April's Real Blog

Friday, June 23, 2006

Chipper an' Suds

K, what I don't understand is how come Liz had so much packing left 2 do when she'd been @ it 4 almost a month! Well, Liz mite pop in an' xxplain, or mayB not, depending on her mood.

So, Liz was packing up her kitchen stuff, and Susan asked if Liz wanted her help packing. Which was kinda weird considering Susan had already been helping her pack in the bedroom, but whatevs. Liz told her, "No thanks, but U can check the kitchen cupboardz and C what's worth saving." Hm, U'd think this mite B 1 of thoze thingz that Dunc's lawyer calls a "conflict of interest", since Susan gets 2 keep whatev Liz leaves behind, but I won't tell that 2 Liz, who seemz 2 think she knowz better than evey1 else, esp. her 15yo sister!

So then, there was a knock @ the door and Liz was all, "There'z sum1 @ the door. It's probably my boyfriend." Weird that Liz thinks she needs to xxplain what a knock @ the door meanz. NEway, Susan was all, "I'll get it", and next thing U know, Paul was goin' "Chipper?" An' Susan was all, "Suds!!" And he swept her up in the air and held her w/his hands cuppin' her arse, in that way Liz thot was reserved 4 her. And so Liz st8ed the obvs again, w/"I'm guessing that U 2 know each other." So, yeah, loox like they've got a history w/ea other. Stayed tuned!

NEhoodles, U know what else? 2day'z my 1-yr bloggoversary!!! Yup, so in that blogging tradition, I'm gonna take U back 2 my v. 1st post, where I was all,
Hi, everyone! This is April Patterson, and this is my blog. I tried to start one before, but my nosy mother caught me. But since she's such a clueless FOOB, I convinced her a blog is a place to post fridge pics. You can see "my" official blog here:

http://www.fborfw.com/fun/blog/

Right, Ma, as if.

So this is my real blog, the place where I'll be writing the things I don't want Mom to see. I've got to keep this one short. . . . I hear Mom callin' me. Tune in soon, though.
Can U believe I've been doin' this 4 a year? And I haven't missed a day! Go, me, eh? Big thanx go out 2 every1 who posts here an' 2 every1 who reads here!

posted by April Patterson @ 6:56 AM  

23 Comments:

  • At 9:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    You seem to be saying that Paul's way of greeting Susan was suspicious somehow. You are such an untrusting person. Not like me. I am a very trusting person. I was generous enough to keep trusting Eric for months, until I had gotten a proper mountain of evidence against him. Then I trusted that Howard just had a harmless crush on me, because following someone home and talking dirty to them at work is not enough evidence to prove they have bad intentions. Now I am going to extend that same trust to Paul. Anthony says my trusting nature is one of my best traits. And as you know, Dad says Anthony is one of the best guys he has ever known. That is good enough for me.

    Also, now I am pretty sure that the ass-lift must be some kind of traditional Ojibwe greeting that you use when you are really, really glad to see anybody, even platonic friends. I bet that Paul greets his mishomis that way too. You just have a dirty mind.

    Anyway, even when I am a whole day away down south and we can only see each other once in awhile, I am sure that Paul will be completely faithful to me in body and mind. We have been through the traditional Ojibwe practices that show his commitment. First we danced in our socks. Even though I was reluctant, he made me do it. I think that shows how much he adores me. Also, he helps me carry boxes. He came to help me do that before and now he is here to help me again with the boxes. I think that is a very domestic thing for a man to do and everyone knows that domestic men like Anthony and Dad are the ones who stay faithful. Finally, he promised me to get that transfer down south and I think it is a good sign that he is going to do it even though he totally doesn't seem to want to because it means he would do anything to be with me.

    How can you see it any other way?

    Liz

     

  • At 9:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    You seem to be saying that Paul's way of greeting Susan was suspicious somehow. You are such an untrusting person. Not like me. I am a very trusting person. I was generous enough to keep trusting Eric for months, until I had gotten a proper mountain of evidence against him. Then I trusted that Howard just had a harmless crush on me, because following someone home and talking dirty to them at work is not enough evidence to prove they have bad intentions. Now I am going to extend that same trust to Paul. Anthony says my trusting nature is one of my best traits. And as you know, Dad says Anthony is one of the best guys he has ever known. That is good enough for me.

    Also, now I am pretty sure that the ass-lift must be some kind of traditional Ojibwe greeting that you use when you are really, really glad to see anybody, even platonic friends. I bet that Paul greets his mishomis that way too. You just have a dirty mind.

    Anyway, even when I am a whole day away down south and we can only see each other once in awhile, I am sure that Paul will be completely faithful to me in body and mind. We have been through the traditional Ojibwe practices that show his commitment. First we danced in our socks. Even though I was reluctant, he made me do it. I think that shows how much he adores me. Also, he helps me carry boxes. He came to help me do that before and now he is here to help me again with the boxes. I think that is a very domestic thing for a man to do and everyone knows that domestic men like Anthony and Dad are the ones who stay faithful. Finally, he promised me to get that transfer down south and I think it is a good sign that he is going to do it even though he totally doesn't seem to want to because it means he would do anything to be with me.

    How can you see it any other way?

    Liz

     

  • At 9:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dear April, Liz, and friends,

    Wow, I am so excited to find out that Liz's boyfriend "Paul" is actually my old friend Paul Wright! I don't know how I missed that before. Maybe because Liz didn't really tell me anything about him except for his name. It must have slipped her mind. Most of the people I know talk about their boyfriend or girlfriend, but Liz hardly said anything. I guess it was probably just an oversight.

    I wish I had a boyfriend as nice as Suds! Liz is so lucky. I am surprised now that she wants to move back south because Suds is a really fantastic guy. If he were my boyfriend, I would never want to be apart from him. Just hypothetically speaking. I mean, if I had a guy like Suds. Not Suds himself. Because Suds is taken by Liz already, and I totally respect that.

    Sincerely, Susan

     

  • At 9:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I can’t believe what an idiot I was. I never realized that the Susan Dokis who is taking over for your sister in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) is the same girl I knew when I was growing up. I was so surprised to see her. Let me tell you, Chipper is the one of the nicest girls I know. Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) is very lucky to have her take over for your sister. I can’t think of anyone better to do the job.

    As you mentioned in your writings, I call her “Chipper” and she calls me “Suds.” You are probably wondering how we got those nicknames. I think my sweet girl wants to tell you that story. However, it is possible, and I am not saying it is true or not, but it is possible that “Chipper” could be because Susan’s front teeth are kind of like a chipmunk’s. It could also possibly be, I am called “Suds” because I like to keep things nice and clean. Don’t quote me on that, if your sister decides to tell you a different story.

    The story with Chipper and me is a lot like your sister’s relationship with her high school boyfriend. Chipper went to university to study to be a teacher in Thunder Bay, and I decided to become a member of the Ontario Provincial police. So, we sort of lost touch. My sweet girl has told me often how she used to think she was going to marry her high school boyfriend, but she lost interest in him, when he failed to visit her and write to her, when she went to Nipissing University. When my sweet girl is living in Mississauga, I will make sure that doesn’t happen to us. I will visit as often as my work will allow and I will continue to e-mail, snail mail, IM message her and also call her every single day. With any luck, the next time she meets someone I used to know and call by a nickname, I will recognize them before I meet them at your sister’s apartment in Mississauga.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

  • At 9:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Congratulations on your 1 year anniversary. We should do something to celebrate. Maybe we could get nicknames like your sister’s boyfriend and his friend have. I could call you “Nicest girl in school” and you could call me “BFF”. What do you think?

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     

  • At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, congrats 4 doin’ this 1 year w/o missin’ a day. i told my mom ‘bout that & she sed, “teenagerz have so much tyme on their handz,” neway, i think it’s gr8.

    eva red ur blog ntry 2day & she told me if she evah catches me pickin’ up sum girl by their arse, she iz gonna punch me out. i sed 2 her, “evn if i am not carryin’ a cell fone?” eva sed, “if ur handz r on sum girl’z arse, they can’t b carryin’ a fone.” she sed if i have sum kinda old female friend or sumthin’ like that, then i bettah b givin’ her a handshake or hug her like a sister. i told her 4 2nite’s dance, i will just wear a sign that sez “eva’z man. don’t touch.” but then she sed, “we haven’t made that kinda commitment yet.” i know thass true, but i like 2 let eva know that wen she iz reddy 2 b my gf, i am reddy 2b her bf.

    last day of xxamz. i am so reddy 4 2nite.

     

  • At 10:01 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    One year of Blogging. I am very impressed with you. There are not many teenagers who have that kind of commitment. I know that when you become a doctor and are married and have a child, you will probably still be maintaining this Blog. My congratulations on reaching your anniversary.

    As for your Blog entry. It was interesting. Suds and Chipper, eh? You know it says a lot about Elizabeth and her cop boyfriend that she doesn’t have a nickname for him. I am very interested in your story now. I wonder if your sister is going to counter and tell this obviously ex-girlfriend of her boyfriend, that her nickname is “Coffee cake.” It would be nice if your sister fought for a man, instead of being so passive. There is nothing like taking a man you have battled for. Believe me, I know.

    The whole story is a little suspicious. It’s not like Susan Dokis is a common name. When your sister was writing to you about Susan Dokis back when she was practice-teaching, you know she had to have mentioned it to her boyfriend back then, since she was supposedly calling and e-mailing and IM messaging him, and snail mailing him. If he knew a Susan Dokis, he could have asked your sister what she looked like and made the connection. Of course, I think you mentioned that Susan Dokis looks a lot different than she did when she was practice-teaching, so the constable may not have recognized her from your sister’s description of her appearance. But I doubt it. Plus this whole business with your sister’s boss pressuring her so much to sign or not sign a contract so Susan Dokis can take the job. I think someone has been working behind the scenes to make things happen in Mtigwaki. It seems a little too coincidental. This smells like the handiwork of the Johnston Institute for Better Living to me.

    I would advise your sister to be very careful until she is safely out of Mtigwaki. You don’t want to mess with the Johnston Institute.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 10:14 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. I offer to you, the esteemed congratulations of a fellow writer and producer of grand creations of the written word. Perhaps you should give up the idea of following in Aunt Bev’s veterinarian footsteps and follow in your big brother’s writerian footsteps instead. If there is one thing I have learned as a writer is that consistency is important. Every day you write. Every day is time spent in the attic, producing or pouring over the tomes of literature that will one day, leave a permanent mark on the world. Someday the name of “April Patterson” could be up there with mine, Keats, Shelley, Milton, and the Bible.

    Of course you may want to find a more interesting subject than Lizardbreath packing to move about which to write. Yawn! At least it is good to know that Liz has gotten help to move. I know that when my lovely Dee and I made our last move, from the ground floor to the upper floor of our apartment building, we couldn’t have done it without the help of Lawrence and Nick. My darling Deanna is thin and attractive in appearance, but alas, not much of a lifter. I hope Liz had some pizza and beer ready for her two helpers as I did. If her boyfriend’s nickname is Suds, then he is clearly a beer drinker. Probably that boyfriend of hers is going to be the one driving her out of wherever it is that she lives, but you didn’t mention that. I hope he doesn’t drink and drive.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 6:43 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Congrats on yr blog anniversary, Apes! Pls dont congrat me on ne of my annis coming up I dont rilly want 2 remember the days I was charged or the days I went 2 Niagara Falls.

    Bonus I finished my exams 2day do u have ne left?

    L8r.

     

  • At 7:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i’ve done the sound tests & i have the background musick goin’ 4 the nerdy peeps who show early 4 the prom. zandra larson iz sittin’ w/me & watchin’ me do the sound. she sed, “can i sit here w/u? my d8’s duncan & he’z playin’.” i almost didn’t recognize her, dressed up & stuff & i think she actually haz sum kinda perfume on. aftah the initial shock, i sed ok.

    i think zandra rilly wunted 2 sit by me so she cud keep an eye on eva ‘round duncan. that wuz prolly a smart idea. eva iz wearin’ sumthin’ rilly low cut & she iz n full smirk mode. 1ce eva spotted zandra, eva iz keepin’ an eye on zandra ‘round me. or iz she keepin’ an eye on me ‘round zandra? i dunno. eva did walk ovah 1 tyme & sed 2 me where zandra cudn’t hear, “don’t u dare try 2 give her ass a friendly greetin’.” aftah the initial shock, i sed ok.

    i hope i survive this prom.

     

  • At 7:27 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Normally Becky would be doing her usual Friday night performance at the Valhalla, but since she is playing the prom at R.P. Boire with you and your friends, I agreed to cover for her. She has been really looking forward to doing the prom. I think Becky is losing interest in the Valhalla. It is a venue that was created for her to do her music, but it seems to be the same audience every night. We rarely get visitors from out-of-town and I am afraid that the Valhalla’s popularity would be the same if we put a monkey on stage with a ukulele. Milborough is simply, so dull a town, that people flock to whatever entertainment is available. The Valhalla has not proved to be like a Las Vegas or Branson, Missouri show club, where people come from out-of-town to hear the performer. My show, which has turned into a combination of opera arias and skits about missing dentures, remains as popular as ever. Thorvald, (Becky’s dad and owner of the Valhalla) said it is because the old folks have virtually no short term memory, so they can see a show 20 times before they remember it once. I think this explains why they laugh at the same joke every night.

    Oh well. On with the show!

    Howard K.

     

  • At 7:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I hope you are having fun at the prom. I couldn’t go because mom said there will be boys there who will take advantage of me. Mom knows me. That’s the whole reason I want to go to the prom. I may be special needs but I have other needs too. Ever since your story this morning, I have been thinking about having a boyfriend who would pick me up by my bottom. It sounds so romantic.

    I told my brother Blair about that and after he said, “Ew. Shannon,” he said, “When you do find a boy to lift you up by your bottom, make sure he lifts with his legs and not his back.” My brother is so smart. I wrote that advice down in my Blair diary. So, April. If Gerald picks you up by your bottom at the prom, remind him about lifting with his legs.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     

  • At 7:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i am n so much trub. eva did a rilly good smirk @duncan & hiz eyez went rite 2 her boobz. then zandra sittin’ nexta me sed, “i’ve had enuff of this.” i wuz hopin’ 4 a girl fite, but zandra wuz wearin’ thiz black sweater over her dress & she tuk it off. the sweater that iz. not the dress. i swear duncan’z eyez actually went n 2 directionz @1ce. one looked @eva’z boobz & the othah looked @zandra’z boobz. then he fell ovah, cuz i guess he lost his sense of hiz surroundingz, the non-boob surroundingz neway. the crash evn got rebeccah’z attention & she lifted up her head 2 look frum where she & luis had been kissin’ n the corner of the stage. we helped duncan up & she sed, “eva, u wear that 4-evah & eva shirt till we r done playin’.” then she sed 2 zandra, “u needta put that sweater back on.” eva & zandra did not look happy. az she wuz puttin’ on her 4-evah & eva shirt, eva sed 2 me, “i saw u lookin’ @zandra’z boobz.” i sed, “but i didn’t grab her ass. b-sidez i cudn’t help myself. i am a guy.” eva sed, “a good cowboy keeps hiz eyez on his prize steer, not sum old cow.” i didn’t unnerstand wut she wuz sayin’, but i cud tell she wuz not happ w/me.

     

  • At 8:25 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hey, sorry i haven't been posting til now, fone malfunction!

    apes

     

  • At 8:52 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    eva tried 2 get becks 2 add sum "cowboy" song in2 the set, sumthin' called "happy trailz", but becks was all, "nfw"! well, back 2 playing now!

    apes

     

  • At 9:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I don't know why Becky would shoot down a perfectly good song suggestion like that, man! Girl has no taste! Oops, break's over!

    Eva

     

  • At 9:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    This prom's pretty dope, yo, but I dunno y the band needs so many breaks. Becky looks hott 2night!

    Drew

     

  • At 9:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    becky-schmecky, dunc loox hott! but that zandra chick gives me dirty loox whenevr i stare @ him!

    keesha

     

  • At 9:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    all the girls on that stage look chubby if u ask me, which u would if u had some sense! i got a great new diet from a mel_forsythe @ my favourite pro-ana site, and it rocks cuz my size-zero prom dress is loose, as it should be!

    tangi

     

  • At 10:39 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Apes, cld u pls talk 2 yr friend Evah abt good touches & bad touches cos she gave me a bad touch when we got offstage @ the end of r 1st set. If she doesnt get what u r talking abt remind her that Zeds bigger than she is.

    L8r.

    MCDunC

     

  • At 10:45 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Oh yah I almost 4got.

    Happy Pride weekend 2 Howie I guess u have gone 2 TO 4 the weekend.

    & I got a letter from Kimmi 2day I didnt have time 2 open it Ill open it 2morrow.

    L8r. Zed wants 2 c me in the janitors closet.

     

  • At 11:48 PM, Blogger Zandra Larson said…

    Er, Duncan, exactly how many of your ex-girlfriends are here? Just wondering.

     

  • At 12:02 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Chill, Zed. Just Keisha & shes w/ Luggies bro. Beckers & I were only sorta gf/bf she dumped me a long time ago I dont care nemore.

    McDunC

    <3 <3 <3

     

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