Liz feels for Gramps
Here'z the l8est thing that Liz has posted abt her recent visit w/Gramps an' Iris:
Liz, BTW, I didn't get 2 answer U last nite cuz Blogger was acting up when I tried. It's British, w/1 "T", not Brittish. U shd prolly know that so U can correct yr students' papers if it comes up.
Apes
April,Liz also told me that she felt like she had this moment of, like, mental telepathy w/Gramps, only Liz didn't say "telepathy", she sed, "talking 2 each other in our heads." I'll let Liz tell abt that if she feelz like it, she mite B feelin' kinda shy abt that.
Well after our argument about what Grandpa was trying to say, Agnes decided to stop me from contradicting her anymore by never giving me a chance to talk, it was so annoying, she even made me take off my coat and have coffee with her while she blabbed and blabbed and the stupidest part was that the blabbing was all about what was happening with me with my trial and school and Paul and whatever but she never let me say one word, and all I could think was, "Poor Grandpa," because now she is used to doing all the talking she will never let anyone else talk ever again, and probably Grandpa is going to stay retarded or dumb or whatever it is they call people who can't talk these days, all because she won't let him practice, it's terrible, and I could see it in Grandpa's eyes that he feels the same way, I told you I know all about childish minds, well fortunately then I put on my coat to leave because I felt like I had done enough time on that visit and now I visited one time in the hospital and one time at home so I should be done for good, now I should only be forced to see them again at my wedding and then when Grandpa kicks off, I will see him at the funeral, which will be a terrible day, because Agnes will still be alive and she will probably want to blab on and on the whole stinking day.
Liz
Liz, BTW, I didn't get 2 answer U last nite cuz Blogger was acting up when I tried. It's British, w/1 "T", not Brittish. U shd prolly know that so U can correct yr students' papers if it comes up.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 6:42 AM
9 Comments:
At 9:11 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings quoting my sweet girl talking about her visit with your mishomis (grandfather) and your nokomis (grandmother). When we spoke last night on Skype, Elizabeth talked about it. She said, “Paul. You know how I told you it is a Patterson family tradition not to visit our relatives, unless they come to my ngashi (mom’s) house?” I started to say, “Yes.” but before I did my sweet girl said, “Well, visiting my mishomis (grandpa) Jim and talking to his nindikwem (wife) Agnes, I remembered that the reason I hardly visited my mishomis (grandpa) Jim since he married her didn’t have anything to do with family tradition. Can you guess what that is?” I was about to say, “You miss your nokomis (grandmother) Marian?” but before I did my sweet girl said, “Agnes will talk you to death and I don’t want to die. I think that’s the reason why my mishomis (grandpa) Jim did what he did.” I was about to say, “What was that?” but before I did my sweet girl said, “Have a stroke, Paul. Keep up. You know my mishomis (grandpa) Jim had a stroke, didn’t you?” I was about to say, “Of course I did.” but before I did my sweet girl said, “It’s obvious my mishomis (grandpa) Jim’s stroke was an attempt to escape from Agnes’ constant talking. Only he didn’t count on her miraculous healing powers. When I saw him there, sitting in his chair, and not saying a word while Agnes was going on and on, it was as if I could hear him saying something to me. Do you know what it was?” I was about to say, “Tears. Good. At least THAT still works!" but before I did my sweet girl said, “Nothing’s changed, my darling…Nothing’s changed. And he was so right, but he was also so wrong. My mishomis (grandpa) Jim never calls me darling. I think he thought I was a younger version of my nokomis (grandmother) Marian, like when I visited him in hospital and he thought I was a younger version of my ngashi (mother). Do you know what it made me think of?” I was about to say, “What a joy to look like your ngashi (mother) and your nokomis (grandmother)." but before I did my sweet girl said, “April said she hoped nokomis (Grandma) Marian is watching out for mishomis (Grandpa) Jim, from ‘upstairs’. And my ngashi (mother) said once that mishomis (Grandpa) Jim has two nindikwem (wives) keeping an eye on him. That’s got to be against a law. Is there a law against having two nindikwem (wives)?” I was about to say, “Not if one of them is dead.” but before I did my sweet girl said, “You better not have two nindikwem (wives), Paul. I don’t care if it an Ojibirish tradition or not. Promise you’re not going to have two nindikwem (wives).” I was about to say, “I only want to have one nindikwem (wife).” but before I did my sweet girl said, “I’m sorry, Paul. I have to keep remembering that just because you look like Eric, you’re not Eric. I mean your skin is darker, and your nose is bigger, so there are differences. You’re not related to Eric, are you?” I was about to say, “No.” but before I did my sweet girl said, “I think my mishomis (Grandpa) Jim shared our thoughts, and that’s a good thing to be able to do. Can you hear what I am thinking right now?” I was about to say, “No.” but before I did my sweet girl said, “Try harder.” So, I just blurted out, “You’re thinking about yourself.” My sweet girl said, “Paul. You read my thoughts.” I was about to say, “I think it was just a lucky guess.” but before I did my sweet girl said, “Now, think of something and I will try to read your thoughts.” I was about to say, “What am I thinking about now?” but before I did my sweet girl said, “A pony.” I was about to say, “Why would I be thinking about a pony?” but before I did my sweet girl said, “No. Wait. It’s a snow machine.” I was about to say, “A snow machine is closer to something I would think about but that’s not it.” but before I did my sweet girl said, “Oooh! Paul. You are so naughty. That will have to wait until after marriage and we are trying to have children.” I was about to say, “Actually I was thinking about eating some baloney and bannock.” but before I did, I decided that would be a stupid thing to say. So I said, “You’re absolutely right, Elizabeth. That’s just what I was thinking.” Then your sister said, “I think you’re still in the picture, Paul. Still in the picture.” Then she said she had to stop talking so she could take a bubble bath. It was one of our better conversations, I thought.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 9:34 AM,
howard said…
April,
I am at the courthouse with Mr. Benis, my lawyer. My trial ended up in the Superior Court of Justice, which is where you go for serious offences. Mr. Benis suspected that was what would happen since the Milborough police had me under surveillance for over a year. Mr. Benis says I should get to enter my “Not Guilty” plea tomorrow morning, and then probably the rest of the day will be spent with him and the Crown Attorney, making opening remarks. We aren’t doing anything today. The judge dismissed us because once again the missing witness from yesterday still hasn’t shown up. Apparently today she was demonstrating to the English-reading world how telepathy between relatives can occur when both relatives have to listen to an older female voice talking nonstop. I think it was supposed to be a demonstration of how human beings’ mental abilities can adapt, based on their circumstances or environment or something like that. It sounded peculiar to me, but somebody with a lot of power thinks it was important enough to allow her to come late.
So, I have another day of not having to sit around and wait—another day of freedom. I think I am going to spend the day walking around and enjoying the outdoors, while I still can. Then I promised to take Becky dancing tonight. We are trying to do things we won’t be able to do when I am in prison.
Howard Bunt
At 9:47 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. Elizabeth still has a lot to learn about how to deal with older relatives. Deanna and I have both discovered that when you are faced with an obnoxious older female relative who just doesn’t know when to leave or when to stop talking, the best thing to do is to hand her her coat and throw her out. We have established this practice very effectively with my in-laws and I will have to admit, Deanna is actually better at it than I am, particularly when she thinks my mother-in-law is frightening our daughter. Mira Sobinski is quite scary-looking and it scares me to look at her, but my daughter is made of sterner stuff, and she can take quite a bit more of Mira than I can before she gets frightened. This is because women are definitely stronger than I am. I try to explain it to my son from time-to-time. I say, “Son. Women are stronger than Daddy.” My son doesn’t speak English so well, but I can tell from the sympathetic look on his little face, he understands me perfectly. I would tell Elizabeth, and I can also tell you, since you are approaching womanhood, if you want to get away from Iris’ talking, you should just hand her a coat, and ask her to leave. That’s what works with Deanna and me.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:14 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Thank you for bringing up the mind talking, I didn't say anything before because I couldn't remember the big word for it, telephony, thanks for reminding me, anyway Grandpa told me that Iris has always been a blabbermouth so I took off in a dead run out of the apartment before she caught me and talked some more, you know there is nothing more I hate then talking about myself.
Liz
At 10:37 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, my 4th day of in-school suspension az punishment 4 wut happed @the gym jam. the in-school suspension supervisor sed, “do ur work. don’t say nething.” it wuz kinda like the 1st day, xxcept zapata henderson wuz there.” she sed, “jeremy jones. this iz where u r. i have been callin’ ur house evry day & ur mom sez u can’t talk on the fone.” i sed, “we’re suppozed 2b quiet.” zapata sed, “how ru doin’ w/all this suspension bizness? becky mcguire’s band flakes out & u still hafta go 2 in-school suspension.” i sed, “ur gonna get in trub, if u keep talkin’.” zapata sed, “a lot sittin’ ‘round & w8in’ 4 suspension 2b ovah. i know wut thass like. & u hafta take time frum b-ing ‘round ur friends. that must b difficult, jeremy, since u lost ur job w/becky & everythin’.” i sed, “i don’t wanna talk ‘bout this.” zapata sed, “& have u got a new job yet? it’s gotta b different, i suppose, since becky wuz like, ur fiancée…is she still n the picture?” i sed, “no. becky broke off the engagement & it wuz a fake engagement neway. i haven’t talked 2 becky since the gym jam. her dad did fire me tho’.” the in-school suspension supervisor sed, “mr. jones. quiet! do u wanna anothah day of in-school suspension?” zapata sed, “hey! don’t talk 2 him like that! jeremy jones duz not do nething peeps try 2 make him do. he evn blowz off his fiancée in her concert n fronta the whole skool. he’z a rebel.” the in-school suspension supervisor sed, “very well, mr. jones. anothah day of in-school suspension 4u.”
i sed 2 zapata, “gr8. thanks 4 that.” zapata sed, “no big deal. i can tell ur kinda shy. ur prolly usedta becky doin’ all the talkin’. ur more like a silent man of action.” i sed, “yru here?” zapata sed, “the new fragrance-free environment work group frum the toronto district school board iz checkin’ out the mboro district school board policy on fragrance-free environment. they busted me & i hafta do a day here.” i sed, “4 smoking smell?” zapata sed, “thass the funny part. i wuz smokin’ & sprayed myself w/perfume 2 cover the ciggy smell so they wudn’t get me 4 smokin’ & they got me 4 wearin’ 2 much perfume. then they hadta make an xxample of me 2 show off 4 the fragrance-free environment work group frum the toronto district school board. my ‘rents aren’t mad @me, cuz they think the mboro district school board policy on fragrance-free environment iz progressive 2 the point of blatant stupidity. but it’s a good thing i am here, cuz i have been tryin’ 2 find u all week.” i sed, “y?” zapata sed, “all the z-girls, xxcept mebbe zandra larson, think it iz rilly cube the way u blew off ‘rebeccah’ & the whole gym jam. it wuz so lame. zandra likes that lame band 4evah&eva, cuz her bf iz in it, but the rest of the us z-girls thought the whole hose-a-phone was rilly st00pid. then rebeccah flaked out & we found out it wuz all ur fault & that wuz way cube. we can’t stand her musick. it wuz gonna be like a torture 2 watch her shake her teen pop thing & sing all bubbly pop stuff. rebeccah iz definitely not goth musick, eh? so, i’m havin’ a party @my house this weekend & i thot it wud b cube if u were there. all z-girls will b there & their bfs.” i sed, “can’t go. i’m grounded.” zapata sed, “u can only go 2 skool. way harsh.” i sed, “skool & professional gigz.” zapata sed, “so, if i pay u do the sound @my party u cud come?” i sed, “yes.” zapata sed, “i’ll hafta talk 2 my ‘rents. how much do u charge?” i sed, “i usually charge $500 4 partiez, but since ur gettin’ me outa the house, i cud prolly go 4 a lower r8.” the in-school suspension supervisor sed, “mr. jones. quiet! do u wanna anothah day of in-school suspension?” zapata sed, “hey! we’re discussing a bizness agreement here. jeremy iz not gonna stop talkin’ till we’re done. he iz not afraid of u. if u wanna give more dayz of in-skool suspension, then bring it!” the in-school suspension supervisor sed, “very well, mr. jones. anothah day of in-school suspension 4u.” i sed, “$499.” zapata sed, “cube. a discount.” then she got on her cell & she haz been talkin’ on it ever since. i think she’z usedta doin’ all the talkin’.
At 1:58 PM,
Anonymous said…
omg, i had no idea they were busting peeps who wear perfume! i quick went an' washed off my chanel no. 19 after i saw ur post. thanx a million jer. i don't need in-school suspension on top of letting 4evah an' eva humiliate me.
this is way lame. every girl needs her signature fragrance!
becks
At 4:27 PM,
Anonymous said…
rebecca, wen the mboro district school board started that fragrance-free environment stuff, i think every1 thot it wud b like the no smoking policy, which they hardly ever enforce. i think it’s just cuz the fragrance-free environment work group frum the toronto district school board iz visiting. prolly wen they stop visitin’, they’ll go back 2 not enforcin’ the fragrances like they usedta.
the a-girls, the skinny blonde girls who use the same colour of hair dye, wear way too much makeup, & leave clouds of perfume behind them r all doing in-school suspension 2day. i remember april usedta complain how she got headaches if she sat behind them on the bus, so it makes me kinda wonder how mboro got a fragrance-free environment policy wen the toronto district school board duzn’t have 1 yet, eh? u know, mebbe april sed sumthin’ 2 her mom & u know how that works.
neway, in the in-school suspension area, the a-girls r always on their cellphones & they never shut up. zapata henderson iz a lot quieter when they’re ‘round, like not talkin’ @all. i think she’z intimid8ed cuz there’z so many of them. there’z avery, alanis, anais, astrid, asia, artemis, abigail, acadia, alyssa, ashley, alianna, arianna, anya & amelie. they r all big fans of ur musick & they r not happy w/me 4 messin’ up ur concert @the gym jam. i have heard the germy wormy song 2day the most since back 6 yrs ago wen april wrote it. i’ll b glad wen they’re gone 2morrow. if i hadda listen 2 these girls talk all the time w/o stoppin’ everyday, suicide thoughts wud start comin’ n2 my brain.
At 6:51 PM,
April Patterson said…
jeremy, i didn't say nething 2 my mom abt fragrance. i don't know who caused this, but it wasn't me. i like perfume!
btw, sorry 2 hear zapata caused u 2 get more suspension. not cube!
mike, i don't think the coat thing works if u r @ gramps an' iris's apt. what r u gonna do, tell her 2 leave her own home? i think liz kinda had the same idea as u, xxcept she gave herself her own coat so she cd show herself out.
paul, how strange that liz shd talk over u like that, when se got so upset abt iris doing that 2 her!
howard, r u saying that the trial's being held up cuz liz was l8? or were u referring 2 a diff witness.
apes
At 12:23 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I just now realized you probably wanted to hear some trial stuff, well here's some, I won't tell you the whole story because where would be the fun in that, none at all, anyhow, of course just like any other day Anthony and I were sitting next to each other in the courthouse hallway and Anthony wondered how long we would have to wait that day and he tried to pass it off like he didn't want to be there but you could totally tell he did, well I said I didn't know but told him about this thing I heard about one of the witnesses being related to Howard and not wanting to testify against him, I wonder who that could be, anyhow, then Anthony said, "Elizabeth?" which always makes me want to laugh really hard because you can totally tell he calls me "Elizabeth" and not "Liz" because he is trying to get in good with me and let me see he thinks of me as a woman, or whatever, it's hilarious, anyhow, he asked me how my "grandfather" is doing, he's so formal, it just cracks me up, I closed my eyes because I knew if I looked at him I would bust out giggling and not be able to stop, also it helped me think back to how Grandpa is because I don't hardly pay attention to that boring stuff, anyway I remembered something about him not being too much better and I knew he couldn't talk because of his mental telephony to me about Agnes being a huge blabbermouth, anyhow, I said, "He communicates through his eyes," because I'm pretty sure that's where the telephony rays shoot out of, and at that moment I grew some lips of loveliness and Anthony was looking at me like he always does when he is totally worshipping me from afar, or I guess you have to call it from anear when he is in the seat next to me, anyhow, I wish he would just speak up already, all these eye gazes are getting annoying, Anthony doesn't really have that telephony thingy anyhow, but he's really really obvious, that makes me want to smack him, and also laugh, but mostly hit him until he stops trying to do telephony and starts actually talking about what he's thinking, I think I would really like whatever he has to say, really really like it, it's just a gut feeling.
Liz
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