. Yes.”
I thought you might find that conversation interesting.
Howard K.
At 2:02 PM,
Anne said…
I'm so totally sorry if I seemed kinda punchy @ lunch. Jeremy's rite, Gordie just tells me he's not gonna sk8 off the roof or stair rails, but then he does it neway.
So aftah lunch, me & Dirne walked out 2 the back parking lot & saw this humungoid vert ramp extending from the roof of the west annex 2 the lot. We looked up & saw Gordie & Malcolm w/their boards. The convo went something like this:
Dirne: Gordon, u promised ur fair gf Victoria that u'd abstain from imprudent sk8ing exercises!
Gordie: Vicki honey, I've gotta come clean 2 u. I'm gonna start sk8ing @ skool. I'm going 2 go thru every lot, every disabled access ramp & every rail n every stairwell.
Dirne: Well if u explore every avenue 4 ur sk8boarding pursuits, u'll find urself needing the disabled ramps, & not 4 sk8ing!
Malcolm: Chix, dude, always spoiling r fun. Come on, 30 minutes til break's over, let's vert.
Gordie: I usually wear a helmet & kneepads! Bsides, real sk8ers live on the edge.
Me: Can we talk about this later, Gordie? I need some espresso 2 sort out my thots. Plus, I gotta look 4 my geography assignment.
Gordie: Sure Vicks, see you @ 3.
Dirne (to me): Such reckless young men! I'm so thankful Jeremy is a truthful fellow who doesn't engage n foolhardy pursuits.
So that's about everything I can rite down. Dirne's so cool, she's got my back. I hope she likes it here n Ontario.
Vicks
At 3:30 PM,
April Patterson said…
howard, i thot monday was the 1st day mom didn't go 2 lilliput's? or mayB that's what u meant? that moira went 2 the salon on monday? or did mom lie 2 me & stop in @ the store on mon & tues after all?
jeremy, those r all gd ideas abt my name. either that, or i cd just tell mirabell the truth & tell him i'm a rebel patterson who lives 2 plot michael's downfall? he mite like the idea of that, eh?
vicks, sorry 2 hear abt gordie'z crayzee stunts & the liez abt them.
eva, w/the band, it's not that i didn't wanna hear what peeps had 2 say abt the band, it's just that i also wanted 2 think thru 4 myself afterwards.
oh, & liz, i don't think laffing @ mom is making fun of old ppl cuz peeps in their 50s R NOT OLD PPL!
apes
At 3:40 PM,
howard said…
April,
Did I say Monday? I rechecked my post and don't think I mentioned a day. I get so many customers at Sugar's salon, it's hard for me to keep my days straight. I usually just say things that happened and that way I don't get in trouble with the unusual chronology that afflicts the goings-on around here. I can check the salon records for when Moira came in, if it's important for you to know. By the by, is it OK if I think people in their 50s are old?
Howard K.
At 3:53 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, a rebel patterson who lives 2 plot michael's downfall. i am havin’ a hard tyme gettin’ my mind ‘round that, 4 sum reazn. i guess it cud work az long az u don’t say it ‘round ne1 else but mr. mirabell. most peeps wud prolly start laffin’ 2 hear u say, “rebel patterson.”
dirne seemz 2 like me b-ing a truth teller aftah all. i heard her brag ‘bout it 2 vicki simone. this wuz a little b4 gordie & malcolm went down the vert ramp extendin’ frum the roof of the west annex 2 the lot. they were smokin’. wen they crashed @the end of the lot, they got up & sed, “cube, dude. again!” it looked like fun. i wish i had brot my sk8board.
At 4:18 PM,
Anne said…
That sounds like a good idea, Apes. Mebbe u could look all gothy, w/dark eyeliner & sooper pale foundation & black nail polish. Then u'll seem more like the black sheep of the Patterson clan 2 Mr. Mirabell. I know ur hair is cursed, but Marjee has some extra-hold hairspray 2 keep it down long enough. I have some temporary purple haircolour u could add n streaks if u wanna go the extra kilometer. Nething 4 the sake of art, as Dirne sez. :-)
U didn't miss much, Jeremy. Dirne told me the janitor, Mr. Kleen, heard Gordie & Malcolm crash & made them take down their ramp & throw the parts n2 the dumpster. Then he sent them 2 Nurse Horbreth's office. When me & Gordie met on the front steps @ 3 he looked kinda dazed & kept shouting "Nordiques win the Stanley Cup!" I had 2 tell him they're the Colorado Avalanche now.
Vicks
At 4:26 PM,
April Patterson said…
nah, no need 2 look up the records, howard. & u can think whatev u want abt ppl in their 50s.
dunc introduced me as "april". no last name. mirabell'z running over a bunch of instructionz 4 the actors & hasn't sed nething abt music yet.
apes
At 5:20 PM,
Anonymous said…
mr. mirabell seemz rilly mpressed w/april. he just kinda sed, "now we need sum musick like wut shakespeare wud've heard." april sed, "no prob. mr. bergan makes me play the classics all the tyme." then she started 2 play sum rilly old soundin' musick. mr. mirabell sed, "thass perfect. i'm glad sum peeps appreciate the classics, unlike that revisionist michael patterson."
i hafta show april all the music cuez 4 macb...the scottish play. shakespeare had them n:
act iii, scene i
act iii, scene v
act iv, scene i
but mirabell wunts sum musick netime sum1 sez the word "sound."
At 6:05 PM,
April Patterson said…
becks, howard just got here w/sum locks & door reinforcements. mom's down in the basement cleaning an' dad's locked up inside his workshop, so i don't think they'll even notice that he'z here.
@ the dram club mtg, dirne seemed v. upset abt the playing music whenev sum1 sez "sound". she was muttering, "stupid, stupid, stupid", & "is he gonna have foghornz go off when macbeth sez 'fury'?" like jeremy sed, mirabell seemed 2 like the music i played 4 him.
becks, i'm glad u & drew r getting along well again!
apes
At 6:05 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
How can you say that people in their 50s are not old? Look at the aged 50+ people you know in Milborough. How many of them still working? I can think of only three--dad, Dr. McCaulay, and Mrs. Nichols.
Now, we know why Dr. McCaulay keeps pushing himself to work. It's because he has a sad, tragic homelife because he is a longtime bachelor with a shameful past that includes a divorce and fornication with many, many women he never for a moment thought were The One. If I had such a terrible life, I think I would keep going to work well past retirement age, so I wouldn't have free time to think about the pain of my tragic life.
Mrs. Nichols is a similar case. She has been married to a philandering husband for many, many years. When he was gone for work and there were kids at home, she could probably ignore this pretty well. Now her husband is retired and her kids are gone. If she were at home every day with Mr. Nichols, the shame and pain of having a bad husband would probably make her cry her eyes out or make her try to kill herself by drinking household cleaning products, or something terrible like that. Yes, if I had a philandering husband, I would definitely keep working even though I was old and tired.
Then there is Dad. I have tried to talk to him about retiring now that he is over 50. I am worried that he is pushing himself too hard. Did you know that he works four days a week? At his age, that is crazy. He should be home with Mom, enjoying his old age. It's not like he has an unhappy home life!
Liz
P.S.--Paul, I don't think I like that you are speculating about how good a cleaning woman I am. It sounds very domestic. Which makes it sound like you're thinking about marriage. Even though I have never known anyone like you before, I am not desperate to get married. No matter what you might have heard.
At 6:09 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dearest Becky flower,
Please do not blame Drew for the Nerf ball stuck in the pool filter. That was my fault. Yesterday, I challenged him to a game of Horse using your poolside basketball hoop. I lost, and after Drew pushed my head underwater and gave me noogies, he told me to put the equipment away. But I got so busy shaking the water out of my ears that I forgot.
I am sorry. It will never happen again.
Sincerely yours, Gerald
P.S.--I tried to suggest to Drew that he should moderate his consumption of your expensive juice beverages, but he did not think you would mind.
P.P.S.--Dearest April flower, can we make a date for third base? Perhaps we could do it while skinny dipping in Becky's pool. Only we will lock up the dogs first. And do it while Howard's at work. Let me know.
At 6:23 PM,
howard said…
April,
As I have told Becky a few times now, if you don’t know why a gay man might need a naughty mini-fridge, then you are better off not knowing. She says she is going to ask her dad or some of the other people at the Valhalla, but I think she will be surprised that they will give her the same no answer and be somewhat jealous of my mini-fridge, at least those who have not experienced the delights of…No. I am not telling.
By the by, your door reinforcements should keep your mom out, so long as you are not so foolish as to put any uncovered pastries in there. If you do that, then you would probably need a concrete and steel-reinforced bunker to keep her out. For all other cases, you should be safe.
Thank goodness I got home in time from walking the dogs to prevent the skinny-dipping disaster in the pool. Becky could not see Drew’s manly parts clearly from embarrassment or laughter or whatever reason she was giving. However, from my vantage point it was pretty clear where they were headed, and it wasn’t any 3rd base. Becky is a pretty smart girl most of the time, but when it comes to love she takes risks. Drew is almost 2X her weight and it is very difficult to get the leverage in water to defend yourself, when you suddenly realize your boyfriend is going further than you planned to go. Believe me there was the time in Milborough Training School for Boys where I learned that the hard way with the water polo team. It wasn’t pretty.
Freyfaxi was the perfect choice to go after Becky, even though it takes forever to get him dried off. I tried to remind her of her experience with Jeffo Bray and I even invoked the name of a girl at school, Dirne I think, for whom Becky has, let’s say, some issues, even though she tries not to talk about it. It didn’t seem to faze her. She maintained they were only going to go to 3rd base. So I had to resort to the pinky swear, which, as you know, she does abide by.
We did get Freyfaxi off Drew as he learned first hand about leverage in water vs. someone bigger than he is. He seemed to be all right, but I am sure he has learned not to try that particular move again.
Well, I am off to the Valhalla for my early evening shows. I'm glad the Shakespeare thing was fun for you.
Howard K.
At 6:38 PM,
April Patterson said…
liz, try 2 remind yrself abt this fact that u & i have agreed on in the past: milboro is NOT normal. ppl in milboro get old b4 their time. think abt anthony. how many ppl in their mid-20s do u know who look as old as anthony does? next, ask every1 u know in mtig if they know ne vibrant, active old ppl. ask gary, vivian, jesse's aunt margaret, the guy who owns that store. ask yr students' parents, ask paul. i'll bet they all know vibrant old ppl. i'll bet u've even met sum 4 yrself up in mtig. only mayB u don't know how old they really r cuz u assume they must b yunger than mom & dad. mayB u oughta start finding out how old the vibrant ppl u think of as "middle-aged" r. mayB u'll find sum surprises that way.
gerald, becks txt-ed me & sed she & i hafta have an emergency mtg abt when it's rite 2 go 2 3rd, & then pinky swear on it. becks is leaning towardz 15.5 yo. i'll let u know what we decide after we meet!
apes
At 6:42 PM,
April Patterson said…
thanx 4 doing the locks & door reinforcements, howard! u rock!
apes
At 7:41 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i’m sorry dirne seemed 2b mad ‘bout ur music wen sum1 sed “sound”. normally she duzn’t get 2 upset by stuff mr. mirabell duz, xxcept wen it haz sumthin’ 2 do w/costumez. i thot u sounded v.v. gud. i can tell u have practiced that kinda old musick 4 w/a teach 4 awhile. i think it wuz mainly cuz i wuz havin’ 2 spend so much tyme w/u @rehearsal 2 give u ur cuez, nstead of spendin’ tyme w/dirne, like i usually do. dirne & i r not n the same grade, so our tyme 2getha iz limited 2 lunch & b4 & aftah skool.
At 8:29 PM,
Anonymous said…
April, but of course you shouldn't worry about my comments during the rehearsal. I wasn't complaining about your music, which sounded very accomplished. It was about Mr. Mirabell's choices. Normally, I wouldn't have taken so much offense about the direction of some dusty old Shakespeare play, but Zandra Larson was complaining about how distracting these extra sound cues were, and it was putting her in such a foul mood, I was beginning to worry that it would affect the way she carried herself. And if it affected the way she carried herself, this would in turn affect the way her costumes looked. And this of course would reflect badly on me as the costume coordinator.
I was actually quoting Zandra about sounding a foghorn during "fury". I didn't even realize that this is the play that has that line, which my father likes to quote for some reason.
Dirne
At 8:56 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dearest April flower,
But you already promised we could go to third base! And, as your mother is fond of saying, "A Patterson does not tell a lie!"
Potentially crushed, Gerald
At 9:00 PM,
April Patterson said…
gerald, u r so cute & anxious. go back & look what i said. "this year". if we follow becky's suggestion & w8 until i'm 15.5, it will b october, & there4 still this yr.
apes
At 9:11 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Maybe in my younger, more foolish days, I might have thought that Milborough was weird, or strange, or uptight. But now, with the wisdom of age, I am recognizing that Milborough is the only place to be.
When I was younger and more foolish, I thought the north was new and exciting. Just as things were starting to become routine, I met Paul. While this made the villages take on a whole new glow, it got me thinking about the you-know-what topic that I don't want Paul to be talking about yet. And as I think about my future, when I will be you-know-what-with-an-M and have you-know-whats-with-a-C, I realize that the north is not what I want for the rest of my life.
Every day, I feel an increased longing for the familiar surroundings of the south. The villages offer wonderful things, but it is not enough to satisfy me forever. I think it's crazy to think I could do those you-know-what-with-an-M-and-a-C things so far away from my family. No, when I am M and have Cs, I will need to be in Milborough, or at least nearby, so I can have Mom's help.
You will feel this way too, April, when you grow up. When you are mature, you settle down, take stock, and stop questioning things so much.
You keep saying that Anthony looks old, but to me, he looks perfectly normal. You know, I am not sure what I feel about him, but one thing I know for sure is that Mom was right about him. He has become the kind of husband that any nice girl would like to have. He reminds me a lot of Dad. If things were different, I might be thinking about Anthony for myself. But he went and got married to Therese, and I will not be "the other woman."
I don't know what you are talking about, with the "vibrant, active old people" stuff. When I think "vibrant, active old people," I think of Grandpa Jim and Iris. I get the impression you don't feel that way. That's not very nice of you.
Also, Mom and Dad are still vibrant and active! Look at Dad, still working almost full-time, and Mom is cleaning out the basement all on her own! (You should really be helping her, April.)
I don't like the way you are talking about Mom and Dad. It's not very nice.
Liz
At 9:47 PM,
April Patterson said…
liz, abt vibrant, active old ppl, i'm thinking abt that woman u accused of being a liar cuz she'z a surgeon even tho she'z old. that wasn't v. nice of u, liz.
i m sorry u r going thru theze changez that make u think mboro & mom & dad r so wonderful & all. it makes me sad cuz i useta feel more connected 2 u.
mom insisted on doing the basement stuff by herself. "i'm the only one who can do this properly!"
re. anthony, did u realize ppl call him granthony cuz they think he looks grandfather-aged? it mite not b nice, but that's what peeps call him.
apes
At 11:06 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I didn't call that lady a liar. And it's not very nice of you to accuse me of that.
When you get older and more serious, you will understand.
Liz
At 1:08 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, i am so glad dirne rote that post 2u ‘bout the musick, so i know she didn’t have a problem w/it. altho havin’ dirne agree w/zandra larson ‘bout sumthin’ wuz kinda eerie 2. the foghornz r kinda loud, but mr. mirabell wunts them that way.
i red wut u rote ‘bout how 3rd base wud b when ur 15.5, & i sed 2 dirne, “ur alreddy ovah 15.5, so can we go 2 3rd base?” dirne sed, “jeremy jonez. i alreddy told u the rulez 4 3rd base. the rulez ‘bout 3rd base r v. clear. the couple must b d8ing xxclusively 4 @least 3 months w/no breakups 4 ne reazn.” i sed, “duz last nite count az a breakup?” dirne sed, “technically, no, cuz i didn’t say officially we were broken up, w/the return of gifts & stuff.” i sed, “so that meanz n 3 months, we can go2 3rd base?” dirne sed, “2.6 months.” i sed, “ur not gonna change ur mind?” dirne sed, “but of course not, jeremy. i am a good gf. if a girl sez 3 months & then aftah 3 months sez she changed her mind, then that iz a major violation. it wud b like if a girl sed, ‘no sex till we’re married’ & then on her weddin’ nite sed, ‘oops. i changed my mind.’ it wud b so wrong.” i sed, “so this stuff ‘bout april & 15.5 yearz iz…” dirne sed, “jeremy. i am not gonna talk ‘bout ur friend april’s love life. frum wut u told me, she’z been w/the same steady guy 4 ovah 3 yrs & by her own admission not gone 2 3rd base, so obviously she iz playin’ by her own rulez & not the official good gf standard. u don’t needta pay ne attention 2 wut she sez ‘bout that stuff. she haz not been trained like i have. let’s talk ‘bout sumthin’ else.” i am so lookin’ 4ward 2 2.6 months frum now.
At 4:03 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I woke up very early in the morning because I realized that I did call Mrs. Browne a liar after all. But I didn't mean to. I was just upset because Becky was making fun of Mom.
You don't have that excuse though, so I am still upset with you.
Liz
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