April's Real Blog

Sunday, March 30, 2008


K, so guess what happened yesterday? Mom was going thru sum old calendars and she suddenly was all, "Oh, Crud! We 4got all abt my dad's birthday!" I'm like, "What's this 'we'? Jeremy and I went 4 a visit on his b-day and he was so happy 2 C us!" Mom was like, "Well, John, we have to go 2nite!" Dad was all, "Aw, can't U go by yrself? I'm supposta have a train d8 2nite!" Mom sed, "No! I'm making Dad a roast beef and ordering a cake from the bakery, and U're coming w/me!"

Dad asked if they were getting a special "belated" birthday cake, and Mom kind of snorted B4 saying, "Heck, no! We'll just pretend 2day's his birthday. He won't know the difference!" I started 2 argue that he wd, but Mom hushed me.

So, according 2 Mom and Dad, they drove over 2 Gramps an' Iris's bldg, as Mom's casserole dish containing the roast beef emitted its stench aroma. Visibly. The smell trail made a big line stretching from the car all the way 2 the bldg, and when Mom and Dad went in2 the apt, Mom and Iris air-kissed while Mom was like, "Hello, Iris!" And Iris was all, "Welcome, welcome!"

Gramps was sleeping in his favourite chair, and Iris woke him by saying, "Jim! Elly and John R here. They've brot us a lovely roast beef dinner." As far as I know, Iris had not looked inside the dish and was going on Mom's propaganda about the "lovely."

As Mom lifted the lid 2 let the smell have completely free reign from the dish, Iris did her "narrating" thing and told Mom, "This is wonderful, dear. Yr dad is so pleased 2 C U!" Then, during a silent interval, Iris got the table set and every1 seated @ the table. Gramps sat @ the head of the table, Dad @ the foot, and Mom in the middle of one side. Iris served the food, and then went over 2 Gramps and sed, "Let me cut that 4 U, Jim." She sat @ the corner of the table near his left hand, and was all, "Here. Use yr special fork."

After the dinner was over, Mom was helping Iris clear the table and asked Iris, "Does Dad know what the occasion is?" Poor Iris, always being expected 2 B Gramps's interpreter. Iris told her, "I'm not sure, dear." Then she went over 2 the cake box, which was on the kitchen counter, and lifted the box while saying, "But that's OK. All that matters is that he's still here w/us." Then, in another silent interval, Iris put the cake on a big serving tray, stuck a single candle in it, lit the candle, carried it over 2 Gramps (who was in his favourite chair again) and sed, "Which makes EVERY day a celebration." Gramps smiled, cuz, CAKE.

L8r, Iris called me and sed, "April, dear, yr mother was concerned abt whether Gramps knew what occasion we were celebrating. I came up w/a homily abt how every day is a celebration since Jim is still here w/us. But really, of course he didn't know what the occasion is. It was eight days after his birthday. Jim may be old and aphasic, but he knows when his goshdarned birthday is! My goodness, this all just makes me even more thankful that U and Jeremy came by on his real birthday. He had no trouble knowing why U were there!"

So there U have it. Mom and Dad celebrated Gramps's birthday. Eight days l8. Woot.


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  • At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Jim Richards said…

    April, thank you for not treating me like an idiot. Unlike my daughter.



  • At 11:39 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hey, gramps, sorry abt the way mom acts around u. jeremy and i r gonna bring dixie over this afternoon. i'll play sum tunes on my guitar and iris can go out 4 a walk and mayB shop if she feels like it.


  • At 7:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Apes, you rock! Stay real...

    Anon NYC


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