Bad, vaguely racist pun from Laura!
@ the vet clinic, a woman brought in a dog named Clover. I heard Laura telling the woman, "We'll do the surgery this afternoon, Mrs. Prescott, and we'll let U know when Clover is ready 2 come home. " After Mrs. Prescott left the clinic, I asked Laura, "What kind of surgery R U gonna do?" Laura was all, "We're going 2 remove her uterus, so she won't have puppies." As Laura was putting Clover in one of the cages, I was, like, "Oh, U mean--she's gonna get 'fixed'!" And U cd tell from my voice that "fixed" had "quotes". And Laura was, like, "That's not the word we use, April." Then she got that gleam in her eye that ppl in my fam get rite B4 unleashing a horrible pun, and she sed, "We like 2 call a spayed a spayed!" And I had that idiotic "gobsmacked" look on my face, I'm pretty sure, but only cuz the pun was not only bad but also vaguely racist. Cuz U know, U R punning on "spade" which was used as a nasty racist term 4 black foax, in the States. Yeah, the original expression goez back 2 gardening/farming implements, but still, not cool. I sed all this 2 Laura, but she rolled her eyez an' sed, "Pun, April! Pun! Laff w/yr tung sticking out!" And I was like, "No, I'm suppressing that part of the Patterson legacy."
Apes
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 7:03 AM
16 Comments:
At 1:56 PM,
Luann DeGroot said…
Apes,
I think the Patterson family crest must include a motto like "Primo Punctus" or something like that, meaning "puns first".
Gotta run, the 'rents just got back from 'Kamp Kouple' 'n' the potatohead 'n' i R trying 2 hustle them out of the house again b4 they notice all the stuff i broke!
Luann
At 2:48 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. Although I normally applaud any composition of yours that has Cousin Laura in it, I must take exception to your referring to her beautiful pun as racist. Laura may be manly and strong, the type of woman you would like to have take you in her arms, but she is not racist.
It might be thought that the phrase “Call a spade a spade” derives from the derogatory slang use of the term spade meaning Negro, as exemplified in 'as black as the ace of spades'. That view might be thought to be supported by this piece from John Trapp's 'Mellificium theologicum, or the marrow of many good authors', 1647:
"Gods people shall not spare to call a spade a spade, a niggard a niggard."
The phrase is much older than that though. Nicolas Udall, in his 'Apophthegmes, that is to saie, prompte saiynges. First gathered by Erasmus' - translated 1542 has:
"Philippus aunswered, that the Macedonians wer feloes of no fyne witte in their termes but altogether grosse, clubbyshe, and rusticall, as they whiche had not the witte to calle a spade by any other name then a spade."
Obviously, you owe Laura an apology and a sticky-out tongue laugh for her fine punning.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 2:52 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I believe the term “call a spade a spade” refers to tarot cards. The suit of swords (spades) has the most troublesome images, and some tarot card readers will try to soften the blow of the images by sugar-coating the information. The term "call a spade a spade", means to tell it like it is without holding back any bad news.
Like your brother, who has not come to visit me in the many years since your birth, I must admit the term is probably not racist. By the way, if you need a hex put on your brother, let me know.
Love,
Fiona Brass
At 2:57 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
“Call a spade a spade” is a term which seems to have links with a bygone age. However, we have a duty as people of today to be aware of terms that might offend others and try to stop using them in context that could be confused or misinterpreted. We have a duty to protect language, but more importantly a duty to our present day peers to be aware of influences and psychological damage that our verbal communication can have in the here and now. I tell your sister this all the time. I’m glad someone in your family gets it.
Keep the faith!
Candace Halloran
At 3:20 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your nimisenh (cousin) Laura’s spayed pun. I asked my mishomis (grandfather) about it. His answer is similar, but not the same as your brother’s answer. My mishomis (grandfather) said, the phrase “call a spade a spade” comes from Plutarch, the Greek biographer and essayist, although not in its current form. Plutarch used the phrase to call a bowl a bowl in his Apophthegmata. The Renaissance scholar Desiderius Erasmus translated Plutarch and made an error when he came to this phrase. He confused the Greek word for bowl with that for a shovel; in Greek they are very similar, coming from the same root. This was carried into English by Nicholas Udall's 1542 translation of Erasmus's work.
My mishomis (grandfather) and I both agree using the phrase “call a spade a spade” does not mean you are a racist. However, after meeting my sweet girl over Civic Day, my mishomis (grandfather) is keeping his opinion about the rest of your family including your nimisenh (cousin) to himself. My sweet girl’s Ojibirish joke about my background of being from Ojibway ngashi (mother) and Irish noos (father) did not go well with my mishomis (grandfather). Also, when your sister was asked about her opinions on marrying or raising children with someone of a different race, she started talking about why people say people are of different races, when they were all running at the same speed and direction and heading towards the same destination. Sometimes my sweet girl does not understand a question and gives an answer anyway. I tried telling that to my mishomis (grandfather), but he is stubborn. Personally I don’t think your family is racist. When I visited you and your family in Milborough, none of you asked one question about race.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 3:36 PM,
howard said…
April,
The “Call a spade a spade” answer from your sister’s Constable’s grandfather, is not entirely right. The ancient Greeks said "to call a fig a fig, a kneading-trough a kneading-trough" or "ta syka syka, te:n skaphe:n de skaphe:n onomasein". The Greek for syko is fig and skaphe: is kneading-trough. This is first recorded in Aristophanes' play The Clouds(423 B.C.), even though it also shows up in Plutarch's Apophthegms. In the Renaissance, Erasmus confused Plutarch's "kneading-trough"(skaphe:) with the Greek word for "digging tool" (skapeion), and rendered it in Latin as ligo. Then it was translated into English in 1542 by Nicholas Udall in his translation of Erasmus's version as "to call a spade a spade".
This is a very interesting phrase. There has been a slight shift in meaning through the centuries: originally the phrase was used equally often with a pejorative connotation (i.e. to denote a rude person who speaks his mind tactlessly), it now has exclusively positive meaning. Both the fig and the kneeding-trough are sexual symbols. Consequently, one who calls a fig a fig, etc. was one who talked too indiscreetly about such things. Later, this was forgotten so the phrase took a positive meaning. Needless to say, the ancient Greek who taught me all this was a man who, when he called something a fig, he didn’t mean it was a fig. I learned all kinds of Greek things from him.
I have to stop writing now. I have been working on making some fig preserves and by the word fig, I mean the actual fruit and not the sexual connotation.
Howard K.
At 3:41 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, wtf r these peeps talkin’ ‘bout? isn't the diffrence between spade & shovel the pointed shape (spade) & the flat-front shape (shovel)? the spade iz 4 digging/breaking ground, & the shovel 4 shoveling. ur cuz iz frum the farm. she should know that. i think she wuz just makin’ a pun, so u wud feel more comfy wen u get 2c the spay surgery. i know ur tryin’ 2 suppress that part of the patterson legacy, but i have noticed u calm down aftah u have heard a pun or 2.
At 3:48 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I am sorry your cousin is a punning racist. Since you are the nicest girl in Milborough, it must hurt you when people in your own family are not nice. Sometimes my brother Blair does things which are not nice. It makes me feel bad, because he is my brother and I love him. Maybe you should tell your cousin you don’t like it when she makes racist puns. Then maybe she will stop.
Sorry again,
Shannon Lake
At 4:30 PM,
Anonymous said…
Miss April Patterson,
I don’t believe we have met, but I read your Blog entry today and some things came to mind, which I felt duty-bound to tell you. First, instead of criticizing your cousin’s misuse of the word “spayed” in a pun, you should have noticed how she corrected your use of the incorrect contraction “gonna” when she said “going to.” Second, when you are organizing Dr. Simmons’ supplies, be sure to be conservative in your use of paperclips. You don’t want to use them unnecessarily and cost the doctor some of his well-earned money. Those are two pieces of good advice which I hope that you will take from this well-intentioned military man.
That is all,
Lt. Sonny Fuzz
At 6:10 PM,
April Patterson said…
thanx 2 every1 who gave me info on the xxpression "calling a spade a spade". interesting stuff. not as super-interesting as organizing suppliez @ the vet clinic, but still interesting.
thanx 4 yr support, candace! i'm glad sum1 understands.
laura ended up telling me that she'd never heard of the "racist" version of the word "spade". i told her that the only reason i knew was fr. sum novel we read in english class, sum really old 1 written in the south of the u.s. neway, after i xxplained all that, she felt really bad an' apologized 2 me. and i also felt bad an' i apologized 2 her. but no way am i going 2 laff @ the lame pun, esp. not a sticky-outy tung laff. i m trying 2 discourage this kinda thing, mike.
apes
At 7:08 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I am glad you realized the error of your ways with respect to our beloved cousin. Why she felt the need to apologize to you, I am uncertain, since you did not deign to participate in the sticky-out tongue laugh at her marvelous pun. I suppose as a part of youthful, teenage, rebelliousness; you feel the need to oppose the family laugh. However, I will be very surprised if you are not sticky-out tongue laughing by the end of the week. It is not something you can really rebel against, since it is a part of the inherent nature of being a Patterson. I applaud your efforts, anyway, despite the fact they are doomed to failure.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 7:24 PM,
April Patterson said…
I applaud your efforts, anyway, despite the fact they are doomed to failure.
that was almost encouraging. almost.
laura felt the need 2 apologize 2 me cuz she felt bad abt saying sumthing that cd even b taken as racist, even tho she didn't mean it that way. & i was sorry 4 harshing on her 4 sumthing she didn't mean.
apes
At 8:07 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. Everyone knows a good pun is beyond race, so your explanation does not hold water. Obviously Cousin Laura apologized to you to make peace in the family. I am sure that from now on she is going to avoid making puns around you about anything that could possibly be interpreted as racist. Excellent work, little sis. You have learned and put into practice one of mom’s best lessons: How to make people do want you want because they are afraid of what you might say. I remember in the days of my youth how I would do anything to avoid mom unhinging her jaw, throwing her head back and screaming at me at the top of her lungs. I am so proud of you. When people are afraid of how you will judge everything they do, then you are on the way to becoming a true Patterson.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 8:17 PM,
April Patterson said…
hm, do u think she'll avoid all punz, or just the kind that she thinx i mite think r racist? i hope she avoids all punz! that wd rock!
apes
At 8:34 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. A Patterson without a pun, is not a true Patterson. Even if our delightful Cousin Laura were to extend her avoidance of all potentially racist puns to all puns, in fear of your whining and complaining, she will discontinue the practice the first time you make a pun yourself. Even with her Patterson blood diluted by Cruikshank blood as lovely Laura has, I would be surprised if she could avoid all puns any more than you can.
Besides, the best kind of humour in the world is a pun. You know you can't resist its influence, so I don't know why you bother trying. It would be better to expend your energy getting over any fears you have of veterinary science. The alternative is dental assistant school, which I am sure you do not really want. Prioritize, little sis. Prioritize.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 9:12 PM,
April Patterson said…
actually, i've become v. good @ not doing punz (the lowest form of humour!). but i agree abt dental-assistant school.
apes
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