April's Real Blog

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Wha?

Liz told me that Susan started helping her pack, and while they worked on the packing, Liz told her, "The school is small, but it's only a problem in the winter. When it's 2 cold 2 go outside, U have 2 come up w/a lot of gd indoor gamez." Hm, cuz school's all abt the games, eh? Then, Liz was all, "U'll like living in this apartment. I've had sum gr8 times here." Susan was, like, "U don't want 2 leave, do U." She sed it like a st8ment (again). Liz answered, "No, but I can't stay. I miss my home." Susan all blinkily sed, "Mtigwaki feelz like home 2 me....Xcept that in the village where I grew up, there were a lot more vehiclez. U cdn't drive them, but there were a lot more vehiclez." Liz told me this made her laff out loud: "April, I can't even remember the last time I've had such a good laff, a hearty, Patterson laff, w/my tung sticking out." And I was, like, "Yuck." And, "Liz, Y is that funny? So she lived in a place where there were lotsa broken-down carz an' trucks, like probably all over the place? That doesn't sound funny 2 me. Sad, depressing, but not funny." Liz got frustr8ed w/me, and she was all, "April, U just don't understand the humour of the Ojibway. It's very specific, and U need 2 B-come well attuned 2 it!" Whatevs, eh?

Apes

18 Comments:

  • At 10:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings about your sister packing and talking to Susan Dokis. You don’t seem to understand native humour, but your sister is right, native humour usually makes fun of itself. For example, there is a man in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) nicknamed Mooner because he doesn’t wear a belt and his pants look like they are falling down, and he has a half-moon showing most of the time. He doesn’t mind being called Mooner, because he understands the taunting nature of native humour. So, when Susan Dokis told a story about how her town was filled with vehicles you couldn’t drive, because they didn’t work, then she is describing her home village with Native humour. In the South, I have heard people think the Native humour is like taunting and is mean. This is the way you see it. But in the Northwest, where there is a lot of poverty, and people cannot afford to repair their vehicles, the only thing that is funny is to make fun of our situation. When I imagine Susan Dokis’ town, a village filled with vehicles you can’t drive surrounding streets filled with walking people, it seems funny to me.

    In Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), the ground has snow most of the year, so people own snow machines. Very few people have cars. If you ever visit Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) you will almost never see a car. When I have visited there, my car would be the only car I could see on the whole street. I can understand why Susan Dokis would notice this difference. I imagine in Milborough, there are cars all over the roads, and hardly anybody walks on them. If you were using Native humour to talk about Milborough, you could make fun of having roads no one can walk on. It’s not as funny as a village with all its cars you can’t drive, but it is still a little funny.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     
  • At 10:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April

    I like playing games. Maybe your sister is a good teacher, after all. When you see her, does she know a lot of good indoor games? Maybe we could all play together, when she comes home.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 10:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. I showed your last Blog entry to my darling Deanna. Her response was, “That’s a big, fat lie.” Apparently, over the Christmas holidays, Deanna had some recollection of all the indoor games that Lizardbreath played with our children, when it was too cold to go outside. You may be thinking, “I don’t remember Lizardbreath playing games with my brother’s supremely wonderful children,” and you would be right. If you remember her talking nonstop about having to make a choice between her helicopter pilot boyfriend and her policeman boyfriend, or her describing all the places she planned to drink over New Years, then your memory matches mine and Deanna’s. I think our sister is stretching the truth a little for this replacement teacher.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 11:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i gotta wondah if u wanna keep ritin’ this stuff ‘bout ur sis n ur blog. everythin’ she tellz u, makes her sound like an idiot. i think there iz sum kind of psychological condition 4 that, like a “i can’t stop sayin’ bad thingz ‘bout myself” aphobia or sumthin’. cuz u know, if i were a teach, talkin’ 2 anothah teach, i wudn’t b admittin’ that all i do w/the kidz n the winter iz play ndoor gamez. that like, makes ur sis look rilly bad. mebbe it’s wut she did, but i kinda doubt it. but thass wut she sed she did. can u imagine if 1 of our teacherz n january sed, “it’s 2 cold outside, let’s play ndoor gamez.” that teach wud get n big trubble. neway, mebbe u wanna stop ritin’ ‘bout this stuff, cuz she’z ur sis, u know & evn if she duzn’t care she iz makin’ herself look bad, mebbe u shudn’t help her. i hope that duzn’t sound way harsh. aftah all ur just repeatin’ wut ur sis sed. i dunno if u have some kinda journalistic integrity thing goin’ w/reportin’ all the whack thingz ur fam duz. neway, i wuz just thinkin’.

    more xxamz 2day. gah! i can’t w8 4 this week 2b ovah, so we can do the dance 2morrow. that’ll b a lot more fun.

     
  • At 11:13 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Your sister must have been really unhappy in Mtigwaki. If you read what she told you carefully, the only positive thing she says is that she had great times in her apartment. Your sister and Mtigwaki were never a good match. My experience with your sister shows her to be cold, aloof, uncommunicative and antisocial. That is exactly the wrong type of person to be working in a town that is intrusive, obnoxious, and excessively interested in what everyone else is doing. If I were your sister, the only times I would have enjoyed would have been locked in my apartment and away from those Mtigwaki people. However, I am a little disappointed she didn’t have any positive comments about the children. I love children. I can’t wait until Becky and I can have some. So, if your sister can’t say anything nice to Susan Dokis about them, like, “You’ll love the kids. They are great!”, then the kids must be just as awful as the other residents of the town. That’s too bad, but I can’t say I am surprised that the only times your sister liked in Mtigwaki was when she could get away from Mtigwaki.

    Your sister should be glad to get back to the South, where she can just teach kids for her job and lock herself in her apartment and never have to worry about anyone looking in her window, or knocking on her door, or requiring her to have any social graces. That life will be much more to her liking.

    Howard K.

     
  • At 5:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Sometimes you do not pay close attention to the details when I write you an email, and then you blab about what I wrote on your blog.

    First, Susan did not just start helping me pack. I asked her to help. I am in a big hurry to leave here and I did not have even one moment to spare to stop and sit down with Susan for a chat. So I had to pack while we talked. Then I realized that even though I was still packing, I have to think when I talk, and I have trouble talking and folding at the same time. So it was slowing me down.

    So I said to Susan, "Here, can you help me make up for the time I'm losing talking to you by folding some clothes?" She was happy to help. Later on, she helped me get my suitcase closed. I had a bunch of towels shoved in there with my sweaters and blouses and stuff, and it just did not want to close. At first, Susan tried sitting on the suitcase, but since she got back from TrimSpa, she is not heavy enough to smash it all the way closed. Fortunately I was having a big-butt Patterson day, so I sat on the suitcase and Susan latched it. So you will be pleased to know that big-butt days are good for something.

    Paul has called me at least five times in the last few days, but I have been in such a hurry packing that I have not had time to call him back. I have to admit that I am not thinking about Paul a whole lot right now. I am thinking about how excited I am to be going home! Or at least down south! I am looking forward to spending every weekend at home with Mom and Dad this summer. And I think the job search thing is win-win. If I get one before the school year starts, great! If I don't, then I will get to live full-time with Mom and Dad while I look! Either way, it will be an improvement.

    Susan is very funny. You just don't get the Native sense of humor. It is not cruel to needle people about their flaws if you are Native. It's funny. You are dishonoring their customs by refusing to laugh.

    Gotta go. Every time I try to pack Shiimsa's toys, she takes them back out of the box. That cat is so confusing!

    Liz

     
  • At 5:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dear April, Liz, and friends,

    I am so happy to be here in Mtigwaki! I am already liking it better than my own village. For one thing, it is easier to walk down the street when there are not junky old broken-down cars all over the place. In my village, when the villagers put their cars up on blocks, they put them up very, very high. They are notoriously tippy, and some kids (who are taking a "trap line" holiday from school) think it is funny to push them over. So broken old rolled-over cars are even sometimes blocking the sidewalks. It is a problem, but a very funny problem.

    I helped Liz pack yesterday. At first I thought maybe she didn't want to leave, but now she has made it clear to me that she is in a big hurry to get out of town. That makes me feel better. I was feeling a little guilty that I might be "stealing" her job or something. After all, I am more qualified. I was worried that Mr. Crane might have let her go when he found out I was available and qualified in indigenous studies. I am relieved to know that she is very, very happy to be leaving.

    It doesn't look like there are too many single young adults here in Mtigwaki. Liz has very kindly promised to introduce me to her boyfriend, Paul Wright, before she leaves, or at least tell him where he can find me. She says he just moved to Spruce Narrows and doesn't know many people up here either, so maybe we can hang out together between his visits down south. That sounds nice. I was worried I would be lonely. I see that Mr. Wright posts to this blog. That's good. Now Liz will have both of us giving her the news from up north!

    It is very nice to meet you all, even if I do not understand most of what you are talking about on here.

    Sincerely, Susan Dokis

    P.S.--April, your mother still has not updated my biography on your website. Could you ask her to do so as soon as possible? Thanks.

     
  • At 5:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I do not appreciate the criticisms of my teaching. You do not understand the special challenges of teaching in a First Nations school. And you do not even try to understand their special culture. What you guys insist on calling "truancy" is really just a part of the kids' educations. If these kids did not learn how to walk a trapline, in a few years when they are adults, there would be no one around who knew how to walk traplines, and then you all would be crying when you could not find a luxury edition royal blue Crevasse with a fur-lined glove compartment in either sheared beaver or glossy black mink.

    So just shut up about the things you don't know anything about, like teaching.

    Liz

     
  • At 6:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, u know wut i sed earlier 2day ‘bout mebbe not ritin’ stuff ur sis tellz u that makes her sound like an idiot on ur blog? 4get i sed nething. compared 2 the real thing, ur blog entry iz v.v. kind.

    1 more day of xxamz 2 go. eva iz ovah here ironin’ on thoze “& eva” patchez on ur formerly “4-evah” matchin’ shirts, so they will b reddy 4 2morrow. then aftah that sum more studyin’.

     
  • At 6:33 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    thanx 4 xplaining the humour 2 me, but it still doesn't strike me as funny, sorry!

    shannon, the gamez liz uses r 4 lil kidz, in grade school. we wdn't like them.

    mike, it'd b nice if liz had played w/robin an' merrie when she was here, but just cuz she didn't doesn't mean she was lying when she sed she used indoor gamez w/her students in the winter.

    jeremy, i really don't know what 2 say 2 u abt this. do u just want me not 2 blog nemore? i wasn't trying 2 make liz look bad, an' i don't think she thot she was makin' herself look bad when she told me what she did. an' when she disagreez w/how i tell the story, as u can c, she doesn't hesit8 2 post corrections!

    howard, whenev i heard storiez abt mtigwaki ppl staring in liz's windowz, i alwayz thot that was s00per-creepy!

    liz, if u really do move back in w/mom an' dad, i think u'll b sick of them (again) in less than a week! i hope 4 yr own sake that u get a teaching gig 4 the fall!

    susan, i tried, like i told u yesterday, w/my mom. she considerz yr changez "trivial" & refuses 2 implement them. mayB u'd have more luck w/her than i have, by contacting her directly. her e-mail is [ellypatterson1951@yahoo.ca]. good luck!

    apes

     
  • At 6:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I told my mom that in the Northwest, kids work on traplines so they could have a sheared beaver or glossy black mink in a luxury Crevasse. My mom searched my room for dirty pictures. Then she checked over everything I wrote on my computer for bad information. Then she asked my brother and my dad a lot of questions. Then she asked me where I heard about beavers and minks. I showed her your blog. Sorry. Then mom said, “Elizabeth Patterson. I might have known.” I don’t know what is going on, and I am not sure I want to know.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 6:40 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    oops, jeremy, yr last comment didn't show up 4 me until after i posted. sorry.

    shannon, does yr mom know liz?

    apes

     
  • At 6:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I don’t think my mom knows your sister. I think she knows about your sister. My mom said your sister did something over the New Years holiday, but she won’t tell me what it was. All she would say is that you’re the nicest girl in Milborough and it is too bad your sister isn’t like you. Sorry.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 6:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. Sometimes you can be so trusting. I remember how it was when I was your age. I didn’t say Lizardbreath was lying. I would say she is stretching the truth a little for the replacement teacher. Here’s a little example for you to help you understand.

    Liz says to the replacement teacher, "I can't stay in wherever it is that I live in the northwest. I miss my home too much." Do you think that statement is entirely true, or is there a little stretching goin on? I am sure that Liz misses Milborough. Who wouldn’t? But would she miss Milborough enough to leave steady employment for a temporary summer job, where she might be forced to borrow money from mom to pay the bills? So, you think about it. Is our beloved sister telling the truth or stretching the truth?

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 7:17 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i dunno, mike, sumtymez i wonder if liz is "stretching the truth" 2 other ppl or 2 herself, iykwim.

    paul, i m confused abt sumthing susan posted. i thot that tho u put in a request 4 a transfer 2 spruce narrowz, it hadn't been processed when liz told u abt not returning 2 mtig in the fall, and that u were able 2 cancel it. did i miss sumthing?

    apes

     
  • At 7:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings asking about my transfer to Spruce Narrows. I think I told you my transfer to Spruce Narrows was approved. I though I had cancelled it, but the Ontario Provincial Police records now think I am in Spruce Narrows, even though I requested that request be replaced by a request to go to Toronto. It is a giant paperwork mess. A lot of people think I am going to Spruce Narrows. Some people think I am already in Spruce Narrows, and these are people who see me every day at work in Otter County. My partner has been reassigned to be the partner of the man they hired to replace me in Otter County. I am working to get things fixed.

    What I can tell you for sure is I have not moved to Spruce Narrows, and I would prefer not to move there because it will make me farther away from my sweet girl when she moves to Mississauga. What I don’t know is if I will be forced to move to Spruce Narrows because the transfer was approved. In the Northwest, they are very particular about detachment assignments.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     
  • At 7:47 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    paul, i m sorry the transfer request got all messed up like that! hope u r able 2 str8en it all out the way u want.

    apes

     
  • At 8:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings saying you hope my transfer gets straightened out. I would like that too. Otter County is closer to Toronto than Spruce Narrows. I may have told you this before, but Otter County has been getting closer and closer to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), so even if I am forced to go to Spruce Narrows, it will not add that much time to travel to Toronto. The drive to Toronto is about a 20-hour drive from Otter County and a 24-hour drive from Spruce Narrows. Either way, it’s 2 days of travel, unless I take a plane from Thunder Bay. I will not be able to visit my sweet girl anywhere near as often as I did when she lived in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees). At least I can still call her every day, like I do now. I hope when she gets to Mississauga and unpacks, she may have time to talk to me. I am tired of talking to Shiimsa.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

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