April's Real Blog

Monday, October 23, 2006

More on Gramps Arriving Home

Well, we're back 2 the nite when Mom, Iris, an' Uncle Phil brot Gramps home. After they'd gotten Gramps in2 his P.J.'s and in2 his bed, where he, like, fell asleep rite away, Mom sez that Iris was all, "I'm so glad they let me bring him home. Jim h8's being in the hospital." Unk Phil was, like, "R U sure U'll B able 2 manage, Iris." And Iris was, like, "Oh, yes. The ladiez who R coming 2 help R wonderful. It's important that U took this time fr. work, Phil. The best thing is 4 him 2 have his family close by. From now on, every minute we spend w/him will B precious." Only fr. now on? I thot my time w/Gramps was precious B4 his stroke, 2. NEway, Mom sez that when Iris sed that last bit, Mom looked over @ Gramps, who was snoring all, "SNOZZ ZZZZ", and thot, "...Even if he doesn't know we're here."

Gah, depressed! I'm depressed. I need 2 talk abt other stuff. Band practice, Gym/Jam, Gerald's "fo' shizzle" talk, Duncan's sweat suit, Becky's freckles, NEthing!

Apes

posted by April Patterson @ 7:21 AM  

26 Comments:

  • At 10:13 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I did get to meet the ladies who are helping out your step grandmother Iris with your Grandpa Jim. They are quite competent, fully-trained nurses, and I felt a lot better about the situation, when I would not be there to help out, after your sister puts me in prison. As Jeremy Jones suspected earlier, the reason the two ladies were able to start to work so quickly is because your dad is putting a little money into their employment, but I seriously doubt you will hear that from anyone but me. Also, unless you hear differently, the ladies your dad hired are very attractive. I don’t know how long your dad has been hiring good-looking young women, but Becky says he has been doing it for years. Jean Baker, your father’s administrative assistant is matronly, but the rest of the staff is very attractive.

    In the meantime, Becky has been busy altering some of her material to make sure she has a few references to things going on at R.P. Boire, in order to give her music a more home-grown appeal. They are going to sound great at the Gym/Jam. You mentioned it briefly in your Blog entry, but I haven’t really heard anything from you about it. Is your band rehearsing? The Jam is next week, so I hope you and the rest of 4Evah have been practising. From now on, every minute you spend practising will be precious. Becky seems to realize that too, and the bald guy in her band who also works full time as a butcher has been complaining a little about rehearsing so much for a school gymnasium performance. He’s a good player, but I don’t honestly see how much longer he can work at a butcher shop and support Becky’s performance needs. He has to decide if his future is in meat or in Rebeccah. But that is a decision for later.

    By the way, Becky’s freckles are not really a source for conversation. OK. They are. I love Becky’s freckles, but she is seriously considering having them removed, like Lindsay Lohan did to hers. So, you can express an opinion on this if you like. I am in the pro-freckle camp.

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 10:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i think my dreamz ‘bout u may b done. i had this dream i wuz n bed & u were leanin’ on 1 side of the bed wearin’ a…some clothez a guy wud like & then i noticed ur mom wuz sittin’ on the other side, holdin’ my hand, & smilin' @me. then she sed, "wut do u think 'bout havin' both a mother & a daughter here 2gethah?" my mother sed i woke up screamin’. i don’t if i am gonna b able 2 sleep 4 awhile.

     

  • At 10:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings about your nokomis (grandmother) and your ngashi (mother) and your nimishoo (uncle) tending to your mishomis (grandfather) at his home. I am glad to hear your mishomis (grandfather) is doing so well and has two wonderful ladies to help out your nokomis (grandmother). That is very good news.

    When I read what your nokomis (grandmother) said to your nimishoo (uncle) about how important it is for someone recovering to have their family close by, I thought it was a good time to ask my sweet girl if I should take some time off to help your mishomis (grandfather), since I will be a part of your family some day. My sweet girl said, “Paul. Paul. How many times do I have to tell you? The next time I am going to see you is at Christmas. If you come to Milborough before Christmas then it messes everything up.” I said, “I have enjoyed reading your daily e-mail messages counting down the number of days until Christmas.” Your sister said, “63 days left. Besides, it wouldn’t help Grandpa Jim. If he thinks I am a younger version of my mother, then there is no telling what he will think of you.” I said, “Your future husband?” Your sister said, “Probably worse than that, like some First Nations person he knew during the big war. Grandpa is not what I would call politically correct. He would probably ask you for ‘fire water’ or something like that.” I said, “You mean remembering back to how things were during World War II?” Your sister said, “Maybe or maybe a time more recent than that.” I said, “Like what?” Your sister said, “Like in the 1990s.” I told her I understood and I would be willing to come anyway. Your sister would not have any of it. She does not want me to ruin her Christmas plans. So, I guess the next time I will see her is at Christmas. I wonder if Susan Dokis (whom I call Chipper) would help me give your sister a special surprise when she comes up at Christmas. Chipper loves giving people surprises, and it would make your sister’s visit even more memorable. What do you think? Should I surprise your sister with something at Christmas? Does she like surprises?

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

  • At 10:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. A little known detail you seem to be leaving out of your Blog entry is the way that Iris and mom are trying to keep Uncle Phil from leaving town and never returning. There is obviously something going on, since contrary to what our monthly letters have said, Uncle Phil has not come to mom’s house to visit the whole time he has been in Milborough. I suppose since it was written in our monthly letters that he has been there, then he might have been there, or he might still yet be planning to come there. I don’t know. Mom, however, is of the opinion that since Grandpa Jim is not well, then more regular visitation by her brother could occur, if he thinks Grandpa Jim is about to die. She and Iris got together and as you reported, Iris repeated their prepared line, “From now on, every minute we spend with him will be precious.” And “The best thing is for him to have his family close by.” I suppose it’s just as well you didn’t report some of the lines mom said she used like, “It’s your presence that’s keeping him alive.” Or “If only you could be here when he finally remembers you are his son.” Or “He’s hanging on by a thread and that thread’s name is Phil.” Mom sometimes lacks subtlety when she is trying to convince someone of something, as you well know.

    Then there was the other thing, which you thankfully left out. Mom believes Grandpa Jim should be completely covered up to his chest when he is sleeping to keep him warm and from getting sick; and Iris believes Grandpa Jim should have his arms over the covers when he is sleeping, so if he wakes up when she is not looking, he has the use of his arms, and doesn’t have to strain to pull the covers off. Mom said every time she turned around Iris was putting his sleeping arms over the covers, and she would have to put them back. As mom puts it, “Iris means well, but she is not a Patterson, and it so obvious he needs to be warm more than he needs to move his arms.” I am frankly quite gratified you left that little tidbit out.

    Also, if you are looking for more interesting things to write about our family in your Blog entry, I would be glad to let you use the story of my life or the life of Josef Weeder. I could even write up something about our latest jaunt out together. Let me know.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 12:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    howard, even tho i haven't been writing abt it, the band an' i have been rehearsing a lot. i cut back on my hrs @ lilliput's so we cd have more rehearsing time. i agree w/u abt becky's freckles. i think freckles r cube, xxcept if u r anthony, then they r not, lol.

    omg, anthony, that's a terrible dream!!!

    paul, it depends on the suprise. i'm sure i don't hafta tell u there r good surprises an' bad ones!

    mike, phil's been @ our house @ least once since he'z been in town. mom brought him over 2 have sum casserole that anne nichols made, and liz 8 it b4 mom and phil cd have ne. mom had a major hissy abt that one. liz is still recovering from the poop storm over that.

    apes

     

  • At 12:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, did u just call me "anthony" or did anthony have a dream, 2? i don't c an anthony post, so i gotta figger ur comparin' me 2 anthony. wow! i didn't know u felt that way 'bout me. i wud go home & hide n my room under my sheets like duncan likes 2 do, but i'm afraid i wud fall asleep & have anothah "anthony-like" dream. i'm scared 2 fall asleep now. on the plus side, my teacherz say they have nevah seen me so attentive n class. i guess it's cuz i don't wanna fall asleep & wake up screamin' in class. that wud b 2 embarrassin'. i'm gonna stay awake, no mattah how borin' the teach iz.

     

  • At 1:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. Of course. How could I have forgotten the delightful story about Lizardbreath eating the Anne Nichols’ good casserole, when Uncle Phil was over at your house? It’s nice to know that whatever problem Uncle Phil has with our family hasn’t completely restrained him from visiting. It reminds me a lot of when Harvey Rood’s family finally came to visit Sheilagh Shaughnessy and her newborn son. There's resentment from Harvey's widowed mother, what with her son's sod farm money going to Sheilagh now. His sister, is dismayed by Sheilagh's red Devon lipstick and brash manner. Sheilagh is spunky, but it springs from a kind of woundedness, her own resentment about what Harvey has landed her in. The simmering bitternesses we all deal with -- insecurities, perceived slights, when Sheilagh’s child prefers her touch to that of her aunt’s or grandmother’s. Those hidden wounds from years past which Sheilagh and her child’s presence will expose and then gently heal. Sheilagh is just the kind of woman who can do all that and find love in an unknown and unfriendly land. If only Uncle Phil could meet Sheilagh, I know he would want to visit more often.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 1:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Boozhoo (Hello).

    I read your writings with your concern about the surprise for your sister. I don’t know why you would think I would plan a bad surprise for her. Sometimes our native humour, which shows affection by poking fun at people, can be taken by people from the South as mean-spirited taunting. My sweet girl knows all about native humour and how funny it really is, if you understand it. I only have good surprises in mind for your sister. I have fallen in love with your sister, I hope you know. Don’t worry. It will be a good surprise. I talked to Susan Dokis, whom I call Chipper, and she has lots of good ideas. Chipper says she knows just how to give your sister a really good surprise. If Chipper says the surprise is going to be a good surprise, then it must be.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

     

  • At 4:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Your grandfather’s “SNOZZ ZZZZ” is impressive, but as for me I don’t think anything can beat a good traditional “SKNXXX-X.” It’s good for home and for the office.

    Dagwood Bumstead

     

  • At 4:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I hope you are as proud of Mom as I am, she is really going all-out to take care of Grandpa Jim, she told me, she went over there with Phil and sat by Grandpa's bedside for what must have been five minutes or more with a dutiful look on the whole time with Uncle Phil standing behind her and even though Uncle Phil was standing so close that the bumps on his corduroy pants were rubbing on her bun and messing it up, you know how a Patterson or a Richards woman hates to have her bun messed up. Anyway, Mom told me that she and Phil both did some dutiful, sad looks and Mom thought Phil was going to hang out and try to wait to get recognized by Grandpa but then after the five minutes he started acting antsy and asking things like, "Do you think you can manage, Iris?" like he was getting ready to hit the road, well of course Mom had prepared Iris with some guilt trip remarks since Iris is just married to a Richards and not a real Richards, she can't be expected to be a master of this kind of thing like us, well can she? So Iris said the rehearsed stuff that Mike reported in his post while Mom tried to show how she is a better daughter then Phil is a son, by sitting at Grandpa's bedside and looking forlorn, Mom says she is trying really hard to make it so Grandpa doesn't just get me confused with Mom, but so Grandpa thinks every woman is Mom, since she is at his bedside so much.

    Well after Mom did some sad looks and thought of a funny joke about how out of it Grandpa is, she tag-teamed with Iris against Phil, since it was so obvious he was ready to head back to wherever it is he lives, one of those non-Milborough places, I guess he was so anxious to go he was kind of doing that dance that my students do when they have to go to the bathroom. Well Mike already reported some of the remarks Mom and Iris made, but not the strongest ones, I guess Phil didn't get the hint of the subtler ones like "your presence is keeping him alive, Phil," so Mom and Iris really went after him, when Phil said, "I really have to get back to my teaching," Mom said, "If you leave now, Dad will never remember you, Phil," and Phil said, "But I took a sabbatical last year, the school says I can't take another one," so Iris said, "What is the more important job, Phil, the job of a professor or the job of a son?" and Phil said, "Of course it's more important to be a son, but I need to keep my job! I need to pay the bills!" and Mom said, "Georgia has a good job and no children. She can pay the bills. Phil. Think about what you're doing. You're killing Dad, Phil," and Mom says Phil started to scream so loud that it almost woke Grandpa up. Then Iris said, "Shh, Jim, go back to sleep, it's just that clod Phil who doesn't care that any little fright could kill you, don't worry, he'll be gone soon," and Grandpa kind of moaned, and Mom said, "Did you hear that, Phil? He said, Son, don't go, son...I can't hold on without you, son...don't leave me, I'll die," and Phil said, "It just sounded like uuuuuhhhhgghhh to me," and Iris said, "No wonder you can't understand him, you haven't seen him in over two years, Phil. He has a closer relationship with is podiatrist than he does with you, Phil," and Phil said, "Well, he has a lot of bunions," and Mom said, "Phil, if you leave, Dad is going to DIE. Do you understand me? He is going. to. DIE!"

    Then came the part I am so proud of, I gave Mom some suggestions about what to say and she did them, she grabbed Phil and shook him really hard, and yelled, "Everyone's gotta be with Dad now, an' you're running home to Frenchy-land to lie like a pig in a puddle playing your trumpet!" and Phil yelled, "I have to TEACH!" and then Mom wrestled him down onto the bed an' pinned his arms down an' yelled, "What color is running away from your own dying father who needs you, Phil? Is it ORANGE?" which I picked because it is the only color I could think of that doesn't have some emotion or something to go with it already, although it does have a fruit.

    Mom says she will tell me the results tomorrow, I can't wait! I am so proud to have helped Grandpa Jim, and I didn't even have to visit!

    Liz

     

  • At 5:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Mike,

    I am so confused by your novel, just for instance, Sheilaugh is living in a sod farm on the prairie with no one around but a husband she hates and she still wears lipstick, why would she do that? I mean if I was living a life like that where I had to give birth on the floor naked and be smeared in blood and placenta and then walk a hundred miles in the cold to get my baby vaccinations that didn't even exist yet, I think I would probably not be thinking about my lipstick, I mean I'd be glad if I got all the blood and placenta washed off. Also if they live on the prairie in a shack how can she afford lipstick, that sounds like a luxury for a woman with no money and a new baby, I mean if the husband didn't even want the baby then he probably doesn't want her to wear lipstick either, actually I'm kind of wondering why he even wanted a wife, I mean it sounds like he hates her.

    Could you explain some of this stuff, I mean this is nothing like what I read in other historical fiction like Prairie Fires of Desire and Plowing the Fields of Lust, I mean even in those when the man hates the woman they end up falling madly in love, that's why people like to read the books.

    Liz

     

  • At 5:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    i never thot i would say this, but yo, liz is rite. heck, when i m helping howie sort thru my wardrobe, 2 dcide what clothes r out of style now an' can go 2 resale or 2 goodwill or up 4 sale on ebay as a genuine piece of rebeccah memorabilia, i don't wear lipstick. that's hard work 2 me. now if i wuz in a shack on the prairie, slaving away 4 sum @$$hole who duzn't appreciate me, if i had a lipstick, i would take it an' cram it up his @$$ b4 kicking him out 2 starve an' die on the cold cold prairie.

    mike, who do u think iz gonna buy this book? cuz girls totally ren't. an' boyz prolly won't wanna read nething that has the word "afterbirth" in it.

    becks

     

  • At 5:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dear Readers,

    Today I was brainstorming for marketing ideas for the forthcoming first novel by Michael Patterson. In order to see what his target demographic might be, I googled his name, and happened upon this site.

    I am deeply concerned by the doubts I have seen expressed about Mr. Patterson's novel in these pages. Let me assure you, his unrelentingly bleak vision of a lovely immigrant woman who came to Canada filled with hopes and dreams, only to become the most downtrodden and miserable of souls, will not only be the greatest Canadian comic novel ever written--it will be the quintessential Canadian novel, a book that tells the world, "This is what Canada's all about." It will speak to people of the true nature of Canada and Canadians. It will give people insight into our history and our daily lives. Michael Patterson may be the greatest spokesperson this country has ever had.

    To all you women and naysayers out there, I can only say this: when you read the scene where Sheilagh digs a well using only her bare hands in the cold and driving winter wind, naked and wracked by labour pains, all because Harvey Rood would not walk to the creek to fetch a pail of water for Sheilagh to boil to sterilize the dull knife she will have to use to cut the umbilical cord, you will weep from the pure imagery and emotion.

    Mike, when can I expect that next chapter? This extension isn't going to last forever, you know!

    Quinton Jones
    Publisher Extraordinaire

     

  • At 6:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    One other point I want to make:

    One of the things that makes Michael Patterson a brilliant modern writer is that he knows that to be truly successful, a book must be able to be made into a blockbuster movie. One of the reasons our publishing house was so eager to sign Mike is that he is a master of many genres: journalism, playwriting, non-fiction, doctoral theses--the list goes on and on. His playwriting experience will come in handy when he is adapting his novel for the screen.

    The lipstick is just one of the many images that Mike has built in to his book to make it translate well to the screen. Remember in Schindler's List, the way that little girl's coat was colored red to make a statement? Sheilagh Shaughnessy's red lipstick makes a similar statement--a statement about her bold determination in the face of a cruel husband, an unwelcoming mother-in-law, and an unrelentingly harsh country. Remember that red is one of the colors of Canada's flag. The lipstick is to remind you that this story is a real statement about the nature of Canada's spirit.

    It is such a positive message. I know that when you read the book, all your doubts will be quashed.

    By the way, Mike, we can't wait forever on that book. We already had to let Andrews go, and if we don't get some cash coming in soon, I'm going to have to fire Donny too. And he's the only one who knows how to use PageMaker. Plus, my parents are complaining that they've given me their basement rent-free for a year already and my "publishing house"--they always use quotes like that to make sure I know they're being condescending--hasn't put out even one book. We're counting on you, Mike.

    Quinton Jones
    Publisher Extraordinaire

     

  • At 6:41 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i'm sorry, jeremy, what happed was that last nite i had a bad dream of my own, where u, like, turned in2 anthony! u got much older looking, grew a 'stache, an' yr hair turned blond, and u got freckles. that's y i was even thinking of anthony's freckles being bad ones. and then i called u "anthony" by mistake cuz i was still having that bad-dream after-effect on my brain!!!

    paul, i didn't mean that i xxpected u 2 plan a bad surprise, i just answered the question the way i'd answer ne1 asking "does liz like surprises?" of course it's gotta depend on what kinda surprise, rite, liz?

    oh, and liz, while i'm talking 2 u, i can't help feeling bad 4 uncle phil! soundz like mom really, really wanted 2 make him feel horrible!

    mr. jones, i dunno, i took an informal poll of the girlz @ my school an' no1 thot mike's book sounded like nething they'd wanna read!

    apes

     

  • At 6:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Liz,

    Little sis. I am quite excited that you are once again taking an interest in my work. Although Quinton Jones Publisher Extraordinaire so nicely explained the visual and patriotic imagery of the red lipstick which will allow Sheilagh Shaughnessy’s story to translate well onto the big screen, allow me to point out, for the purposes of my novel, the red lipstick is something that Sheilagh Shaughnessy has brought to her new home in Bodner Saskatchewan from Devon, England. As you have ascertained, her vile and hateful husband Harvey Rood would never purchase lipstick for poor Sheilagh. The lipstick is the symbolism of her British pluck as a contrast (to great comedic effect) when she meets the Canadian reserve represented by her husband Harvey Rood and his sister and mother and their pale, bland, and unnoticeable lips. Deanna really liked this part of my novel for some reason.

    Set against the stark, remote backdrop that only Bodner Saskatchewan can offer, scenes such as what Quinton Jones Publisher Extraordinaire described, like digging a well using only her bare hands in the cold and driving winter wind, naked and wracked by labour pains becomes a laugh riot when a local hunk (with a heart murmur, which is why he was left out of the war) shows up and happening to be carrying a shovel, leaves it by the unconscious form of Sheilagh Shaughnessy and her partially-completed well. Can you imagine how funny it is when Sheilagh Shaughnessy wakes up due to a particularly strong labour pain to find a shovel sitting right beside her? Just the thought of that puts me into paroxysms of laughter, as I am sure it will most of the reading public.

    As for why my novel about Sheilagh Shaughnessy is not like derivative like other historical fiction like Prairie Fires of Desire and Plowing the Fields of Lust, I am going for not just a simple best-seller, but for a book which will break all previous sales records for a Canadian writer. With that much money coming in, I feel sure that Deanna and I will finally have enough money to buy a house. Although we may not have enough money to furnish the house, it would be a start. We will be on our way to catch up with Anthony Caine, and be at the level of his wealth. It’s too bad he’s alone and doesn’t have anyone to share his house with, but I’m sure you know what to do about that problem.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 7:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ms. Becky McGuire,

    Although I loathe conversing with your slatternly self, the fact that you have agreed with one of my family members about something has drawn me out. I can understand why someone like you would find using a tube of lipstick as a rear entry insert appealing. I can only imagine the long list of things which are currently residing in that part of your body.

    As for who is going to buy my book, I am sure it will be not be people who are currently in your social circle, where their literary tastes run more to the latest tell-all book from some sluttish celebrity. But for the literate Canadian reader, my book will be a “must-read”. My publisher, Quinton Jones Publisher Extraordinaire has practically guaranteed it. My mom says it is a sure thing also, and she is never wrong about those kinds of things.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 7:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Quinton Jones
    Publisher Extraordinaire,

    I must thank you again for your unflagging support, thanks to having seen my outline and the twelve chapters now edited and put aside. I know I will finish this book - because I'm living in it. However, I was interrupted from my writing tasks by my grandfather’s inconvenient and untimely stroke. Rest assured that now he is home an recuperating nicely under the care of his wife and 2 well-qualified nurses, Michael Patterson is well on his way back to completing the novel that will reward your faith in me. With the countless millions of dollars that will come from the sale of this novel, you too, like me, may be able to afford a house for yourself, and not have to rely on your parents for everything. I know that has been a particular goal of mine for years now. Fear not! Michael Patterson is back on the job.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 7:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    mike,

    the only stuff residing in my butt is the same kind of stuff ur book is made out of.

    btw, unlike ur skank sister liz, i have never been past 3rd base.

    becks

     

  • At 8:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Mike,

    Wow your last post to me really has me changing my mind about your book, now I have read about the hunk with a heart murmur and a shovel, so is Sheilauwghhh going to end up with the hunk? Please tell me that isn't going to happen at the very end of the book, they have to get together by 3/4 of the way through at the very latest so we can have some good love scenes and a pretty wedding with a big white dress, even though Sheeliaghu is not a virgin, it will be like she's a virgin in her new relationship, because her other relationships won't count, since the hunk is her true love, whoever she did it with before that won't count, just like in Madonna's song "Like a Virgin." Is Harvey Rood going to die for being such a jerk to her, I think that would be funny, you know I would laugh out loud if the guy I thought was "The One" but who turned out to be a jerk got killed in a really horrible manner, it would be so funny and he would totally deserve it, you should think about adding that to increase the laughs people will get from your book.

    What kind of job does this hunk have, is he a policeman or a pilot or an accountant, I bet it's an accountant, you know quiet but kind and really eager to be understanding to a woman's needs and concerns in a way Harvey Rood isn't, hey I have a suggestion for the hunk's name, it should be Albany Moustacherson, doesn't that sound hunky?

    Liz

     

  • At 8:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Ms. Becky McGuire,

    I cannot say that I am surprised that the stuff residing in your slatternly buttocks is leather, glue, paper and ink. However, I am unsure why your lack of prowess on the softball field is something you would want to compare with Elizabeth’s. It has been awhile since she has graced a sports field with her Pattersonian presence.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 8:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Liz,

    Slightly older little sis. As much as I would like to tell you if Sheilagh Shaughnessy is going to end up with the hunk, I must confess to you that Sheilagh Shaughnessy herself has not yet told me if that is the path she is going to take. In this book I am both Sheilagh and I am Harvey and I am the hunk with the heart murmur. I know Sheilagh Shaughnessy must wait for her freedom from her loveless marriage, but whether that happens by ¾ of the way through the book I do not yet know. Sheilagh Shaughnessy likes to keep her secrets and it is only when I think and feel just as she must have felt on the sod farm in Bodner, can I begin to glimpse the majesty of the inner thought process and strength of a woman like Sheilagh Shaughnessy.

    I can assure you there will be some good love scenes. That much Sheilagh Shaughnessy has revealed to me. When she thinks on the local heart murmur hunk, I can feel the warmth growing in her womanly loins. I don’t even know if Harvey Rood is going to die for his cruelty to Sheilagh Shaughnessy. That may not be funny enough and it would seem too much like something that would happen to an enemy of Mary Worth. Sheilagh Shaughnessy has hinted to me that a comeuppance at her hands and her newly found allies in the womenfolk of the community, who have embraced Sheilagh Shaughnessy as a way of healing their own inner wounds, followed by a slow and painful torture of Harvey Rood could be the guaranteed laugh riot that I expect is necessary to make my novel a huge best-seller.

    I am not sure about the hunk being an accountant, or policeman or a pilot. I had been thinking a photographer would be a better choice. Albany Moustacherson does sound hunky, but I had also been thinking about N.W. Territories Weederson. That seems manlier to me. These things are in the future. Sheilagh Shaughnessy will eventually tell them all to me. I am quite thrilled that you are interested in my writing though. The best thing for me is to have my very supportive sister close by.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 8:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Mike,

    The only problem I see is if Shieelog is going to get together with the hunk, he has to be a good guy, and why would a good guy leave a naked pregnant in labor woman lying alone on the cold ground next to a half-finished well and just give her a shovel, that doesn't seem romantic, there has to be some reason that keeps him from rescuing her right then and there, like maybe his heart murmur has made him impotent and he knows he could never make her happy, something like that, but then over time as he sees Shleilogh from afar, he realizes that the lust burning within him has reawakened his manly potentials and cured his problem so he can be a good husband to Shelighog, just a thought, that could spice it up some, you know what, I am starting to think I am Sheila too, isn't that funny?

    Liz

     

  • At 8:42 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. Such base betrayal. Why can't you be more supportive of my writing like Elizabeth is? How could you take an informal poll of the girls at your school about my novel and then tell my publisher the results of the poll, when you would not even take the time to read the outline of my novel? Such cruelty is unbecoming for a Patterson. I seem to remember you being surprised that my book, even had pages and a story and you said you wouldn’t read it until it was a best seller. Fortunately for you, when my book is a best seller, then I will let you read it. I expect my novel will be one of those “instant bestsellers” they talk about, where so many people want the book, they pre-sell it to a bestseller status. So, you probably will not have to wait too long.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 8:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Liz,

    Slightly older little sis. You have some excellent points. The hunk wouldn’t leave Sheilagh Shaughnessy’s naked pregnant form uncovered. Maybe he could shovel some dirt on her before he leaves the shovel. That way, there could be a double laugh from her waking up covered in dirt and seeing the shovel. I liked your ideas about the impotence of the heart murmuring hunk and so did Sheilagh Shaughnessy. Maybe you are thinking you are Sheilagh Shaughnessy, after all.

    I tried to get Deanna to think she was Sheilagh Shaughnessy and I would think I was her newborn son, so I could make the tender mother-son moments completely accurate or at least accurate enough to touch the hearts of every reader of Sheilagh Shaughnessy’s miraculous story. But Deanna would not agree to some of the things I thought it would be good for her to do to get in touch with her inner Sheilagh Shaughnessy. It was at this point I realized Sheilagh Shaughnessy’s son would be a bottle baby. It was a sad moment for her to give up this important part of motherhood, but at least her son wouldn’t resent her for it in the future. He knew she had made the right choice.

    Thanks for the great ideas. Talking to you is just like talking to mom about my novel. You don’t want a writing credit, do you?

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 9:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Mike,

    No, I just want to make sure your Sheielahg gets a happy ending, that's the most important thing, it would be terrible if at the end of the book she was unmarried and had to work to support herself all alone like as a teacher, that's terrible, nobody wants to be single forever, everybody wants to get married someday and have the perfect husband, just because Harvey Rood couldn't find it in himself to be good to her doesn't mean she can't find some nice gentle domesticated guy who likes kids and looks at the stars and is thoughtful and stuff.

    I am not sure a girl would think being covered in dirt was funny but then it might be funny for your audience if Seihglau didn't think it was funny, if you know what I mean, I hope you do, I am really feeling the Shghiaela in me now, I even went and got Shiimsa and made her help me reinact the birth scene from your book and wow, it really helped me to think about Shelhaui and her plight and I think maybe it should even end up with the heart murmur hunk being a sod farmer too so you can show how you don't have to be mean just because you are a Canadian sod farmer, you can be sensitive and love stargazing and babies and girls in red lipstick even if you do have to worry about your survival each and every day, also, after my reinactment, Shiimsa and I totally agree that Shhgliae would have a bottle-fed baby, otherwise theree is no way she wouldn't resent him, I mean I think I resent Shiimsa now and it was only just one time for pretend, you know?

    Liz

     

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