April's Real Blog

Monday, March 24, 2008

Mom's reaction was usual

So a few wks ago, after they got the ring, Liz and Anthony came by our lil house and Liz xxtended her left hand 2 show Mom her ring. I was watching from the next room, but I didn't want 2 let on. So when I get 2 the part where I "find out" abt the engagement, it will B me acting all surprised. ::yawn::

NEway, Mom was looking really ugly, like sum 3rd-rate artist who didn't care @ all had been hired 2 draw her. And when she saw Lizzie's ring, she was all, "U're engaged!!! U're finally ENGAGED!!!" "Finally." Like this whole thing was inevitable and it was just a question of "when." Which I guess is true. Sad but true. As Anthony receded in2 silhouette, Mom threw her arms around Liz and yelled, "I'm so pleased, honey! I was hoping that you and Anthony wd get 2gether!" I was thinking, "No shizz, like that hasn't been obvious since, like, 4evs." Like even when Anthony was engaged and then married 2 sum1 else, and even when that sum1 else was xxpecting his baby, Mom was all lobbying 4 Liz 2 get w/him.

After she finished hugging Liz, Mom hugged Anthony. She was like, "Oh my gosh! We've got a wedding 2 plan 4!!" And Liz was all, "Mom!..." Then Mom disengaged from Anthony (who had retreated in2 silhouette again), Liz put a hand on each of Mom's upper arms and sed, "Mom! We're not planning NEthing, YET!... Let's just take this one step @ a time!!" But it was 2 l8. Mom had a thot bubble of Liz wearing a wedding gown and veil, holding a bouquet and going down a weird Escher-looking staircase. Hm, a staircase like that, Liz wd never make it down. We hafta find the hall that has those stairs!

Well, more on this later. MayB I'll get 2 the part where I act all surprised. And mayB Dad even got wrenched away from his trains 2 hear the news. Tune in and C!

Dunc, thanx 4 yr "Happy Easter" comment last nite. It was way weird not having U around 4 Easter this yr. I hope we go 2 the same uni!


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  • At 11:53 AM, Anonymous Liz Patterson said…

    April, I knew I shouldn't have let you tell today's story. You totally missed how magical and romantic it is that Anthony and I are together after all this time. And you have no idea how scary it is to think you will die an old maid, only to be rescued from that terrible kind of a fate. Mom told me to have faith in the Good Witch of the North, and now I see she was right!!!


  • At 7:56 PM, Blogger howard said…


    Although you may favour Escher for your staircases, from what I know of your mother, I expect she is thinking more along the lines of Busby Berkeley’s visual motif of the bride descending an elaborate (art-deco) staircase, complete with hundreds of male extras in top hats and tails carrying canes, for example, in Gold Diggers of 1935. The costumes in those old 1930s Hollywood musicals are quite spectacular, and just looking at them makes me envious for some reason.

    As for your mother saying, “Finally!” upon learning your sister was engaged with a ring and everything, my wife Beatrice did the same thing. Actually Beatrice would have been happy with your sister engaged to anyone. I think it is safe to say that there are hundreds of women around your sister’s age in Milborough who are now breathing a sigh of relief that their husbands or boyfriends will no longer have to fear being unexplainably attracted to your sister. They are having a big gathering tonight to celebrate, and burn effigies of your sister. Beatrice and the girls and I are definitely going to be there. I believe the party is going to occur right after the Glenallen Public School meeting on the abuse of teachers' lunch hours and spares for personal business.

    By the way, you might want to stay away from the downtown Milborough market square tonight. Sometimes, you look a little like your sister and it would be a lot safer for you, if you kept your distance from that place.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 8:13 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, innerestin’ hw assignment 4 our class on contract marriagez that r.p. boire iz forcin’ all its couples 2 take. show ur engagement ring 2 ur mom & see wut her reaction iz. my mom wuz like, “oh, this iz 4 that whacko contract marriage class, izn’t it, jeremy?”

    i wuz kinda disappointed in that answer till we showed ur ring 2ur mom & she sed, “don’t bothah me! i am 2 bizzy plannin’ ur sister’s weddin’. she’z sed she’z not plannin’ nethin’. like it’s gonna b that st00pid f8 thing she likes so much which will call a caterer. well, i know bettah.”

    that seemed 2 make u mad & i guess thass y u started yellin’ ‘bout how u were pregnant w/my baby & we were gonna run off & live far away where she wud nevah c her grandchildren. it didn’t seem 2 phaze ur mom tho. i dunno y she kept going up & down the stairs in ur house singin’ here comes the bride.

    i think i’ll write up ur hw assignment 4u. i’m afraid ur gonna break ur computer keyboard frum b-ing so mad ‘bout it. i’m not mad @all. the way ic it, the less innerested ur mom iz in ur weddin’, the better off ur gonna b wen u actually get engaged, eh?

  • At 9:14 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I see that no one is questioning how convenient it was that Anthony Caine managed to so swiftly find a matching engagement ring and male wedding band that fit perfectly, there was enough time to take them to visit mom. Mom, of course, had her revenge on Liz by saying the word “Finally” to embarrass Liz in front of Anthony. She is a heavy hitter when it comes to revenge.

    I am sorely tempted to tell the behind-the-scenes story about Anthony and the jewelry store, but that is really a story best told by Mr. Caine himself. However, if he delays too long in telling it, and if your audience really wants to hear it, then I may tell it myself. Let me know, April’s Real Blog audience. Would you like to hear my version of the story?

    Michael Patterson

  • At 9:15 PM, Blogger howard said…


    If your version of the Anthony Caine jewelry store story ends with you swallowing a copy of your book Stone Season, then I will be glad to hear it.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 9:15 PM, Blogger howard said…

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • At 9:16 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Thanks for your honest opinion. OK. That’s one person. Anyone else?

    Michael Patterson

  • At 9:17 PM, Anonymous Luis Guzmán said…


    Chico. If you tell a story about Anthony Caine and the jewelry store, I and my refugee brothers will track you down and it will be día de los muertos for you.

    Luis Guzmán

  • At 9:17 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…


    I love it when people speak Spanish. I can speak it pretty well myself, and I can’t say when I have received a more flattering gift offer. I love the taste of día de los muertos, especially with some hot sauce on it. That’s two. Anyone else?

    Michael Patterson

  • At 9:18 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    mike, u stink. u shud just let anthony tell this story. it’s hiz story, not urz.

  • At 9:19 PM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…


    That’s harsh. But you have a point. I haven’t really given Anthony a chance to respond. Anthony!! Anthony!!! Nothing. I guess he must be too busy not planning a wedding.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 10:50 PM, Anonymous Autobot Jazz said…

    Autobots, fall back! The glurge sensor is off tha charts! I don't think our circuits can take anymore!


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