April's Real Blog

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Farewell Friend or Prune Social for Liz?

So, like of course Jesse an' Ellen walked Liz home fr. the school on their last day of class. Ellen told Liz that Jesse's auntie has a gift 4 her, and Jesse got mad cuz it was supposta B a surprise. Ellen sed she was also making a gift 2 give her @ the feast, & that there'z always a feast when sum1 they really like goez away. Liz wanted 2 know what happs when sum1 they don't like goes away, and Ellen told her they have a feast then, 2, and that her Dad callz it a "prune social". Jesse xplained it's B-cuz every1 feels so relieved. Oh, look, poop humour. U eat prunes, U poop, U feel relieved. An' I suppose Mtig feelz like it pooped out the person they didn't like or sumthin' like that. Bleh. I think Ellen's dad wd get along w/my dad. And my gramps, too. They cd sit around and make poopy jokes an' punz all day long.

But U know what I'm thinking? If the Mtiggies have a feast 4 sum1 leaving, whether they like the person or not, Liz has no real way of knowing whether the town as a whole likes her or is v. v. happy ("relieved") she is leaving. Kinda sux, eh?

Jeremy, I'm glad U were able 2 get that juice outta yr eyez after all the happy-fish dancing every1 else was doing following Carolina's defeat of Edmonton 4 the Cup. Sorry abt the excessive dancing, but Dunc's enthusiasm was so catching!

Apes

29 Comments:

  • At 10:09 AM, Anonymous Constable Paul Wright said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings about your sister talking to Jesse Mukwa and his friend Ellen about her farewell feast. In Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), there is so little to do, that just as you repeated Ellen said, they have a feast for anyone who leaves, even if they didn’t like them. I do not want you to think this is a tradition of the Ojibway people, the “we like you” feast or the “prune social.” The giveaway is the “prune” part. Although, we eat prunes today, it is not a traditional Ojibway food. In fact, there is not a word in the Ojibway language for prune. The Ojibway usually have feasts for the naming of the newborn children each year and also for special spiritual occasions. In the old days, the food of choice for feasts was dog. There are many Ojibway dog feast songs. My sweet girl tells me she has been assured the food at her feast will not be dog. It would make her feel as though she were eating a family friend. There are so many ownerless dogs running around Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), I don’t think any would be missed. Maybe when I finally meet you, I can make you a nice dog dish. Just kidding. The only dog dishes I make are the ones the dogs eat out of.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     
  • At 10:11 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Your story is yet another example of what a wretched place Mtigwaki is. Can you imagine, holding a feast that people call the “prune social” to celebrate a person leaving that no one likes? All I can say is “typical Mtigwaki.” I was there for one day, and the lack of social graces or really graces of any kind were completely appalling. They think nothing of raising someone up to ridicule them behind their back. They are a cruel and thoughtless people. I am so glad your sister is getting out of that awful place.

    Becky was in a foul mood when I got home last night and finally unknotted her neck scarf. She said a lot of bad language to me. I was kind of surprised. However, I got the last laugh, because the skin on her neck looks so much better now most of Luis’ hickeys have healed up. Becky said she was sorry she had called me all those names. I think the end of the year exams have her worried. She should be much better once school is out. Be sure to tell her how nice her neck looks.

    Howard K.

     
  • At 10:13 AM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…

    April,

    Little sis. Have you heard? The people wherever it is that Lizardbreath lives are throwing her a farewell feast. I have had “feasts” thrown for me before, usually because of the awards that Portrait Magazine has won since I have been there. The last farewell feast I had was when Weed and I graduated university and Mrs. Dingle threw us a little party. It was very sweet, even though she was not a very good cook.

    All I can say about Lizardbreath and where she works is, “It’s about time.” Liz may not be the best at what she does, but she is a Patterson. Those people should have been having a feast in her honour at least 3 times a year. I would say 4 times a year, but Liz usually does her summers in Milborough. Just wait, April, until you get your first feast thrown in your honour. It will be the beginning of a long recognition of the bloodline that flows through your veins.

    My director for my play, Mr. Miroirbelle said that the initial reading of my play went extremely well, and that I was able to recruit a “superb troupe of amateur thespians.” I asked him when he would like me to sit in and help the cast with the understanding of some of my more subtle lines in the play and after he said, “Never” a few times, he demurred and said the cast was not yet ready for the “kind of greatness that only Michael Patterson could bestow.” You see, little sis, when you get to be old and have paid your dues, like I am at 30 years old, then you can get that kind of respect. Liz gets a feast, and I get a director who knows just how good I am. You can expect the same when you become a veterinarian. I am sure your animal friends will adore you.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 10:13 AM, Anonymous Shannon Lake said…

    April,

    I like giving gifts. Should I make a gift for your sister leaving? Or would it be too creepy since I have never met her? Please let me know.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 10:15 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, whoa! thass wut ur sis sed happed after wut she told u 4 yestahday? that jesse kid is like "mr. happy to help u" now? there’z sumthin’ not rite there. kids w/abandonment issuez just don’t bounce back if sum1 sez they r gonna c them again. i shud know. when my dad left, i went thru a long, long tyme blaming myself 4 it, & i still do a lotta tymez. u get n2 a habit. like wen edmonton lost yestahday, i started blamin’ myself 4 them losin’. it soundz kinda silly, but 1ce u get n that kinda habit, it’s ez 2 get stuck n it. either ur sister iz sum kinda miracle worker, or she left out a whole lotta story, or that jesse mukwa kid iz scammin’ her big tyme. i wudn’t b surprised if it iz a scam, cuz ur sis can b v.v. st00pid wen it comez 2 that kinda stuff. ‘course it cud be ur sis is leavin’ a lotta story out. frum wut you have told me, she iz not like the best communic8or n the world. i dunno. u mite wanna warn ur sis ‘bout the scam tho.

     
  • At 5:45 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, paul, don't even joke abt feeding me dogmeat. i still have nitemares fr. when mary worth tricked me in2 eating sum horsemeat!

    howard, i agree the "prune social" thing is v. bad form!

    i told becks that her neck looks nice an' she seemed v. happy.

    mike, it's kinda funny that u've never bothered 2 learn that liz lives in mtigwaki. tho i can't say i'm surprised. i guess u won't start knowing it now, since she's leaving and all.

    shannon, no, don't worry abt giving liz a gift. i think she'll get more than enuf gifty stuff up north, an' if u gave her one, i think she'd just b confused, since she doesn't know u and all.

    jeremy, i agree that jesse suddenly being all happy an' helpful sounded strange. i tried warning liz abt a poss scam, but she huffed that she'z a better judge of ppl than me an' my friends. whatevs, eh?

    apes

     
  • At 7:55 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…

    April,

    Little sis. I don’t know why you think it is funny your brother is directionally impaired. Why should I know where Lizardbreath lives? I’ve never been there. I can’t find half the places Liz talks about on an Ontario map.

    Jeez, I am not even really very sure where I live except I know it is in a generic Torontonian residential area that can't be readily identified. I know it is definitely not Rosedale or the Beaches! Once someone told me that for general geographical purposes, it was reasonable to say that I live near the Av&Dav neighborhood or in the vicinity of Summerhill and I would take the Bradford train route downtown to work. Of course, anyone familiar with Toronto would know that is complete nonsense. Yet, somehow I make it to and from work. I think it must be some sort of Pattersonian homing instinct.

    Let me give you an example, since you are living in Milborough. Have you ever noticed that you can walk to every single place in Milborough you want to go? When I lived there, I almost never had to depend on Mom or Dad to drive me places, although I did take a bus to school and back. It didn’t seem odd to me at the time I lived in Milborough, but it does to me now that I live wherever it is I live. You think about that the next time you are making fun of your old brother, eh?

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 7:57 PM, Anonymous Shannon Lake said…

    April,

    You are so nice. Maybe I will give you a gift instead of your sister. Are you planning to have a fight with Becky McGuire soon? It is almost the end of exams, so I don’t know if I can give a gift until next school year.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 8:02 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Becky’s neck looks great. Luis apparently wanted to hickey it up again at school, and when Becky refused to let him do it, they came to a compromise position that involves leaving marks in more hidden places. The next time you see Becky, don’t look too carefully at her skin just under where her clothes cover her.

    Howard K.

     
  • At 8:15 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, wut iz this w/”all the responses 2 all the peeps n 1 comment” thing u have been doin’? i hafta read down all the boring stuff w/howeird, & the crayzee constable, & ur whacked-out bro, & shannon 2 find wut u wrote 2 me? sometymez i fall asleep & i hafta wake up just 2 find it. oh, eva just sed, “jeremy, use the ‘find’ function. b like a cowboy w/sum trackin’ skillz & not sum tenderfoot.” my feet r kinda tender, but i dunno wut that hazta do w/using the “find” function to look 4 my name.

    i dunno how u did on ur xxamz, but thoze notes frum zandra larson rocked. i swear sum of those teachez uze the xxact same xxam every year, but w/the questionz reworded & put n a diffrent order. i tried 2 find zandra 2 thank her, but she wuz like leavin’ skool. i sed, “where r u goin’?” she sed, “i am goin’ to waltz w/weaselz along w/my granddad & brother.” she can b weird sumtymez. neway, thanx 2 memorizin’ all thoze notes, i am pretty sure eva & i killed on all our tests 2day. how did u do?

     
  • At 8:31 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, sorry u don't like me answering a buncha posts in one comment. it's just usually easier 4 me 2 do it that way, since it takes me a while b4 i get a chance 2 read and answer all the posts, and it wd take xtra time (and feel a bit silly) 4 me 2 do a buncha sep posts, like all in a row. but since u say it bothers u so much, i'll do this answer 2 u in a post sep fr. my other responses. i can't promise i won't do ne combined answers, tho.

    i agree w/u abt zandra'z notes. they totally rocked!

    apes

     
  • At 8:33 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    shan, i'm not sure y u don't seem 2 believe me whenev i say i don't hafta fite w/becks 4 u talk w/me, but it's true.

    mike, i thot the reason u didn't learn the name of liz's town was u were 2 self-centred 2 care. if that's not the reason, then sorry, my bad.

    howard, now i know y becks stopped by the bookstore this afternoon wanting books on "creative body hickeys".

    apes

     
  • At 8:40 PM, Anonymous Shannon Lake said…

    April,

    Since Jeremy got a comment all to himself, can I get one too? I know you are so nice, you would probably write one just for me, if I asked nicely. Am I asking nicely? Sometimes it's hard for me to tell. Oh, I forgot. Please?

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 8:42 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    k, shan, here goez.

    apes

     
  • At 8:48 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…

    April,

    Little sis. A Patterson is not self-centred. A Patterson could never be self-centred. It is the special destiny of a Patterson to improve the lives of the people around us though our observations, comments, bon mots, and witty puns. That is not the act of a self-centred person. The next time you find yourself telling someone that they are wrong and you are right, just remember, you are sharing a part of yourself with someone else and you are about as far away from being self-centred as a person can be, even those persons who are not Pattersons.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 8:49 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    You are the nicest. I have to write today's date in my April diary.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 8:51 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, u don't have write me a separate comment. eva reminded me to use the "find" function. we r studyin' 4 2morrow'z xxamz now. i will b so glad wen this week iz ovah.

     
  • At 8:59 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, i'll b glad when the week is over, 2. xam week is the worst, eh?

    aw, shan, don't do an "april diary" entry, pleez!

    mike, i can't talk 2 u.

    apes

     
  • At 9:03 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    “Creative Body Hickeys.” This book is practically pornographic. There’s a whole section on making pictures with hickeys. Luis is currently working to recreate a Frida Kahlo painting on Becky’s lower back using hickeys. This would be more fascinating, except Becky is once again, not studying for her exams, and I have to go to the Valhalla for my shows. I think it is going to be a late night for Becky when I get back.

    Howard K.

     
  • At 9:09 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…

    Mike,

    Little sis. Maybe we can talk later, when you are done with studying for your exams. Your education is important. If it weren't for my degree in Journalism, I wouldn't be able to handle writing plays, or editing theses, or script doctoring movie scripts. By all means, continue studying.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 9:11 PM, Anonymous shannon lake said…

    April,

    OK, April. I won't do an April diary entry. I will just try to remember this day. Tuesday, June 20, 2006. Tuesday, June 20, 2006. Tuesday, June 20, 2006. I am repeating it to myself to help me remember. Tuesday, June 20, 2006. Tuesday, June 20, 2006. This is tougher than I thought.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 9:16 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i h8 xxam week, cuz we hafta learn all that stuff we r gonna 4get next week neway. i will hafta admit i like studyin' w/eva tho, cuz she takes her studyin' seriously, unlike sum othah girlz i have d8ed. which iz not 2 say, eva & i r officially d8in'. i think she iz closer 2 decidin' that, but she duz have commitment issuez. the best part iz that wen i get tired of lookin' @my skool book, i can look @eva. she'z v.v. pretty & unlike sum girlz i have d8ed, she duzn't mind it if peeps stare @her. back 2 studyin'.

     
  • At 9:43 PM, Anonymous Eva Abuya said…

    Jeremy's a very good study partner, April. He does just the perfect amounting of staring. Not too much, so you feel you're with a psycho, but not so little you feel ignored and wonder if you should have chosen a different lowcut top.

    Well, back to our flashcards.

    Eva

     
  • At 10:08 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    OMG, my head hurts. I just got back from The Waltzing Weasel.

    Yah, I no I said I was going 2 watch the TnT game @ home w/ "Dean" but it was just 2 painful. @ the interval the score was Paraguay 1 TnT nil score & Paraguay had TnT 2 thank 4 its goal cos TnT scored on its own goal. Then "Dean" asked me y I didnt give him a Fathers Day prezzie & things got ugly from there so I decided 2 meet up w/ Zed. I made a huge mistake.

    Oh, man, I want 2 sleep but theres a prezzie on my pillow. WTF?

    L8r.

    Fish d00d

     
  • At 10:13 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, mom just came back frum the grocery & she duz her usual thing wen i have been alone n the house w/a girl—the inspectionz. aftah she wuz done, she sed, “if i didn’t know bettah, i wud say u’ve been studyin’ the whole tyme i wuz gone.” i sed, “we have been studyin’ the whole tyme u were gone.” uc, thass mom’z final part of the test. she knowz i don’t tell liez, so wen she sez that, if i don’t say nethin’, she knowz we have been doin’ othah thingz than studyin’. mom ‘bout freaked out. she sed, “wut’s wrong w/u jeremy jonez? have u changed ur orientation?” eva sed, “mrs. jonez. i don’t mean 2b rude, but jeremy & i still have a lotta studyin’ 2 do 4 our xxamz 2morrow. we’ve just been studyin’ & thass all. i promise.” i think mom likez eva a lot. she’z evn gonna make her sum d8 bread, & she hardly evah duz that. i like studyin’ w/eva. i’m gonna get sum d8 bread.

     
  • At 10:38 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Oh, man, I think mayb the apple cider @ The Waltzing Weasel had sum alcohol in it. I have an exam 2morrow I guess Id bettah go 2 bed & set the alarm 4 5:00 am & study then.

    NEway, I opened the prezzie. The prezzies rilly cube its a Razr V3 fone w/ a wireless headset, MPEG4 video playback & a digital camera. The only uncube part is that its from Perdita.

    L8r.

    Fish brain

     
  • At 10:49 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    fish brain, i wud nvite u ovah 2 my place 2 study w/eva & me, but u wud prolly distract her & break our rhythm. i know if u brot ovah that razr v3 fone w/ a wireless headset, mpeg4 video playback & a digital camera, it wud distract me. man! ur aunt must rilly like u. have u evah thot that the biz w/the goat pen mita been sum kinda bizarre bajan bondin’ thing?

     
  • At 9:43 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Nah, Jer, Bajans bond ovah cricket, not infanticide.

    L8r.

     
  • At 5:41 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hey April, how come Gerald never posts?

     

Post a Comment

<< Home