April's Real Blog

Monday, March 31, 2008

Mom and Connie use "horse" metaphors

It had been a while since Mom and Connie sat around sipping hot beverages and being annoying, so Connie came over, Mom made coffee, and they sat @ the kitchen table 2 gab.

I cd hear Connie say, "I'm so jealous, Elly! U're going 2 B a 'mother of the bride'! ...I'll never C Lawrence married. Not in a conventional way. Oh, he and Nicholas cd tie the knot, but it wdn't B the same. No white dress, no tossing the bouquet." Hrm, even if Lawrence were str8, Connie wdn't B the mother of the bride in that wedding. Tho I guess when her stepdaughters, Molly and Gayle, got married, they were chopped liver. Poor Francie, if she gets married sumday, will Liz not think that "counts"?

NEway, Mom jumped in w/"Still...Just knowing that yr child has found the rite partner is wonderful. They're settled. The circle is complete." The circle is complete? Wha? I peeked in and saw that Mom was looking esp. uggo when she sed that. She almost looked wall-eyed when she did. And her eyes also looked way 2 wide open. Connie went in2 silhouette 2 say, "Yes..."

Then Mom and Connie traded, so Mom was in silhouette and Connie wasn't, and Connie continued, "I'm happy 2 hand the reins over 2 the next generation." And Mom was like, "Me, 2...." Then Mom got outta silhouette 2 say, "....As long was we still own the horses!!" Connie looked kinda horselike when she laffed @ that. Wow, so is Mom a control freak or what? What does her "joke" mean--she wants 2 control her kids, like, 4evs? Is this like when Mom sold Lilliput's 2 Moira but made a pt of saying she still held the mortgage on the bldg? I'm a bit scared thinking abt what-all this means.

OTOH, Mom obvs is in a hurry 2 get rid of me. MayB once I'm @ uni, she'll 4get me so completely, I won't even B xxpected 2 come home 4 school breaks, like Mike and Liz did.

Thanks 4 yr nice words yesterday, Anon NYC. I try 2 B "real."


Labels: , , , , , ,


  • At 8:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Apes, How do you think your mom would feel about a big DOUBLE wedding--Blandthony and yr sister, and Nicholas and Lawrence??? That would be fun, IMHO.

    BTW, so many of the things yr mom says make no sense to me at all! Good luck to you in keeping your good sense and individuality. Fight the power!!

  • At 9:49 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i think a double wedding like that wd b awesome. liz prolly wdn't go 4 it, cuz lawrence and nick wd both b prettier than her and she wd feel overshadowed, lol.

    i'll keep fiting! thanx 4 writing in.


  • At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    April, you are such a mean, mean girl. I am sick of how mean you are. I am going to be the prettiest bride in Milborough! Whenever it is that I get married, since Anthony and I are taking it slow and not at all rushing, not at all.


  • At 1:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My mom and her friend (neighbor) used to get together for coffee while we kids played. Only when I was an adult did she let it slip that sometimes it was "special coffee" and that sometimes there wasn't any coffee in the mugs at all. I guess with the nine kids between the two of them it was considered medicinal. :o)

    -- Bert

  • At 2:44 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. You asked what mom’s little joke about owning horses means with respect to us kids. For me and Deanna, it is almost exactly like when mom sold Lilliput’s to Moira Kinney and made a point about holding the mortgage. Mom and dad did not make any actual monetary contribution to Deanna and me buying the Sharon Park Drive house, but as you know they did leave all their old furniture and the rabbit.

    When mom comes to visit, Deanna has grown quite accustomed to saying, “Yes, Elly. We are so fortunate that you and John gave us all this furniture when the furniture in our old apartment was destroyed, and we especially appreciate that old, burnt, apartment furniture too, since you gave that to us also.” If she doesn’t say it, then we have to endure a visit full of deep sighs and little hints like, “I think I’ll take my supper on my chesterfield. Well of course it’s your chesterfield now; but you know what I mean.” Did you ever wonder why Deanna was crawling around the crawlspaces in our house? She has made it a project to find everything mom left and slowly replace it. Grandma Marian’s old wedding dress (or whoever’s dress that is) may seem like a lovely heirloom to Elizabeth; but to Deanna, she could not get of the thing fast enough.

    As for Lawrence Poirier, it is an unfortunate truth that because he is so much prettier than Nicholas, he would have to be the “bride” if he and Nick ever got married. I have not attended a same sex wedding in Milborough. In fact, I don’t if there has ever been one. However, I would not be surprised if Connie’s expectation is correct, that one of the men would have to fulfill the traditional “bride” role including a white dress and tossing a bouquet. Lawrence has refused to do this and so he is unmarried still. And no, little sis, this rule about the prettiest doesn’t count if the couple is male and female. Contrary to rumours going about me from last Halloween, Deanna has not grown so frumpy she is considered to be the “husband” in my family.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 5:34 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, well we were let outa goin’ 2 our mand8ed couples class 2day, cuz the teach wunted 2 have a session just 4 same sex couples. “same sex couples & marriage in mboro: makin’ the unconventional seem conventional” just lookin’ @the peeps with the wedding dresses 4 men & the fake beards 4 women, who were w8in’ 2 get in the classroom 4 a demo, kinda gave me an idea how thingz were gonna go in the class. it made me rilly happ we’re not a same sex couple.

    by the way, peeps keep askin’ me if ur gonna look diff wen u turn 17, just like u did wen u turned 16. i think gerald has sum kinda bettin’ pool goin’ on w/5-2 odds ur gonna dress sluttier, 3-2 odd ur gonna dress the same & evn odds ur gonna start dressin’ like a skool marm. there’s anothah bettin’ pool ‘bout thingz i am gonna brag we did on ur b-day, but no1 is askin’ me ‘bout them.

    also, i shud let u know that ur mom keeps callin’ up my mom & askin’ if i have sum kinda bizness she can invest in. my mom haz told her “no” a couple of tymez, & now ur mom haz been makin’ suggestions. so, like if ur mom sez sumthin’ like, “jeremy wud b a gr8 @taxidermy” or sumthin’ like that, don’t take ne money or contributions 4 a taxidermy bizness. also, the same 4u, if ur mom wunts 2 invest n2 veterinarian bizness, u shud prolly turn her down 2.

  • At 6:50 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, just 2 give u a head's up, my mom has been compiling a list: "101 business ideas for jeremy jones." keep an eye on yr mom's home fax machine.

    mike, it's true, ppl have been saying, "april, i heard yr sil is the 'man' in that relationship now." i wasn't sure what they meant, so yr post clears that up.

    bert, now that u mention it, there have been times i've heard my mom say 2 connie, "what do u say we irish up these coffees." this happs when mom thinx no1 else is home.


  • At 7:20 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, ur mom sent my mom her preliminary list of possible jobs 4 me:

    1. violin string maker
    2. iron harvester
    3. body inspector
    4. fishmonger
    5. pickpocket
    6. rodent catcher
    7. mine canary
    8. organ grinder’s monkey
    9. flatulence analyst
    10. mosquito researcher
    11. sensory deprivation subject
    12. carcass cleaner
    13. poultry processor
    14. hospital clean up crew
    15. intern for fear factor

    wut do u think?

  • At 7:27 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    wow, jeremy. sorry abt those. i m so embarrassed of my mom, as usual.



Post a Comment

<< Home