April's Real Blog

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Happy Dad'z Day, yo!

Happy Dad'z Day 2 all U fatherly types out there, eh? With all the death talk l8ly, I thot a life-affirming membership 2 Pete's gym wd B a gd gift 4 my Dad, an' when I gave him the membership certificate this morning, he smiled like a muppet! Mom told him "My gift is 4 l8r!" Dad's getting ready 2 go 2 the gym, now. When Liz called 2 wish him a happy, I took the call an' told her abt Mom's "l8r" comment. I thot mayB it was one of thoze TMI thingz U really don't wanna think abt w/yr 'rents, but Liz laffed an' sed it meanz that when Dad comez back from the gym all sore, Mom wd give him a Father's Day massage.

It's a wonder we're up so early after our l8 nite last nite @ the Barbados on the Water fest in TO. That was cube! I luvved the Mighty Gabby concert, an' I can C Y Dunc's a major fan! Jeremy, I'm glad my "cowgirl" talk w/Eva worked out well 4 U both. I think she did more talkin than I did, but I asked her lotsa questionz abt Y she focuses on Dunc so much when U're the one who'z w/her now an' its so obvs how U'd do NEthing 4 her. An' Dunc being w/Zandra & them B-ing v. in2 ea other.

I agree, I thot it was funnee that my mom an' Ger'z mom got all competitive abt staying l8. They get like that a lot theze dayz. But I think U R rite, they'll both B imposs when it comez time 4 us 2 plan a wedding! Abt getting fried fish 4 Ger, yeah, I alwayz know he'll need food after one of his mother'z special dinners out. Or one of her dinnerz in, 4 that matter!

So, who's in 4 studying 2gether 4 examz this afternoon? We'll start around noon, K? I have snax!

Apes

posted by April Patterson @ 7:18 AM  

20 Comments:

  • At 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Becky and I will be there. Gracias for the invitation. We need some place to study where her chaperone is not swinging a frying pan. We will do our best to be on time.

     

  • At 10:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, how can u get up so early? i’m still tired after barbados on the water. i usually call my dad’s manager on father’s day 2c what hotel he iz n, & i then i call dad l8 enuff 2 make sure he iz up frum whatevah he wuz doin’ the nite b4. so abt, 4 pm. i stopped givin’ him gifts a long tyme ago. it’s nice u got ur dad a gift membership 2 pete’s gym. that place iz xxpensive. u must get gud money frum lilliput’s. my mom made me get my future dad a father’z day gift. i told her i didn’t think it counted till she actually married him, but she sed it wud b gud 4 me 2 get back n the habit. my future sis got my mom sum perfume 4 mom’z day, which wuz so totally better than wut i got her, it wuz kinda mbarrassin’. neway, we r doin’ the church thing w/future dad & father’z day lunch, so if i come 2 study, it will b aftah thoze thingz r done.

     

  • At 10:55 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Pete’s Gym. Thanks for taking my suggestion. Pete is such a sweetie. He does so well with the body that he was born with. So muscular, you can overlook his deformed legs and shifty eyes and poorly done dental work. The one thing I could never overlook was Pete’s tight orange shorts. He is just yummy. Sadly, Pete is taken, and he's straight. But it doesn’t stop a guy from looking, eh?

    Your dad will just love it there. I saw your dad working out there today (Yes. I know I have all the equipment I need at Becky’s place, but sometimes I just go to Pete’s to stare at other men’s bodies for awhile, eh?) and I have to say he looked like he had never worked out before, or was completely self-taught. Remember when you came over to Becky’s place and I showed you all that stuff about proper form, and proper breathing, and how to set the speed and pressure of the treadmill and cycling machines? Your dad did every one of those things wrong. When your dad used free weights, his face looked completely distorted, like the bones in his face were moving. It was kind of scary-looking. I said to Pete, “Pete. Maybe you want to give Mr. Patterson a little instruction.” Pete just gave me a thumbs up and through clenched teeth he said in imitation of your father, “Son. I have been lifting weights since before you were born. Besides, pain is just part of a good workout.” I said, “I will have to tell you a story about Dr. Patterson and mistaking otoscopes for ear buds.” Pete got a good laugh out of that story. As a daughter you will have more influence. Maybe you should suggest to your dad that he listens to Pete about the use of the equipment, eh? That might help his back soreness.

    Oh by the by, if you heard any rumours about me and Marjee Mahaha dancing last night, well…they’re probably true. Just don’t tell Becky, eh?

    Thanks,
    Howard K.

     

  • At 11:00 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, pete blukowski, who ownz pete's gym, did a bit of a trade agreement w/moira, so he got a discount on fitness books in exchange for discounts on gym memberships. i still had 2 save up my $ a whole lot, tho, cuz even w/the discount, it wasn't that cheap!

    btw, when mom was in charge of the store, the whole "fitness" section consisted of, like, 3 books from the "exercise 4 lazy ppl" seriez. moira totally xpanded it, otherwize i doubt pete wda started shopping there @ all.

    whenev u can make it 4 studying will b fine. i'm glad u, luis, an' becks can make it. ger'z already here helpin' me set up, not that there'z much setting up 2 do, but he really wanted 2 get away fr. his bro.

    dunc, r u on 4 studying?

    apes

     

  • At 11:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I wish I could afford to get my dad a membership to a health club. Your dad is so lucky to have you for a daughter.

    I wanted to get my dad a Father’s Day card, but after the last time in the card shoppe, mom said no. So, Justin showed me some Father’s Day card designs, and I took my rounded edge scissors and nontoxic crayons and made dad a card by hand. He said it was the best Father’s Day gift ever. Then Blair and I made him breakfast in bed. I made the eggs, since you know we were taught to do that in Home Ec last year. Blair did the English muffins, orange juice and bacon. Dad was really happy, but he didn’t look like a muppet.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     

  • At 11:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. You gave Dad an impressive Father’s Day gift. My children are too young to give me such a nice gift, even though I dropped several hints. When I was telling bedtime stories and doing all the voices, I added a character called the “gymnasium man” and he talked about how nice it would be for daddy to get a gym membership. My children, too wise for this world said, “That’s not a part of Goldilocks and the 3 Bears.” Sometimes I am amazed at the intelligence that has been passed on through my genetic makeup into their small frames.

    My lovely Deanna said, “You’re going to get your usual gift for Father’s Day." This means that for a few hours today, Deanna took the kids to the park, so I can wander about the downstairs of our apartment and not have to listen to my children say, “Attic guy. Come play with me.” How I love Father’s Day.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 11:35 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, i'm not surprised my dad didn't practice gd form. i will mention that pete can offer him instruction on form that will keep his face fr. distorting. he doesn't like it when his face distorts, so if i can get him 2 understand that this is a benefit of taking instruction, he mite just listen.

    btw, moira wanted me 2 thank u 4 referring pete 2 the shop. she'z happy w/their new bizness relationship.

    apes

     

  • At 11:38 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hey, shannon, it's lucky yr dad doesn't look like a muppet. it's a scary look! my dad sumtymez thinx he's lucky 2 have a daughter like me, an' other times he thinx i'm this surly martian-like creature. he's sort of moody, i guess.

    mike, mayB sumday u'll think spending father'z day with yr children is a gd thing. eh, who'm i kidding?

    apes

     

  • At 2:36 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey, Apes,

    Im on my way ovah. L8 nite last nite & I went 2 visit Zed this am. She gave me all her grade 9 notes good thing mine rnt v good I missed 2 many classes.

    L8r.

     

  • At 3:27 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    zandra's notes r awesome! ger decided we shd study by quizzing each other game-show style. he was the host on our first round, and now it's dunc's turn!

    btw, besides ger an' dunc, jeremy, eva, becky, and luis r all here.

    apes

     

  • At 8:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, wut a disaster. eva & i hadda finally make a copy of zandra’z notes & go 2 my place 2 study. rebeccah & luis spent mosta their tyme n various closets of ur house. i hope u find them b4 2morrow.

    & whose idea wuz it 2 make it game-show style? wen gerald went jeopardy-style, we wasted a lotta tyme wen gerald kept on sayin’, “no, the answer hazta b n the form of a question.” also, contrary 2 wut duncan sed, the family feud game show style iz not the best way 2 handle multiple-choice questions. that style only works wen there iz more than one correct answer. & it duzn’t mean that ur mom & dad r fitin’, like his r.

    ur idea of doin’ a survivor-style, where u hafta go thru ur house & find the puzzle & solve them az quickly az possible & then come back to the living room 2 find out the rite answerz, wuz pretty smart, xxcept 4 ur house iz a little tricky 2 get ‘round in. it took us 30 minutes 2 find luis n the hallway that turns n2 the bedroom. eva’z idea of tying up the boyz, takin’ away their cell fonez, & quizzin’ us under a strong lite, kinda got me xxcited. but it wuz not the best way 2 learn.

    mebbe str8 studyin’ next tyme.

     

  • At 8:12 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    It’s a good thing Becky responds to the smell of fresh chocolate. She tracked down the smell to your kitchen, where I was able to drag her and Luis out of your house, before your mom finished up the chocolate brownies.

    I had to get Becky. She has her two shows at the Valhalla tonight. Oh, her neck was a mess. It’s going to take a lot of makeup to cover up all those hickeys. I told Luis no more hickeys, but I think he is some kind of hickey addict. I have soft spot in my heart for cute Latinos, but Becky’s neck needs some time to heal. Can you ground a fiancée? Probably not. But I can tie a knot so complex on a scarf, it should provide Becky some protection.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 8:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. When you spend time with Dad on Father’s Day, then maybe you can talk to me about spending Father’s Day with my children. As near as I can tell from your story, Dad spent most of his day at Pete’s Gym or getting his back rubbed by mom. I can’t imagine spending all day with Dad, the way he is these days. All day playing with model trains? Who would want to do that? So, I don’t blame you. As for my children, why would they want to spend their day in the attic, watching me type? Too dull for kids. It’s much better they went to the park with my lovely Dee.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 8:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings about your noos(father) and your Father’s Day gift to him. It sounds very generous. We don’t have gym memberships in Otter County. What I did today was drive down to White River to spend the day with my noos(father) and my mishomis (grandfather). We listened as my noos(father) and my mishomis (grandfather) told the stories of their youth and of their fatherhood. It was good to hear those stories again.

    I invited your sister to come with me, but she said (or actually Shiimsa said) she was too busy packing to make any trips. She has about 2 weeks left in school. I want to see her at least one more time before she leaves for Mississauga, but I don’t know if that is going to happen. I am so in love with your sister, I really want to see her again before she goes.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

  • At 8:54 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, i don't spend father's day w/dad cuz he likes 2 get away just like u do. i guess i can c where u got it. there r famz that plan father's-day activities the whole fam can enjoy, not just, like, the kidz watching the dadz do their hobbiez or freelance work.

    jeremy, sorry the gameshow idea didn't work out so well. it was ger'z idea, an' i swear it sounded like a gd plan when he 1st described it 2 me.

    howard, i think yr scarf idea will work. knots confuse luis. i know this cuz when he dbl knots his shoe laces, he ends up getting v. frustr8ed if he triez 2 take 'em off.

    paul, it's nice that u spend father's day w/yr dad and granddad.

    oh, btw, gramps called all hurt an' offended that mom didn't plan nething special w/him. she ended up pretending that she'd been planning a "surprise" and she drove out there 2 take him an' iris 2 the eats diner 4 dinner 2nite, lol. so of course dad made roast chicken, couscous, and fruit 4 dessert. ::rolleyez::

    apes

     

  • At 9:20 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. Don’t tell me your boyfriend’s family is one of those families that plan Father's Day activities the whole family can enjoy? When I was your age, I realized that I never spent any time with or knew anyone who did not have a broken family of some sort. Brian Enjo had to move to Japan to get closer to his family background, even though his mom still lives in Milborough. That tells you something is not right between Brian and his mom. Gordon Mayes had difficulties with his father’s drinking, as you know. Josef Weeder barely talks to his father and his appendage-like mother. And you know the whole story about Lawrence. There is a whole thing with Rhetta Blum and her father, that you probably should not know. And then there is my monster-in-law Mira, and my trash TV-watching father-in-law. Our family, the Pattersons are clearly the best family around. We Pattersons shine next to our friends and loved one’s parents. It lets us know our position in life.

    So, tell me little sis. Do you really know someone whose family plans Father's Day activities the whole family can enjoy? Did your friend Duncan Anderson have a good day with his father? Did Becky McGuire spend some quality time with her pop? If you think about it carefully, little sis, you will realize that families who plan Father's Day activities the whole family can enjoy are just a myth, and do not exist in the same universe as you or I.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 9:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, roast chicken, couscous, & fruit 4 dessert. duz ur dad know howta make nething else? eva iz makin' me & my mom sumthin' she picked up frum the cookin' demo yestahday. i think my mom iz rilly mpressed w/eva.

     

  • At 9:32 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Marjee is over here at Becky’s house working out tonight. She had started working out at Pete’s Gym, ever since Becky sort of told her to stop working out here. Marjee said the whole atmosphere at Pete’s has changed since this morning. She can’t pin it down to something, but she said something was definitely different. I asked her for specifics and all she would say was, “I could read it in the expressions on people’s faces. They just didn’t look normal anymore.” I can’t really argue with Marjee when it comes to feelings and intuition. She is almost always right about those things.

    So, she is working out here again. Becky has been spending so much time with Luis lately; I doubt she will even notice. I missed working out with Marjee. Thanks for not telling anyone about those rumours about us you may have heard about our dancing last night, particularly Becky.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 9:45 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, eva abuya an' her fam went out for a brunch in honour of father'z day, an' then they went 2 the moviez. she sed they had a blast.

    shannon lake an' her bro blair made their dad a special brekkie 4 dad'z day, an' then they went 2 a nature reserve where they all had a v. nice time.

    ger'z fam planned an outing they were all enjoying until ger'z bro starting punching him in the stomach again.

    jeremy jones posted abt his fam 2day, that sounded pretty nice.

    same goez 4 paul wright.

    howard, no prob abt not spreading the rumourz.

    jeremy, my dad also knowz howta make pb&j sandwiches. And he can sorta grill stuff on the barbecue. he'z pretty helpless in the kitchen. i offered 2 cook sumthing 4 us, but he had his heart set on making the chicken and couscous. go fig.

    apes

     

  • At 1:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. I don’t know Eva Abuya, Shannon Lake, or Paul Wright (although I guess since he has the same name as Lizardbreath’s boyfriend, you are talking about her Northwestern constable love interest.) I have a hard time believing that Jeremy Jones, the boy who tried to run you down on his bicycle, has reconciled with his father, the musician, Country Jones, for Father’s Day. In fact, when I read his post, it seemed clear that he had not. Your description of your boyfriend Gerald being punched in the stomach does not sound that pleasant. And I noticed you failed to mention your best friend, Becky McGuire.

    However, since you are a Patterson and therefore, beyond reproach (except from Mom and Dad), I must presume that this Eva Abuya and Shannon Lake actually did have pleasant family Father’s Day plans, so far as you know. It is more likely that there is something they have not been telling you. Remember, as a Patterson, the glass is not half-empty or half-full. We just have a better glass.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

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