April's Real Blog

Monday, July 31, 2006

I didn't really BEG!

So, after Liz bought that car, she came by the house w/it, and I met her out @ the driveway. Liz posted abt this last nite, and this was how she described it:
So anyway, I took my car over to show it to April and she asked if we could go for a drive and I said "Mais oui!" and I'm not really sure why I did that, maybe because I had been talking to Anthony and he was complaining about his Quebeckwois(sp?) wife and how she kept insisting that she wanted Francoise to learn to speak both English and French at home at the same time, and how Anthony wanted her to learn only English first because he didn't want the baby to turn out to be a nasty French bitch like her mother.

Anyway we went on the drive and April asked me what it was like to own my own car and I said it was scary because I might be out of a job in September. Then April begged me not to move away and I promised I wouldn't that I would stay here down south no matter what, even if I can't get a job ever, I'm not going back up north, it's just not for me, even if I loved my friends and my school and the town and my apartment and also Paul was up there. Then I said we could spend lots of time together and April said that was good but that she was going to the farm next week which I knew so I am not sure why that surprised me.
But really, I didn't "beg" Liz 2 stay. I just wanted 2, like, "establish the facts", like they alwayz say on the TV cop an' lawyer showz. I dunno Y I had 2 B all dorked out w/the Keanu "whoa" an' the lame question abt having a car. It's like I had total amnesia abt the "little blue car" that Gordo called "toast" when it broke down 2 yrs ago.

So, like, when I told Liz that I'm leaving 4 Manitoba next wk, she looked totally shocked, like bug-eyed shocked. I'm glad she wrote that bit in her comment abt how she'z not sure Y she was surprised, cuz that confused me 2.

Oh, the d8 w/"Ger" last nite. We met up @ the multiplex, when suddenly he got a fone call. His face got all, like, storm-cloudy while he was on the fone, and then he was all, "Family emergency. Gotta go. Can't get in2 it, now."

Oh, Liz, in case U didn't C Paul's comment, he xxplained Y he didn't get a chance 2 call U @ yr usual time last nite:
It’s too late to call your sister now. I just finished a 20-hour shift of working to help with a big fire in Northwest Ontario. I told my shift captain I needed to call your sister at 10 pm for our usual 2-hour call. My shift captain said, “Constable Wright, you will not be calling your girlfriend while you are at work, unless you want to find yourself looking for a job.” I decided to betray your sister and stay employed. After all, one of us has to be in order to make the car loan payment on her new car.

If you get up before I do tomorrow, and your sister asks if you have heard from me, please tell her what happened. I can’t call her because she needs her rest for her very trying teacher job. They have been working her so hard; I don’t know how my sweet girl can keep up. She told me what her school was like, and I can tell you, the school in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) was a lot less demanding.
Mike, do U want me 2 keep reminding U abt this indented stuff being quotes, or do U think U can remember? In case no, the first indented part above is me quoting Liz. The second indented part is me quoting Paul.

And Liz, it's "Québécoise".

Apes

posted by April Patterson @ 5:41 AM  

17 Comments:

  • At 10:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    The reason I don't consider the little blue car to be my first car is because Mom and Dad bought it and let me drive it. That is different from this car because Mom and Dad just gave me the down payment.

    Thanks for the spelling, who can figure out how the Frenchies talk anyway?

    Liz

     

  • At 10:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. I know Liz is suddenly on a French kick, with her “Mais, Oui!” You don’t need to encourage her with the proper spelling of Québécoise. After all, if she is going to passively pursue Anthony Caine, she probably wants to distance herself from all things French. It would leave a bad taste in Anthony’s mouth, if you know what I mean.

    Personally, I thought Liz buying a car when she did not have steady employment was not a good idea. I also thought it was even worse an idea to borrow money from mom. Borrowing money from mom during my period of unemployment back in 2003 was one of the worse times in my life. Not to mention that check when I paid mom back, which she keeps framed and hanging in the hall.

    But Lizardbreath doesn’t listen to me. And mom, she was all for it. She said, “If Liz doesn’t have proper transportation, she may resort to borrowing that motorcycle from Gordon again. It’s one thing to do when you are young and not yet considering a family and you are only driving it around Milborough, but a motorcycle ride between Mississauga and Milborough would wreck my nerves. Also, if I didn’t get Liz something, she was just going to hole herself up in her apartment and it would turn into the Northwest all over again, except it would be Northwest Toronto instead of Northwest Ontario.” I don’t have the same problem with motorcycles mom does, but I will agree that Liz did go almost completely noncommunicado (not a French word) after she moved to Mississauga. You would think she could learn to pick up a phone once in awhile. Conversations with mom where she would try to soothsay what was going in Liz’s life, were particularly painful.

    I am very happy you are making the trip to Manitoba again. Liz and I only went once against our will, and then we had to break things off with a friend when we got back. I know you picked Becky McGuire for your friend to eliminate for last year’s trip. Have you picked one for this year yet? Mom says you have plans to go to Manitoba every summer. That seems pretty ambitious. I didn’t know you had that many friends.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 10:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I don’t understand something. Why did you want to establish the fact your sister was not going to move away from Milborough, when you want to move away from Milborough? My parents don’t want me to move from Milborough, too; but it is because they don’t want me to live far away from them in Milborough. Are you trying to get away from your sister? My brother Blair makes me mad sometimes, but I still want to live near him. He protects me from mean people. Maybe if you got your sister to protect you from mean people, you would want to stay in Milborough. It's going to be a long August, if I can't write to you. I miss you already.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     

  • At 2:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    All,

    Okay, I just got off the phone with your Mom, and she was talking about April being entered in a beauty pageant in Manitoba based on those faked-up prom pics, Mike winning the "Distinguished Canadian Editor" Award, and Liz teaching a blind and deaf student to read braille by holding her hand under a faucet.

    Did this stuff happen or no?

    Your mom is wonderful, but coversations with her sometimes are a headscratcher.

    Oh, which reminds me, pretty cool about that seventy foot tall monument on your family burial plot courtesy of the national government. I knew you guys contributed a lot to society from Grampa Jim on down, but WOW! Do honorary Pattersons get to be buried there too?

    Anthony

     

  • At 2:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Anthony,

    You are quite inquisitive today and something you should learn if you are going to be a part of the family, is it is a bad idea to question my mother’s statements or opinions. Dad used to do that a lot in the early days of his marriage and discovered first hand, how deadly a shot mom is with frozen or slightly frozen food, pillows, shoes and pretty much anything that can be hoisted and tossed. It is because of this, that dad’s head is a little lopsided today.

    April and the beauty pageant. I believe that even though mom and dad believe April is pretty enough to be in a beauty pageant, when they discovered that part of the pageant involved wearing a bikini someplace other than the beach and that wearing a long winter coat over the bikini was not allowed, then that idea got squelched before April even heard about it. At least that was what I was told. As to whether or not it was an actual beauty pageant or some scam to get pictures of scantily-clad, underaged girls, I am not entirely sure. After all, at Portrait Magazine, we regularly have photo shoots with naked underaged girls, modeling well placed (covering their assets) products, and although I love my little sis dearly, I would have to say she is a little too overweight to meet those kinds of standards.

    Liz teaching a blind and deaf student to read Braille by holding her hand under a faucet is a story I have not heard, but Liz is rarely one to toot her own horn, or any horn for that matter. With Liz’s communication skills, she could easily have saved the world from alien invasion and she wouldn’t tell her family about it. Anything is possible in that regard, but our mother has taken to soothsaying what Liz’s life is like lately with astonishingly accurate results.

    As for the "Distinguished Canadian Editor" Award, that one is true, except it is the "Distinguished Canadian Editing” award, even though I don’t like correcting my mother about these things. Under my helm, Portrait Magazine has that award plus 2 “Excellence in Photojournalism” awards, due to the fantastic talents of Josef Weeder. These awards are great honours, but my family only likes to mention them in their monthly letters. It is important to keep an air of humility mom says and she normally tries to limit her daily conversation to topics of vacuuming and general cleaning.

    As for the burial plot, I believe it is open to honorary Pattersons, so long as they marry into the family, produce children, promise to never move from Milborough, are willing to be cremated, and there is space left after mom puts in her muffin memorial (a tribute to great muffins she has eaten). I expect you would fit in nicely.

    I hope this answers all your questions,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 3:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Anthony,

    I think Mom must have confused me with that lady from the movie about the deaf, dumb, and blind girl that we saw in my college class "Methods 107: Teaching Differently-Abled Students." What was that girl's name again? I think she might be famous. They made a movie about her after all. Anyway in the movie the blind, deaf, and dumb girl learns to sign the word for water when the teacher jams her hand under the water pump and signs the word for water into her hand. My story is less exciting, I just taught my kids in Mtigwaki how to spell the word "water" with paper and pencils, not with their fingers. I did have a glass of water on my desk at the time and maybe this visual aid did help them, but I don't know. Anyway Mom was proud, "water" is one of the longer words my older kids had to know, and almost half of them were in class that day, so that means probably at least 2 kids were paying enough attention to my lecture and not their porcupine quill plucking to have learned it. Up north we knew how to savor the small victories, not like here in the south, where if all the kids aren't spelling "at their grade level" on all the vocab words they get flunked and I get a bad reference. It's so unfair. We all work hard in summer school, not even one kid has taken a day off to walk a trapline all summer. We should get an A for effort.

    Liz

     

  • At 4:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Liz,

    I think I remember the movie you are talking about with the deaf, dumb, and blind girl. I don't remember her name, but I remember she sure plays a mean pinball.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 6:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Mike,

    I think you aren't thinking of the same movie I'm thinking of. It took place in old-fashioned times and I'm pretty sure they didn't have pinball then.

    Liz

     

  • At 7:36 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    liz, u may know y u don't think of the old blue car as yr 1st car, but i dunno what i was thinking.

    mike, u r wrong, i don't have 2 "pick" a friend 2 stop being friendz w/just cuz i'm going 2 the farm. becky and i r still friends, despite what u heard, and i don't plan 2 stop being friendz w/ne of my friends. just cuz u broke up w/yr gf @ the time doesn't mean there'z a rule. and liz didn't lose ne friendz, tho she felt like her friendz had gotten more bonded w/ea other while she was gone. they did stay friendz tho an' work thingz out, so there.

    shannon, i just wanted 2 establish the facts cuz w/my fam, u don't necessarily know what's going on. esp w/liz. if u don't come out an' ask stuff, u mite never find out.

    liz, u r thinking of the movie the miracle worker which was about helen keller and her teacher annie sullivan. mike, u r mixing up the miracle worker with the who's rock opera tommy, which was abt a deaf, dumb, and blind boy who playz pinball. there'z no pinball in the miracle worker.

    apes

     

  • At 10:15 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    It was an interesting morning in the lumberjack camp. I woke up in the arms of Fjord, a nice burly man, who is fond of wearing suspenders and a bra. I can say that although I question his taste in fashion, I do like his musical sensibilities. Several times during the course of the evening, he sprang up to sing a song and the other lumberjacks joined in as the chorus. The sound was quite manly and I must admit, made my heart flutter a bit.

    Marjee Mahaha made quite an impression too. I don’t know what she did after I passed out, I mean fell asleep; but whatever it was, pretty much every straight lumberjack, and a few of the gay ones have proposed marriage to her. I would have felt a pang of jealousy, except I was quite satisfied with Fjord.

    During the breakfast, I was having egg, back bacon, spam and sausage; while Fjord was having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam and spam; when Thorvald McGuire (Becky’s dad), Becky and her lesbian Viking consort, Brynja walked in. Fjord said, “Oh Vikings. You’ll fit in perfectly.” Then Fjord launched into some kind of march and sang, “Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!” The other lumberjacks joined in and it was a good time, but Thorvald, Becky and Brynja looked deadly serious through the course of it, and initially I thought it must be because Vikings didn’t like spam. Fjord informed me that every Viking he knew adored spam. Sure enough, the problem was something completely different.

    Brynja said, “Hoskuld. I challenge you for the right to Bergthora Thorvaldsdottir’s hand in marriage. Thorvald Mordsson has validated my challenge. Do you accept the challenge or yield your right?” She looked so cute in her little pointed hat and perky, little voice. I said, “It’s Howard and what are you talking about?” Thorvald said, “Thanks to Canadian marital law, Brynja has invoked the love story of Freyja, goddess of fertility, and Gerð, the beautiful giant maiden, as a proof of her Viking right to challenge.” I said, “Are you serious?” Becky said, “She is.” I said, “All right. I accept the challenge. What is the challenge?” Brynja said, “Axe-throwing.”

    Needless to say, the lumberjacks who were in attendance went wild, as axe-throwing is a part of their lumberjack act at the 2006 Saskatoon Exhibit at Prairieland Park. They suddenly grew silent as Brynja opened up a pink fur-lined carrying case with 4 small, pink axes. The lumberjacks set up a target, a rather large, but moveable tree trunk, and we all watched in amazement as Brynja hit the target perfectly with all 4 pink axes. The lumberjacks started cheering, and Fjord said, “Friend Howard, you are going get your fine, firm ass kicked.” I said, “Friend Fjord, hand me your best throwing axes.” As you may or may not recollect, I was involved with in a circus act which involved axe-throwing and thanks to my culinary skills, I do know how to handle sharp objects. In short order, my 4 throwing axes also hit the target. There was much clapping, cheering among the lumberjacks as several pieces of spam filled the air. Then they moved the distance to the target further back.

    Once again, Brynja’s cute, little pink axes struck their mark. Thorvald started to look a little worried. And Becky gave me a big smile as my axes also schwacked the stump. The lumberjacks were very enthusiastic, I think it is because they are not accustomed to seeing good axe-throwing outside of their profession. The distance to the target was moved back to the very edges of the lumberjack show tent.

    There was an audible gasp when Brynja nailed all 4 throws once again. This time Becky looked a little worried. I am not sure if it was because she thought I would fail, or if she thought the idea of being married to someone who could throw axes that well might be a little risky, or maybe it was the way Brynja was sashaying and swishing about and playing to the lumberjack crowd after she knocked the last axe into place. Oddly enough, while Becky looked worried, Marjee Mahaha looked quite excited. Even Fjord came over to me and said, “You’re not going to beat that, Hoskuld. This girl is like a fluffy, pink, lumberjack.” I said, “It’s Howard, not Hoskuld.” My four axes hit the mark and the lumberjack crowd was a little startled. Fjord wanted to look at all the axes to make sure there wasn’t some cheating going on. Of course, my axes were his axes, so it was difficult to prove any axe-doping. Likewise, Brynja’s axes were fine if a little pink and light weight. Then the lumberjacks discussed what to do next, because I don’t think they had permission to toss axes outside their established venue. After a period of time, they decided the only way to conclude the contest was to move the axe-throwing outdoors. So, we dragged the portable tree trunk to the parking lot of the Prairieland Park, where there were not any cars.

    It was pretty windy. Not ideal axe-throwing conditions. As before Brynja started, but this time, her little, light weight axe was caught by the wind and thrown off target. She tried to adjust for the wind and again missed. 2 more times the same thing occurred. Brynja was scowling. I said, “Why don’t you try with a heavier axe?” She said, “I can’t throw those monsters. I am petite and delicate like Freyja.” I said, “Then to be fair, I must throw your axes, if you will let me.” Brynja grinned when I said that, and she seemed confident I would miss just like she did. She was wrong. I successfully defended my claim to Becky’s hand in marriage. What Brynja didn't know was that at one point, my circus act did an axe-throwing demonstration on a tightrope pulled over Niagara Falls, and so I had some experience with adjusting for winds.

    Thorvald and Becky seemed happy with the result. Marjee seemed a little unhappy. The lumberjacks were excited by such a contest, and invited Brynja to join them to be a part of their act, which I think she is seriously considering.

    As you can tell, I had a busy morning. Right now, Becky is doing her concert, so I had a moment to write.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 10:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    omg, i m like soooo tired of lesbianism. at 1st it wuz kinda kewl cuz u know how guyz r like total clods, at least the 1s who r in high school? well it can b nice 2 b w/ a girl cuz u can swap clothes w/ her, an' try out new hairstyles 2gether, an' do makeovers on each other while ur killing time on the tour bus. also, u get 2 make out w/ sum1 who duz not have unfortunate amounts of body hair an' who actually knows the importance of moisturizing. so i started out thinking that being a lez wuz gonna b pretty sweet.

    well all that stuff is cube but there is 1 big drawback. girlz like 2 talk abt their feelings ALL THE TIME. now that's ok when i feel like talking abt my feelings, but when i don't, i really don't. when u r with a guy, it is soooo much ezier 2 deal w/ this issue. when u say "i luv u," most guyz know enuff 2 say it back. if they don't, u can kick them in the shins as a reminder. when u say "omg, like, u r so insensitive 2 my feelings!" most guyz know enuff 2 say "whoa, i'm sorry babe, what wuz i supposed 2 do there?" an' if they don't, u can remind them w/ a swift jab of ur elbow 2 their ribs. an' when u want 2 tell them what u r pissed about that day, guyz will usually listen an' b like all reddy 2 fix it cuz they want u in a good mood so they can run the bases later on. an' that's abt it 4 talking w/ guyz abt feelings. they won't ever start that kind of convo, evah. unless they r gay, then they will sumtimez talk abt feelings, but if u r lucky, u will get a gay fiance who is kinda reticent (vocab word off the summer study sheet!) abt that kinda crap.

    but omg, when u have a lesbian consort, it is nonstop jibber jabber abt how it hurts her feelings when u don't listen an' how she wishes u trusted her more w/ ur private thots an' how she duzn't think u r being open enuff abt ur needs an' goals an' how we need 2 spend more time 2gether just talking an' not making out. even when the lesbian consort is a viking, u have 2 hear this crap, an' viking women r supposed 2 b stoic (not a vocab word, have been reading dad's loeb classical library 2 help block out the sound of brynja's yapping abt her feelings).

    i m sooooo glad that she didn't win the challenge. i don't even like her that much. on top of the talk abt feelings she is like sooooo vain an' also jellus of me. she is alwayz going on abt how if peeps didn't know better they would think she wuz the singing star of this tour. omg!! like, whatevah!! i catch her trying on my show costumes an' using my laura mercier makeup w/o asking 1st, an' that is totally breaking the lesbian consort code. an' she is hella jellus of howie. she can just tell i prefer him 2 her, an' it eats her up. that's y she challenged him 2 an axe fite. i wuz half afraid howie would end up w/ a axe in his back. thank god he won!

    i totally want rid of her. i asked dad 2day when my lesbian phaze can b ovah. after 2day dad is like totally reddy 2 get rid of brynja 2. he is like way freaked abt the possibility that i could have a lesbian marriage an' then not have ne strong grandsons 4 him 2 carry on r clan's proud traditions. but dad sez the bisexual phaze is supposed 2 last at least until i graduate frum college.

    well i sed 2 dad "yea but rite now i think i'm alternating frum women 2 men." so dad sed ok, we could get rid of brynja if i wanted 2, but me an' howie have 2 find a way 2 ditch her. dad's not getting involved. his axe throwing skills r kinda rusty an' i think he's a little scared of brynja.

    i have 2 go do my 2nd set now, but can u think of ne way 2 ditch her, howie?

    thanks, becks

     

  • At 10:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, last nite was v.v. odd. i kept havin’ this nitemare ‘bout u & ur grandpa jim runnin’ me ovah w/a scooter. rebeccah woke me up & sed, “jeremy jones. ur keepin’ every1 up w/yellin’ ‘bout how u wud marry april, if she wud only not run u ovah.” i didn’t know i wuz talkin’ n my sleep. rebeccah sed, “come sleep n my cabin w/brynja & me & if u make ne noise, i’ll pop u w/a fryin’ pan.” so, i went back there. i hadn’t been n rebeccah’s cabin since she started sleepin’ w/brynja & i sed, “look @the featherz. how many do u have?” brynja yawned & sed, “more than enuff 2 satisfy ne woman.” then rebeccah sed, “all xxcept that white goose feather. that 1 creeped me out.” brynja sed, “snow goose. not white goose.” rebeccah sed, “whatevah. there wuz sumthin’ ‘bout that feather that made me wanna give up my career, move next 2 my mom, get a lobotomy & make babies the rest of my life. freakin’ scary feather.” brynja said, “i know. i know. let’s get sum sleep.” i wuzn’t sure i cud sleep w/o havin’ a scooter nitemare, but just like rebeccah sed, a few pops w/a fryin’ pan & i stopped havin’ that nitemare. ‘course i started havin’ fryin’ pan nitemarez, but i guess i didn’t talk n my sleep ‘bout thoze.

    i got up the next mornin’, which wuz this mornin’ & i had rebeccah on 1 side of me & brynja on the othah side of me, & a few knots on my head. i sed, “this iz how it’s gonna b4 howard aftah he marriez u, rebeccah.” rebeccah sed, “shut up, jeremy.” brynja sed, “wut ru talkin’ ‘bout jeremy?” i sed, “howard’z engaged 2 marry rebeccah, so aftah they’re married, then u wud all b 2gethah.” rebeccah popped me across the head w/the fryin’ pan. i sed, “ouch! wut wuz that 4?” brynja sed, “ur engaged 2 howard?” rebeccah sed, “yeah. i’m only w/u cuz fafa thorvald wunts me 2 go thru a lesbian faze. sorry.” brynja turned red n the face & she actually looked pretty good w/her pink viking pyjamaz. she got up & left. rebeccah growled @me & sed, “jeremy. u know sumtymez this truth thing of urz iz a majour pain n the ass.”

    aftah that, brynja & rebeccah & her dad thorvald hadda long convo, & they all pointed @me a lot. i felt kinda bad. how wuz i supposed 2 know they hadn’t told brynja ‘bout the ngagement? they left & they were gone 4 a long tyme. it wuz all rite, cuz we hadda ton of work 2 do 2 set up the stage & check the sound 4 rebeccah’z show.

    wen rebeccah came back, she wuz still mad @me, but we got thru the sound checks all right. marjee mahaha came back @the same tyme & she asked me a strange question. she sed, “jeremy, wut do u think ‘bout lumberjacks az gud marriage material?” i sed, “i dunno. iz havin’ lotsa wood mportant 2 marriage?” marjee said, “thass a gud question. i nevah thot ‘bout it that way.” it haz been 1 of thoze dayz where i didn’t know wut wuz goin’ on. neway, rebeccah sounded gr8 during her show. they brot her back for lotsa encorez. we head out 2morrow 4 anothah place.

     

  • At 11:06 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    An updated note from the tour:

    Becky killed tonight. I mean really killed. I think that her perfect audience is several hundred, Saskatooners, tired from a day at the Saskatoon Exhibit and with a healthy supply of overpriced Molson. 15 encores. Becky kept changing the lyrics to songs to apply to Saskatoon and they just ate that up. Becky was in a great mood.

    We got back to the tour bus and within a few minutes of getting there, we heard a shriek from Becky’s compartment. She said, “That bitch! She took my Laura Mercier makeup!” Becky was waving a pink piece of paper and I managed to wrest it from her hand. On it said, “Bergthora Thorvaldsdottir. I am no longer worthy of you. I have gone to join the lumberjacks, and Laura Mercier is coming with me. Farewell, Brynja.” Well, Becky wanted to go to the lumberjack camp and get her Laura Mercier makeup back from Brynja, but Thorvald convinced her that it would be better to make a clean break, and it would not be a good idea to try to get makeup from such a girly, frilly, and potentially lethal Viking girl. Becky eventually calmed down.

    When Jeremy Jones came in with the rest of the crew from taking down the stage, Becky said something to him and then gave him a kick them in the shins and said, “Oh my God, like, you are so insensitive to my feelings!". Jeremy said, "Whoa, I'm sorry babe, what was I supposed to do there?" Becky smiled and said, “I’m so glad you’re a guy, Jeremy.” Jeremy looked thoroughly confused, but Becky was in a much better mood after that.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 12:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    omg, like, what m i gonna do now?!? that ho ran off w/ all my makeup!!! i need that 4 my shows! an' it's not like it's so ez 2 replace, the nearest laura mercier counter is at the holt renfrew in winnipeg!!! i m soooo not surprised that the yokels in saskatchewan haven't heard of her yet, they all look like the mary kay type aka granny makeup!!! gah!

    marjee is all like "don't worry u can use my clinique stuff" but that is cheap crap 4 sorority girlz on a budget. a star needs top of the line premium makeup. laura mercier makeup was used on "sex & the city," did u know that? hello, i need quality!

    i gave howie an' dad a list of cities w/ laura mercier counters an' told them 2 rearrange the tour schedule if they have 2 in order 2 get me 2 1 of those places fast!!! in case ne of u mite know of sum gigs in these places:

    winnipeg, manitoba
    toronto, ontario
    ste. foy, quebec
    vancouver, british columbia
    etobicoke, ontario
    ottawa, ontario
    montreal, quebec
    calgary, alberta
    edmonton, alberta

    i m totally flipping out cuz we have been 2 a lot of those places already! dang why can't i b american, even their hick towns have laura mercier counters. like hello, they even have 1 in des moines, which must b at least as lame as saskatoon!!!

    man m i pissed, that lesbian viking ho better not cross my path ne time soon or i'll axe her in2 tiny pieces!!!

    becks

     

  • At 12:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I have some time to write now because Paul could only talk for a few minutes tonight. I'm not quite sure why. It turned out to be okay, because I am IMing with Anthony as I write this.

    Anyway, that gives me some time to tell some of the rest of the "sister trip in the new car" story for your friends. I hate to say I do not come off very well in this story, but it's not my fault as you will see.

    First I forgot April is going back to the farm this summer. Now you might think that is a big thing to forget but I have a lot on my mind and also, it is a really weird thing, I mean Mike and I have stayed as far away from that place as we could ever since. But April says she loves it, she's got a thing for horses. I guess I can kind of understand that, my experiences up north taught me an appreciation for nature and how some people are just naturally in tune with it. It helps to have native blood but people like me are natives at heart you know and love the simple things like the outdoors. Probably April gets this quality from me, as you know I even have a spirit name.

    Then I made a joke that April did not like, when she said she liked to be with animals all the time, I said that reminded me to ask her how her band was doing. I thought it would be funny because Mom is always calling her a Martian, I thought it would be hilarious if her sister made a different allergy or whatever. But April was totally pissed at me about it, I had to spend at least ten minutes calming her down after that. Wow Mom is so right, April, you are so touchy these days!

    Gotta go, Anthony is saying so much stuff I can hardly keep up my end of the conversation.

    Liz

     

  • At 12:44 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    We're off to Holt Renfrew in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Becky says if we travel through the night, we might be able to get there just as it opens.

    Howard K.

     

  • At 11:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    wtf r u this morning apes? omg. we got 2 winnipeg this morning just as holt renfrew wuz opening and just bought 1 of everything at the laura mercier counter. we had 2 cancel r gig in regina an' i can't say i'm 2 sorry abt that 1!! omg, saskatchewan is soooo lame. now we r going to whitehorse in the yukon i think, that will prolly b even lamer.

    i have been missing making out w/ dudes so last nite i jumped on jeremy when he wuz sleeping an' started kissing him. well he didn't wake up, i think he thot he wuz having a dream, cuz he started saying stuff like "april, i knew u an' i would b 2gether sumday!" an' moaning ur name ovah an' ovah. i got pissed an' left but then i got 2 thinking an' i wondered if it wuz the patterson allure gone wrong that made him run u ovah? like, "if i can't have u, no1 will"--?

    becks

     

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